Though he was pulled from the lineup this week, J-Dubs has indeed survived the trade deadline and will remain with Medium Happy. The rumors of a three-team deal involving Deadspin and Grantland proved to be erroneous. Though both outfits were intrigued by Dubs salary structure, one couldn’t find enough f-bombs in his past and the other was confused by his inability to draw an immediate correlation between Arcade Fire and the Dodgers starting nine. (Puig=Win Butler? Silence. When pressed, the outfit said all they were looking for was how they could both obviously link back to the Karate Kid.)

Alas, John will return next week. You’re stuck with me for the next three minutes and 56 seconds. 

STARTING FIVE 

1. Israel, A’s Bolster Their Lineups For the Stretch Run

Both clubs have always been plucky and played above their punching weight, but neither has ever really been able to get anything done since the 1970’s. In moves designed to push them over the top, both teams added big pieces on Thursday morning. Israel called up 16,000 reservists and asked the U.S. for more ammunition, while the A’s went all in by trading slugger Yeonis Cespedes to the Boston Red Sox for lefty ace Jon Lester. (If you’d like to leave now and go read Mr. Simmons’ 12,000 word piece on the Lester era, go ahead, we’ll wait. Was Lester Rondo or Jo Jo White? Welker or Gronk? Roadhouse or Shawshank?)

It seems that Billy Beane has decided to finally turn into Brad Pitt, because let’s face it, to this point he’s only been Ashton Kutcher. Good looking, had some success with not very much talent, but hasn’t been able to win the big one.

The A’s are now armed to the teeth and have to be considered the World Series favorites in a year where the LCSs might change their name to, “The California State Championships.” Tired of being “the cute little team that always makes the playoffs, but gets crushed by a team with stars on it,” GM Beane now has a starting rotation that boasts Lester and Scott Kazmir on the left side (2.52 and 2.37 ERAs) and Sonny Gray and Jeff Samardzija on the right side (1.18, 1.11 WHIPs). This probably turns starters Jesse Chavez (15th in the A.L. in strikeouts) and Jason Hammel into shut-down middle relievers in the post-season. By the way, Lester has the lowest career ERA in World Series history (0.43).

Now if the Angels are truly the 2014 version of the Yankees, they’d snap their fingers and land David Price. Lester for Cespedes is a fun trade in that it involves two stars, which is rare these days.

2. Sharknado 2: The Second One (It Was No Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo)

You: “Whoa, “Sharknado” is at #2? C’mon man!!!!” Me: “Sorry, but it’s the end of July. I can’t break down ‘True Detective’ or anything. ‘The Bridge’ is off to a weird, boring start, so this is what you get. Remember, this is only 3:56 of your time.”

“You know what you just did, don’t you? Jumped the shark.” Robert Hays flying a plane. Judd Hirsch driving a cab. Isn’t this kind of like being a guy who goes to a wedding dressed in a Dumb ‘n Dumber tux? It’s funny for like half a second (not laugh funny, just slight smile funny) and then he’s just a tool in an orange tux for the next four hours. I’d at least like to see Mark McGrath’s next meeting with his agent. Mark: “Soooo, do you think maybe….um…?” Agent: “Ah, no. Those parts are all still going to Ethan Hawke. This is pretty much your ceiling buddy.”

3. The Minnesota Twins Finally Sign That Paul Bunyan Statue

The Minnesota Twins signed a  6’6″, 240-pound pitcher who’s been clocked at 100 mph, and who’s never been drafted. He got a $250,000 deal. And in the strangest twist of all, he’s not from Cuba and he’s never played cricket.  Brandon Poulson is a 24-year old who’s been pitching for the Healdsburg Prune Packers in a collegiate summer league. The Twins apparently first heard about Poulson while he was pitching for Academy of Art University in San Francisco, where he had a 8.38 ERA. Until last fall Poulson has been operating heavy machinery, driving 18-wheelers, front-loaders and backhoes. The Twins are saying that Poulson is among the best athletes they’ve ever gone after. Poulson is a health nut who has a 40-inch vertical and runs a 6.6 60-yard dash.

This sounds more made up than Sharknado. Apparently his parents are Superman and Wonder Woman. But wait,  a 8.38 ERA at Academy of Art University? Isn’t that like Bo Jackson playing backup tight end at a Division III school? The movie equivalent of this isn’t even a sports movie, it’s “Flashdance.” (Well, maybe not, but close enough to post a Jennifer Beals pic.)

You know who’s never going to believe this story if Poulson makes it to the big leagues one day? The guys in the bar, who are listening to some 5’5″ guy who played baseball at “The School of Tap” in Modesto, say, “I used to rake that dude.”

4. Pat Riley Says the Heat Will Be Fine Without LeBron

Otherwise known as “the one where I pander to Susie B.”

Well, actually I’m not going to pander to Susie B, but I look forward to her rebuttal. Pat Riley is wrong. I mean, this is like Journey thinking they’d be fine without Steve Perry. (Your Day of Yore: Journey’s “Escape” dropped today in 1981. It opened with “Don’t Stop Believin'” and closed with “Open Arms.” When you’re ranking the best openers and closers to albums, that’s not a bad entry.)

Okay, that’s an exaggeration, the Heat aren’t going to fall off the face of the earth and then hire a You-Tube sensation from the Philippines to lead them. Although there is a resemblance between Arnel Pineda and Erik Spoelstra, no?

There seemed to be a little sour grapes to Riley’s presser Wednesday, when he talked bout LeBron leaving for the first time. “I went into it with the notion that he was coming back, so I was selling that to players. I let him know that. He never said, ‘Don’t do that.'”

C’mon Pat. It’s your job to know which way the wind is blowing, and we all knew LeBron was going to follow the yellow brick road. The Heat in 2014? I guess we’ll find out how much better LeBron is than Luol Deng.

5. Tiger Is Back on the Course

Tiger is about to tee off in Akron, Ohio at the Bridgestone Invitational. That means that Tiger Woods, LeBron James and Johnny Football are all within about 30 miles from each other. Could that mix finally get Skip Bayless’ head to explode? Anyway, it’s a World Golf Event, of which there have been four a year since 1999. They are not to be confused with the majors, but they pay nearly as much and Tiger dominates them. He has 18 wins in the “World” events, and his closest pursuer is Geoff Ogilvy with three.

If you’re not a golf fan, it can certainly get confusing, especially since next week is the PGA, the last major of the year. This week is big, but next week is much bigger. I only bring this up for two reasons: 1. J-Dubs is not a golf fan and I wanted to take the chance to get golf on here and 2. This week gave us a sterling example of why Tiger will never be as beloved as he could have been. (I mean other than the whole, “cheat on your wife with 1,000 grubby whores thing.)

Rory McIlroy won the British Open two weeks ago and is the best young player in the game. It was his third major at just 25-years old. When he’s on, he’s stunningly good, Tiger good. He’s just not always on like Tiger was in his hey day. I was as big a Tiger Woods fan as their was back then, everyone who liked golf, loved Tiger. He was just so damn good. But as his career has wore on, he’s become less beloved. And the problem (again, breaking commandments aside) with Tiger is, he doesn’t, at least publicly, have an ounce of charm. Zero. Yes, there’s a charm to being SO much better than everybody else, but that starts to wear off for some people. You could argue that no athlete would ever have had to do less to get everyone to love him than Tiger. Because, arguably, nobody was ever as good at what they did as Tiger was at what he did. Even after the Soddom and Gomorrah stage, I rooted for Tiger whenever he was in the hunt. It’s just fun to watch somebody be that good.

Now everyone loves Rory. He’s amazing at golf and he’s charming. He doesn’t treat reporters or fans like a nuisance like Tiger does. We know more about what Rory’s thinking than we ever did about Tiger. Rory has stumbled at times, been petulant, had a public breakup. But he’s accountable. Watch this brief clip from his Wednesday presser and try not to like him. If it’s Tiger and Rory down the stretch this week, it will be a win for everyone. And I’ll be rooting for Rory. Tiger will win again, and he might even have his “let’s all root for the old guy who used to be the best” day in the sun. Hopefully by then, he’ll have learned to throw his arms around the world a little bit, like Phil learned to do. Like Rory’s done from the get go.

— Bill Hubbell

Good day readers, from sunny Arizona! While John Walters is out fishing for a story, I’ve been designated the AIR Apparent for today’s edition of It’s All Happening! Guaranteed Sharknado-free. Katie McCollow is a tough act to follow, but daylight’s burning. Shall we?

STARTING FIVE 

1. Baby Bowden

College GameDay reporter Samantha Ponder recently posted this Instagram photo with her month-old daughter Bowden Sainte-Claire Ponder, named after seminal Seminoles football coach, Bobby Bowden. How did The Ponders deliver a boyish name like that? Ponder’s hubby Christian and his father both played for Bowden at Florida State University. The biggest mystery that remains is how this pulchritudinous, high profile couple managed to keep both the pregnancy and birth under wraps. With a name and lineage like that, baby Bowden is certain to inherit more than a few desirable traits, and a tight spiral pass. SKOL!

2. Getting His Phil of Pickleball

Pro golfer Phil Mickleson was spotted playing America’s fastest growing game last week in Encinitas, California. Although he’s known as ‘Lefty’, Mickleson played right-handed, and is thought to ‘have some potential’ after his 3-hour duel on the pickleball courts.

As the “Pickleball Wrangler” in my spare time, I can attest to the addictive quality of this game. It’s a captivating combination of lob, touch and kill shots, punctuated by frequent peals of laughter.

How do I know this court sport is catching on? Just ask the Mumbai Suburban Pickleball Association, or discover over 2,500 places to play across North America at www.usapa.org.

3. The Mother of All ‘Dear John’ Letters 

I confess, I was once guilty of the cowardly act of leaving a Dear John letter on a car seat. Granted his name was actually John, and I can plead full-blown immaturity as a defense. Yet Jackie O seriously puts the rest of us to shame with this release of a scathing kiss-off penned in 1947, pre-JFK:

“I’ve always thought of being in love as being willing to do anything for the other person—starve to buy them bread and not mind living in Siberia with them—and I’ve always thought that every minute away from them would be hell—so looking at it that [way] I guess I’m not in love with you.”

4. A Riff on Ruth

Owning up to my archaic first name, I decided it was time to assemble my own power index of famous Ruths. (With gratitude to Steve Rushin, for the inspiration.)

The Book of Ruth—According to ancient scripture, Ruth was a widow resigned to toiling in the wheat fields as a day laborer. As the story goes, Ruth’s mother-in-law Naomi was also widowed, as was Ruth’s sister-in-law, Orpah. Naomi decided to play “Fiddler on the Ruth” by introducing Ruth to Boaz, who immediately separated the chaff from the wheat and rescued her from a lifetime of gleaning.

Babe Ruth—When it comes to Ruths, George Herman Ruth bears the least resemblance to me, but is perhaps the most influential Ruth of all time. This vintage photo (with fake beard) never fails to crack me up. By today’s standards, Babe Ruth wasn’t the fittest of professional athletes, but there’s absolutely no empirical evidence linking his bulk to excessive consumption of Baby Ruth candy bars.

Ruth Chris—Back in 1965, a fearless single mother of two ripped a ‘steak house for sale’ ad out of a newspaper, and thought to herself, “I can do that”. Ruth Fertel proceeded to build a beefy franchise which has grown from one location to 140, now serving up 40,000 steaks each day.

Doctor Ruth—The “Wall Street Journal” described her as a ‘cross between Henry Kissinger and Minnie Mouse’, while “Playboy” lauded her as one of the 55 most important people in all things sex. As a former spokesperson for Clairol shampoo, I predict Dr. Ruth will be on the comeback trail with a “Fifty Shades of Grey” ad campaign.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg—Recently dubbed “The Notorious R.G.B”, this diminutive Supreme Court Justice holds degrees from Cornell, Harvard and Columbia. (And if that isn’t enough, she has three honorary doctor of law degrees from Williamette, Princeton and Harvard University as well). At 81, she remains a serious overachiever and the second female after Sandra Day O’Connor to sit on the Supreme Court.

I would never intentionally be Ruthless. If I left an iconic Ruth off my list, please add (him or) her in the Comments section.

5. Pre-Madonna Prima Donna

What more can I say? When you live in Arizona, you’re always searching for a little Wintour in the dead of summer.  Thanks for reading!

–An Inconvenient Ruth (AIR)

Our Fearless leader is off on a top secret mission to #GoGetThoseGeckos so he’s asked me @okerland to fill in for him today.  You may remember me from previous posts about kids television or saw my name on several “ND Football Tweeters to Watch” lists.

STARTING FIVE

1. Ntionl Bsebll Coverge

I love baseball more than any other sport (yes, even more than women’s basketball, Poot) and I happen to live and sometimes do business with currently the best team in baseball – the Oakland Athletics.  The A’s with their Green Collar approach have made the playoffs the last two seasons and feature a plug & play roster which has made them so difficult to beat this year (just ask Yu Darvish). Bring in a lefty to face John Jaso? A’s counter with Derek Norris or Stephen Vogt.  In fact, there’s been a few times where the A’s have almost had all 3 of their catchers in the field. But why don’t more fans know about the A’s?  Lack of National TV Coverage. As we enter August and head towards the pennant chase, the A’s have been featured on TBS, Fox, Fox1 and/or ESPN maybe once if not twice. Meanwhile, this Sunday will feature at least the third time the Yankees and Red Sox have played against each other on National TV.

I know TV execs are all about ratings but what happened to growing the sport and teaching fans across the country about the game that many of us love?  It’s not like the A’s came out of nowhere this year.  They were the favorites to win the West and maybe finally get over the hump against the Tigers.  Plus, the A’s have one of the atmospheres in baseball.  The stadium may not be the greatest and the political battles have been head scratching but the fans that do come make noise and rattle the opposition.  So much so, the Tigers raved about it 2 years ago.

But if you were a casual viewer in the first 4 months of the season, you’d have no idea the A’s still existed and that they were the best team in baseball.

2. Trading Day

One of my favorite days of the baseball season is on Thursday, the annual trading deadline. We have buyers and sellers, teams that think they are just a move away or already planning for next year.  The Cubs are always in the later category. But it’s not the player movement that excites me, it’s sports talk radio around this time of year.

Tune into your local sports radio station and every armchair GM will propose the most ridiculous trades and the poor host has to play nice so as to not affend the listener. As young kid in New York, Mets and Yankees fans would fill WFAN’s (Sportsradio – The Fan) airwaves for nearly a month on how the Yankees could obtain Ken Griffey, Jr. for a bunch of washed up triple A/major league talent. Sometimes the trades would be even more crazy as it would be a blockbuster of Glavine, Maddux and Smoltz for Irabu.

Now with the SF Giants stumbling, every night fans propose trades on how to get David Price, Chase Utley, etc. despite that the Giants’ farm system is basically empty after several WS runs where they traded guys such as Zach Wheeler awway for Carlos Beltran. Last week, the Giants obtained both Dan Uggla and Brad Penny, both of which sent fans into a tizzy. Uggla was cut by the Braves because he couldn’t hit and the Sox wanted to part with Penny who hadn’t won in 9 (now 10 starts).  Of course the fans were split as the Giants traded some of their better prospects to get Penny, but some said, “we didn’t need them anyway”

Enjoy the last two days and then again until August 31st when a second trading deadline goes into play. The second one just makes it harder to trade players, but those with big contracts often get through waivers.

3. Fittest in the World

On Sunday, ESPN2 aired the finale of the CrossFit Games while for the last 9 weeks, NBC has shown America Ninja Warrior. Both shows center around guys and some women showing off their strength and ability through a myriad of obstacles.  Both claim to have the fittest athletes.

CrossFit is the latest rage in the country for it’s inventiveness and sort of renegade type attitude of not training in your typical gym but basically a rented out garage. CrossFitters think it’s awesome and brag about their WODs (Workout of the Day). This in turn pisses off people on Facebook and Social media who then hate CrossFitters. In addition, your strength, training and conditioning group is also split because some don’t agree on the philosophy and training (FYI: most strength coaches hate someone else’s plan).

As someone who has done CrossFit, I can see the appeal.  It mixes several elements so you aren’t bogged down doing the same thing everyday or every few days. But I can see the venom, as every class is a competition to finish the workout and I’ve always hated finishing last. Plus, I often felt as if sometimes the coach was more interested in making sure I put up more weight, rather than doing it right.  (me getting stronger means they get more money when renewal time comes around)

America Ninja Warrior is a series of strength and agility obstacle courses with the goal of being the first person to scale Mount Midoriyama. (side note: in five seasons, no one has done it yet).

You may have heard that the big story of season 6 was that they had their first women make it to the Vegas Finals.  Huge success story and it captured America’s attention.  I’m not taking anything away from her but her small stature gave her advantage on everything but the warped wall, which is tall enough and curved enough that unless you have the right technique, you often fall. Height is a big factor in that obstacle. With Kacy being 5’1 she had struggled in past seasons to scale the wall.  this season thanks to practice she scaled the wall and went on to finish the course, with her low weight helping her navigate some of the trickier weight controlled obstacles.

My own nit with the production of the show is the over the top excitement by the hosts and how the show will hype a contestant for two hours thanks to it being shown on delay. (Last night, they hyped a guy for 2 hours, who fell on the second obstacle).  Since the season finale is never shown live, you know the results before it even gets to the end.

4. All Apologies

Been quite the few weeks for apologies:

– Dungy regarding Michael Sam
– Stephen A. Smith regarding abuse
– WEEI to Erin Andrews
– Aubrey Huff to A’s fans after he told them he hopes Jim Johnson kicks their asses next time he faces them
– Any Husband across the world

The first four people are media outlets who were probably forced to apology because of the backlash and ratings, sponsors, etc. The fourth just does so even though he’s right 99.99999% of the time (just like Ivory Soap).

John’s touched on Dungy, Huff’s a Giant so he hates the A’s and he shouldn’t be on the A’s flagship station but that’s another issue and numerous have commented on SAS’s apology.  Although I do wonder why Jemele Hill and Cari Champion weren’t more offended?  I watched Sports Reporters on Sunday to see if Hill’s take would be on the issue but instead was on the McGwire-Conseco fall out and from all indications Champion never refused to finish the show on Friday and basically accepted a taped apology yesterday. Here you have a guy who basically says “women need to do a better job of not provoking attacks” and Champion sat there. I know she’s the moderator but if Skip uses a racial slur would SAS and Cari just sit there as if they weren’t offended? Why was Beadle the only ESPN female to speak out about this?

5. HOT COLLEGE FOOTBALL SPORTSTAKES

With the B10 wrapping up media days, we’ve been filled with soundbites for almost two weeks. The funny thing is how the press eats up quotes and retweets them. Aside from Charlie Weis, how often does a coach go to media day and say the team sucks or this players sucks or all that offseason stuff didn’t help?  Rarely does the media pounce on a coach for discipline issues or oversigning or NCAA issues, instead they all need to be buddies with the coaches so they can get the big scoop and make more money.

FYI: Your starting QB, RB and entire defense is poised for a big year because your coach spent the offseason with a NFL team.

BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:

Part of my goal this year was to read 12 books (1 per month) so I wouldn’t spend my 45 minutes commute each way playing Candy Crush and being on social media (I save that for when I interact with my kid.)* I’ve already surpassed that goal but wanted to recommend a couple.

1. The Son by Phillip Meyer. – Spans the history of a family who helped settle in Texas.  from being captured by Native Americans until their eventual making it rich in oil it will have your attention. My only advice is that since it is told from 3 different points of view try not to put down the book and come to it a week later as you will be confused.

2. Where Nobody Knows Your Name by John Feinstein. – Tales about life in the minor leagues from the perspective of a long time minor leaguer, an umpire, manager and former big leaguer trying to get to the majors. You’ll love reading about managers telling kids they’ve been sent up and reading about players’ journies up and down the farm system.

BTW: Want to read the night Lane left Tennessee from the people who were there? click here: http://www.foxsports.com/college-football/outkick-the-coverage/story/the-night-lane-kiffin-bolted-tennessee-an-oral-history-072914

STARTING FIVE

This is how Lane used to bring it to the plate…

1. Lane Change

In 2005 Jason Lane was an outfielder who hit 26 home runs and drove in 78 runs for a Houston Astros squad that advanced to the World Series. Nine years later, and in just a few hours, Lane, now 37, will make his Major League pitching debut for the San Diego Padres.

Lane, who did pitch as a collegian at USC, where he helped the Trojans to a 1998 College World Series championship –Southern Cal defeated Arizona State 21-14 in championship game (not a typo) — has not appeared in a Major League game since 2007. But he will take the hill for today’s 12:10 start today at Turner Field versus Atlanta.

And this is how he’ll do so this afternoon

Lane will be the oldest man to make his first Major League start since Troy Percival did in 2007 at the age of 38–but Percival had appeared in hundreds of games as an All-Star caliber reliever. No, if Lane completes five innings today, he’ll be the oldest pitcher to make his Major League debut and go that long since the legendary Leroy “Satchel” Paige did so for the Cleveland Indians in 1948 at the age of 42.

2. Hail, Mary

The mark of Cain: Mary bruises another finish line tape

With less than 250 meters remaining in the Women’s 3000 at the World Junior Track & Field Championships in Eugene this weekend, 18 year-old Mary Cain of Bronxville, N.Y. (who now lives and trains in Portland) trailed not one but TWO Kenyan runners.

And if you’ve been paying any attention to distance or middle-distance running the past 30 years, that should mean third place at best. Instead, as you are able to see in this video, Cain jostles past one and then blows by the other with about 200 to 180 meters remaining, and then kicks it home for the win. Cain broke the tape in a personal best 8:58:48, winning by two seconds.

“There was a lot of jostling,” Cain told the The Associated Press. “I know I’m supposed to keep running, but I kept saying, ‘I’m sorry!’”

Cain is simply the most gifted U.S. female middle-distance running prodigy since the greatest this nation has ever produced, also named Mary: Mary Decker (later Mary Slaney).

3. He Said, She Tweeted

ESPN: Let’s give two outspoken, brash people 30 minutes a day to expound at length on sports and society. What could possibly go wrong?

Without getting into everything that Screamin’ A. Smith said about Ray Rice and domestic violence on First Ache last Friday and then what fellow ESPN daytime gabfest contributor Michelle Beadle tweeted in response —you may review if you like here and here–, allow me to make two points:

1) Any supposed condemnation you make of domestic violence evaporates as soon as you add the conditional “having said that” or “but….” It just does. In Smith’s case, he said, “But I’ve tried to employ to the female members of my family…”

Unless you unequivocally state, “I am 100% against ever striking a female, no conditions attached,” you are leaving the door open for someone to think that deep in your mind you are thinking, “But in this case, she may have deserved it.”

Screamin’ A would decry this as false. Doesn’t matter (and he may seem a little insincere after you read this). As long as you send out the message that there are times a woman might want to hold her tongue, or not provoke a male, you are really telling females, “Hey, nature’s nature. You gotta know better.”

Screamin’ A, and all people, need to understand that there’s a difference between WHAT YOU SAY and WHAT PEOPLE HEAR. If a white male is accused of racism and defends himself by saying, “I have lots of black friends,” does any black person hear that and think, “Oh, okay. He’s cool?”

I think not.

2. Beadle is going to be at least suspended by Disney as she should be. As anyone who has ever stepped foot in a pro sports locker room knows (and Beadle has), a huge maxim with all franchises is, “What you see here, what you hear here, what you say here, let it stay here.” In short, if Beadle has a problem with a fellow ESPN colleague’s point of view –and he’s paid to have a point of view on camera –pick up the phone and call him. Or email him. At WORST, send him a Direct Message. That’s why Twitter has that function.

You have a daily television show on ESPN, Michelle. Just like Screamin’ A. Only it’s not quite as unctuous, only more insipid. Maybe you use that forum to rebuke what he said.

Beadle already wore out here welcome at NBC by thinking that the rules of the game did not apply to her. She just took a very false step at ESPN on Friday. In this case, I’m sorry, it’s not about domestic violence. It’s about betraying a co-worker. You don’t take that ish into a public forum. And you don’t have to be wishy-washy on violence against women to feel Beadle deserves a suspension. There’s a forum for her to tell Screamin’ A. she disagrees, and Twitter is NOT it.

4. FOX and Not Friends

You guys had 8 days to make this right –and you didn’t. Why don’t you all take the next few plays off?

I love how FOX handled the Erin Andrews-WEEI kerfuffle. Seriously.

FOX remained silent as on-air misogynist Kirk Minihane first referred to Erin Andrews as a “gutless bitch” on WEEI Boston’s “Dennis and Callahan” morning show on July 16 in reference to her dugout interview with Adam Wainwright during the All-Star Game. FOX gave Minihane and WEEI time to make it right.

WEEI “made it right” by announcing that Minihane had taken a few days off to attend a wedding, then hailed his “triumphant return.” This was last Wednesday, during which Minihane apologized for his choice of words but then added that Andrews is in over her head intellectually, saying that if she  “weighed 15 pounds more she would be a waitress.”

In the words of one of my favorite New Englanders, Geno Auriemma, “What a dope.”

And even then, FOX waited a day or two.

Great body, but not of work

THEN Eric Shanks, president of FOX Sports, dropped the hammer, informing Entercom, parent company of WEEI, that it would no longer advertise on any of its stations or allow FOX personalities to be guests.

Brilliant. And decisive.

And if I’m WEEI, I get rid of both Minihane and the clueless station manager who allowed a toxic situation to fester. And I hope Kirk enjoys being a waiter. I can give him some advice on that.

I’m no fan of Andrews. When she said to Wainwright, “Social media is a marvelous thing,” it sounded like the head cheerleader telling the quarterback, “They all hate us because they’re sooo jealous of us.” Andrews has never understood that because, I feel, deep down she really does think she’s better than everybody except the cool jocks and exceedingly wealthy. That’s how she comes across. That’s how she always comes across. She’s what we would have called in high school, “Stuck-up.”

Still, that’s no excuse for what Minihane said or how WEEI handled it.

5. Joba the Hutt

Joba Chamberlain: Making plenty of appearances for Detroit this season, but apparently not overly concerned with his own.

The Film Room with Chris Corbellini

In which our intrepid reviewer –who sometimes scales tall escalators to bring you these reviews–waxes profound on Richard Linklater’s “Boyhood.”

BOYHOOD *** (out of four)

 By Chris Corbellini

The first shot of BOYHOOD settles gently on a 7-year-old actor named Ellar Coltrane staring up at a wide, blue Texas sky, and in the final one, the camera finds Coltrane now as an 18-year-old man, regarding another lovely Lone Star State afternoon with a giggly college girl at his side — a moment of natural and (I think) chemical bliss. In between we watch Coltrane grow up, literally grow up on camera, while his character absorbs the bumps and bruises of several broken marriages and finds his identity. “You know how everyone’s always saying seize the moment?,” the girl says. “I don’t know. I’m kinda thinkin’ it’s the other way around. You know, like, the moment seizes us.” 

That is director Richard Linklater’s summation, and he probably had that line in his back pocket before he started filming in 2002. As she says it you get that unmistakable feeling that the film is about to end, after all our invested time with the same lead, and at that moment I wondered if the making of this movie was more interesting than the movie itself. The character Coltrane plays, a boy named Mason, was a good-natured, video-game-playing little love bug, an innocent gradually tainted and strengthened by the events of his life. Maybe that’s how it went for the actor in real life. Maybe being a part of a movie every year for 12 years, having all these moments on camera, has altered his own life in more interesting ways than a screenplay could ever hope to project.  If they ever make a documentary about the making of BOYHOOD, I’ll be the first person in line or online to buy a ticket.

Linklater got lucky the kid was game throughout the whole shoot. They filmed chapters of Mason’s story every year for over a decade, writing as they went along. If Coltrane wanted to bail because it was too much work, or if he became self-absorbed from all the attention, or turned into a typical teenager that believed grown-ups were hypocrites, all those years of sweat equity would be for nothing. In the brilliant “Up” series, those documentaries charting the real lives of the same British citizens every seven years, director Michael Apted had the most trouble interviewing his subjects in their early teens, with some leaving the project altogether until they were fully-formed people.  Linklater’s daughter Lorelei played the older sister character Samantha, and I read that she got so tired of being in the movie she asked her father to be killed off. You can see her petulance in the high school years, sporting punk rocker red hair with a smug look on her face at one point. But even that was a lucky bounce – that’s how some teenage girls act.

The creative team anchored all that uncertainty with sure bets cast as the divorced parents. The father is played by Ethan Hawke, at this point Linklater’s doppelganger (look at a picture of Hawke in BEFORE MIDNIGHT and compare it to a photo of Linklater, the resemblance is striking), who is used to revisiting the same characters in the trilogy of BEFORE movies. Patricia Arquette, who has never been asked to do something this ambitious before, portrays the mom. She was the standout. The artist formerly known as Alabama Worley has the most impressive transformation in the film while keeping her sh-tty taste in men intact. It must have been something for Linklater to have the outline in his head, a sketch of what he wanted to accomplish, then watch all these performers spike his punch bowl with such verve and life.

Linklater, Coltrane, Hawke and Arquette

While on the subject of spiking drinks, let’s discuss the occasionally boozy plot. After a bitter, off-screen breakup with Hawke and a fight with a current boyfriend, Arquette, in hot mama mode, decides to sell her home (nice detail: the lawn has not been mowed in weeks, a domestic example of how she felt overwhelmed), move closer to her mother in Houston and go to college, with both her kids in tow. There’s a tough moment early when the young boy is driving away for good and his friend waves goodbye, and some tall grass obscures the wave. It’s played and shot as if it were more memory than matter-of-fact scene: he may not remember what the friend looked like today, but he sure remembers that grass. There would be more goodbyes. The meat of the middle of the picture is Arquette’s second marriage to a snarky professor who hides his vodka behind the laundry detergent, and finally, when her children’s lives are in danger, they bolt as a family. A third marriage comes and goes, but at least as the kids sprout up, the mother grinds her way to becoming a well-respected professor herself, filling her home with culturally rich and educated people.  The dad? He doesn’t grind away at it at all, and when he reels off some baseball statistics at a Houston Astros game, with Roger Clemens on the mound, one of the kids asks “Do you have a job?”  He doesn’t. But the Hawke character finds his way in the end, too, and offers great advice to the son about girls, and genuine warmth to the daughter when talking about sex.

If this story played out with older actors playing the parts as the story progresses, it would be a decent coming-of-age drama with two basic themes: 1) hard work gives you a shot at a better life, but it doesn’t necessarily make you happy and 2) your kids should come first, always and forever. By the end of the film Arquette, after all those years toiling as a single and not-so-single mom, is a triumph to outside observers. They even fit in a scene where a restaurant manager tells her two teenage kids, who are seated around a table, that their mother inspired him to reach for a better life. Still, Arquette’s final line comes from deep in her world-weary bones: “I thought there would be more than this.” The dad, meanwhile, who didn’t possess the same go-getter attitude about a career, has a new family, an understanding second wife, and some financial security.  It’s not fair by comparison, but you can’t say it’s not true to life, and again, both provided enough solid parenting to guide two good kids into maturing into good people.

Of course, this isn’t a simple coming-of-ager destined for afternoon viewings on HBO. It’s an experiment, sprinkled casually with cultural milestones that would be important to adolescents as the Oughts passed us all by. The mobile phones get smarter, the music is familiar with that time, two Harry Potter books are involved, there is some President Bush bashing and later, support for President-to-be Obama, and Linklater can’t help but plop in that one Funny or Die sketch that practically invented the concept of viral content. And as always those kids are right there in front of us, with Samantha towering over Mason until he had a growth spurt late in the movie. The supporting cast ages too, obviously, and I enjoyed the family friend who helped Arquette during her confrontation with jerk-ff husband No. 2 getting another scene during Mason’s high school graduation, older and softer and beaming with pride.

No doubt BOYHOOD started as a big idea, and something I feel a community of artists in Austin, where most of this movie was shot, would discuss passionately at a late-night dinner party or diner. But the director put the rubber to the road and painstakingly made it happen. That should be celebrated, and I suspect critics and audiences and Hollywood insiders alike will enjoy the end result. Out of all the talented directors working out there today, I think there’s no one I’d rather have a late-night beer with than Linklater. But here’s the rub: I wouldn’t ask him about how the ending with the college girl isn’t an ending at all, just another moment in Mason’s life. I’d ask about the process of capturing Coltrane’s life on camera. Yes, I liked the story well enough. But I love how the story came to pass.