Monthly Archives: February 2019

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 2 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet of Right


This means Michael Cohen is created in God’s image?

Starting Five

M.C. Hammers

This is the refreshing sound of a man who has no flubs left to give:


And this is that same human being in the summer of 2016 when he was being paid to fib. Notice the difference.

Michael Cohen is going away to prison for three years, but yesterday before a live national audience he provided a glimpse of the prevaricating man for whom he toiled for 10 years. Yesterday was also a good day to review some of your old debate team terms, such as ad hominem attacks (the only weapon the GOP congressmen had in their arsenal) and Occam’s Razor (the concept that “simpler solutions are more likely to be correct than complex ones”).

2. Agent Orange

Once the star of The Apprentice, the president arrived in Hanoi as a contestant on Deal Or New Deal. Clearly, he picked the wrong suitcase. Trump’s deployment in-country was roughly 363 days briefer than had he done it in 1967 (“You think I’m stupid? I wasn’t going to Vietnam”) but with pretty much the same results: America lost.

In just a day or so, Trump publicly stated that he believes North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un when he said (if he even ever did) that he had no knowledge of the treatment American prisoner Otto Wambier was receiving (he died shortly after being released), making America 2-2 in believing evil dictators, or simply not caring, when it comes to murdered U.S. residents/citizens in the past five months.


Then, after North Korea pressed for an end to sanctions and the U.S. said no, there was apparently nothing left to discuss and today’s lunch was canceled. Credit Trump for not acceding to Jong-Un’s demands, but maybe Donald, better than anyone, should know that you cannot deal in good faith with a fundamentally dishonest person.

Trump will be able to make it back to the States early enough to attend the CPAC, where the latest cause celebre is post-birth abortions (because nothing will get Ma and Pa Evangelist more riled up than libs murdering sweet little babies, even if this isn’t actually a thing).

3. Dwyane’s World

On Monday evening the Miami Heat (27-33) lost at home to the Phoenix Suns, the NBA’s worst team. It was the Heat’s eighth consecutive home defeat. So what happens next?

The Golden State Warriors, owners of the West’s best record, visit Miami Arena and the Heat win. How? On Dwyane Wade’s unlikely buzzer-beating bank-shot trey, after Kevin Durant blocked his previous attempt. The corn-rowed future HOF’er even shot it off one foot. Even the Dubs had to laugh.

4. They Neglect Horses, Don’t They

We’re just beginning to swing into horsey racing season (the Florida Oaks! The Arkansas Derby!), the prelude to the Triple Crown. Will we be reading or hearing much about the NINETEEN horses that have already died at Santa Anita Raceway in southern California this winter.

After three horses had to be put down in as many days (most of the deaths have been accident-related during races), the track closed for two days for an evaluation of the racing surface. But it’s reopening today. Somewhere the producers of HBO’s ill-fated Luck are wondering why it takes only three dead horses to get a show canceled but you can keep a track operational when 19 die in one season.

5. 90210ld*

*Now this the judges DID steal from Bill Simmons

Yesterday word came that the original cast of Beverly Hills 90210 (sans Luke Perry) would be reuniting for a six-episode run. You gotta think the cast of Melrose Place heard this and thought, It’s time to do some Cross Fit.

Legit, we’d have to guess that 90210 was Fox’s first breakout show as a prime-time entertainment network. What a concept: beautiful teens in a beautiful location (and no minorities! It was the early Nineties). We don’t remember how or even if 90210, which ran from 1990-2000, ever handled the L.A. Riots or the O.J. Trial, but things always seemed, er, peachy, at the Peach Pit.

But now it’s nearly 20 years later? Which characters will suffer from Dad Bod? Botox Overdose? Who runs a yoga studio? Who’s had to ship out to the Valley? Addicted to kombucha? Can’t wait.

Music 101

Little Deuce Coupe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g1HtpTonJI

Wanna race? Just a little deuce coupe with a flat head mill
But she’ll walk a Thunderbird like (she’s) it’s standin’ still. Released as the B-side to “Surfer Girl” in 1963, this ode to hot-rodding still hit No. 15 on the charts for the Beach Boys. California in the early Sixties sounds like paradise to us. She’s my little deuce coupe. You don’t know what I got.

The deuce coupe is actually a ’32 Ford

Remote Patrol

Sixers at Thunder

8 p.m. TNT

No touching. No touching!

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 11 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right


Is 52 years still “fashionably late?” Still, you gotta hand it to Trump. Avoids service in Vietnam and thinks, No, I’m not going there until I’m in charge of the entire damned Armed Forces of the United States. Loathe him all you want, but that’s a mic drop moment.

UPDATE: Michael Cohen’s Opening Statement.

Starting Five

Gaetz perpetually looks as if he’s headed to his 20-year Sig Ep reunion

Lieutenant Kendrick, I Presume

As much as “Everything comes back to Seinfeld” relates to everyday life, “Everything comes back to A Few Good Men” is a solid aphorism in terms of political or power-related machinations. Hence, when we watched Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz, who reminds us of an overly helpful SEC sports information director right up until the minute you break the story about his coach boinking a secretary or having a bag man, attempt to intimidate witness Michael Cohen yesterday, we thought of Lieutenant Kendrick (Kiefer Sutherland).

This of course would make our president Col. Nathan Jessup  (“You want me to build that wall, you need me to build that wall!). Here’s what Gaetz tweeted out yesterday, later claiming that it was “witness testing” and not “witness tampering”:


Like Kendrick, who carried out Jessup’s Code Red (passing on the illegal order to Dawson and Downey), Gaetz is an unabashedly loyal Trumpian foot soldier. As are Reps. Jim Jordan (Ohio) and Devin Nunes (California). Their hope is that when the Trump presidency is over, they will become the new leaders of the extreme right. We’ll see.

It took us awhile, but we finally placed the actor who reminds us of Gaetz. His name is Steven Eckholdt, and he played Jed Bartlett’s adulterous and clueless and untrustworthy son-in-law on The West Wing. “It always comes back to Aaron Sorkin” is another good aphorism. Eckholdt also played Rachel’s douchey co-worker on Friends (below). He’s always the guy you can’t stand.

2. Nolan’s Payday

Do you know this man? He just secured the largest pay day for a position player in baseball history in terms of per-year salary: $32.5 million per year for the next eight years.

It’s not that Nolan Arenado, 26, isn’t deserving if anyone is. A third baseman, he’s earned six Gold Gloves in his six seasons and four All-Star selections. And if he played in a more visible market, he might’ve won and MVP or two by now. The southern California native, of Cuban ancestry, has led the National League in homers twice and in RBI three times.

It’s just that no one outside of Denver or the offices of Baseball America knows who he is. And that’s probably just fine by him. He’s not looking to be a celebrity. If someone wants to pay him Mike Trout/Bryce Harper money and he can remain relatively anonymous, he’ll take it. Speaking of those two, one if not both is going to be earning more than Arenado per year soon (Trout next year).

For those wondering, Nolan Ryan earned less than $26 million over the course of his entire 26-season HOF career.

3. The Clancy Of Queens

During our 800-or-so mile drive last Saturday, we listened to a plethora of NPR (we normally would have written “a lot of NPR” but it’s NPR so we felt as if we should up our game). That’s partly because in the vast open spaces of Nevada it was often the one station that would come in static-free but also because it’s usually a welcome companion on a long road trip: we listened to “Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me” and “Ask Me Another.” Twice. Both shows.

And we also listened to two episodes of The Moth, which is where people like you and me take the stage in front of a live audience and tell true stories about themselves. As you might imagine, these are hit-or-miss. The huge hit for us was Tara Clancy, a girl from Queens who being both Irish and a New Yorker is a born raconteur. On career opportunities growing up in Queens: “You were either going to be A), a cop or B), not a cop.”

If you visit TheMoth.org, you can find a number of her Moth appearances, but this one, “The Moon And Stars Talks,” is the one we heard and it’s solid. Give it a listen when you have 13 free minutes.

Then again, maybe we were just an extremely captive audience.

4. The People Problem

In 1800 there were an estimated one billion people inhabiting planet Earth. Now, just a little more than two centuries later, there are 7.7 billion people living on this planet (and now we feel even worse by the number of visitors we get to this site daily). It is estimated, unless we have some catastrophic nuclear war or epidemic, that the global population will exceed 10 billion humans by the end of the century.

This is something we heard last week that alarmed us: there are currently more people living on Earth than all the people who ever lived on Earth in the history of humanity (and still the Suns cannot put together a decent starting lineup).

Guess what, my friends: that growth curve is not sustainable, and we all can’t just get on the next SpaceX and rocket to Mars. It’s a little farther away than you may think and, oh yeah, it’s basically uninhabitable without a space suit and some mittens.

So when everyone’s favorite Latina millennial punching bag, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, suggests that Americans should stop having babies, it’s easy to dismiss her as whack or “How come you can’t keep a man, honey?” But, like most magical thinkers who aren’t appreciated by their contemporaries, she’s making a greater point if you want to take the long view.

 

It’s a big blue marble, but it’s not THAT big. We’re rapidly approaching critical mass, humans-wise. Never mind to what we’re doing to the environment. With the exception of a few pesky insects, man (and by that I mean Western European Man, or WEM, in particular) is the only creature unable to live in balance and harmony with his environment. At least in the past 500 years, WEM has operated on a strategy of expand and grow and “acquire” (or, colonize) and grow and grow and grow and GROW.

Maybe not in this lifetime, but in your kids’ or their kids’, that model is going to take a beating. The last thing we need more of, and bless your little darlings’ hearts, is people. Nothing personal. It’s just a fact.

5. All The Light I Can Nazi

Big day today if you’re a Nazi. Big, big day. Iron your swastika badge.

On this day in 1925 Adolf Hitler (one imprisoned in Germany for treason, you may recall) introduced the National Socialist (!) German Workers’ Party, or Nazi Party, to Munich. Then, eight years later on this same date, the Reichstag Fire.

If you’re unfamiliar, the Reichstag Fire set the standard for any and all False Flag operations to follow. Less than one full month after Hitler is installed as Chancellor of Germany, a fire breaks out at night at the seat of German parliament, the Reichstag. Hitler and his minions blame Communists (but of course!) and soon after the Reichstag Decree is passed, permitting Hitler to suspend most civil liberties in what had been a Democratic society.

You know the rest of the story…

Thank heavens no one of German descent with a taste for authoritarian rule and a conveniently amoral view of the world could ever be put in charge of this country. Meanwhile, if you run into any of your neighborhood Nazis today, do wish them a Happy Reichstag Fire Day and also, perhaps, to bleep off and die…

Music 101

Cars

In the first few months of 1980, The Cars were one of the most popular rock bands in the world and this song by Gary Numan was No. 1 in both the U.K. and Canada (it topped out at No. 9 here). Numan’s heavy-synth, alien-monotone vocals song out-Devo’ed Devo and made some of us wonder if guitars were dead for good. This song belongs on any and every anthology of New Wave music.

Remote Patrol

No. 10 Marquette at Villanova

9 p.m. FS1

The Warriors Golden Eagles (23-4) have the nation’s most electrifying sub-6 shooter in Markus Howard, who posted 53 in a win at Creighton earlier this winter. The Wildcats (20-8), in case you’ve forgotten, have won two of the past three national championships. Not bad. Not bad at all.*

*Although we feel as if we should recommend The Maltese Falcon at 10 a.m. EST if you have the chance to tune in.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 4 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right


Is it just us or was there a noted absence of chalance from the players after this shot fell through?

Starting Five

The Streak Is Dead! Long Live The Streak

The string of consecutive 30-point games ends at 32 for James Harden. That final sequence above is informative as the Hawks have no chance of winning but bring as many as four defenders around Harden, who went 0-10 from beyond the arc last night, to prevent him from scoring. When the play begins The Beard appears intent on making a try at it—he knows what his point total is—but by the time he crosses midcourt he realizes that they’re on to him. Still, a ridiculous and meaningless heave would have been suspenseful.

The Rockets won 119-111. Trae Young scored a career-high 36 for Atlanta. Harden’s streak is stopped just 33 games shy of tying Wilt Chamberlain‘s record (65) and why no one under age 40 recognizes Wilt as the true GOAT is utterly mystifying.

2. Decree of Difficulty

When we saw that a mother, 45, and her daughter, 19, had been arrested for the murders of five family members outside Philadelphia, we were curious. Then more curious when their names weren’t initially listed and when the story received relatively so little attention. And so we assumed…they’re probably poor and they’re probably minority. Because blonde people, if this happens to them, it’s THE NEWS of the day, if not week.

Dug a little more: the accused are Shana and Dominique Decree, and somehow they’d been managing in their apartment the past few days with the corpses of Shana’s two children (Dominique’s siblings), Shana’s sister (Dominique’s aunt) and Shana’s twin nieces (Dominique’s cousins). They were all found inside a bedroom and only after neighbors called the cops because nobody had seen them for days. Someone must have smelled them, no?

Police have yet to release the modus operandi.

3. Mu! Who Knew?*

*The judges will also accept “Athing Is A Thing”

This is Athing Mu of Trenton, N.J., and you’re going to be hearing more about her. Last weekend Mu, 16, set the American record (time above) for the 600 meters indoors. Granted, it’s not the world’s most popular event, but this wasn’t a high school mark. It was an overall mark. And Mu, who chooses not to run for her high school in order that she can concentrate on training with the Trenton Track Club and coach Al Jennings, is still just a high school teen.

McLaughlin will be a superstar in Tokyo in two summers…

We’d call Mu the most precociously talented female New Jersey track star in years, but you may recall that just three years earlier Sydney McLaughlin of Dunellen, N.J., became the youngest American Olympian in 40 years when, at age 16, she qualified for the Rio Olympics in the 400 Hurdles (McLaughlin won the NCAAs in that event as a freshman last  spring for Kentucky). She’s the true Syd The Kid.

4. The Oregon Rail*

*The judges will also accept  “Train In Vain,” “All Are Bored” and “Lost: The Choo-Choo Version”

An Amtrak train heading from Seattle to Los Angeles struck a tree (Did it veer wildly off course, we wonder?) about 45 miles southeast of Eugene, Oregon, early Sunday night. The 183 passengers aboard, all fine, have been stranded on the choo-choo ever since.

Amtrak officials chose to keep the passengers on the train since electricity is out in the area. If you don’t have a sleeper car, here’s hoping you’ve made friends with someone who does.

Question: Knowing the outcome in advance, would you rather be stranded on this choo-choo or a passenger on Sully’s ill-fated (but ultimately safe) LaGuardia to Hudson River flight?

5. A Tale Of Two Teams From One City

Los Angeles Clippers: Doc dabs Dirk.


Los Angeles Lakers: Just one play to demonstrate why so many of us will never consider LeBron “The GOAT” (and we’re right). Opts not to cover his man against the Grizzlies, then when the dude buries the three, King James looks around as if it’s someone else’s fault. We’ve all played with this dude in pick-up games, haven’t we?


This is aging well…

Reserves

Veal Oscar Leftovers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hy8z_Tq_VHo

We neglected to include Olivia Colman‘s speech in yesterday’s Oscar wrap, but there’s so much to love here: use of the term “snog,” a fart noise, an apology to Glenn Close, telling her kids “well done” if they are not watching (“this won’t happen again”) and even teasing her husband that he’s going to cry. If you missed it the first time.

***

About Spike Lee‘s speech: Like everyone else at the Oscars, he never mentioned the president by name or even by office. Here is what he said:

“Before the world tonight, I give praise to our ancestors who have built this country into what it is today along with the genocide of its native people. We all connect with our ancestors. We will have love and wisdom regained, we will regain our humanity. It will be a powerful moment. The 2020 presidential election is around the corner. Let’s all mobilize. Let’s all be on the right side of history. Make the moral choice between love versus hate. Let’s do the right thing! You know I had to get that in there.”

So naturally Donald Trump took this personally.

****

We have yet to see Green Book, but we have to think Peter Farrelly taking the stage after it was announced as Best Picture and saying more than once, “We couldn’t have done this without Viggo (Mortensen)” was precisely the type of quote that exemplifies why so many people are upset that it won. It’s a racism film about black people for and by white people. Or at least that’s the criticism.

*****

Finally, how did we go a day before someone made this Wet, Hot American Summer connection?

A Mighty Wind

Music 101

Fast Car

Some songs defy their era. They are timeless. When Tracy Chapman‘s eponymous debut album was released in April of 1988, no one was making music that sounded anywhere near close to this. New Wave was choking out its last breaths while Hair Metal was at its zenith. Hip-hop was just beginning to flirt with being mainstream.

And then there was Chapman, who was straight out of the Joni Mitchell-Carole King school of epic female songwriters. This in fact, is the highest-rated song on Rolling Stone‘s list of the 500 Greatest Songs Of All Time that was both written and performed by a female artist (we think Misses Mitchell and King may want to appeal that ruling).

Remote Patrol

Annie Hall

Netflix

Woody Allen’s career-peak comedy deservedly won Best Picture in 1977 (sorry, Star Wars fans) and no true comedy has won since—though Terms of Endearment, Forrest Gump and Shakespeare In Love both had plenty of lighter moments. It’s brilliant, creative, witty and one of the top five films ever to capture the essence of New York City at the time it was made (we’d also put Do The Right Thing and Mean Streets in there). La di da, la di da, la la.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters | 3 Comments

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right


Orwell’s “Ministry of Doublespeak” is alive and well in the White House.

Starting Five

The Knicks got a shout-out and apparently Kelly Olynyk made a cameo.

Host-Free Solo

It was an Oscars that saw wins for both “Shallow” and the dude who co-wrote “Shallow Hal.” It was, most notably, a host-free Oscars show and guess what: we seemed to prefer it that way.

Judging from Twitter, this was the least loathed Oscars in years. Multiple reasons: with no host, no one can be offended by a joke or put off by a lame stunt. But there was also something about this year’s winners: humble (Mahershala Ali), grateful (Rami Malek), naturally charming and funny (Olivia Colman) and even inspirational (Lady Ga Ga: “It’s not about winning; it’s about never giving up.” Thanks. We needed that.). Sure, some will quibble with Green Book, but I’m not sure there was a film out there that was going to win Best Picture that would not have met with at least some resistance.

A few of our thoughts, tweets, lame jokes:

–The acceptance speech for Free Solo saw Alex Honnold, the most fearless human ever to stand on an Oscar stage, receive almost no mention while his girlfriend received plenty. What the WTF?

–If you were going to make a biopic about the most talented dancer in Hollywood history, would you go with Astaire is Born or Gene Book for your title?

–If, as a Hollywood publicist, you can get yourself into the “In Memoriam” montage, then your professional acumen speaks for itself.

–She has now been nominated seven times without winning. Is it time to refer to her as Glenn Close-But-No-Cigar?

–A few women women for a documentary shot about menstruation called Period, End Of Sentence. MH editors are already hard at work on our short about irritable bowel movement syndrome titled Colon, Giving Pause.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVx-zvCjUZU

–Bradley Cooper and Lady GaGa nailed it (and Cooper would’ve been a fine Best Actor choice). Someone posted this after and we chuckled. By the way, Bradley Cooper is only three to four years younger than Carroll O’Connor was when this photo was taken. People used to really age faster only a couple generations ago.


–This, refreshingly, felt like an outsiders Oscars. Even though it was Ali’s second win, he still seems like someone who’s just happy (and humbled) to be there. Same with Malek, Colman and to a lesser degree Regina King. Here’s who was nowhere to be seen at this year’s Oscars: Meryl Streep, George Clooney, Matt Damon, Halle Berry, Tom Hanks, Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck, Kate Winslet and Leo DiCaprio.

And we were all fine. That said, would anyone mind if Julia Roberts announces Best Picture and then closes the broadcast every year? We would not.

–Loved that Samuel L. Jackson not only informed Spike Lee that the Knicks ended their 18-game home losing streak, but also provided the opponent and the score. Lee, who won his first Oscar (for Best Adapted Screenplay) but again lost Best Picture (his BlacKkKlansman to Green Book mirroring 1989’s loss for Do The Right Thing versus Driving Miss Daisy), had the quote of the night in the press room afterward: “Every time somebody is driving somebody, I lose.”

–We haven’t seen Green Book, but Seth Meyers and Amber Ruffin decided this was all you really need to see…

–And finally, wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were a five-year moratorium on handing out the Best Picture award (we’re told that Bill Simmons talks about this on his podcasts, but we don’t listen to podcasts, so we swear we did not poach the idea)? Give out the other awards the year of, sure; but there’s too much cult-of-the-moment stuff going on in the BP award and movies age like wine.

We thought of this watching True Grit yesterday and finding it hard to believe that it did not beat out The King’s Speech for Best Picture. At the time, though, the Academy had given No Country For Old Men BP two years earlier and I think they were a little bit over the Coen Brothers at the moment. Anyway, I don’t know what movie from 2018 will age better than Green Book, but don’t be surprised if it’s Black Panther.

2. Tarts and Krafts*

*The judges wish to think our whip-smart former editor Bob Roe for that one. We’ll also accept “Kraft Services.”

First, did you notice that he wasn’t the only famous Robert K. who made the news for a sex scandal on Friday (R. Kelly)? Second, how many wives just learned that Orchids of Asia is not a florist? Third, who could possibly be the “bigger name” that Adam Schefter mentioned?

Finally, whither Kraft’s future as Patriots owner and how will NFL commish Roger Goodell handle this? Early days here but, as stupid as this sounds, we think it’ll come down to the same thing Ray Rice’s situation came down to: Does a tape of Kraft, 77, getting serviced get released into the webosphere? And by the way, ewwww.

Will Columbia retain Kraft’s name on its football field? He’s a huge benefactor.

Kraft is reportedly worth $6 billion and owns five Super Bowl rings (a sixth is on permanent loan to Vladimir Putin). But he allegedly spent less than $100 for sex (while already having a girlfriend half his age). The lesson here is: You’re never too rich to be cheap.

One way or another, this story will have a happy ending. But for whom?

3. Jim Class*

*The judges note the irony

Should Jim Boeheim have coached his Syracuse team against Duke only three days after accidentally striking and killing a pedestrian as he drove home from the previous Orange game (a win versus Louisville)? Might he have sat this one out if the opponent were not Duke, in the Carrier Dome, with College GameDay in town?

We’re not here to excoriate the 74 year-old Hall of Famer. It was an accident involving an icy road and a disabled vehicle that led to his striking 51 year-old Jorge Jimenez. But while Boeheim said he was “devastated” by it, he obviously wasn’t so devastated that he chose, out of respect, to sit out one game. His old pal and counterpart defended the move. ” I’m glad he coached,” said Duke’s Coach K. “What the hell else is he supposed to do? That’s what he does.”

The standing O from the Cuse crowd was rather odd. As was ESPN’s sepia-toned coverage (My mom, watching, wondered if Boeheim had died). From the little coverage we saw, it felt almost as if Boeheim was the victim, but then Syracuse’s third-year athletic director is John Wildhack, who had been a major honcho in Bristol the past two decades. He has old friends in powerful places at the WWL, and our guess is there was at least an unspoken message there not to make Syracuse or Boeheim look callous. But you know what? That’s what they were.

Syracuse lost.

4. Larry Bird Award

What if, instead of just the odd Esquire cover story, they handed out an annual award to the nation’s top white American-born college basketball player? We’d name it the Larry Bird Award.

This season’s winner? Mike Daum of South Dakota State. The 6’9″ senior is averaging 25.8 points and 11.8 rebounds per game for the 23-7 Jackrabbits (you could say, if you liked puns, that he has been Daum-inant; fortunately, we do not). The Kimball, Nebraska, native just eclipsed the 3,000-point career mark this weekend and now sits in 10th place all-time in Division I scoring with 3,006 points. Next up? Hersey Hawkins, who currently sits just one bucket (3008) ahead of him.

The famed Pawnee National Grassland

If you were wondering, Kimball, Nebraska, is tucked away in the far southwestern corner of the state, not far from the Pawnee National Grassland in Kansas. I’m sure that helps.

Some team is going to select the rugged and athletic Daum in June’s NBA draft, and some scout is going to compare him to Dan Majerle. Just you wait and see.

5. Wide Open Spaces: Nevada

Here’s our thoughts on travel: If you can possibly drive instead of fly, do so. If you can possibly drive somewhere you’ve never been before, definitely do so. If your trip avoids major cities, there is no excuse not to do so.

With that in mind, the MH staff took a roundabout route of traveling from Reno to Phoenix this weekend. We looked on the map of Nevada and noticed a national forest plum in the middle of the state, and since we hadn’t given Nevada’s interior much thought beyond Area 51 before, we thought we’d give it a try.

Humboldt-Toiyabe in central Nevada: majestic and green. Who knew?

What a nice surprise. Yes, it’s vast and heavily unpopulated, but the Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forest is majestic and virtually uninhabited and unbelievably vast. And if you get a chance to stop in for a beer in the mountainside town of Austin (elevation: 6,059 feet), do so.

Austin

If you want to trace our route, we went from Reno to Austin, down to Tonopah (road not not this map), then to Beatty and finally, sadly, through Las Vegas.

Nevada ranks 7th nationally in terms of total area but 32nd in terms of population, and almost half of that is due to Las Vegas and its suburbs. This is a vast, mostly unpopulated state. The pleasant surprise is that there are some really sweet and still undisturbed natural areas. We saw coyotes and a herd of pronghorn (antelope).

The American West and its wildlife is truly spectacular. We really all should vacate and leave it be.

Music 101

Chevy Van

The Seventies, particularly early to mid-, was the decade of the one-hit wonder. And we thought we’d covered them all until our kindly bartender in Reno reminded us of this 1975 tune by Sammy Johns that sold more than 3 million copies and stayed on the Billboard charts for 17 weeks, peaking at No. 5. Chevrolet reported an increase in van sales the following year. This tune unlocks the mystery behind The Mystery Machine.

Remote Patrol

Citizen Kane

11:15 p.m. TCM

We’re doing this mostly as a reminder to ourselves: this is the most critically acclaimed film that we’ve never watched and it’s not coming on at 11:15 p.m. where we are (guess we’ll have to cancel those plans that we don’t have). Drink pairing: Rose or Budweiser?

CHRIS PICKS! THE OSCARS

by John Walters | Leave a comment

by Chris Corbellini

 

The Year of the Black Panther

As a first-year member of the Producers Guild of America, I got to vote for best picture already for the PGA’s Awards, and to me it was an easy choice: Green Book.

My fellow PGA members agreed. Green Book won the Daryl F. Zanuck Award for Outstanding Production — giving it some momentum as Hollywood barrels into Oscar night. Will it win? I do think it’ll take home some of the peripheral awards — screenplay and supporting actor among them — but not the biggie, Best Picture. I feel the same way about Roma and to a slightly-lesser extent, A Star is Born.

No, this is Black Panther’s year. If you use a four-star system of grading a movie, it’s a ***¼ movie, with a ***** legacy, and I’ve never used five stars before. For a time, Black Panther was a movement. Generations of people who don’t go to movies went anyway to show their support, and it proved without a doubt that a movie with a largely African-American cast, crafted by an African-American director, can be a financial and cultural hit. You don’t make the cover of Time without having deep cultural relevance, and Black Panther joined Platoon, Star Wars, All the President’s Men, Thelma & Louise, Woody Allen, Humphrey Bogart, Steven Spielberg, and the Hollywood faces of #MeToo to get its close-up.

So there is history to consider here, and I think the Academy voters will look past the so-very-true story of Green Book, and the artistry of Roma, and award Black Panther for being something special within the trapping of the current Hollywood system, where only comic book movies are box office guarantees. (Ed Note: We agree. See January 31 edition of “It’s All Happening”)

Best Picture

Black Panther
BlacKkKlansman
Bohemian Rhapsody
The Favourite
Green Book
Roma
A Star Is Born
Vice

Who should win: Green Book
Who will win: Black Panther
So, yeah: Children of color can finally say, he looks like me. A superhero looks like me.

Actor in a Leading Role

Christian Bale, Vice
Bradley Cooper, A Star Is Born
Willem Dafoe, At Eternity’s Gate
Rami Malek, Bohemian Rhapsody
Viggo Mortensen, Green Book

Who should win: Bradley Cooper
Who will win: Rami Malek
So, yeah: The creatives must have known from the dailies – Malek not only closely resembled Freddie Mercury, he captured a fleeting force of nature, especially during the Live Aid finale. I first noticed the actor during the HBO war series “The Pacific,” and thought big things were ahead for him. Now I wonder what’s next. Still, Cooper found the bruised, battered essence of a famous singer and also had to deal with a million moving parts as the director, including working with a first-time actress in the lead role. By degree of difficulty, Cooper should win this. But not to be.

Actress in a Leading Role
Yalitza Aparicio, Roma
Glenn Close, The Wife
Olivia Colman, The Favourite
Lady Gaga, A Star Is Born
Melissa McCarthy, Can You Ever Forgive Me?

Who should win: Olivia Colman
Who will win: Lady Gaga
So, yeah: There was a lot to like with Gaga … all the scenes with her father, the backstage stuff with Cooper, and the AA rehabilitation clinic. But the final song clinched this for her, and deservedly so. Colman was terrific though as a needy wackadoodle queen, and could pull off an upset here.

Actress in a Supporting Role
Amy Adams, Vice
Marina de Tavira, Roma
Regina King, If Beale Street Could Talk
Emma Stone, The Favourite
Rachel Weisz, The Favourite

Who should win: Regina King
Who will win: Regina King
So, yeah: Emma and Rachel cancel each other out. This one is all Regina. I went to a screening of “If Beale Street Could Talk,” with a Barry Jenkins Q&A afterward, and Jenkins lauded Regina for helping the lead actress, KiKi Layne, who was a newcomer and looked for some guidance wherever she could find it. Jenkins noted there’s a competitive tendency among actors to let such a rookie stumble about while filming, but, like her motherly character, King supported Layne in every scene. And you can tell.

Actor in a Supporting Role
Mahershala Ali, Green Book
Adam Driver, BlacKkKlansman
Sam Elliott, A Star Is Born
Richard E. Grant, Can You Ever Forgive Me?
Sam Rockwell, Vice

Who should win: Mahershala Ali
Who will win: Mahershala Ali
So, yeah: Ali is reaching Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington territory now, with back-to-back Oscar wins. Ali (as Dr. Don Shirley) had presence from his opening scene, sitting like a king on his throne in an apartment above Carnegie Hall. Only Grant could potentially steal this.

Directing
BlacKkKlansman, Spike Lee
Cold War, Paweł Pawlikowski
The Favourite, Yorgos Lanthimos
Roma, Alfonso Cuarón
Vice, Adam McKay

Who should win: Alfonso Cuaron
Who will win: Alfonso Cuaron
So, yeah: I have no idea why Cooper didn’t get nominated here. But … Cuaron’s movie is exquisitely crafted, and clearly personal. I think he’s wanted to tell this autobiographical story for some time, and like Cameron Crowe’s Almost Famous, he was at the peak of his creative powers when he got his chance.

Adapted Screenplay
The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
BlacKkKlansman, Charlie Wachtel, David Rabinowitz, Kevin Willmott, and Spike Lee
Can You Ever Forgive Me?, Nicole Holofcener and Jeff Whitty
If Beale Street Could Talk, Barry Jenkins
A Star Is Born, Eric Roth, Bradley Cooper, and Will Fetters

Who should win: A Star Is Born, Eric Roth, Bradley Cooper, and Will Fetters
Who will win: Can You Ever Forgive Me? Nicole Holofcener and Jeff Whitty
So, yeah: Holofcener has been at this writing thing awhile, and has a gift for dialogue, even by gifted writer standards. Her screenplays feel lived-in, which is incredibly tough to do.

Original Screenplay
The Favourite, Deborah Davis and Tony McNamara
First Reformed, Paul Schrader
Green Book, Nick Vallelonga, Brian Currie, and Peter Farrelly
Roma, Alfonso Cuarón
Vice, Adam McKay

Who should win: Green Book, Nick Vallelonga, Brian Currie, and Peter Farrelly
Who will win: Green Book, Nick Vallelonga, Brian Currie, and Peter Farrelly
So, yeah: I just loved this line from GB: “The world is full of people who don’t make the first move.” Still, the Favourite could slip away with this one. I f-cking hated the film’s “fade out with rabbits” ending, but The Favourite clearly points out just how cunning women can be, and how power corrupts absolutely.

Foreign Language Film
Capernaum, Lebanon
Cold War, Poland
Never Look Away, Germany
Roma, Mexico
Shoplifters, Japan

Who should win: Roma
Who will win: Roma
So, yeah: It’s not winning Best Picture. Consolation prize.

Animated Feature
Incredibles 2
Isle of Dogs
Mirai
Ralph Breaks the Internet
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Who should win: Spider-Man
Who will win: Spider-Man
So, yeah: Don’t f-ck this up, Academy. I floated out of the movie theater after having watched it. It was Marvel’s best movie of the year, which should have its own category at this point.

Original Score
Black Panther
BlacKkKlansman
If Beale Street Could Talk
Isle of Dogs
Mary Poppins Returns

Who should win: BlacKkKlansman
Who will win: BlacKkKlansman
So, yeah: I remember the Isle of Dogs score more than anything else here. Still, there is not a single Spike Lee-Terence Blanchard collaboration that I’ve ever disliked (I even went to see Blanchard perform the scores from Lee’s films in Philadelphia once), and I think the musician is due for a statue.

Original Song
“All the Stars,” Black Panther
“I’ll Fight,” RBG
“The Place Where Lost Things Go,” Mary Poppins Returns
“Shallow,” A Star Is Born
“When a Cowboy Trades His Spurs for Wings,” The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

Who should win: Shallow
Who will win: Shallow
So, yeah: This one was the easiest to handicap.

Documentary Short
Black Sheep
End Game
Lifeboat
A Night at the Garden
Period. End of Sentence.

Who should win: No idea
Who will win: Period. End of Sentence.
So, yeah: You’d think as a PGA member I would have snuck over to the IFC Center and caught all of these at once, but I couldn’t pull it off this year. This is a dart throw.

Cinematography
Cold War, Lukasz Zal
The Favourite, Robbie Ryan
Never Look Away, Caleb Deschanel
Roma, Alfonso Cuarón
A Star Is Born, Matthew Libatique

Who should win: The Favourite
Who will win: Roma
So, yeah: Every shot in “The Favourite” tells its own story – the hallway ones in particular. But I still think Roma takes this. Cinematography is an insider’s award (though clearly movie-goers can tell when the cinematography stands out) and Cuaron drew raves from other directors for his work here. Note that the popularity of this category amongst working Hollywood creatives made the decision to banish this category to a commercial break such a head-scratcher, and it surprised me not at all that the Academy reconsidered.

Best Documentary Feature
Free Solo
Hale County This Morning, This Evening
Minding the Gap
Of Fathers and Sons
RBG

Who should win: Free Solo
Who will win: Free Solo
So, yeah: Another easy one.

Production Design
Black Panther
The Favourite
First Man
Mary Poppins Returns
Roma

Who should win: The Favourite
Who will win: The Favourite
So, yeah: Every backdrop is a visual medley. Wow.

Sound Mixing
Black Panther
Bohemian Rhapsody
First Man
Roma
A Star Is Born

Who should win: First Man
Who will win: Bohemian Rhapsody
So, yeah: The mix and edit are the main characters in First Man – from the opening scene when you are dropped into that rickety jet with Neil Armstrong until his muffled voice when his boots finally touch down onto the moon. That won’t be enough against Bohemian Rhapsody or A Star is Born — movies that breathe music. I give BR the edge because of the Live Aid ending, though I think A Star is Born’s mix is superior from credits to credits.

Costume Design
The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
Black Panther
The Favourite
Mary Poppins Returns
Mary Queen of Scots

Who should win: The Favourite
Who will win: Black Panther
So, yeah: I just keep coming back to all the tribes in Black Panther. So much color.

Film Editing
BlacKkKlansman
Bohemian Rhapsody
The Favourite
Green Book
Vice

Who should win: BlacKkKlansman
Who will win: Vice
So, yeah: I typically feel very strongly about editing, given my six-plus years toiling away on an Avid, but this year, meh. I picked Vice (I guess) because it was somewhat inventive, particularly when Dick Cheney tricks W into giving away most of his Presidential powers while they ate barbecue. But the best edit of the year by far was at the end of A Star is Born – a single elegant cut from a ballroom where she sings, to their home where he sings on a piano – and yet the film didn’t get a nom here, or in sound editing. At this point I wonder if Academy members, behind the scenes, can’t stand Bradley Cooper.

Sound Editing
Black Panther
Bohemian Rhapsody
First Man
A Quiet Place
Roma

Who should win: Roma/Black Panther/First Man/A Quiet Place
Who will win: Bohemian Rhapsody
So, yeah: Live Aid, for the win. A Quiet Place being nominated reminded me of the time when an NFL Films producer let a single shot play out for five minutes — Lions QB Matthew Stafford was wired and separated his shoulder, then painfully cracked it back in, then lobbied and returned to play, all in one shot — and my boss at the time suggested they submit that segment for the Sports Emmys for Best Editing.

Makeup and Hairstyling
Border
Mary Queen of Scots
Vice

Who should win: Mary Queen of Scots
Who will win: Vice
So, yeah: Nicely done on Christian Bale. The transformation to Dick Cheney was complete.

Visual Effects
Avengers: Infinity War
Christopher Robin
First Man
Ready Player One
Solo: A Star Wars Story

Who should win: Ready Player One
Who will win: First Man
So, anyway, yeah: Ready Player One’s world was based on computer technology, and Spielberg nailed that part of it — with the King Kong escape and Shining dance off really standing out. The movie had verve whenever the kid was in his DeLorean. But the moon landing should be enough to win this.