by John Walters

Starting Five

Bears Gone Wild!

At Yosemite National Park in central California, the humans have departed. And now, six weeks or so later, the bears and coyotes and deer have reclaimed the park.

We love it.
Love. It.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x_gj9z_1NkU

No diesel fumes in the air. No noise pollution from thousands of daily tourists. Nature has regained her hold. Like it or not, the planet is a much better place without us. As far as all the other species are concerned, Man is the virus.

Covers Week Continues

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvXmtkl4Nmk

If there are three things we love—there are actually more— it’s face-melting covers, all-girl bands, and the unapologetically audacious mid-Seventies rockers Sweet. So while no one will ever top this 1975 performance on Top of the Pops, the Regrettes do their damnedest right here. I wonder if this band has a groupie, for no other reason than that he can begin conversations with, “Regrettes, I’ve had a few…”

Bonin Ribeye

You think you have a good handle on America’ most notorious (known) serial killers. Your friend Maureen, an otherwise pleasant and stable wife and mother of four, constantly suggests true-crime books for you to read. And then without warning you happen upon a trailer for a film that was released in 2002 about a real-life mass murderer named William Bonin.

In 1979 and 1980 Bonin, a Vietnam veteran in his early 30s with a van and a creepy mustache (why anyone was ever dumb enough to take him up on an offer for a ride with those markings is beyond me), murdered and often raped and tortured at least 21 young men in southern California. The number may very well be double that.

Bonin, who recruited at least two friends to join him as accomplices, earned the pseudonym “The Freeway Killer” for where he dumped the bodies. He was captured in the summer of 1980 and executed in 1996. I’d never heard of him before Sunday.

Dining Room Curtain Call

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuQhet5MENA

On the Upper West Side, just a few blocks north of MH world headquarters, Broadway star Brian Stokes Mitchell serenades pedestrians… on Broadway. From his apartment window. Mitchell, who was diagnosed with Covid-19 but has since recovered, sings “The Impossible Dream” a cappella every night. I don’t think he does a Wednesday matinee, though.

This is why we will always love New York.

Sports Year 1882

At a rules meeting, Walter Camp proposes that a team must advance the ball five yards within a span of three downs. Football begins to draw a distinct margin of difference from rugby.

***

On March 6 in Sheffield, England, George Littlewood shatters the 6-day walking record, covering 531 miles on a track that measures 13 laps to a mile. The record still stands today.

****

The American Association, an alternative professional baseball league that places franchises in the “southerly cities” of Baltimore, Cincinnati, Louisville, Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and St. Louis, makes its debut. These are all, with one exception, “river cities,” and the implication is looser morals, more blue-collar fans. As such ticket prices are lower, games are played on Sundays and—fan yourself with a pocket square—alcoholic beverages are sold on site.

****

In Mississippi City, which is an actual place, John L. Sullivan defeats Paddy Ryan in a 9-round bout to become Heavyweight Champion of America. It is the last major bare-knuckled fight.

***

In the Wimbledon singles final, William Renshaw disposes of a challenger he knows quite well in five sets: his twin brother Ernest Renshaw.

****

Great Scot! Bob Ferguson wins his third consecutive British Open championship. Only four men have done so through 2019, though Ferguson was the third to accomplish the feat.

***

On September 6, the first 100-mile bicycle race in the United States takes place. Seven men ride from Worcester, Mass., to Boston, and it takes the winner nearly 12 hours to finish.

by John Walters

Who came in to our new place of business yesterday? Dustin Pedroia. No, we did not ask for a selfie.

Starting Five

What’s At Steak*

*The judges will also accept “Dead Meat”

Fascinating A-block on The Rachel Maddow Show last night about how the fastest-growing coronavirus contamination areas (outside New York) are A) prison populations and B) meat processing plants. And, as for the latter, President Trump has ORDERED them to remain open while the manufacturers themselves are not particularly interested in safe-guarding their employees, that the CDC is not mandating measures (only recommening the plants follow them, “if feasible,” or “if possible”), and how the Republican governors in states such as Nebraska, Iowa and South Dakota are not lifting a finger to acknowledge the danger.

Will this play out the way most Trump crises do?

A) Deny problem exists.

B) Take the opposite of the action necessary to fix the problem, thereby exacerbating it.

C) Deny any culpability in the proliferation of the problem.

D) Finally, after the last horse is out of the barn, and with the barn engorged in flames, close the barn door. And take a victory lap for having done so.

What does that translate to? A month or so from now, hundreds (thousands?) of dead meat plant employees and an eventual shut down of all meat plants. Hope you like salad (oh, yeah, and there’s no chance that migrant workers are contaminated… sure, no chance), which is just a gateway drug to listening to soft rock and wearing fringed vests as a fashion statement.

Good Mourning, Vietnam

Yesterday the U.S.A. breached 58,000 deaths from the coronavirus, or more Americans dead from this illness in less than three months than all of the Americans who were killed in Vietnam over a 10-plus years period.

According to Johns Hopkins University, 58,355 Americans have died due to the coronavirus. The Vietnam war officially claimed 58,220 American lives. The underlying tragedy here is that the coronavirus has yet to spawn any transcendent music or even a notable trend in hair styles or facial hair.

Just Another Reason To Not Be On Twitter

Do you ever get emails that have notable tweets from the past day in them? I do. I don’t want them, but I do. So yesterday I observe a tweet from noted MAGA rabble-rouser Clay Travis wherein he noted, and I’m paraphrasing, that “There have been multiple corroborating witnesses in the Joe Biden sexual assault allegation from 1992. There were no corroborating witnesses in the Brett Kavanaugh case. I cannot believe the hypocrisy!”

Of the Democrats, I presume.

Okay, Clay, I’m with you: Under no circumstances should Joe Biden be confirmed by the Senate to join the Supreme Court.

But we’re talking about the presidency here. Where the man in the White House has been accused by no fewer than 20 women of sexual assault. So if a sexual assault allegation is your bar to the presidency, then Biden is trailing by oh, about, 20 to 1. Never mind that between the two of them, Trump and Biden, only one has ever publicly bragged about sexually assaulting women.

Glad to be off Twitter.

Not excusing sexual assault, obviously. Just noting that Clay moved the sticks.

Covers Week Continues

As I mangle my guitar, I find myself increasingly fancying the music of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, which is one reason I bow down to Foxes & Fossils for this classic of the 1969 classic “Suite: Judy Blue Eyes.” If you’re going to cover a tune, this is a bear. It’s like three different songs blended into one (hence the “Suite” in the title). And it goes on for about six minutes. Watch the lead guitarist as the song ends. He looks the way someone does when they cross the finish line of a marathon and they’re waiting for someone to drape a medal around their neck.

Sports Year 1881

What happened in the 19th century’s only palindromic year?

In a five-day span—Halloween to November 4—Michigan becomes the first “Western” college football team to travel east and plays three games: at Harvard, at Yale and at Princeton. The Wolverines lose all three, failing to score in two of them, prompting MGoBlue fans to call for the firing of Jim Harbaugh.

***

Andrew Watson makes his debut for Scotland, becoming the world’s first black international football player.

****

The first U.S. Men’s Singles Championship, precursor to the U.S. Open, is staged in Newport, Rhode Island. Richard Sears wins, the first of his seven U.S. Open titles.

****

In boxing, heavyweight champ Paddy Ryan wins a series of non-title bouts while up-and-comer John L. Sullivan wins a number of bouts, also, none of which extend past the eighth round. We see a matchup looming.

****

Baseball: January: In what will become an annual event for a time, in Chicago, players play a a series of exhibition games on ice… Fleet Walker, a black man, attempts to play for the Chicago White Stockings but the opponents refuse to take the field against him. Three years later Walker will play for the Toledo Blue Stockings of the American Association… George Gore breaks a record by stealing 7 bases in one game… on September 10 with his team down 7-4 in the bottom of the ninth, Roger Connor of the Troy Trojans hits a walk-off grand slam for an 8-7 win, the first grand slam of any kind in National League history… The championship game between the Troy Trojans and Chicago White Stockings on Sept. 27 is played in a heavy rainstorm in front of 12 fans. Twelve. Chicago wins 10-8…. White Stocking Cap Anson hits .399. So close… His teammate is baseball’s first “superstar,” handsome Mike “King” Kelly, sort of the Charles Barkley of 19th century baseball. A prolific hitter, Kelly is also a first baseman who pulls the hidden ball trick and is known for not touching bases if the umpire is not looking. He’s also a late-night carouser. He tells his fellow players, “I am the ‘only’ player. Why don’t some of you dubs (he said, ‘Dubs’) break a window and get talked about?”… Popular player Chub Sullivan of Boston dies of consumption at age 25. His teammates pay tribute by wearing black crepes as armbands. #IABD

Starting Five

Dead Zona

I’m listening to supposedly intelligent people on ESPN talk about Major League Baseball playing a condensed summer schedule entirely in Arizona and my only thought is, None of these people have ever spent a summer in Arizona.

Okay, Chase Field is an enclosed ball park and maybe you can play as many as three games daily there because if you don’t have fans in the seats, you need not worry about between games clean-up and re-stocking concessions stands or parking. You start with a 10 a.m. game (1 p.m. in the East), then a 2 p.m. game (5 p.m.) and then a 6 p.m. game (9 p.m.). My guess is that the games will also proceed at a brisker pace minus fans so perhaps you can even squeeze in four games daily.

However, as someone who has spent numerous summers in Phoenix (none fondly, really), I’m here to assure you that you do not want to be outside, exerting energy, for a prolonged period of time, any time after 10 a.m. or before 6 p.m. You just don’t. And for those not conditioned to this weather, which would be most Major League Baseball players, this would be awful. And, with no fans in the seats, pretty depressing.

Imagine baking out there in left field at Talking Stick Fields at 3 p.m. local time when it’s 114 degrees outside. Or being a catcher and wearing the tools of ignorance for a prolonged inning. It would be like taking part in the Spanish Inquisition. No. Thanks.

Now, if you want to begin games at 6 p.m. and have games take place through the night until 9 a.m. the next day, as if we’re listening to The Who at Woodstock, that could work. Then baseball would have to figure if it wants to turn its entire fan base into night owls or simply air the games after the fact. But, trust me, given the option, players (once they experience the heat) would much rather play at 3 a.m. in July/August in Phoenix than in sunlight (I would lobby our high school football coaches for two–a-day practices that were held after midnight but they said no… something about circadian rhythms and/or parental consent).

But here’s what will not happen. Games beginning in the late afternoon, outdoors, in Arizona, to accommodate the Eastern Time Zone prime-time schedule. You can’t put dudes outside at 4 p.m. here in July and August. It won’t happen.

So here’s a few alternative ideas: 1) Play the games in minor league ballparks (since the size of the fields, and not the size of the crowds, are all that matters). Here’s a suggestion: Use Pioneer League Northwest League ballparks in the following towns/cities that are heavenly in summer time: Billings, Great Falls and Missoula, Montana; Boise and Idaho Falls, Idaho; Ogden, Orem and Salt Lake City, Utah; Spokane, Wash.

These cities/towns all have the advantage of having far better summer weather and being somewhat remote and not heavily populated. Plus, the out-of-the-ordinariness aspect of it might just be appealing to fans and players alike.

Two Guys, A Hot Toto Cover, And A Pizza Place

It’s an August Saturday night in 2010 and you find yourself in a suburb of Salt Lake City (such things exist) called South Jordan. You’re hungry, so you and a friend stumble into the Pie Pizzeria. You see two nondescript dudes in cargo shorts who don’t look as if they had to cancel dates tonight on the bandstand. The balding, red-headed chunky guy holds an acoustic. The other dude wears a Yankee cap and holds a bass.

You don’t expect much.

Then you listen.

That’s Mike Masse on vocals and Jeff Hall on the bass and backing vocals. As one of the 14 million viewers of this video commented, “Flawless.”

Red States, Blue Angels

In the past few years, the U.S.A. has devolved into becoming part Joseph Heller satire, part Orwellian nightmare (which reminds me, we need to make “Hellerian” its own adjective the way Orwellian is). Today CNN reports that the elite Navy flight squadron, the Blue Angels, will fly over New York City to “salute first responders.”

I’m imagining doctors, nurses and EMTs looking up at the skies and thinking, Yeah, thanks a lot. How about some masks and ventilators instead? The Trump administration never wants America to forget that we are first and foremost a military state (well, a capitalist military state). Meanwhile, you’ve got Mitch McConnell telling states to go bankrupt because the federal govt. shouldn’t have to subsidize blue states when it is New York, Connecticut and Massachusetts that actually subsidize his state, Kentucky. Those three states pay out the most in relation to what they receive from the federal government (from a tax perspective, those blue states are in the red) while Mitch’s home red state has its hands out, taking more than it gives.

A MAGA type never misses the opportunity to gaslight his fellow countrymen.

Forever Live And Die

Let’s take a moment to salute, for no particular reason, the ’80s Liverpool band Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Dark. In the early Eighties there was New Wave and there was electronica/synth pop, and while they were all bunched together by classic rock DJs who couldn’t, or didn’t care to, tell the difference, they were not the same.

New Wave were Duran Duran, Blondie, The Police, U2 (not really, but lumped in there), Eurythmics, Culture Club, Haircut 100, ABC, etc. Synth pop were Tears For Fears, New Order, Yaz and these dudes.

Classic tunes here for those of us who were lucky enough to be teenagers in this era. Favorite tunes include “Tesla Girls,” “Secret,” “So In Love,” “If You Leave” and this one, which may be the greatest ear worm of all of them. Released in 1986, it was their last Top 20 hit in the States.

Sports Year 1880

Walter Camp, recent Yale grad, proposes three rules changes that forever change the game of football: 1) Decreasing the number of players on the field for one side from 15 to 11, 2) establishing a line of scrimmage and 3) having the ball snapped back to the quarterback.

***

John L. Sullivan announces that he will fight anyone in America, with or without gloves, for $500.

****

The Chicago White Stockings, who at one point during the season win 21 consecutive games, win the National League pennant.

On June 17 John Montgomery Ward of the Providence Grays pitches a perfect game, the second-such pitching feat in MLB history. The first one had taken place five days earlier, by Lee Richmond of the Worcester Ruby Legs (I don’t know why baseball had such a fetish with colored knickers and and stockings back then, but they did. They just did). Five days between the first two perfect games in the National League—the third and next such outing in the National League will take place in… 1964.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Test-Case Scenario

The thought here is that whoever is around to record human history 100 years from now will remember the coronavirus pandemic as the harbinger for civilization’s true cataclysmic event that not enough world leaders (and their red-cap wearing sycophants) took seriously. While you watch all the corporate-funded PSA’s about how we’re going to get back to normal and better than ever, ask yourself this…

If a disease that only winds up claiming less than 1% (far less, more like 1/10th of 1%) of the world’s population creates this much panic and hysteria and hoarding of goods, what happens if, say, WATER becomes scarce. Or… LAND?

It’s not going to be pretty, and those are the two commodities that will be in short supply when CLIMATE CHANGE comes calling. Do you remember the scene in The Jungle Book when there’s a drought and all of the animals, predators and prey alike, agree to cease operations so that all of the creatures may drink from the same watering hole, since water is so scarce? I do. And here’s the takeaway worth remembering about that: animals, even those genetically predisposed to be antagonistic to one another, are more HUMANE than humans are (Lesson: we need a human analogue of the elephant; a non-predator who can kick ass of anyone he wants; that used to be the United States).

And, yes, that’s just a story. But that actually does happen in real life with wildlife. Mankind, I think, won’t be so diplomatic. Civilization is as fragile as the available water supply. Don’t you forget it.

The King Of Queens

Do you know where the President of the United States was born and raised? The borough of Queens, New York.

Do you know what county of all the counties in the United States has the most coronavirus deaths (3,511, a number that is conservatively low since New York has more than 5,000 deaths that have not been attributed to the disease since the dead were never tested)? Queens, New York.

We’re just running this photo of Donald Trump with wife No. 2 Marla Maples to show that even a quarter-century ago that sh*t-eating grin was fully formed.

Missing Jordan

We haven’t caught either of the first two installments of ESPN’s “The Last Dance” yet —we figure they’ll have plenty of opportunities to re-air it in the coming months—but this little magazine cover from 39 years ago caught my eye. This is how much times have changed.

Sports Illustrated, THE sports publication/media outlet of record for decades until ESPN took the crown in the later ’90s, puts the Tar Heels on its college hoops preview issue and proclaims them the best team in the land. And SI will turn out to be right, as UNC will cut down the nets in four-plus months. But here’s what’s funny. The one member of the starting five who does not make SI’s cover?

Freshman Michael Jordan.

The four who did? Sam Perkins, Matt Doherty, Jimmy Black and James Worthy, along with coach Dean Smith.

Sister Act

Going down a rabbit hole of YouTube music videos this weekend, I discovered the Davies daughters (they’re someone’s daughters), who are incredibly gifted. Meghan plays the guitar and may also be the world’s fastest switcher of capo placements (at the :16 mark) while Jaclyn has the voice of an angel. This cover of Katie Perry’s “Dark Horse” is from 2013.

Ped-O-Philes

Put this in the Sports Year 1875 annex (we miss some events, we’ll come back and ask you to consider moments like this for inclusion). Although baseball and college football were taking their first tentative steps in the 1870s, competitive walking—the sport formally known as pedestrianism—was in full stride. Sports historians say it was the most popular spectator sport in America that decade.

This account of a famous six-day race in Chicago between Yankee blue blood Edward Payson Weston and Irish immigrant Dan O’Leary in 1875 is well worth your time.

Consider this not a suggestion or a warning, but rather an illuminating. Remember a couple weeks ago when Chesapeake Energy (CHK) did a reverse stock split (your 200 shares were converted to 1 share at 200x the current price)? Every informed investment publication warned that this was a move done from weakness, not strength.

We agreed. So did Susie B. A last gasp of sorts as a company was attempting to take its outstanding shares available level down 1/200th, creating an artificial scarcity. STAY AWAY! Right?

Well, as of earlier this morning shares of CHK are up approximately 150% in the past seven days. That’s insane. Does it make any sense? Not to our eyes. But once again, who cares? People confuse be analytically correct in stock market and making money in the market as if they should always be confluent. They needn’t be. All that really matters is the latter. If you chose to be contrarian on CHK after the reverse split and cashed in, good for you. How or why you did it doesn’t matter. 150% in one week’s time is incredible. That’s all that matters.