by John Walters

A Medium Happy 71st to Van the Man….

Starting Five

Bridgewater is two months shy of his 24th birthday.

Teddy: Ballgame?

Awful news for the Minnesota Vikings (and anyone who took him for their fantasy league), as quarterback Teddy Bridgewater suffered a non-contact injury at practice yesterday in which he dislocated his knee and tore an anterior cruciate ligament (ACL). He was dropping back to pass during a drill and appeared to hurt his leg as he planted.

You won’t be seeing the former Louisville QB this season, but the Vikes expect him to make a full recovery. So who steps in for the reigning NFC North champs? Should they try and get Christian Hackenberg from the Jets? Mark Sanchez from the Broncos? What kind of shape is Fran Tarkenton in these days? The current second-string QB is 36 year-old Shaun Hill.

2. Don Amigo

He’ll be so disappointed to learn that they don’t serve taco bowls in Mexico

Is Donald Trump really going to visit Mexico? Yes. Today. He’s going to have a private meeting with Mexican president Nacho Libre  Enrique Pena Nieto. If you’re scoring at home, the last three prominent Americans to visit our neighbor to the south have been Kenny Powers, Sean Penn and now Donald Trump.

Clearly we’re not sending our best to Mexico. We’re sending liars. We’re sending narcissists. We’re sending sociopaths.

— Rob Reiner (@robreiner) August 31, 2016

Rob Reiner got in a good zinger on the GOP nominee on the Twitters yesterday, but as someone else tweeted, if Trump returns with a check from president Nieto to pay for the wall, that could be a game-changer.

3. Bad Week for ISIS (Good Week For Everyone Else)

Earlier this week ISIS’ spokesman (Isn’t it “spokesperson,” ISIS? Well, isn’t it?) Mohammad al-Adnani was killed, and the Russians are taking the credit for his death (let them; I wanna see ISIS try and attack Putin). Meanwhile, Pentagon officials are saying an American drone strike killed the 39 year-old Syrian, whom Medium Happy sources confirm was also in charge of ISIS’ decorating committee and its reunion committee.

Kids, kids, stop bickering. There are plenty of other ISIS’ers who are out there just waiting to be killed. Share the wealth.

4. Tebow’s Tryout

How did Tim Tebow’s baseball tryout at USC go yesterday? Not terrible, but you won’t be seeing him in the Major Leagues (any time soon). The scouting report: Tebow hit some bombs in BP, 400-plus foot shots, but against live pitching he could not pull a single ball because he has such a long swing. In the outfield he looked sub-par, as was his arm.

Someone will give him a minor-league shot, and why not? But if the messianic 29 year-old is serious about this, he’s going to need all autumn and winter to devote to this pursuit.

5. The Night Of

Box found out you can’t put things so neatly into a…box

So I didn’t say all that much about The Night Of finale yet, so let me say this: I loved what they did. This was never a show that needed to identify THE killer of Andrea Cornish; it was all about watching whether justice was prevailing in terms of the prosecution of Nasir “Naz” Khan.

The finale opens with the three alternative suspects taking the stand, and what we are left to see (as the TV jury) is that any of them may have potentially done it (especially Duane Reade), but it’s not the defense’s job to convict any of them. It’s only defense’s job to sow seeds of reasonable doubt, which it did.

The theme of the finale was redemption, and not even for Naz, who when asked directly if he killed Andrea, replied candidly, “I don’t know.” No, there was redemption here for Detective Box, a pro’s pro who as the trial went on realized that he had done a hasty and sloppy job investigating the case. Now in retirement, he feels bad about the way he left those dishes in the sink. He wants to clean up the mess.

There was also redemption for John Stone, whose efforts (including working with Chandra, whom he would eventually betray) ultimately were what got Naz off. And I absolutely love the final scene, which tells us subtly that Stone saved the cat, which translates to him believing in justice, in second chances, in hope and in life itself. He’s no longer just playing out the string. Great ending (as a middle-aged Upper West Sider named John who lives with a rescue kitty, I may not be unbiased in this assessment).

I loved the minor touches of reality in the finale, as with the entire series: the opening scene at the bar where one of Box’s colleagues suggests someone should write a cop show about a cop “who doesn’t give a shit.” Or Helen Weiss putting her sneakers back on as she exits the court room; everything about the hangdog Box; Freddy not saying goodbye, but looking out the window as Naz departs to his old life. The kitty.

Emmy nominations should be coming to Riz Ahmed (Naz), Michael K. Williams (Freddy), John Turturro (Stone), Bill Camp (Box) and especially to Jeannie Berlin (Helen Weiss), who was just fantastic.

Music 101 

Head Over Heels

By the time this song came out in 1984 off the Go Go’s third album, Talk Show, they were close to disbanding. What might have been. Here they are playing it at the Greek Theater, an outdoor amphitheater in the Hollywood hills, in 1984. The band played there again last night in what they say was their final show. Note: this song peaked at No. 11 in 1984; a year later a different tune with the same title by Tears For Fears peaked at No. 3. Also: guitarist Jane Wiedlin has called this her favorite Go Go’s song; she may have something here.

Remote Patrol

You’ve got five straight nights of football beginning tomorrow. Rest up, or hit the gym, while you are still able.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 86th to the Oracle of Omaha, who has made an average of $2 million per day every day of his life, while living in the same house the past 58 years (he bought it in 1958 for $31,500

Starting Five Three

“We Are The Music Makers, and We Are The Dreamers of Dreams…”

Rest in peace, Gene Wilder. He appeared in at least three Mel Brooks films that I can think of (The Producers, Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein), while starring in arguably the best “children’s film” of all time, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, back when children’s movies weren’t saccharine or insipid, but challenged both kids and adults to appraise the story on multiple levels.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz9jc5blzRM

I love this scene from Willy Wonka; Wilder added the limp and somersault on his own. He wanted to add depth to his character, illustrating that he had a certain sense of mischief and also that he could not entirely be trusted.

As for Blazing Saddles and Young Frankenstein, here are two of most genuinely funny movies ever made, and Wilder starred in both of them (the sane individual setting the table for his co-stars to get all the laughs).

So long, Waco Kid. Goodbye, Dr. Frankenstein (“That’s Franken-STEEN!”)

2. Get Up And Go Go

The greatest all-female rock band in history, The Go Go’s, play their final show tonight at The Greek Theater in Los Angeles. My story on them in Newsweek…

3. Duck Dynasty Deadspin

Is it just me or is Clay Travis auditioning to be the next Bill O’Reilly/Sean Hannity for Fox?  I liked Clay well enough when we worked together at AOL Sports and I always respected his intelligence. Lately, though, every issue is “You’re a PC Bromani” (a knock on ESPN’s Bomani Jones, who on Twitter can often seem as militant in the polar opposite direction of Clay) and I’m not.

I’m not sure what Clay believes, or if he actually believes in anything outside of more hits, more clicks. Last week he wrote a piece on how White Privilege is a myth, and while I’d agree that some of the Black Lives Matter/Safe Spaces movement has gone beyond too far, it’s interesting that he never mentioned the Stanford rapist of Dylann Roof’s kid-gloves arrest. Or the homeowner in Arkansas who shot two cops recently and was taken away without being shot himself.

After the Kaepenick episode, Clay wrote a breathless, likely unedited or even second-drafted “takedown” of Kaepernick in which he challenged Kaepernick to tell him, “First, who is getting away with murder? That’s a strong accusation. Who in particular has committed murder in this country and not been charged with it? If you’re going to make this statement then you need to give us particulars that motivate your decision and your beliefs. I don’t want bland generalities, I want specifics here.”

I don’t have all day, Clay, but let’s begin with the cops who killed Eric Garner in Staten Island. And while some cases are murkier than others (Michael Brown, Freddie Gray), it’s comical to think that anyone can’t name situations of black men and women being shot and killed presumptively by cops who will never be tried for a crime.

What I find intriguing/funny is the following: 1) Clay lives in Nashville and writes for an audience that, like himself, has no interest in leaving the South or in seeing life from any other perspective than their own. They’re like a highly successful SEC program in that way:     four cupcakes at home and then and SEC schedule where once every few years we may have to travel as far north at Lexington, Ky., to get a bizarre view of the world. 2) Clay writes this article, “Colin Kaepernick Is an Idiot,” on his site, Outkick the Coverage, but that site is a financial partner of Fox. So let’s not pretend that Fox isn’t making money off that viewpoint, because it is. It’s just easier for Fox, an NFL partner, to excuse it that way.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 78th to the original Trapper John, M.D., Elliott Gould (right)

Starting Five

Kaepernick, flanked by Gatorade coolers, sits out the Star-Spangled Banner

“If You Don’t Stand For Something…”

The beauty of the First Amendment is that it allows for someone to express wholly unpopular, even outright unpatriotic, views. Which is what San Francisco 49er quarterback Colin Kaepernick has done all preseason—it’s just that last Friday was the first time in three games he was in uniform, so it’s the first time anyone appeared to notice that he was seated during the national anthem.

This is Hot Take gasoline. Perhaps the bigger question is how come we play the national anthem before sporting events (and not before films or theatrical performances). It’s funny  that this little Colintroversy is taking place just a few months before the Nov. 11 release of Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk, a film that will have a lot to say about the conflation of the National Football League and patriotism.

2. Dak To The Future

Prescott will become the Cowboys’ first rookie starter at QB since Quincy Carter in 2001

Tony Romo’s aching back is back. Romo, who has started the last nine Dallas Cowboy season openers at QB, suffered a transverse fracture in his back after taking a hit early in the Seattle exhibition game last week. So here comes Dak Prescott, the rookie out of Mississippi State, who is the NFL’s top-rated quarterback this preseason, having thrown for the most touchdowns (5) and the most yards (454) and having not thrown a single pick (curiously, Jimmy Garoppolo of New England is the No. 2-rated QB).

Speaking of New England, is a Bledsoe-Brady situation brewing in Big D? Prescott has some decent weapons at his disposal, such as potential Rookie of the Year running back Ezekiel Elliott, and Pro Bowlers Zack Martin (G), Dez Bryant (WR) and Jason Witten (TE). He’s stepping into a great situation, and the Cowboys don’t play a 2015 playoff team that won at least 10 games until Week 5 (Dallas was 4-12 last season).

3. The Other Gang of Eight 

Big Papi is one of three Red Sox in the top five in hitting in the A.L. The mofongo can wait.

As we close in on September, EIGHT American League teams are vying for the two spots for the one-game playoff: the Red Sox (72-58), Orioles (71-59), Tigers (69-61), Royals, Astros and Mariners (68-62), and Yankees (67-62) are all within 4 1/2 games of one another.

Someone will fade, someone will choke, and someone will play .667 ball in the month of September. We just don’t know who yet. The irony, at least for my Yankees, is that they didn’t need to trade both relievers Andrew Miller and Aroldis Chapman—or either of them—to field the team they have at the moment.

For the heck of it, I’ll pick Boston (best hitting team in A.L.) and K.C. (defending World Series champs, hottest team in August) to advance.

4. Does Gary Johnson Have A Shot?

Gary would become the third Johnson to be president, making it the most popular surname (goodbye, Adams, Bush, Cleveland and Roosevelt) in POTUS history

Former New Mexico governor Gary Johnson, a triathlete who is far fitter (and younger) than Hillary Clinton OR Donald Trump, appeared on Fox News on Sunday morning sounding like a serious presidential candidate. Johnson needs to be at a 15% minimum in five major polls to be allowed to participate in the upcoming presidential debates. Wouldn’t it be great to at least see a third person on that stage?

Johnson lives in Taos, N.M., in a home he built himself

Born on New Year’s Day, 19523, the 62 year-old Johnson has completed THREE Hawaii Ironmans and has reached every one of the Seven Summits (including Everest). Worth noting: the two previous Johnsons who took office did so as vice presidents who stepped in for assassinated presidents.

5. Top Billings!

Earlier this year, when the Rams announced that they were moving from St. Louis to Los Angeles, I advocated for them to move instead to Montana and become the Billings Bighorns (I still believe it’s a great idea).

Well, Outside magazine just named Billings as the Top Place To Live in America in 2016. See?

Reserves

Save The Cat!

Isn’t it ironic that the closing scene from The Night Of was a visual expression of the cardinal rule of Hollywood story-telling? Coincidence? We’ll have more on the finale tomorrow, but as a New Yorker I must ask why Raymond Halle was smart enough to not use EZ-Pass at the Queens Midtown Tunnel but too dumb to realize that if he’d taken the 59th Street Bridge, which has no toll, there’d be no video evidence of him leaving the city?

Music 101

Heart and Soul

Does anything say mid-Eighties, post-New Wave synth pop quite like this summer ’87 hit from T’Pau? The vocalist is Carol Decker. The song reached No. 4 in 1987.

Remote Patrol

The Late Show 

CBS 11:35 p.m.

Actor Riz Ahmed (Naz from The Night Of) appears. I really hope they have him drive a taxi from West 87th and this time he learns where to legally make a left turn.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 34th to John Mulaney

Starting Five

Bannon is a world-class panderer

Race, Bannon*

*The judges are Johnny Quest fans

I’ll admit, before this week I though “Alt-Right” was the lap top function to search for keywords. And when I saw the photo of the man above, Steve Bannon, I just assumed that he was the defensive coordinator for the Saints…or the Jaguars.

When Donald Trump elevated Bannon, the CEO of Breitbart News and the de facto Thomas Paine of White Supremacy, to be his campaign CEO, he lifted the veil: he’s out and out pursuing the white supremacist vote. Read this story, 10 months old but very prescient.

It’s this simple: You’re not a racist if you prefer Trump to Hillary. But if you are a racist, you prefer Trump to Hillary. Or, to paraphrase Katrina Pierson, “I’m not a racist; I just prefer white people to the inferior types of people.”

2. Crossbow-dacious

You don’t see the phrase “Triple Crossbow Murder” often, but that’s what took place in suburban Toronto earlier this week. All we know is that two men and one woman were found with fatal crossbow injuries, that the suspect, a 35 year-old man, was seriously wounded, and that none of them were Lannisters.

3. Buckeye Rookies

Last April Joey Bosa and Ezekiel Elliott were taken 3rd and 4th overall in the NFL draft respectively, because they were the two best overall players (the dudes chose before them were quarterbacks who will probably turn out to be Blake Bortles).

We’re one month into training camp and Bosa has yet to show up in San Diego (I lack the mental energy or acumen to determine who’s wrong here, but maybe both sides should compromise?) while Elliott is facing a domestic violence charge in Columbus and was seen visiting a weed store in Seattle (he didn’t buy anything and weed is legal in Washington state) before the Cowboys’ exhibition game there yesterday.

Eli Apple, Taylor Decker and Darron Lee, Ohio State’s three other first-round picks, all seem to be staying out of the news.

By the way, Bosa and Elliott are going to turn out to be excellent pros. We’ll see if the Rams and Eagles regret their choices.

4. Mason Jarring

Mason, a two-year vet, won’t be playing football any time soon, if ever again

Former Auburn running back Tre Mason rushed for 195 yards in the 2014 BCS National Championship Game. He would’ve been MVP if the Tigers could have stopped Florida State’s final drive. He was drafted in the third round by the Rams.

Now, two years later, the Rams say they haven’t heard from him since the end of the 2015 season. And Mason’s mom says he has “the mindset of a 10 year-old” from all the hits he’s taken. Hearing her describe Mason’s behavior, it almost sounds more like early onset schizophrenia, but what do I know?

Anyway, all I remember is marveling at how HARD Mason ran when he rushed the ball. Every running back likes to think he runs with anger, but Mason truly, truly did. He was a runaway train. And now here’s HBO at his team’s training camp, where he is not, doing a series titled Hard Knocks (I haven’t watched; have they mentioned Mason?)

5.  Long Time

It’s been 40 years, and one day, since Boston released its eponymous debut album in 1976. Few albums have ever pervaded the airwaves more deeply than this one did. In the mid- to late Seventies, you either heard disco or you heard a cut off this album, which created a sound using synthesizers, power chords and the inimitable voice of Brad Delp. It was MIT alum Tom Scholz who created the band and basically forged its sound.

The hits: “More Than A Feeling” (as much of a 70’s signature tune as any), “Peace of Mind,” “Foreplay/Long Time,” “Rock and Roll Band,” etc. There’s really not a single dud among the eight tracks. The album has sold more than 17 million copies, the second-best selling debut album after only Guns n’ Roses’ Appetite For Destruction.

Also, the cover art. Whose idea was it to turn guitars into spaceships, just a year before Star Wars was released? Brilliant! It’s one of the most iconic album covers ever, too.

Music 101

The Way

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0wfu3tOrtQ

In 1998 Fastball released this song off their debut album, All The Pain That Money Can Buy, and it spent seven weeks at No. 1. Frontman Tony Scalzo had read a story about an elderly Texas couple who’d taken off to attend a nearby festival and were later found dead, in their car in a ravine, hundreds of miles in the opposite direction in Arkansas. He chose this as their preferred narrative.

Remote Patrol

California vs Hawaii

10 p.m. ESPN

Webb, like OU’s Baker Mayfield, previously played at Texas Tech

I don’t know why Hawaii and California, representing the two states most like Australia, are opening the college football season in Sydney, but who are we to look gift kangaroos in the mouth? Keep an eye on Golden Bear QB Davis Webb, who by this time next year will be touted as “better than Jared Goff” and then all the Rams fans will have buyer’s remorse.

Note: This is not Australia’s first college football game, U.S. style. In 1987 BYU beat Colorado State in Melbourne before less than 8,000 fans.

by John Walters

Regis Philbin turns 85. That’s bonkos!

and in the interest of fair play…

Blake Lively turns 29

Starting Five

He’s not really that fat

The Sanchize*

*The judges will not accept “Dirty Sanchez,” but will consider “Filthy Sanchez”

In yesterday’s 5-0 win at Seattle, Yankee rookie catcher Gary Sanchez hit his 9th home run of the season—in his 19th Major League game. It was his 7th home run in the past eight games. Sanchez, who’s actually more highly touted for his rocket arm (the M’s tried running on him on Monday night and it went poorly for them) was later intentionally walked—twice.

Sanchez and Judge (right) are the future in The Bronx

What in the name of Kevin Maas is going on? The Yanks (65-61) are still five games back of the Orioles for the second wildcard spot, but they host the O’s this weekend at the Stadium. Win at least 2 of 3, and it’s going to be an intriguing September for a team that sleep-walked through the first four months of the season while walking the .500 tightrope.

2. (Does It Matter) Who Killed Andrea Cornish?

John Stone is guilty….of giving an Emmy-winning performance

The finale of The Night Of arrives Sunday evening on HBO, and to this point I’m not even sure if we can rule out the cat as a suspect. There’s palpable evidence of Duane Reade, the stepfather, the hearse driver, Col. Mustard and even Naz himself being the killer.

And that’s not even going after the neighbor (the man I originally suspected, in a nod to Rear Window), or Duane Reade’s buddy who spoke to the cops (though I don’t suspect him at all). And I guess after seven episodes, the way that this series has progressed, the answer that comes to my mind as to whodunnit is this: Does it really matter?

We’ve gone from wondering who killed Andrea Cornish to seeing how prison life has changed (and begun to agree with) Naz; to how an otherwise scrupulous D.A. will compromise herself to get a coroner to lie on the stand; to how the two men who are most dedicated to this case, Detective Box and John Stone, are both middle-aged loners who never had time for a life.

Maybe Mick Jagger had the best answer to who killed Andrea Cornish: “When, after all, it was you and me.” Or maybe, at least metaphorically, Andrea Cornish killed herself. Regardless, they’re all, we’re all, a little bit guilty of killing her. Does it really matter who actually stabbed her 22 times?

As first dates go, it was eventful

I won’t be surprised if The Night Of doesn’t give us satisfaction. After all, in a murder trial, it’s not the state’s or the defense’s job to find the real killer. It’s their job to prove the guilt or innocence of the person being tried. We’ve seen enough to know that the jury doesn’t know the half of it, so their decision will be less informed than ours. And we don’t know. I’m not sure The Night Of needs or wants to give us closure. I’m half hoping that it doesn’t.

3. “Hold My Gold”

Harper’s bizarre moment: caddying for Katie

Incoming Stanford freshman Katie Ledecky, a Maryland native, was asked to throw out the ceremonial first pitch at last night’s Orioles-Nationals game in D.C. Oh, and bring your five gold medals (and one silver) for show-and-tell.

So she did. But then when it came time to make the pitch, Ledecky needed to ditch her bling. So she handed the medals to the best player in baseball. And he held them dutifully as she threw it to home plate (I was sorta hoping that seven other balls were thrown to other catchers but not until Katie’s pitch was almost in the catcher’s mitt). Cool moment.

4. The Odd Couple

Travis and Deitsch as you’ve never seen them before!

One of them is a manipulative, play-to-my-southern-white-male-frat-boy-constituency megalomaniac; the other is a “PC Bromani” from the Upper West Side. And now they’re playing on the same team!

When Sports Illustrated and FOX Sports announced a ““multi-year advertising and editorial agreement,” there were plenty of ramifications that begged questions: Will Stewart Mandel get a better press box seat than Andy Staples? Will the reunion of former AOL Sports editors Barry Werner and Mike Harris (two of my favorites) be synergistic? But the best is, of course, Will Clay Travis and Richard Deitsch learn to coexist?

This is perhaps the most legitimate feud Twitter pillow fight in sports media, with Deitsch once tweeting to Travis that he didn’t profile local sports radio guys (only days before Travis landed his national gig at Fox), and with Travis earlier this year “revealing” or lying that Deitsch had sought work in P.R. at a rival sports web site.

Maybe Jason McIntyre will play Jimmy Carter to their Sadat-and-Begin. We’ll see.

Still, Deitsch has done a lot of great work for SI.com with his weekly (and more often) Media column, but most of his favorite targets (Travis, Skip Bayless, Colin Cowherd, Jamie  Horowitz) all work at Fox. So now there’s a conundrum…

Maybe Donald Trump won’t be the only New Yorker to pivot this summer…

5. F.C. PC

The U.S. Women’s National Team suspends Hope Solo six months for her “cowardly” comment regarding how Sweden played in the team’s quarterfinal match at the Olympics. As Eric Trump might say, “Guys. Guys! This is ridiculous.”

But it really is. First, the statement itself is its own punishment. Solo’s sore loser comment will stay with her. Second, Solo is 35 and probably wasn’t going to be in goal for the USA at the next World Cup or Olympics, anyway. And I don’t know of any major matches that USWNT has between now and February, so it’s mostly a symbolic gesture.

Finally, Han Solo called his own crew mate a “big furry oaf” and was never suspended a day by the Rebel Alliance! The rules are so inconsistent!

Music 101

Africa

There have been bands name America, Asia and Europe, but there is only one song named after a continent really worth knowing. Toto’s monster hit rose to No. 1 on the charts in early 1983, and rightfully so. It’s sort of life-affirming, no? I like to think of it as the best Peter Gabriel song not written by Peter Gabriel. For the record, this song is not about Rosanna Arquette.

By the way, if you know of an a cappella group that hasn’t at least performed this during rehearsals, let us know. Here’s the Angel City Chorale (yes, out of Los Angeles) hitting it out of the park:

Remote Patrol

The Late Late Show

CBS 12:35 a.m.

James Corden is a likeable bloke, and soon to be on the cover of Rolling Stone, but I don’t much fancy his show. However, we all love Carpool Karaoke, the tail that wags this dog. Tonight’s guest is Britney Spears, who will attempt to sing without writhing in her seat and  gyrating her hips against the host/driver.