by John Walters

A Medium Happy 48th to Billy Crudup. “It’s not too late for you to become a person of substance, Russell.”

Starting Five

Dallas

Five police officers murdered last night by a sniper who said he was angry about the recent deaths of Alton Sterling and Philander Castile, that he wanted “to kill white people, especially white officers.”

Sad, but not surprising. I saw someone tweet out yesterday words to the effect that “America should feel lucky that black people only want justice, and not revenge.” Well, some want revenge.

And another infamous Dallas sniper (Texas, if you want to include Austin) is added to the list.

I’m not about to be so reductive as to say that every incident is, pardon the expression, black and white. But the Sterling and Castile videos show the huge gulf in how officers often treat black men as opposed to whites. I offer, again, this photo taken only last summer from suburban Atlanta. The white cop simply puts his hand out to a white man who has reached to draw his sidearm on a peaceful protester.

Anyway, a true tragedy, all seven of these unnecessary deaths. And of course, as always, guns are not to blame. Even though, incidentally, Sterling and Castile are still alive today if they’re not packing. Which doesn’t mean I oppose your or their second amendment rights. I’m just stating a fact.

There’s so much going on here (racial tension, America’s obsessions with guns and violence, etc., etc.) but I like to pull out this monologue that Bill Maher delivered in July of 2014, a few weeks before Ferguson. It was oddly prescient, and it’s part of the problem: the militarization of American police forces has created an Us vs. Them mentality in urban areas, and while I’m not about to spew that every citizen is a good guy who just wants a Sheriff Taylor walking the beat in his neighborhood, this RoboCop ‘tude has only widened the gulf between cops and citizens in the more crime-ridden areas of America.

Also, someoene (me) will write a think piece suggesting that maybe a state that allows open-carry laws  for hand guns and where tens

2. Les Bleus By You

France toppled Germany 2-0 in Marseilles

France was completely dominated in the first half by reigning world champs Germany, then in stoppage time Bastian SCHWEINSTEIGER!!!! committed a hand ball foul (faux pas!) in the penalty box, Antoine Griezmann converted the PK, and it was 1-0 at half.

SCHWEINSTEIGER!!!! Nein! Nein! Nein!

In the second half France came out emboldened, Paul Pogba stole a ball from a Deutcsh defender in the penalty box, faked him out of his jock using a stanky leg move, and delivered a cross that Griezmann converted for a second goal. France last played Germany nine months earlier in a friendly in Paris, the night of the Bataclan terrorist attacks. Now they’re headed back to that same stadium to face Portugal in the final.

3. RIO Speed Wagon

Quigley finished third to earn a spot on the team

A terrific, although soggy, day at the U.S. Olympic Trials yesterday as MH-endorsed steeplechaser Emma Coburn wins the 3000 final and punches her ticket to Rio. Finishing third was American Track & Field’s Top Model, Carol Quigley of Florida State. So she will be competing in an Olympics below the equator, and thus I am authorized at some future point to employ a “Quigley Down Under” headline (but not today).

Cain survived to run another day

Elsewhere, Notre Dame’s Molly Huddle had the fastest time in the first round of the 5000M, while Alaska’s Allie Ostrander finished 4th and also advanced. In the women’s 1500 meters, Jenny Simpson and Mary Cain advanced to today’s semis.

4. His and Hers

Screamin A. turns a blind eye to Lindsay rolling hers

Lord, this footage is perfect. And another thing, Stephen A., not to sound braggadocios, but if you knew so much about what was going down with Dwyane Wade on Wednesday evening, why didn’t you break the story? Why did Adrian Wojnarowski do so (again?). Anyway, classic reaction from Lindsay Czarniak here and surely Sage Steele can appreciate it.

Well done, Awful Announcing. Take the rest of the day off.

5. Wake/Hail Up/To The/The Echoes/Victors

Previous meeting, September of 2014, Irish win 31-0

Notre Dame and Michigan. Catholics versus Khakis. It’s back on!

September 1, 2018 at Notre Dame Stadium

October 26, 2019 at Michigan Stadium

This photo was not approved by Tyler Duffy

Most Wins, All-Time: Michigan, 915 (1st), Notre Dame, 882 (3rd; Texas has 884)

Highest Win %, All-Time: Notre Dame, .734 (1st), Michigan .730 (2nd)

Michigan leads the all-time series, 24-17-1, and the Wolverines were Notre Dame’s inaugural opponent back on Thanksgiving morning, 1887 (I remember it well).

Music 101

Little Willy

Really? Another song by Sweet (here, in 1972, known as “The Sweet”)? Yes, this is the same buried treasure 70s glam band that gave us “Fox On The Run” and “Love Is Like Oxygen.” Completely under appreciated. This tune hit No. 3 on the Billboard charts in the spring of 1973.

Remote Patrol

Sunday

Euro Final: Portugal vs. France

3 p.m. ESPN

Everybody clap your hands

Les Bleus won the World Cup in 1998 when they were hosts and have a chance to win this tournament in the same role. Portugal has the world’s top striker and arguably player in Ronaldo, who already led his Spanish club team, Real Madrid, to the UEFA Champions League title just six weeks ago (in Milan). Been a good spring and summer for the petulant microphone tosser thus far.

Also, The Night Of, Sunday night on HBO, is excellent.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 76th to Ringo

Starting Five

Wade won three NBA Finals with Miami, one with Shaq and two with LeBron

Go v. Wade

The Miami Heat, the team for whom Dwyane Wade played 13 years, offered two years and $40 million.

The Chicago Bulls, the team he grew up rooting for as a native of the city, offered two years and $47 million.

I honestly don’t know the disparity in income since the Heat play in a tax-free state, meaning that 41 of Wade’s “performances” would not be taxed there (43, actually, considering Orlando) whereas at least 77 of his as a Bull will be. Anyway, Wade turns 35 in January and has had shoulder and knee surgeries the past few years, but he still averaged 19 points per game last season and he still looks good naked. Still, Pat Riley made the right move. He’ll say all the right things but the Blue Book value on Wade tells you this was another Kobe Tour waiting to happen.

I don’t think Dennis Johnson could have posed like this

He’ll team up with fellow Marquette alum Jimmy Butler in Chicago next season, and as Milwaukee is about a two-hour drive north, this isn’t the worst promotional move the Bulls have ever made.

2. Fed, Up

Is he the greatest? Roger Federer, who owns more Grand Slam titles (17) than anyone, survives at Wimbledon after trailing 2-0 to the palindromic Cilic (at about that point of the match you could find “It’s all over for Fed” and “He’ll never win another Grand Slam” tweets, six for a pound). He also overcame three match points to win in five sets in this quarterfinal match. With Novak Djokovic out and Rafael Nadal injured, his greatest obstacle to a Jack Nicklaus-like 18th major may be Scotland’s Andy Murray (“Present”).

Next up for Roger, in the semis: every Seinfeld fan’s favorite tennis player, Milos Raonic.

3. May The Schwartz Be With You

On Tuesday Dana Schwartz, an entertainment reporter at the Observer, wrote an open letter to the publication’s publisher, Jared Kushner, complaining that Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump panders to anti-Semites and other racists. As evidence she showed some of the tweets she’d received since originally calling out Trump’s “Most Corrupt Candidate Ever” tweet.

The problem: Tump is Kushner’s father-in-law (and Ivanka could become the Veep!).

Yesterday, the Empire Struck Back, as Kushner penned an open letter that began, “My father-in-law is not an anti-Semite.” Kushner failed to address the pertinent issue—that his pop-in-law panders to racists and empowers them with his hateful diatribes—but did manage to remind everyone that the paper’s readership is up three-fold in the past two years.

This probably won’t go too well for Schwartz, at least as it relates to her longevity at that publication. But Kushner, who is Jewish and whose letter contained enough heart-wrenching personal family stories to make Schindler’s List II, will still be wealthy

4. Fox and Fiends

Carlson, 50

Former Fox and Friends co-anchor Gretchen Carlson (yes, of course, she’s from Minnesota with a name like that) filed a sexual harassment suit against Fox News prez Roger Ailes on Wednesday. Carlson, 50, claims in the suit that when she met with Ailes to discuss what she felt was discriminatory treatment, he said, “‘I think you and I should have had a sexual relationship a long time ago and then you’d be good and better and I’d be good and better,’ adding that ‘sometimes problems are easier to solve’.”

Ailes, 76

Oh, do you now? Carlson was let go by Fox on June 23. Meanwhile, the law firm representing Carlson says they’ve already fielded calls from 10 women wanting to talk to them about how Ailes harassed them. Consider the source, sure, and Ailes will claim that some of those women (or all of them) are after an easy pay day. Either way, stay tuned.

5. Jon Jones Pall

Jones is considered the best MMA fighter in the world right now.

He was supposed to fight in the main event of UFC 200, which is kind of a big deal, as MMA people will tell you (MH’s resident MMA beat reporter, is off this week…um, decade), but now Jon Jones, 28, is out after reportedly failing a drug test. The 6’4″ fighter, who was suspended six months last year by MMA after a felony hit-and-run incident in Albuquerque (Did Jimmy McGill make that go away? He only got 18 months of supervised probation) could be suspended two years and Dana White doesn’t forget when you do him like that. The real losers are Daniel Cormier, who was scheduled to fight Jones and now misses his chance in the spotlight, and anyone who bought this event on Pay Per View.

Music 101

Let’s Get It On

How cool was Marvin Gaye? His first name was “Marvin” and no one ever gave it a second thought. His last name was Gaye and again, no one cared. It should almost be a crime to play this tune, which hit No. 1 for two weeks in September of 1973, in the daylight hours. On April Fool’s Day, 1984, Gaye’s father fatally shot him after he intervened in a dispute between his parents. Gaye was 44.

Remote Patrol

Euro Semis

France vs. Germany 

3 p.m. ESPN

Olivier Giroud scored 2 goals against Iceland on Sunday and then began doing crunches

Many will consider this the de facto final, even though that’s a Latin word and we have Les Bleus meeting Die Mannschaft. Anyway, winner takes on Portugal and claims possession of Alsace-Lorraine, so there’s much at stake….au poivre.

by John Walters

His Holiness, the Dalia Lama, turns 81 today and is still in excellent health. So he’s got that going for him, which is nice…

Starting Five

Say it loud: I’m fat and I’m proud!

1. Celestial Bodies

The aptly named Bruce Vince Wilfork of the New England Patriots is your ESPN Body issue (which I don’t recommend perusing if you have body issues) headliner this summer, while Super Bowl MVP Von Miller appears to have the best bod. Females in the issue include Elena Delle Donne (WNBA center) and Friend of MH Emma Coburn, who competes for a berth on the US Olympic team tomorrow in Eugene. The Bob Ley photo shoot never came about, alas.

2. Extremely Careless*

It’s not the crime, it’s the lie. But it’s also the crime.

*Or, “She Lied”

Time can never mend/The careless email of a good Dem….I’m never gonna run again/Guilty feeling/Got no delegates….

So this is all a little too tidy. I imagine FBI director James Comey says, “I’m not about to compromise the integrity of my career for Hillary,” so he agrees with Attorney General Loretta “Not a Coal Miner’s Daughter” Lynch that he’ll be allowed to present the facts that the FBI has found but as a compromise will not recommend she be indicted for mishandling of classified emails on a private server (and later lying about it). Comey said that 110 of HRC’s emails that were sent and received on a private server were classified, even though she repeatedly denied that.

Comey, oh my

The announcement comes on the morning after a three-day holiday weekend, and almost immediately HRC and POTUS are off to North Carolina for a rally where for the first time they appear together in a moment where he is endorsing her for his job. It’s all a little too contrived.

Honestly, this is the best episode of Madame Secretary yet….

3. N.L. All-Stars: Cub Club

The 1963 St. Louis Cardinals were the only other team to have its entire infield start the All-Star Game

The starters for the National League All-Stars were announced yesterday, and the entire infield is comprised of Chicago Cubs (more proof that this is the most bizarre year in history). Chicago center fielder Dexter Fowler is also a starter, and pitchers Jake Arrieta and Jon Lester should also be on the team.

The Cubs’ infield All-Stars, around the horn: Anthony Rizzo, 1B: Ben Zobrist, 2B; Addison Russell, SS; Kris Bryant, 3B. The last of these four, Bryant, leads the majors in home runs and is second in the NL in RBI. Zobrist, Rizzo and Fowler are all Top 10 OBP guys in the NL, and all of them have better OBPs than Daniel Murphy of Washington, who leads the NL in batting average, a stat that should be considered secondary to OBP.

That ’63 Cardinal team whose entire infield started? Bill White, 1B; Julian Javier, 2B; Dick Groat, SS (that’s a painful condition, too), and Ken Boyer, 3B. None of them are in the Hall of Fame, though it should be noted that Groat played hoops at Duke and was named National Player of the Year (though he only stood 5’11”) and then later would be a National League MVP. Groat was a GOAT!) Two of that team’s other starters? Hank Aaron and Willie Mays.

The question: Will any of these four/five Cubs make it to Cooperstown? Bryant has the best shot.

4. Staten Island, Ferguson, Baltimore, Baton Rouge. etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCf27btBVoI

In Baton Rouge, 37 year-old Alton Sterling is fatally shot by police as two officers already have him pinned to the ground. His alleged crime: selling CDs outside a convenience store (maybe he was just being extremely careless with the proffering of them?). Also, body cameras on both cops slipped off as the incident unfolded. This is ugly, and you just wonder how often this happened before YouTube existed and no one ever found out about it.

The convenience store owner, Abdul Muflahi, told officers that he did not see Sterling hold a weapon but that he saw cops pull one from his pocket following the altercation.

5. An Alaskan Brings It Home

Norris crossing the finish line….

As you’ve heard me say here before, the greatest sporting event that ESPN continues to completely ignore (in favor of a goddamn hot dog eating contest, mind you) is Alaska’s Mount Marathon Race, an annual 4th of July event since 1915. The 5-K event, which begins in downtown Seward, heads up the steep slope of Mount Marathon, and then returns, is as American as the Aleutian Islands, you know?

On Monday, David Norris of Fairbanks, a nordic skier at Alaska-Pacific University, became  in the words of one local, “a rock star forever” by breaking the course record and winning the race in 41:25. Although the course record has been broken three times in the past four years (after not being challenged for 32 years, since 1981), wheat makes Norris’ achievement special is that he broke the record that was set by a Spaniard last year. Alaskans are very protective of their race, and so this meant a lot to have a Last Frontier native set the record. Particularly because Norris, 25, had never even run the race before.

Descent

In February Norris won the 51-kilometer American Birkebeiner cross-country ski race in Wisconsin, the most prestigious race in that sport on American soil. He’s in pretty decent shape.

Music 101

Feed The Tree

“Feed the Tree” is a metaphor for the sustenance we will provide after we’re buried. This tune by Belly featuring lead singer Tanya Donnelly went to No. 1 on the Modern Rock list in 1994, back when modern rock was still a thing. This song was a big deal back when Party of Five and My So-Called Life were big deals on TV and would have fit in the background in any number of scenes from those shows. It was a good time.

Remote Patrol

Euro Semi: Wales vs. Portugal

ESPN 3 p.m.

Emirates is an excellent flying experience, I will agree.

It’s the Real Madrid face-off, as stars 1 and 1A for the UEFA Champions League champs, Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale, meet. You know who I’m rooting for. This is the apparent undercard of the Euro semis, as France and Germany meet tomorrow. But this should be fun for the budding rivalry between these two strikers and somewhat awkward teammates.

by John Walters

“There’s a sucker born every minute” –a Medium Happy 206th to P.T. Barnum

Starting Five

Now they’ll be teammates

K.D. and the Sunshine Band

If you can’t beat ’em—after being up 3-1 in the Western Conference finals and by 7 at home with 5:48 to go in Game 6—join ’em. Perhaps we live in an ESPN’ized HOT TAKE world, or perhaps it’s due to the massive growth of fantasy sports, in which fans root not for teams but for individuals, but I hear jokers talking about how Kevin Durant deserves HIS ring. Like LeBron deserved HIS ring.

I’m an old fart. I root for teams if I root for anyone at all to win championships, not individuals. Happy for Durant that he believes he improved his shot at a title (I honestly don’t believe he did), but I would have loved to see him take the franchise he began with to the championship. No, he owes OKC no more loyalty than this franchise gave its original city, Seattle. It’s not about that. It’s about the guys with whom he has played for years, such as Russell Westbrook.

Those were the days….

There’s no “tarnishing” of his legacy, etc. But the Warriors primarily improved themselves by knocking out the second-best team in their conference. I look back at that young Thunder nucleus of Durant, Westbrook, Harden and Ibaka and wonder what might have been.

Here’s Screamin’ A. calling Durant “a coward” for moving to Golden State. And here’s Chris Broussard saying “We say” and “We say.” Who are WE? Can ESPN folk stop telling us what we all COLLECTIVELY believe? Shut up. Stop it. I’m actually more on SAS’s side here and Broussard, as usual, is kind of an idiot.

I agree with SAS, just not to the degree. He’s not a coward, of course. But otherwise, yeah, I’m with SAS here…

2. Drops of Jupiter

Taken with an iPhone? And WHO is taking this photo?

Having rescued astronaut Mark Watney, NASA is now taking a victory lap by confirming that its space probe Juno has now reached Jupiter’s orbit, a five-year mission in which it traveled 540 million miles.

The probe is now in an elliptical orbit around the mostly gaseous planet that will take 53 days to complete; each orbit, that is. Jupiter is 11x wider and 300x wider than Earth although, like Rush Limbaugh, it is mostly just hot and toxic gas. It is the fifth planet from the sun.

3. Agony in Eugene

Montano fell with less than 200 meters remaining in the 800

On the final turn of the women’s 800 meters Olympic Trials final, favorites Alysia Montano (above) and Brenda Martinez clipped one another. Martinez lost her stride while Montano did a a face plant. Neither qualified for Rio. Kate Grace, a Yale alum, won the race.

Watch this video of Montano, who is not physically injured, getting up and finishing the final 150 yards or so in Eugene. Heartbreaking.

Otherwise, Hayward Field has been Galen Rupp Arena thus far at the Trials. The former Oregon middle-distance runner, who has already qualified for Rio in the marathon, won the 10,000 and has advanced to Friday’s final in the 5,000.

4. “Machu Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-cchuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu”*

“And I’m free, free-falln’…..”

*The judges will also accept “In Ruins” or “Inca Pacitated”

A German tourist (it’s always a German tourist) fell to his death last weekend while posing for a photo at Machu Picchu in Peru. Oliver Park, 51, had crossed into a restricted area and was apparently trying to take a mid-leap photograph, but lost his footing and fell 100 meters into a ravine.

5. Florida Gets Slimed

Florida needs those algae eaters you put in your fish tank….

Masses of green algae, toxic green algae, are infesting Florida’s water ways. In less scientific, more biblical times, this would have been described as a plague. As a punishment by Yahweh for the sins of Floridians, if of course, Floridians ever did anything dumb or heinous or against the laws of common decency. Which they don’t. Thank God.

The algae makes the water stink along the Treasure Coast in Florida.

Music 101

Touch Me 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBKkYQaByew

Jim Morrison, Rock Star. Here’s the lead singer of The Doors performing on The Ed Sullivan Show on September 17, 1967. Earlier in the show they’d performed “Light My Fire” and had rebuffed the show’s producers’ demand that they change the line “Girl, we couldn’t get much higher” to “Girl, we couldn’t get much better,” and so were banned for life from the show (in Morrison’s case, that sentence lasted less than four years). This song failed to chart as high as “Light My Fire” (a No. 1 hit, and deservedly so), only reaching No. 3, but it has so much panache. Love the strings. Love the brass. A very unusual but confident rock song. And Morrison has a majestic voice.

Remote Patrol

The Duke with Monument Valley behind him. One of the true iconic closing scenes in a film.

The Searchers

9:45 p.m. TCM

Director John Ford’s 1956 classic, featuring John Wayne and Natalie Wood (her younger sister, Lana, plays her as a younger person). Redolent of The Revenant, but with more of a metaphorical feel of the death of the American West as a wilderness.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 49th to C.J., a.k.a. Pamela Anderson. How cool is it that this Canadian export was born on Canada Day?

Starting Five

Lin will sign for a hair-raising three years and $36 million

1. Linsanity II: Outer-Borough Boogaloo

In an “I can’t quit you, Pablo Torre” moment, Jeremy Lin will join his fellow Harvard alum  in Brooklyn (for as long as PT, I remains there) come autumn. At $12 million per year, Lin should be able to afford a one-bedroom in Park Slope, but Williamsburg is entirely out of the question. Still, for a dude who once slept on a friend’s couch while burning through 10-day deals with the Knicks, this is a step up.

2. Sully His Fame?

I like the title “Sully” for that new film about the water landing on the Hudson for the double entendre (no one ever mentions single entendres): it refers to both Captain Chesley Sullenberger and what might have happened to his reputation (my suggested title, “Chesley, Lately”) was not accepted.

Eastwood, the director, with Hanks as Sully

By the way, Tom Hanks has now starred in Apollo 13, Captain Phillips and this. He’s your go-to lead for imperiled but not actually doomed giant craft (and I didn’t even mention when he captained that shrimp boat in Forrest Gump).

3. L.A.’s Newest Swank Drink: Mozgov Cocktail

He can’t be any less popular in the post than Dwight Howard was

Four years and a reported $64 million from the Lakers to the 7’1″ center Timofey Mozgov, late of the Cavs, from Russia. You have to imagine Kobe Bryant is reconsidering this entire retirement deal. He could at least score 20 per night playing once a week and collect no less than $10 million per to do so.

I’m hoping to get Jack Nicholson to do a breakdown of Mozgov’s low-post skills versus that of The Chief in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.

4. The Empire Strikes Back

U.S. government officials say that 250 ISIS militants were killed by U.S. drone strikes on Wednesday. The drones targeted a convoy of vehicles that were either streaming out of Fallujah or Bonnaroo. Not sure.

For the “Well, actually” guy, the strikes were NOT done in retaliation for the attack at the airport in Istanbul. It was just a moment of opportunity.

5. Holidays In Hell (but not Helsinki)

Tunisia: Just don’t tell anyone “I’ll be heading” to this ISIS outpost

The site for National Geographic suggests 10 places to visit where you probably will have a difficult time persuading your spouse or any loved one to join you: destinations such as Iran, Kosovo, Nicaragua and Tunisia. Still, the price is right and the pictures are pretty. And they’re all better options than Syria or North Korea.

Music 101

Roam

It’s Fred Schneider’s 65th birthday, and to salute the beloved and bizarre B-52’s frontman, here’s a tune from the band’s 1989 comeback album, Cosmic Thing. This song, the 4th single from that album, climbed to No. 3 on the Billboard charts. What a wonderful time, when four songs from one B-52’s release could be embraced by the public.

Remote Patrol

Euro 2016 Quarters

Belgium vs. Wales

3 p.m. ESPN2

It’s okay, he’s Belgium’s goalkeeper

In which FIFA’s top-ranked side, the city of Belgium, takes on Medium Happy’s favorite man-bunned striker, Gareth Bale (you can’t spell this writer’s last name without “Wales,” and the letters even appear in the same order).