Starting Five

1. The list of players who have scored more points against the New York Knicks at Madison Square Garden than Stephen Curry, who posted a career-best 54 last night:

Wilt Chamberlain: (six times, his high game being 73)

Elgin Baylor (71)

Kobe Bryant (61)

Rick Barry (57)

Michael Jordan (55)

That list includes four of the top ten players in NBA history as well as Barry, who may be Top 20. Curry (remember when scouts wondered if he was too slight to make it in the NBA? Or was that Kevin Durant? Answer: it was both), who played all 48 minutes of the 109-105 loss, buried 11 of 13 three-pointers and was 7-7 on free throws. He also more than doubled any of his teammates’ assists total with seven.

Curry’s play has blossomed so much that folks rarely even talk about how attractive his mom is anymore.

Oh, and we should note that Knicks center Tyson Chandler grabbed 28 rebounds.

2. In Vatican City Pope Benedict XVI retires in order to spend more time with his fami–or whatever it is retired popes do. The last time a pope chose to retire instead of die in office (1415), America had yet to be discovered by Europeans. Columbus had yet to be born. Dinosaurs were unknown to man. I mean, it was awhile ago.

After saying his goodbyes on Thursday, Benedict ascended into the heavens and… okay, well, he departed by helicopter to the papal summer retreat, Castel Gandolfo. The bocce board there is killer.

Castel Gandolfo, the papal retirement community. The par-3 golf course is a blast.

3. A marijuana cannon? Yes, a marijuana cannon! That shoots weed across the border from Mexico into the USA in 13-kilo bags. Since when did Wile E. Coyote begin working for Mexican drug cartels? There’s a war on drugs taking place, and drugs are returning fire with real cannons.

Replacing the heroin catapult

4. The worst team, by record, in the NBA’s Western Conference, the Phoenix Suns (20-39), beat its best team, the San Antonio Spurs (45-14), in San Antonio, 105-101 (in OT). This is what happens when you return from a 19-day road trip (the annual tour) and your wife has a list of things that need your attention. None of which is Goran Dragic. Speaking of the Sun guard, he had 13 assists and 13 points in the victory. The spindly, southpaw Yugo leads Phoenix in points, assists, steals and free throw attempts. The only other NBA player who leads his team in all four categories is LeBron James.

5. The country’s top-ranked boys high school basketball team, according to MaxPreps, is 1) a public high schoool that 2) is based in Utah and 3) has no African-American starters. The New York Times had a nice story yesterday on Lone Peak (24-1), which is based in Highland, which is NOT where Beavis and Butthead attended high school. Or Napoleon Dynamite. Golll!

Shouldn’t you all be out playing lacrosse?

Reserves 

The latest cover of Business Week….

The White House picks a fight with Bob Woodward. Dear White House: You NEVER want to pick a fight with Bob Woodward.

Remote Patrol

No. 2 Gonzaga at BYU

ESPN2, 11 p.m.

The Zags (27-2), winners of 10 straight, have achieved their highest ranking in school history. The streak began with a 20-point win over BYU in Spokane. The Cougars’ Tyler Haws leads the WCC in scoring (20.9) and his younger brother is the starting center for the aforementioned Lone Peak.

He? Haws. (Sometimes we go for the easy pun…Sometimes?)

If Gonzaga can take care of bidness in Provo, and then tackle Portland at home Saturday (consider it done), they’d possibly move up to No. 1 (Indiana already lost this week) in the polls.

Starting Five

1. “You get a fine! And you get a fine! And you get a fine!” On the final day of the NFL Combine in Indianapolis, a hitting drill broke out. The problem? It took place at the Golden State Warriors-Indiana Pacers game. It began when behemoths David Lee (Warriors) and Roy Hibbert (Pacers) decided to stage a sumu wrestling match under the basket. Then Stephen Curry attempted to Van Gundy the seven-footer, Hibbert. Then David West shoved some dude in a suit. The entire incident took, like, 4.82 seconds… and it will likely cost all of those named above some $$$.

Klay Thompson (right): Willing to mix it up, but not willing to commit a turnover while doing so

2. Tourist Tragedy…. Easily the day’s most bizarre story. Nineteen tourists, nine of whom are from Hong Kong, perish in Egypt during a balloon ride when it catches fire just two to three meters (less than 12 feet) from landing. It is the deadliest balloon accident in at least two decades. The pilot and another passenger leaped out, which appears to have facilitated the basket’s imbalance, which accelerated the propulsion of the balloon hundreds of feet into the air. Burn or leap? A horrible dilemma.

3.ESPN’s  Mark May hating on a Notre Dame player? I know, we were astonished, too. Here’s May on Twitter yesterday: “Any team that wastes a first-round pick on Manti Te’o should fire their GM on draft day…He’s a mid- to late-second at best.” We don’t necessarily disagree with May’s assessment of where to take Te’o in the NFL Draft –that is, if the draft were held today — but to say you should fire your GM for selecting the Butkus Award winner at, say, 29th? That’s a little caffeinated. ESPN’s latest NFL obsession, it turns out, was found by just striking two letters from the surname of their previous obsession (TEBOW to TE’O).

4. The Heat win their 12 straight, beating hapless feckless potentially homeless Sacramento by 12 points as LeBron ‘splodes for 40 points and D-Wade for 39. About what you expected, no? Until you realize it took Miami two overtimes to do so and that King sub Marcus Thornton had 36 points — off the bench. Here’s an interesting stat, courtesy of ESPN stats & info: James, Wade and Chris Bosh, all of whom missed potential game-winning shots in the fourth quarter and first overtime last night, are a combined 0-for-10 in such situations this season.

5. Ronaldo-Messi is the Magic-Bird of soccer. Cristiano Ronaldo (Real Madrid) and Lionel Messi (FC Barcelona) locked shinguards again yesterday at Camp Nou (the Spaniards know how to name stadiums) in Barcelona, with the visitors handing the Catalans (i.e., Messi’s squad) their first home loss since last April. Ronaldo, who has scored nine goals in these two squads’ last eight meetings, connected on two goals in the 3-1 victory. The good news for you? The two sides meet again on Saturday. The series has long been referred to as “El Clasico”, but this may just be the best rivalry in sport right now. Messi and Ronaldo are all-timers.

There was something in the air that night/The stars were bright/ Ronaldo

Reserves

A female scribe at The New Yorker, Amy Davidson, pillories Seth Davis MacFarlane for his “crudely sexist” hosting job of the Oscars. In her opinion. Ms. Davidson sounds like a lot of fun.

Say what you want about how Deadspin reported the Manti Te’o-Lennay Kekua love story, but editor-in-chief Tommy Craggs does not crack under interrogation. One smart dude.

“C-c-c-c-c-c-c-catfight.” We hear you, Cosmo. Some 15,000-plus visited the Honda Center in Anaheim to watch the first victory by a woman in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Ronda Rousey defeated Liz Carmouche with a “first-round armbar submission.” Your thoughts, Amy Davidson?

Is there any way we can do a “Wife Swap” that involves former WCBS anchor Rob Morrison and one of these women?

The No. 1 team in college hoops loses. Again. Yawn. Indiana falls at Minnesota, which is like, what, the third time the Hoosiers have fallen as No. 1 this winter? The most dominant team in college basketball this season? Outside of the Baylor women, we might go with St. Thomas,  the alma mater of Day of Yore smith of words Bill Hubbell. The Division III Tommies are 26-1 and lead D-3 in both scoring margin (21.9 ppg) and field-goal percentage (52.8%).

We took this Oscar Pistorious-Reeva Steenkamp graphic from the terrific media column of SI.com’s Richard Deitsch, who took it from The National Post (Canada). Just wondering: Has anyone mentioned, or did Pistorius ever say in his statement, that Ms. Steenkamp’s –there’s no delicate way to put this — pants were down when he discovered her? It seems that police forensics would have a way to verify this, given the amount of blood.

See, Fiddy, if you give a female celebrity flowers at a sporting event first, AND THEN go in for the smooch…

Remote Patrol

History of The Eagles

Showtime Too, 8 p.m.

Calm down, Chris D’Amico, we don’t mean the Philadelphia Iggles. No, this is a rockumentary of one of the most successful rock bands of all time. Member for member, the Eagles are about as talented as any group of the rock era and they personified the California lifestyle in the 1970s. Also, because of them, nobody can pass through Winslow, Arizona, without searching for a girl, my Lord, in a flatbed Ford.

This photograph was taken after Ron Jaworski left the band

This entire blog post was written from the comfort of my living room chaise. Suck on that, Marissa Mayer.

Starting 4.82

1. Manti Te’o runs a sub-par 40 time at the NFL Combine, 4.82, which is the same exact time that former Ohio State linebacker James Laurinaitis ran. Laurinaitis, who once won the Laurinaitis Award (okay, there isn’t one, but doesn’t it sound like a real thing?), is now a starter for the Not Los Angeles Rams.

A few thoughts:

A.) I’ve always thought that if you were going to draft a Domer from this year’s crop, the smart money is on Tyler Eifert. I’ve been a huge fan of his for three years now.

B.) As far as Te’o’s stock has fallen since January 7, it still hasn’t fallen as far as Vontaze Burfict’s did last year. Burfict, formerly of Arizona State, went undrafted after a poor Combine and rumors about his off-the-field self-discipline and motivation (or lack thereof). The Cincinnati Bengals took him as a free agent and all he did was lead a playoff team in tackles (127) in his rookie season. So, who knows?

“I throw my hands up in the air sometimes/Sayin’ ‘Te’o!/Lookin’ too slow'”

C.) In the last two years Te’o played behind two defensive linemen, nose tackle Louis Nix and defensive end Stephon Tuitt, who may ultimately go higher in the NFL draft than he will. Their presence certainly helped his numbers. When they didn’t dominate an offensive line (Alabama), he looked pedestrian. On the other hand, Teo’s’ seven interceptions last fall were the most by a linebacker in 13 seasons and he anchored a defense that in 2010 allowed one touchdown over a span of 18 quarters (and that one when USC got a first-and-goal on the 4 after a turnover) and in 2012 did not allow a touchdown over a span of 19 quarters. Not bad.

2. Blackhawks Up! (Don’t faint, Billy; yes, I’m actually talking about hockey). The Chicago Blackhawks beat the Edmonton Oiler in overtime, improving their record to 16-0-3 to start the NHL season. The Blackhawks have at least one point (three for a win, one for a tie) in each game through 19 games, which is an NHL record.

3. Have you been paying any attention to Italy? So, apparently, Italians are disgusted with their political leaders (what must that be like?) and held an election and do you know whose party won control of Parliament in Europe’s third-largest economy? It was an upstart political party, the Five-Star Movement, led by comedian Beppe Grillo (there are Italian comedians?). The other two “established” political leaders who were vying for control are both convicted felons. Fortunately, the Pope is around to lend some stability to a troubled nation. Wait….WHAT???

Four out of five Midwesterners believe that “Beppe Grillo” is a restaurant chain

4. Below, that is Fauja Singh, alias “The Turban Tornado”, who on Sunday retired from marathoning at the age of 101 (Singh ran his first marathon at the age of 89). If Singh is like most retiring marathoners, he will now branch out into competing in triathlons.

Singh would have made the cover of Runners’ World, but he refused to wax his chest and pose shirtless

5. “Arizona, it’s the new Flori-duh!”

Reserves

Quick confession: I never saw the Oscars on Sunday night and only watched “We Saw Your Boobs” on YouTube, minus any context for how and where it appeared on the opening monologue. Obviously, I missed the joke.

Looks, charm, can sing and dance, and funny. The Oscars’ five-tool player of a host

Last night ABC.com put the entire first hour on-line and I finally saw it. So, my one-word review? Brilliant, and I agree with everything that the fabulous Katie said. Marlow Stern of The Daily Beast begs to differ.

And now, realizing that it was obvious they’d spliced in the reactions of Naomi Watts, Charlize Theron and Jennifer Lawrence and that they were all in on the joke (something I didn’t previously realize), well that’s just more subtlety than I’ve ever been conditioned to expect from a mainstream, prime-time broadcast.

Magic Mike and Monster

And who knew Charlize Theron was such the hoofer? Right?

Loved the “Flight Sock Puppets” bit, too. Loved that Captain Kirk (William Shatner, who had to be performing live) made the Amy and Tina reference. Love that MacFarlane made the Chris Brown joke and then said, “That’s as bad as it gets…. that’s not as bad as it gets.”

Loved it all. I hope they bring back Stewie’s dad next year.

Reggie Dunlop: What are you guys doing?
Steve Hanson: Puttin’ on the foil!
Jeff Hanson: Every game!
Jack Hanson: Yeah, you want some?

The cult classic, “Slapshot” came out today in 1977. They wouldn’t let you use half of the dialogue in the movie in today’s world.

In one of the most anticipated heavyweight boxing matches of all time, Cassius Clay upset champion Sonny Liston tonight in 1964. Liston, the Mike Tyson of his time, was a 7-1 favorite after knocking out the previous champion Floyd Patterson twice. Liston was as intimidating as it got and Clay later admitted to being scared before the fight. With everyone expecting Liston to knock out the 22-year old, Clay won when Liston couldn’t answer the bell for the 7th round. It was during the next week that Clay changed his name to Muhammad Ali. Sports Illustrated named Ali/Liston I as the fourth greatest sports moment of the 20th century.

“The Passion of the Christ,” otherwise known as Mel Gibson’s tipping point, opened today in 2002.

“Songs From the Big Chair” came out today in 1985 and everyone thought Tears for Fears was going to be the next Duran Duran. Not quite, but “Shout,” “Everybody Wants to Rule the World,” and “Head Over Heels” were all radio staples.

Another band that seemed capable of big things dropped their big one today in 1997. Sister Hazel released, “Somewhere More Familiar,” and they sounded like a band that might be around for awhile. It was a great album and “All For You” became a smash single that summer. “Just Remember,” “Happy,” “Think About Me,” and “Cerilene” were all strong tunes.

“The Departed” won Best Picture today in 2007.

— Bill Hubbell

By Katie (that’s me doing my Renee Zelwegger imitation)

Well! The Oscars. Another Awards season come and gone, where does the time go? I’ve been addicted to these things since Jennifer Lawrence was but a twinkle in Jack Nicholson’s eye, kids.
I’m going to say right off the bat, I thought “We Saw Your Boobs” was hilarious. I thought the sock-puppet rendition of “Flight” was also hilarious. I thought the comment about how Denzel was in all those Nutty Professor movies was, you guessed it, hilarious. I thought the whole opening bit last night was great—Seth McFarlane was brave and stuck to what he thought was funny without being mean-spirited, and in my opinion, it worked.
Was the opener super long? Yes it was, and I wanted it to keep going because I found it all highly entertaining, almost as entertaining as all those frothing at the mouth at how sexist and offensive it  was. The best are the people (the flippin’ critic in our local paper!!) who actually thought the outraged reaction shots of Charlize Theron and Naomi Watts during the boob song were real. To them I say, “Look closely and you will see, none of those actresses were wearing the same dresses or had the same hairstyles.” It’s OK, I’m here to help.

And sexist? Can you deny all those boobs were seen? No you cannot. For all those angry because some of those actresses were portraying rape victims, guess what: they weren’t actually being raped. They were acting, and they were all paid handsomely. I saw Monster’s Ball, and if anything, I’m the one who got raped.
The whole show was so completely disjointed and weird, it was strangely awesome. Now, those who know me know, I always love the Oscars no matter what, even if Whoopie Goldberg is hosting. That is just my way. But last night was an all-timer; Jennifer Lawrence fell, Meryl Streep picked her fanny, the Avengers were so bad they made me feel glorious, Catherine Zeta Jones was so fantastic I didn’t even care she was lip-synching, Jennifer Hudson gave me chills, Barbra Streisand sang, some old man in a gold dress came out and bellowed the theme to Goldfinger (everyone acted like they knew who that was…well I didn’t. Sorry, I’m too busy not being 100) the whole show was inexplicably dedicated to musicals with a side of James Bond (???)…since when has Oscar night had a theme beyond just movies? Not just one, either, a theme with a minor.  I’m all for it. Here’s hoping next year it’s westerns with a splash of comedy or space movies with a soupcon of Quentin Tarantino… there could be a big number where the theater is awash with severed body parts and blood. Who produced this freaky joyride? Please come back next year, and bring Seth with you. And of course, Michelle Obama and her Zooey Daschanal bangs giving out the award for best picture. Absolutely bizarre.
All right, let’s talk about the stars. I thought for sure “Most Hammered” would go to Quentin Tarantino, but nope, it was a tie between Renee Zellwegger and Kristen Stewart. I didn’t expect much from Ms. Stewart, I’m not a fan and I can’t figure out why she keeps getting jobs. She looked her usual sweaty self, talent and personality free and sporting a fittingly ugly bruise on her upper arm. But Renee…what happened to you? You used to be my fave. You were actually swerving around on stage, looking like you were trying really hard to focus. You didn’t even bother to do your hair. Wow. If this keeps up, you’ll have to change your name to Kathleen Turner in about 2 years.

I thought Anne Hathaway was a lock for most annoying (for the record, I considered launching a backlash to the backlash against her—I really believe she deserved to win and that she is incredibly talented) but that distinction goes to Kristin Chenoweth. She has got to stop with the “Wookit me I’m just a wittle teeny person” schtick. This is now the second awards show in a row where she has asked someone to pick her up cuz she’s so wittle!

Anne Hathaway wins most beautiful. You simply can’t deny it. And her dress was killer. And yes, I wanted to pull my eyes out and scratch at my neck during her gasping-for-air-I’m-so-overwhelmed-I’ve-never-heard-of-cake-before speech*. I almost cried during the Les Mis song, it was just beautiful, and the horribly snubbed Sara Barker had on the best dress of the night.

Jennifer Lawrence—love her! So glad she won. It’s been eons since there’s been a really great, genuinely talented and funny young actress—I know, there are a lot of great actresses out there, but they’re all at least in their 30’s. Every time I watch When Harry Met Sally, I ask myself what 20-something actress could pull that off nowadays, and until Jennifer L showed up, I kept coming up empty. Maybe Anne Hathaway, but that annoying factor…Jen L is the full package.

Charlize Theron looked a lot like Brigitte Neilson from back in the 80’s. She’s super beautiful, but she looked  like she was about to wrestle an alligator.

Melissa McCarthy…look, I feel terrible about what that jerky old jerkstore reject Rex Reed said about you, but you looked like Mrs. Poole. Jessica Chastain rocked pretty much the same look as last year, and Jennifer Aniston…no. The dress, yes, the hair, seriously, stop it. You are wearing a ball gown, not going to the beach. Change it up, Goldie Hawn. Someone wore a gray dress. I can’t remember who it was, because they wore a gray dress. To the Oscars. Nothing came close to Gwyneth P’s white Tom Ford from last year.

OK, I need to go eat lunch, so I’ll leave you with this final thought: everyone is harping on how Seth Mc was offensive and horrible; well, think about this before you bathe in any more outrage: The most offensive thing I saw all night was the guy who won the Oscar for special effects, getting cut off by Jaws music halfway through his speech…where he was tearfully explaining how his entire firm went bankrupt and everyone lost their jobs. Huh? What about that, offense-takers? We Saw Your Boobs, indeed.

* Jim Gaffigan