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Monthly Archives: September 2015
IT’S ALL HAPPENING!
by John Walters
Hoping that Heather Locklear is vixen to have a very happy 54th birthday!
Starting Five
1. Eggs Communication
Davey: Did you hear the Pope arrived in New York City?
Goliath: Did I? We had brunch together this morning. He ordered the Eggs Predecessor.
Davey: When ordering eggs Benedict, I hear there’s no place like Rome for the hollandaise.
Goliath: True, but if Europe for a good breakfast, I think Francis more popular than Italy.
Aaaaaaand, scene. Thanks to @el_wuffel and @IrishElvis for the assists.
2. Big (Bad?) John
Krahn stands 7-feet tall and weighs 440 pounds
This is John Krahn. He’s a senior at King High School in Riverside,, Calif., and plays offensive line. He only plays one position, which almost seems unfair. I’m told he needs to lose weight to draw college interest. I think if I were a college coach, I’d be interested.
3. Bye Bye Boehner
Boehner: Orange is the new I Quit
Speaker of the House,
Orange is his face,
Says he met the pope,
And now he’ll leave this place
John Boehner chooses this incredibly slow news day to announce that he is resigning from the United States Senate. Kudos to former SI On Campus colleague Matt Waxman for noting that two J.B.-initial Orangemen announced their resignations in 2015: Boehner and Syracuse’s Jim Boeheim.
4. Documentary Wow
Largely because I didn’t have a working television for the past 5 months, I missed all of Documentary Now!, the parody doc series that ran for six episodes, was produced by Seth Meyers, and starred his buddies Fred Armisen and Bill Hader. But if there was one installment I wanted to see, it was “Gentle and Soft: The Story of the Blue Jean Committee,” which was a faux version of The History of the Eagles, which I did just re-watch again recently.
Anyway, this reviewer praises not just the comedy of that episode, but also the humanity and the acting. I hope to see it some day soon. “Catalina breeze…”
5. Where In The World?
Yesterday’s Answer: Q1, the tallest building in Australia (78 stories, slightly more than 1,000 feet tall), in Surfer’s Paradise.
Music 101
Lido Shuffle
The one and only Boz Scaggs, with a perfect summer song that hit No. 11 in 1977. The co-writer of this tune, David Paich, went on to found Toto.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zcSJU80dLU
IT’S ALL HAPPENING!
by John Walters
Happy Birthday to Phil Hartman, who would’ve turned 67 today. “I got guys the size of you in my stool.”
Starting Five
1. Mecca-lomania*
The judges will also accept “Black Mass,” “Hajj Quest” and “Allah These Pilgrims Are Being Crushed”
Currently the number of dead is 717, all of them pilgrims making the annual Hajj pilgrimage to Mecca. As usual, Al-Jazeera has the most detailed story on the tragedy, detailing how pilgrims flock to Mina, on the outskirts of Mecca, to carry out a symbolic “stoning of the devil” by tossing rocks at three stone walls.
The stampede did not take place during the stoning, but rather before as one pilgrim camp walked through another pilgrim camp. Watch the video at the bottom of the story.
2. Integrity is His Trump Card*
*Upon Further Review, the judges will accept “Atta Boye” as well as “Bridge (Over Troubled Walters)”
This is Boye Brogeland, 42, the man who is single-handedly (with 13 cards in it, I’d assume) trying to save contract bridge at its highest levels. Thanks to the Norwegians’ efforts, the top two ranked bridge players in the world, as well as another team that happens to be the European champions, have been exposed as cheaters.
Here’s my story in Newsweek about the entire affair, which features skulduggery, threats of physical violence and lawsuits, big money, and crooked people.
An aside that I was tempted to tweet, but I’ll save it for you readers. So this morning one of my sources emails me to tell me that a highly decorated writer had sent an email to her and others extolling the piece. Here is the email:
I know almost nothing about bridge except what Anderson has explained to me, but I found this article easy to understand—well-organized and very absorbing. I started reading it in the car as I pulled into a grocery store lot and got so involved in it that I sat there until I finished it. It is intrinsically a great story, involving large amounts of money as a motive for the cheaters, a host of brainy people trying to get away with it, law suits, threats of violence, even a few heroes, especially the Snowden-type character from Norway who was determined to out the cheats. And Jeff calling a guy a prick. And a great ending: sue me. iv
Now, the beauty of this is that the email was written by one William Nack. A man who, like me, was employed by Sports Illustrated. In fact, I thought that we knew each other fairly well. I always considered Bill Nack to be the most gifted writer at SI while I was there, so it’s heartwarming to read this note, and yet what does it say about print that either Nack didn’t notice the byline or recognize the name? Funny.
By the way, Bill and I were two of the four writers who were laid off (or, as Seth Davis would say, “Fired”) by SI in 2001. Anyway, thanks, Bill. Without even realizing it, you made my day. I believe I’ve finally broken my maiden.
3. The Thompson Twins
Okay, they’re not twins. They’re sisters. Anne and Mary Thompson are both alumnae of Notre Dame and both are in the employ of NBC Universal (if that’s still a thing). You regularly see Anne’s reports on NBC Nightly News and Mary, the younger of the two, reports from the NYSE and other locales for CNBC.
This week, and I’m not sure if it is for the first time, the sisters have the same beat: covering the papal visit. They’re both filing reports on the pilgrimage of the Ultimate Pilgrim. Their parents must be proud, I’d think. A shout-out to Mary, who like your humble author (HA!) rowed for Notre Dame Crew.
4. My Two Dads Remake?
When I first saw this GIF of Jeremy Lin and Stephen Curry teaching Stephen’s daughter, Riley, to do the Nae Nae, I thought, This would make the perfect 21st century My Two Dads remake: you’ve got at least three ethnicities, three or four SI covers (thanks to the efforts of Pablo Torre), an MVP and an NBA championship. Who wouldn’t watch this show!?!?
5. Where in the World?
Answer to Tuesday’s photo: Astana, Kazakhstan
Here’s another shot of today’s question:
Music 101
Two Tickets to Paradise
Billy Joel may be the most famous “rocker” from Long Island, but maybe Eddie Money (born: Mahoney) may be its best guitarist/pop star. This was not the first hit from his eponymous 1977 debut album — that was “Baby Hold On” — but time has been kinder to it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLf8_wSq4Is
Eddie’s grandfather, dad and brother were all members of the NYPD. He was in training to become a cop, too, before he opted for a music career.
Remote Patrol
Valley of the Dolls
TCM 11:45 p.m.
“Three young women pursue acting and end up being destroyed by the very lifestyle they desired,” says my TV video guide. Quite prescient, that, considering that one of the stars of the film was the ill-fated Sharon Tate.
IT’S ALL HAPPENING!
by John Walters
Happy 66th to the Boss, Bruce Springsteen! Let the broken hearts stand as the price you gotta pay…
Starting Five
Immigrant Song
1. POTUS, Pope, US
“DraftKings or FanDuel?”
“I’ve been wondering the same thing myself.”
2. Hat Trick, With Two to Spare
Lewandowski (right) accepts congratulations from bear (left)
Footballer Robert Lewandowski, who is Polish (duh, JW), scores five goals in just nine minutes for Bayern Munich in a Bundesliga match against Wolfsburg (“More like Lambsburg, amirate?”). Of course, Bayern only won 5-1, so if you are an SEC fan who happens to support Wolfsburg you are probably taking this opportunity to note that without Lewandowski’s five goals in nine minutes, Wolfburg wins. Go, Wolfsburg!
Watch the video. It goest from impressive (“Because that is what Robert Lewandowski does for a living!”) to simply dumbfounding. It’s quite remarkable.
3. Yogi: It’s Over
What a glorious mug
A fond farewell to Yogi Berra, Yankee, Hall of Famer, maxim manufacturer, inspiration for a cartoon character, catcher of the only perfect game in World Series history, purveyor of wisdom, husband, father, grandfather, World War II/D-Day veteran, 18-time All-Star, 13-time World Series champion, three-time MVP, Italian-American (whoop whoop!), and incredibly humble spirit. There was never anyone like him.
4. Pizza Rat:The Easiest Halloween Costume Yet
One rather large step for a rat, one leap for vermin-kind!
Sure, I was thinking of going as black-and-yellow dress that changes to blue-and-white, or perhaps hose myself down, wear boxers, have some seaweed hanging from me and be Rob Konrad, or there was always Caitlyn Jenner or a Patriot equipment manager, but what costume allows you to be constantly chomping on a slice of pizza? That sealed it for me: Pizza Rat, I am totally going as you.
5. At the Tops of their Fields
There is no one else currently in late-night who could have conducted such a smart and entertaining interview with the GOP frontrunner as Stephen Colbert did with Donald Trump. When SC reviews the tape, he will note that he interrupted DT far too often –that’s just nerves, methinks — but all in all it was hilarious and the Donald seemed to enjoy himself. He was far nicer than you see him during the debates.
And as Colbert said during the opening monologue, “Someday I may be able to tell my grandkids, ‘I interviewed the last president of the United States.'”
Now where do we find these fire-proof crocodiles?
Music 101
Escape
Before there was Ashley Madison, there was the Pina Colada Song. Kids, in the Seventies musicians often actually penned ballads, songs that were stories. And some of them were like good short stories, with a plot twist. That was Rupert Holmes’s “Escape,” which hit No. 1 in late 1979 and was actually the last No. 1 Billboard hit of the decade.
Remote Patrol
Mr. Robot
USA/NetFlix
Holm: The coolest waiter-thespian since Jon Hamm (yes, initial are the same)
Okay, the first season just ended a few weeks ago but I’m just catching up on Netflix. Rami Malek, whom you may remember from The Pacific or Night at the Museum, is terrific as your lead, Elliott, a hacker who works as a tech at a security firm. Christian Slater is his anarchy-leaning mentor, and my friend and former colleague waiting tables at Del Frisco’s, the fantastic Jeremy Holm, plays the bodyguard of the evil Tyrell.
IT’S ALL HAPPENING!
by John Walters
Happy Birthday, Jill, Sabrina and Jill! Born 39 years ago today….
and also…
Happy Birthday to Mitch and the gang, born 26 years ago today. So many people who were saved in 3 feet of water owe your their lives.
Starting Five*
*Apologies for the twilight edition. The staff has been busy doing that job that pays the bills.
Francis XI: “Will I be able to check into my hotel before the series premiere of ‘Quantico’?”
1. XI’s The One
Yes he’s comin’
To your sacris-tay,
If you wanna papal blessin’ for your ying yang,
Or you want some absolution for your ting tang….
Pope Francis XI lands outside of Washington, D.C. as Twitter girds itself for Latino immigrant quips.
2. Cruz Control
Last night on Colbert (Don’t make me call it The Late Show; at least not yet), GOP candidate Senator Ted Cruz. I thought he acquitted himself well, even if I disagree with some of his points, until he decided to refer to Supreme Court justices as “five lawyers in Washington.” By that standard, he’s just an Ivy League twit.
Colbert’s intro was a jab: “My next guest is a first-term Senator and has an immigrant father (he could’ve added “and a Harvard law degree”). No, it’s not a rerun of 2008.”
Here’s the thing about Ted Cruz for me. He’s smart, but he’s not very warm. No chuckles. No charm. Does that matter? Personally, I think it does in that job. But your mileage may vary.
Tonight on Colbert: the big fish, El Trumper-ino. Set your Twitter to “Hot Fire.”
3. Yes, He’s An Absolute Jerk…But Is He a Good Capitalist?
Martin Shkreli: If you loved him in Harold & Maude….
By now, I imagine, you know who Martin Shkreli is: 32, hedge-funder, makes a boatload of cash, buys a small pharma company (Turing) that happens to make a drug, Daraprim, that AIDS patients need.
Shkreli then raises the price of one tablet of the drug from $13.50 to $750, a 5,500% increase, presumably between bites of lobster mac and cheese at Del Frisco’s. Tells The New York Times, “It really doesn’t make any sense to get any criticism for this.”
Please, America, if you happen not to live in New York or San Francisco: humans of this level of douchebaggery really do exist. I’ve met them. I’ve served them.
Two thoughts: Let’s say you or I were to overpower Mr. Shkreli (I think you could) and hold his head underwater. Every 20 seconds you’d pull him up and tell him that a gasp of air would cost him $100 and ask how he would like to pay. Now, from a consequences standpoint, is there any real difference between that and what he is doing?
On the other hand, when you mix for-profit businesses with life-saving measures, who is the one to decide what is fair? What if water were not a utility? You’re going to have to pay for it if you want to survive, no? Now, imagine when some company spends millions or billions on a drug that will save people’s lives. Without their investment, the drug does not exist. So who are any of us to tell them what their price point must be?
That’s all I have to say about that…
4. Selfie-Assisted Suicide
So that dude who died taking a selfie at the Taj Mahal? That makes 12 selfie-related deaths this year worldwide (reported), as opposed to 8 shark-related deaths. Does that mean the selfie-stick should be hunted out of existence?
5. Where In The World?
Hint: This is not Dubai or anywhere in the UAE.
Yesterday: Trondheim, Norway.
Music 101
Up, Up and Away
You (or maybe I) forget how many classic Sixties pop songs for which The Fifth Dimension are responsible. That’s lead singer Marilyn McCoo. There’s no song that was better built for Muzak, but this is one of those tunes that I loved hearing when I was in the back seat of the wood-paneled station wagon circa 1971.
The song won THREE individual Grammys in 1968, including Song of the Year, and is the apotheosis of what was known as “Sunshine Pop.”
Remote Patrol
The Muppets
ABC 8 p.m.
It’s time to put on makeup. It’s time to light the lights…
Is there anyone who didn’t love the original Muppet Show? Funny, very funny, with some heart thrown in. I was always a Fozzie guy myself. Hoping this new show isn’t all about Miss Piggy.