IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five

Rockefeller Center: Lights On For The Tree, Lights Out For Lauer

“Where In The World Is Matt Lauer?” He’s probably headed to a sex rehab clinic in Wickenburg, Arizona. Among the creepier stories surrounding the departure of the inveterate Today Show co-host: he sent a colleague a sex tape toy and told her how he’d like to use it on her, he had a button at his desk that locked his office door and used it to trap at least a couple of colleagues, dropping his pants on one and telling another that she should have sex with him.

Meanwhile, NBC, while it should be applauded for dismissing Lauer so swiftly, deserves a serious eye roll for this self-absolving release: “We can say unequivocally, that, prior to Monday night, current NBC News management was never made aware of any complaints about Matt Lauer’s conduct.”

The key word there is “current.” There may not have been anything in Lauer’s HR find since Andy Lack took over, but most NBC employees knew of Lauer’s peccadilloes. Incidents like that don’t remain secret for too long. Meanwhile, Lauer earned $25 million per year, was the face of NBC’s largest in-house cash cow, and had already played a role in the bouncing of Ann Curry and the trans-continental relocation of Natalie Morales. NBC was more than a little aware of Lauer’s antics; they just recused themselves from learning the details.

Beautiful, smart and no longer at Today: Tamron Hall. One of many who got thrown overboard during Lauer’s occupation of Today.

The good news is that Lauer needs only four more victims to step forward in order to run for a Senate seat in Alabama. And yes, if you’re wondering who the highest-profile sexual predator who has yet to lose his job despite numerous allegations of his inappropriate behavior is, he works at the Oval Office (when he’s not golfing).

Who should NBC look for to replace Lauer (Savannah and Hoda won’t cut it)? If not Megyn Kelly, who earns Lauer-like loot, make a hard run for Anderson Cooper of CNN. For one thing, you know he won’t be sexually harassing the female staff.

2. Peak Bitcoin (For Now)

 

On the day after Thanksgiving our Bitcoin ETF rose nearly 6%. Then on both Monday and Tuesday it went up more than 8% and on Wednesday morning, as the price of Bitcoin went up another 7% so that the stock chart looked like the right side of a skateboard ramp, it felt as if we’d hit Peak Bitcoin, where FOMO was overtaking reason. The Wall Street Journal ran the headline this morning “Even Grandma Is In.’

(Not true, WSJ: I was unable to persuade my mom to jump in earlier this week.)

Anyway, the selloff commenced late yesterday afternoon (and we’re pleased to note we’d sold off ALL our Bitcoin ETF by then, pocketing about 100% profit in under a month). Bitcoin will be back: the price of it had accelerated too fast, but the concept still has legs. Again, we implore you: watch Banking On Bitcoin on Netflix.

3. I O Dyin’

That’s 72 year-old convicted Bosnian Croat war criminal Slobodan Praljak who, upon losing an appeal on his 20-year sentence, decided to take matters into his own glands. The former general cried, “I am not a war criminal!”, then quaffed some poison, Game Of Thrones-style, and was soon down and out.

You gotta admire it in a way, and think of all the money he saved taxpayers. As Kirk Herbstreit would say, “They should be thanking him.”

4. Fountains Of Wayne

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCwK33bielg

Remember Wayne Rooney? The British footballer has been around forever, but he’s only 32 and last night he scored a hat trick for Everton in a 4-1 victory versus West Ham.  It was Rooney first Premier League hat trick in more than six years. His final goal was the stunner, a shot Rooney took from his own half that sailed in over a badly out of position keeper. Enjoy.

5. “You Really Need A Bono In Your Band If You Wanna Get Anywhere”

Really enjoyed this recent 60 Minutes, Australia feature on U2 and yes we’re insanely jealous of the woman who got to report it, even if she’s cuter than we are. The above quote is from Adam Clayton and it’s quite on the money.

Reserves

Lane Kiffin is now second only to Cecil Hurt as my favorite college football follow. This is what happens to men when they lose their dream job and their dream wife. They get to relax and be themselves. Losing everything you ever thought you wanted can be quite liberating (take it from me):

 

John Mulaney performing at the Mark Twain Prize ceremony for Dave last month. The Chicago-born and bred comic is at his best when talking about his parents.

The opening from November 18’s “Night Of Too Many Stars.” For us, John Oliver stole the show here (and De Niro brought it to a crashing halt):

 

Music 101

American Boy

Why can’t more songs be this good, this smooth? This 2008 song by Estelle, with a heavy assist from Kanye, won a Grammy for Best Rap/Sung Collaboration and is easily one of the MH staff’s favorite tunes from the past 10 years.

Remote Patrol

No. 5 Notre Dame at No. 3 Michigan State

7 p.m. ESPN

 

One week after wearing shorts and a T-shirt while leading his Irish to a come-from-16-points-behind win against Wichita State at the Maui Classic, coach Mike Brey takes them to the north and East Lansing. Bonzie Colson is averaging 20.0 and 10.5 for the Irish.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

CFB Playoff Rankings:

Clemson, Auburn, Oklahoma, Wisconsin, Alabama, Georgia, Turnover Chain. Everyone but the Tide are IN if they WIN on Saturday. Bama’s going to need some help and even then, may get jumped by Ohio State, TCU or even USC. But no, wait, not USC.

BROKEN NEWS

Unwelcome Matt

NBC News fires its a.m. bellwether, Matt Lauer, for inappropriate workplace conduct. As long as nine years ago I had staffers telling me about Lauer’s “tom-catting” ways, but no one ever said he was anything more than a 21st century Don Draper: great at his job, bad at his marriage, but not someone who harassed co-workers. It looks as if he took it up a notch.

If only Donald Trump were still a private citizen: What an intriguing season of The Apprentice we could have, casting it with nothing but celebrity miscreants who prey on female co-workers or employees.

Starting Five

To the pit of misery, LeBron. Dilly Dilly!

1. LeaveBron*

*The judges will also accept “Susie B. Fumin'” and “King James Abdicates”

So LeBron James, who took three steps on a layup a night or two earlier without being whistled, drove to the lane with the Cavs up 23 against the Miami Heat last night and took some contact. There was no call and as the Heat grabbed the rebound, James approached referee Kane Fitzgerald to whine complain bitch discuss the previous play. Apparently Fitz felt that James was failing to observe Robert’s Rules of Order and tossed him.

 

That’s James’ first ejection in 1,298 games and 14-plus NBA seasons. It didn’t look as if LeBron made contact with Fitz, but then again it didn’t look as if the Heat defender made contact with Snit Pea, either. I’m reminded that Cleveland’s colors are Whine and Gold.

Meanwhile, this is our favorite moment of the NBA season so far….

 

2. Baker Mayfield: Heisman Poseur

If we still had a Heisman ballot, we’d vote for the Oklahoma quarterback (and former Texas Tech walk-on), but we’re curious as to why Baker Mayfield‘s Heisman pose for the SI cover fails to mirror Jay Berwanger‘s. Judge for yourself:

Berwanger, the inaugural winner of the trophy (which should be renamed the Red Grange Award), also posed for the bust:

3. Block Chain

We know we’re late to the Michael Crabtree-Aqib Talib kerfuffle, but there’s just so much to love: Crabtree tapes his necklace to his chest, aware that Talib intends to thieve it during one of their frequent one-on-one confrontations. Still, as you can see above, Talib snatches it. A fracas ensues. Both former Big 12 studs are ejected and suspended one game. Imagine how many chains you can buy with one-16th of ether player’s salary ($600,00 for Talib, $390,000 for Crabtree; hope it was worth it).

4. The Hook Of Eli

We really don’t care about the NFL until late December unless there’s an on-field bling burgling or an irresistible headline. Apparently the Giants are benching two-time Super Bowl champion quarterback Eli Manning, a 14-year veteran who is still 29 interceptions shy of tying his brother’s career total of 251.

The G-men are 2-9 and apparently they don’t want to win again this season because they’ve named Geno Smith the starter. Met-Life Stadium is a wasteland this season, but what else is new?

 

5. Bitcoin Crosses 10K 11K

As the price of a single Bitcoin surged past $10,000 last night (by comparison, it surged past $1,000 on January 1 of this year), the battle rages on as to whether cryptocurrency is a gigantic house of cards, or worse, a scam, or whether it’s a full-fledged global revolution in currency. Doubters, take note of noted Wall Street skeptic Downtown Josh Brown, one of our five favorite follows on Twitter, who spoke at a cryptocurrency conference yesterday and said the following:

 

Meanwhile, our friend Josh (we don’t actually know him; it’s more of an aspirational thing) also posted this pic, so we’ve at last solved the mystery of who invented Bitcoin:

 

 

Music 101

Come Talk To Me

 

There used to be a much better YouTube video of this Peter Gabriel song that opened his ethereal 1993 “Secret World Live” tour, but the audio is still fantastic. That’s Paula Cole accompanying Gabriel, age 43 at the time, was at the height of his mastery on this tour. There are rock stars and then there are artists who happen to play rock and roll.

Remote Patrol

No. 1 Duke at Indiana

9:30 p.m. ESPN

Florida should always wear these unis, by the way

Freshman Marvin Bagley III (22.3 and 11.3 per game) is the real deal, and Grayson Allen, well you already know him.

CHRISTMAS SALE

What happens when you put three future hoops Hall of Famers (and potentially four, five or even six) on the same team and then allow a scribe whose bosses will soon shitcan him  to cover them for the season? It’s The Same River Twice, the ideal holiday gift. Available in your grocer’s freezer or on-line or by emailing us at trumansparks88@hotmail.com ($12 per book, includes shipping and fondling).

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

We’re up 100% on ROKU, GBTC and NVDA this year, but you’re probably better off wagering with Clay Travis…

Starting Five

volcaNO*

*The judges will also accept “Bali Blast” but believe it sounds too much like a new-agey energy drink

In Bali, Mount Agung appears to be erupting for the first time since 1963. It sounds like a perfect Geico ad, but I’d really love to see Eddie Van Halen playing “Eruption” with a scene like this playing in the background. Can we make that happen?

2. Grey Cup So White

Canadians work on a schedule 5 to 10 weeks ahead of ours. Their Thanksgiving is in early October and their Super Bowl is in late November. Sunday night’s 105th Grey Cup (kudos to ESPN2) from Ottawa between the Toronto Argonauts and the Calgary Stampeders included a full-blown blizzard and native Canuck Shania Twain, 52, entering her halftime performance on a dog sled. That DO impress me much.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYYFqOhfFlg

The Argos shoveled out of a 24-16 deficit at the beginning of the fourth quarter to defeat the Stampeders 27-24. This was fun. You’re up, Minneapolis.

3. We May Already Have A Winner For the FAKE NEWS TROPHY

Dude, it may be time to change the name of your organization

On the day after the Washington Post broke its story about Roy Moore‘s penchant for pedophelia, a woman approached WaPo to tell them that she had been impregnated by Moore when she was a teenager. WaPo researched the woman and not only debunked her story but soon discovered that she worked for Project Veritas, which targets “lame stream media” and is run by James O’Keefe, a conservative political activist.

Even Project Veritas has confessed that she works for them. So what we have here is a sting operation from the far right that was designed to undercut the public’s faith in the Fourth Estate, except that it failed, because you don’t come at Marty Baron with that weak sauce. Didn’t anyone at Project Veritas see Spotlight?

4. “I Cant’ Find The Joy Luck Club. Can You Help Me?”

This is not a still from the new Star Wars movie, but rather the new Tianjin Binhai Libray in China, which holds 1.2 million books and is the coolest thing in architecture we’ve seen in quite some time. But will I be able to use its internet for free?

How many of these tomes are in English, I wonder?

The judges will consider “That’s Fine, China.”

5. Tragedy In Northern California

While driving home from a father-son basketball tournament in Napa last weekend, Cal pitcher Jared Horn‘s car was rammed from behind by a drunk driver. Horn, a 6’5″ sophomore for the Golden Bears who starred at Napa’s Vintage High School, lost control of his vehicle on I-80. The car jumped the median and flipped. Horn survived but his father, younger brother, uncle and cousin were all killed.

Beyond devastating. This is the kind of tragic tale that Gary Smith would spend six months on back in the day at SI. The driver, a 47 year-old man from Sacramento, was arrested and charged with multiple counts of manslaughter and is being held on $1.5 million bail.

Music 101

Kiss And Say Goodbye

I own a white jumpsuit exactly like these! The Manhattans were one of a slew of amazing ’70s R&B groups that we were lucky to grow up with. This song hit No. 1 in the middle of 1976 and everyone age 50 and over has it implanted in their brains, I promise you that.

Remote Patrol

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

10 p.m. CBS

From Shanghai. Man, don’t you hope they wear something from Louis Vuitton? Sunglasses, perhaps. Your lineup of bra-zen beauties includes the usual stunners: Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel and Alessandra Ambrosio.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

Starting Five 

schia-NO!

From almost all accounts, Greg Schiano is an excellent football and looks like every hard-ass colonel from every Vietnam film you’ve ever seen. But there may  be some skeletons in his closet regarding his time as an assistant at Penn State (1990-1995) and a coach named Jerry Sandusky, and so when Tennessee moved forward on plans to hire the current Ohio State defensive coordinator, the social media backlash in the Volunteer State was so “toxic” that they quickly shelved that maneuver (if only Schiano had been running for a vacant Senate seat on the GOP ticket). Weird happenings in Knoxville.

Fire Drilled

Fired this weekend: Kevin Sumlin at Texas A&M (7-5), Todd Graham at Arizona State (7-5), Mike Riley at Nebraska (4-8 )and Davd Bailiff at Rice (1-11). Hired this weekend: Chip Kelly at UCLA, which suddenly looks very cunning by firing Jim Mora one week early and getting ahead of the rest of the field in pursuing candidates, and Dan Mullen at Florida.

That’s three open SEC jobs and Florida State could come open if Jimbo Fisher takes the A&M gig (’em). Most attractive jobs are also the most potentially toxic. In order: Texas A&M, Tennessee, Nebraska and Arizona State.

Blasphemous Bauble?

 

I’m all for awards shows, so let’s make this happen. The ceremony will take place either at a pizzeria in northern D.C. or in Benghazi and it will be hosted by Bill O’Reilly and that Virginia coed who was raped. But will there be a Selection Committee?

4. The Prince’s Bride*

*The judges will accept “Harry Kari” and “Windsor Knots”

In London, Prince Harry announces his engagement to actress Meghan Markle, who is about to step into the role of a lifetime.

5. Balanced Basketball

Vinny Curta averages 17.0 ppg, second-best on the Pioneers’ squad

Did you really think we’d get through a November without a mention of D-3 Grinnell college hoops? The Pioneers are 5-0, leading all divisions in scoring at 138 ppg, and have an ASTOUNDING 12 players averaging double figures—yet no one player averages as many as 18 points per game. They really are pioneers.

Music 101 

Jean

This is one of those “In the back seat of the wood-paneled Chevy station wagon as my parents drove” classics from the late Sixties and early Seventies. Rod McKuen originally recorded this song as the theme for the 1969 British film The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, starring the lovely Maggie Smith, but we prefer this Oliver version, which hit No. 2 on the pop charts. We prefer everything Oliver does (dude had THE classic adult-contemporary voice of the late Sixties). Smith, by the way, won the Oscar for Best Actress for her portrayal.

Remote Patrol

Exodus

8 p.m. TCM

Its a 1960 film about the plight of the Jews post-WWII and the creation of the state of Israel but more importantly, it stars Paul Newman and Eva Marie-Saint.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

by John Walters

It’s a speed rush version of MH today. Enjoy the holiday.

Starting Five

Flynn turned out to be the sloppiest crook, which is why the investigation began with him

Out Like Flynn

Former White House national security advisor Michael Flynn is no longer sharing information with Donald Trump‘s lawyers and is now expected to plead guilty to Special Counsel Robert Mueller, or is at least negotiating a deal (maybe he read The Art Of The Deal?). We’ve thought we’ve seen these dominoes fall before, so stay circumspect, people.

2. Could This Be Someone?

A friend of a friend saw this man in a bar in Arizona last week and swears it’s someone who has been in the news a lot of late. Does it look like anyone to you?

3. Maui Waui

 

 

Trailing No. 6 Wichita State by 16 points in the second half of the Maui Invitational final, Notre Dame rallies to a 67-66 win. Martinas Gebens, a 67% free throw shooter, steps to the line with 3 ticks left and the Irish down one and calmly drains both foul shots, the only two he took all game. Bonzie Colson finished with 25 and 11.

4. Jeff Bezos’ Elves

While Walmart is hiring no new employees for the extended Christmas season (it’s pretty much impossible to have an earlier Black Friday than today) and Macy’s is also scaling back, hiring 4% fewer workers than last year, Amazon is amping up to hire 120,000 seasonal workers to fulfill the Christmas rush. That’s 50% more than Macy’s. Good riddance, Black Friday chaos.

5. Hurricane Warning

The Turnover Chain makes its first journey outside the states of Florida or North Carolina all season as Miami visits Pittsburgh at noon (ABC). The Panthers should not present much of a problem, but Heinz Field will have a weird vibe and you just never know. The Canes have won 15 straight, their last defeat coming in late October of 2016 in South Bend, Indiana.

By the way, who holds onto the the T.C. when Miami runs onto the field, I wonder….

Music 101

Luck Be A Lady

The song is best associated with Frank Sinatra (above), but it was originally performed on Broadway in the musical Guys and Dolls by Robert Alda (Alan’s dad). In the 1955 film version, Sinatra was in the musical but did not land the role of Sky Masterson, who sings the song. That role went to Marlon Brando, a decent actor (!) if not a great singer. Sinatra landed the role of Nathan Detroit, but Frank Loesser, who wrote the show/songs, was so unhappy with the way Ol Blue Eyes sang his songs that he never saw the film and never spoke to Sinatra again.

Remote Patrol

8 p.m. Christmas Jam

ABC Santa Claus Is Comin’ To Town

NBC How The Grinch Stole Christmas

CBS Frosty The Snowman

Three classics battling head-to-head 30 full days before Christmas. Everything about this is wrong, but TV executives only care about eyeballs. There’s just no reason Cindy Lou Who should have to go up against the Burgermeister Meisterburger (or Burl Ives go up against Jimmy Durante) on November 24.