This was the year Hollywood made a lot of popular films, but no great ones. At least not serious great ones. A year with a lot of big films that people still discuss today, most of which I’ve either never seen (The Terminator, Gremlins, A Nightmare On Elm Street) or didn’t like half as much last the rest of you (Ghostbusters, Footloose). I know: I’m such a snob.
This Is Spinal Tap: Will this list go to 11? I don’t think so. This is the seminal mockumentary, and still the best. 2. The Karate Kid: Wax on, wax off. Sort of the Rocky of martial arts mixed with the classic 68-pound weakling tale. The Cobra Kai remains synonymous with bullying treachery. 3. Amadeus: In which a dude who had a small part in Animal House wins a Best Actor Oscar in a film that won Best Picture. 4. Beverly Hills Cop: It’s somewhat formulaic, sure, but Eddie Murphy is like, the coolest cat you’ve ever seen. Was half the film improvised? Who knows, it all works. 5. Purple Rain: Prince’s coming-out party and it’s fantastic, both the music and the story. Nobody’d ever seen a brother shred a guitar like that before.
Honorable Mentions Go To: Against All Odds (Rachel Ward was a goddess), Revenge Of The Nerds, Broadway Danny Rose (underrated Woody Allen), Johnny Dangerously (“my mother called me that once…ONCE!”), Bachelor Party and Splash! (early Tom Hanks; Bachelor Party is a much funnier film than Ghostbusters, at least to me), Sixteen Candles (not John Hughes’ best, but right up there).
Christmas is over, so it’s time for the staff at MH to begin paying attention to the NFL. Seems as if the league saved its most interesting regular season game for the final one of the year.
San Francisco at Seattle. At stake was first place in the NFC West, a radical re-juggling of the NFC playoff bracket, and the winner earning a bye week and staying home throughout the playoffs or traveling three time zones to play in Philadelphia next Sunday. Seems rather unfair to finish 12-4 and have to travel 2,500 miles to visit a team that went 9-7, but welcome to the NFL.
Let’s skip right ahead to the final minute in Seattle, shall we? Seattle, with the ball, trails the 49ers 26-21 and faces 4th-and-10 from the Niner 12. Russell Wilson completes an 11-yard pass and now it’s 1st-and-goal, with Marshawn Lynch in your backfield, with 0:23 left and no timeouts.
Seattle can’t possibly blow this, can they? I mean, what team has ever blown a sure victory with the ball at the opponents’ 1-yard line, with Beast Mode in its backfield, and with so much on the line?
For Pete’s sake, give this man the damn ball and get out of the way
1st-and-goal from the 1: Spike it.
2nd-and-goal from the 1: Inexplicably, a delay of game penalty. Again, at home. With a veteran QB and Pete Carroll as your HC.
2nd-and-goal from the 6: INC
3rd-and-goal: INC
4th-and-goal: Complete to Hollister, tackled at the one inch line.
And now the Seahawks must travel to Philly. Should they win, they’d next have to travel to San Francisco. All because they could not convert first-and-goal from the 1 at home. And yes, Lynch never got a touch and Wilson never ran on a QB draw.
Oh, and yes, Seattle could’ve avoided all of this by beating the wretched Arizona Cardinals at home last week.
They All Knew
In news that should not floor you, The New York Times is reporting that in late August President Trump’s national security team—Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, Secretary of Defense Mark Esper and National Security Advisor—presented themselves as a united front in the Oval Office to urge our 45th president (and first dictator) to release the military aid to Ukraine.
Bolton even went so far as to remind the president that most of the $400 million in aid is spent on U.S. weapons, anyway. Trump would not budge.
In case you’re wondering why the White House didn’t allow any of these people to testify or appear in front of the impeachment inquiry. The entire story has about 30 smoking guns, but it’s long and has plenty of words and MAGA-land won’t read it. Which is what Trump is counting on.
Day Trippers
One could discuss the targeting penalty against Ohio State’s Shaun Wade that changed the Fiesta Bowl from Clemson punting down 16-0 late in the first half to Clemson getting a first down, scoring a touchdown, and then adding a second before halftime to close to within 16-14.
Or the strip-and score being turned into an incomplete pass that nullified a third quarter Buckeye TD that would have put them up 23-14. Both were officials’ replay calls that definitely altered the game.
The Tiger interception that sealed Ohio State’s fate
Those decisions were out of first-year Ohio State coach Ryan Day’s hands. What was not out of his control was Ohio State up 23-21 late (it might’ve been 24-21 but Day opted to kick the PAT early in the 4th) and facing 2nd and 4 at the Tiger 39. One more first down and the Buckeyes are possibly in field goal range and they’ve also either compelled the Sanctimonious Swinneys to burn their remaining timeouts or they’ve got the clock down to 2 minutes.
What happens? A running play to J.K. Dobbins loses a yard. A short pass to Austin Mack gains a yard. Now it’s 4th-and-4 with 3:07 left, still from the Tiger 39.
Go for it. It’s four yards and while that’s not easy, it probably ices the Tigers. Day punts. It’s a good punt, downed at the 6, but Clemson will go 94 yards in four plays and score the game-winning TD.
Here’s the thing about football coaches, particularly those at establishment programs. They’re conservative politically, and they’re conservative emotionally. They’re conservative. They’re atop the heap because the game/system works in their favor and so why change? The risk takers are always the fringe guys, the Hal Mummes or Mouse Davises or Mike Leaches. They cannot afford to be establishment types.
Day made the conservative call on fourth down. What announcers would say is the prudent call. And while the Buckeyes still had a chance to come back and win after Clemson’s TD, Day had four yards to get that almost certainly would’ve propelled the Buckeyes to the national championship.
He punted.
Stone Cold
Yes, but are those photos recent?
Actress Sharon Stone, 61, who was the hottest thing on the planet in the early 1990s, was reportedly kicked off the dating site Bumble because the good folks who work there assumed it was a fake account.
Only after Stone went on her verified Twitter account and reported this travesty did Bumble re-activate her account. So yes, this is an item about the birds and the bees.
This should become a documentary. Titles? “Sharin’ Stone?” “
Five Films: 1983
Risky Business: This was always more than a teen comedy, and it was even always more than Tom Cruise’s coming-out (no pun intended) party. This was a stylish film with a smart script. It’s fantastic. I wasn’t going to post it this high, but sometimes you gotta say, “What the f**k?” Can’t tell you how many times I’ve read a tweet and thought, “Joel, go to school. Go learn something.” 2. A Christmas Story: There’s a reason it’s on every December. It’s funny and insightful and charming and so, so true. And we love that Darren McGavin, whom we loved from the Seventies “The Night Stalker” series, gets some much-deserved love as “the old man.” Reminded us of our dad a little. 3. Local Hero: Wonderful little film starring Peter Riegert and Burt Lancaster (ol’ Burt had quite a nice little comeback in the early Eighties between this and Atlantic City). Riegert plays an oil exec who’s been sent to a small Scottish town to purchase most of it but the locals are a cannier, craftier lot than he’d bargained for. 4. The Right Stuff: It’s almost impossible to improve upon Tom Wolfe’s book, and I don’t think they did, but between Ed Harris and Sam Shepard, they darn nearly did. 5. Trading Places: We’ll say it: This is the most instructive finance/capitalism/class divide film of the Eighties, way more so than Wall Street. Also, Eddie Murphy is hilarious. This is back when he was making terrific films by mostly being himself and not hiding behind the makeup and wardrobe department.
—Left on the cutting room floor: Terms Of Endearment (Best Picture Oscar winner), The Big Chill, Vacation and Tender Mercies.
–Fun Fact: There are at least two actors in our above-mentioned films who would later show up on The Sopranos. Can you name them?
Remember a long, long time ago—perhaps it was February of 2016—when Supreme Court justice Anton Scalia died? We do. Remember what happened? President Obama nominated Merrick Garland to succeed Scalia and all that was left, as spelled out in Article II, Section 2 of the United States Constitution, was for the U.S. Senate to either confirm or reject him.
And what happened? Mitch McConnell, the Senate majority leader, never bothered to take a vote. Garland withered on the vine for 293 days until at last the nomination expired, just three weeks before Donald Trump was inaugurated. What McConnell did was not expressly unconstitutional, since the Framers never set a hard deadline (e.g., what exactly is a “speedy trial?”), but certainly it opposed the spirit of the guidelines.
So here it is nearly four years later and McConnell is still head of the Senate. And he’s already indicated, even before the Democratic-led House impeached President Trump, that he would not conduct a fair Senate impeachment trial. And so House Majority leader Nancy Pelosi is pilfering McConnell’s patented move: she’s slow-walking the process and basically running a four corners offense by not sending the articles of impeachment onto the Senate—yes, it’s a mere formality, but it is observed—over to the Senate for them to stage their kangaroo court.
“Nancy Pelosi has no leverage over the Senate. Mitch McConnell did not nose his way into the impeachment process in the House, and she has no standing in the Senate.” Brad Blakeman. Crazy Nancy should clean up her filthy dirty District & help the homeless there. A primary for N?
The maneuver is genius for a number of reasons: 1) It prevents Trump and his wacko Republicans from getting any sense of closure on this dark chapter (look, how many people talk about the Mueller report any more). 2) It keeps impeachment in the news and that will only help more witnesses to come forward—you think this is the only time Trump abused the power of his office? 3) It frustrates the hell out of “Individual 1” which causes him to rage-tweet which only demonstrates further how unfit he is to lead and finally, 4) It pisses McConnell off. Someone’s beating him at his own game.
The impeachment articles, as the political environment now stands, are dead in the water as soon as the Senate receives them. Men like McConnell and Lindsey Graham, who pleaded for an impartial, non-partisan process 20 years ago before Bill Clinton’s impeachment trial, have openly stated, in not so many words, that they have no fear of being hypocrites now. So why even give them the chance?
Nancy Pelosi is the “nasty woman” Donald Trump and his GOP buddies have no answer for.
Battery-Powered
Is Tesla finally over the hump? Is stock in the battery-powered car manufacturer about to enjoy a half-decade run-up akin to that of Amazon the past five years?
This morning comes news that Tesla (TSLA), shares of which have risen more than 150% in the past six months, just secured a $1.29 billion-with-a-B loan from the Chinese government to assist in a Shanghai manufacturing plant.
Here are two features of China every investor should know: 1) It has lots and lots of people and 2) these people work cheap (“Yay! Totalitarianism!”).
Anyway, human-rights issues aside, Tesla will be able to make more cars for even less money. Also, in a related move, China is exempting a Tesla model from its buyers having to pay a purchase tax. Maybe China is finally getting serious about its dreadful air quality.
In January of 2015 shares of Amazon (AMZN) were available for $312. Five years later, the stock price has sextupled. Tesla, which was as low as $172 last June, opens this morning at close to $435. We see it doubling in at least the next two years.
We’ve been wrong before. But we’ve also been right. We’ll see.
Dance Fever
Dance as Mountbatten
If you’re watching Season 3 of The Crown on Netflix, you may recognize a familiar face from HBO in a familiar role. Charles Dance, who played sinister patriarch Tywin Lannister in Game Of Thrones, has assumed the role of dashing Navy captain (and uncle to Prince Phillip), Lord Louis Mountbatten.
Although one role was fictional and the other is historical, Dance is almost essentially playing the same character, with a tweak or two. Lannister was never king, but he was always close to the throne, he held enormous influence, and the Lord of Casterly Rock was a mentor to to his grandson, the sociopathic and diabolical Joffrey. He would be murdered by his dwarf son Tyrion after Tyrion found his love in bed with his dad. Seems fair.
As Tywin Lannister
Mountbatten was as dashing as Lannister, but not as evil (although the IRA would not agree with that assessment). Born in 1900, he lived an extremely colorful life—as a youth he spent time in St. Petersburg, Russia, and became close with the Imperial family before the Bolshevik Revolution. He was related to them somehow.
Anyway, as we see in Season 3, he also acts as a mentor to a family member two generations removed, but here it is to his great-nephew, Prince Charles. Stick around for Season 4 because Mountbatten’s about to meet a grisly end of his own, although not by crossbow while visiting the W.C.
Dance, who stands 6’3″, is perfect for these roles as the aging aristocratic lion.
Five Films: 1982
I’m trying to determine if this is a matter of my age at the time or just this particular year, but while there’s no CLASSIC film here (other than perhaps No. 1), the year is very deep with quality, so you’ll see below how we handle it.
E. T. The Extra Terrestrial: Magical, and also a very early glimpse at what a fascist state our MIC was turning us into. Spielberg had Raiders and this in consecutive years. He was walking on water. 2. Tootsie: Funny, and one of the smartest scripts you’ll ever find. We see our protagonist’s dilemma (he’s a good actor but he’s a pain in the ass), then he solves it in a clever way only to create an even bigger problem. It’s like Save The Cat by putting the cat on a higher branch on the tree. I still want someone to produce “Return To Love Canal.” 3. My Favorite Year: Based on Mel Brooks’ early, early years as a comedy writer, this is sharp and funny and Peter O’Toole is simply endearing and intoxicated. 4. An Officer And A Gentleman: Louis Gossett, Jr., is the perfect drill sergeant. Richard Gere and Debra Winger are terrific. “I got no place else to go….I got…no…place…else…to …go.” 5. Fast Times At Ridgemont High: “Isn’t it OUR time, Mr. Hand?” The film that launched Sean Penn, and also that dude who wrote it, Cameron Crowe, wasn’t half bad himself.
Five More Films: 1982
Diner: Young dudes coming of age in early Sixties Baltimore. Paul Reiser, Mickey Rourke, Tim Daly, Steve Guttenberg and there’s that Daniel Stern guy again. 2. Blade Runner: I’ve never seen it. I know. I will. 3.. The Verdict: Paul Newman in yet another Oscar-worthy performance for which he did not win. 4. Gandhi: If you ever get the chance, watch this and Sexy Beast in the same week. Man, Ben Kingsley has some range to him. 5. Sophie’s Choice: Meryl Streep does an accent. I’d argue this title rivals Gaslight in its legacy for creating a term with an actual meaning.
Popular movies that didn’t make either list cuz they just weren’t as good as they are popular: Poltergeist, Rambo: First Blood, Rocky III. Movies that belong in your art house cinema that I still wanna see: The King Of Comedy, Fitzcarraldo, Koyaanisqatsi, The Year Of Living Dangerously.
Raiders Of The Lost Ark: Now that’s an adventure! From the jungles of South America to a college classroom to D.C. to Nepal to Cairo, Indiana Jones takes us on a rollicking ride. His mission: to prevent the Ark of the Covenant from falling into the hands of the Nazis. No small stakes there. 2. Das Boot: U-boat thriller. The ending. Wow! 3. Gallipoli: Aussie war movie about two young sprinters who are sent to fight in the Gallipoli campaign in World War I in Turkey. Another Wow! final scene, masterfully filmed. 4. Atlantic City: Yet another film title that would later become a Bruce Springsteen song, like “Thunder Road” and “Badlands” , etc. Burt Lancaster wasn’t the only aging Hollywood great (Henry Fonda) to be nominated for Best Actor this year. 5. (and don’t ask me to include On Golden Pond….please) Chariots of Fire: Runners of different religious persuasions competing at the 1924 Olympics and that lush score from Vangelis as they strike along the beach.
I’ve been thinking about writing this for the past two weeks, but 10-hour days at the diner every day (we’re located almost within an Instagram photo of the Rockefeller Center tree) have precluded any deep dives. But anyway, as we deal with a White House that seems increasingly emboldened to disregard laws and no longer even pretends to disguise its favor for Americans who are white supremacists, the thought came to me:
What is it that racists are completely able to overlook when it comes to their distaste for minorities? And the answer is, of course, sports. You’ll find thousands of racists attending and/or betting on sports events, particularly football games. Millions more will watch on television. Whatever they happen to think of black people in private, they have no problem tuning in to watch a bowl game or five NBA games on Christmas day.
And so it came to me that if Black America ever really wanted to effect change in American culture, its athletic leaders have a very powerful tool at their disposal. A mass walkout. Think about not only how many billions and billions of dollars flow through the system due to sporting events (both in local economies and through television networks and advertising) but what a giant part of the weekly diet it is for so many of us.
What if LeBron walked off?
What if African-American athletes, en masse, were to simply go on strike until whatever specific change they hoped to effect (and that’s the rub here: you’d have to state something specific you wanted changed; and before you go down the Colin Kaepernick road, can you really hold a league hostage until one team puts him on its roster? That’s an entirely different question)? And they could invite their fellow white athletes to join them if they believed in the cause.
It would cripple the sports industry. And that’s no minor economic or cultural blip.
Now, sure, Luka Doncic is an MVP-caliber player, but I don’t think American fans want to see a league strictly comprised of Luka, Kyle Korver and Frank Kaminsky. And while Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady and Drew Brees are superb, who are they going to throw to? Cooper Kupp and Julian Edelman all day?
There’s no other part of American life in which African-Americans play such a vital role as they do in team sports (never mind the Olympics). If a change is ever gonna come, this would be the most profound and quickest way to make it.
The inspiration for this finally being put down on paper (internet paper) is two-fold: 1) finally have a day off and 2) what took place during the Chelsea-Tottenham match in London on Sunday. Chelsea defender Antonio Rudiger, who is German but of African descent, was subject to racist jeers for part of the match from the Tottenham crowd.
Tottenham is in London. It’s not a backwoods, redneck precinct. In the aftermath of the incident, Sky Sports analyst Gary Neville, a former Premier League player, noted that viewers and fans need to take a closer look at where fans are getting the feeling of empowerment to so boldly behave this way—even in London. Neville then went on to say that he would support players if they were to walk off the pitch in a mass protest.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zVm9iIiIOM
Sadly, Sky Sports host David Jones cut in and felt compelled to remind viewers that these are the opinions of Neville and not Sky Sports. So David Jones just added his name to the ash heap of history when documentaries are made about what a sad era this was for the western world in terms of bigotry and racial intolerance. Well done, David.
Twas A Jake Tapper Thread
‘Twas the night before Christmas At Nakatomi Tower When our story of homecoming Begins with brute power pic.twitter.com/WPxtQY6rmE
“How 'bout some Christmas music?” McClane asks of Argyle. “That *is* Christmas music,” the driver says with a smile. To reunite with Holly, his aim is shared with shy laughter; T’would be a holiday miracle to last ever after. pic.twitter.com/JHS4M1Z4NS
In Theo! In Kyle! In Tony, Ed, Fritz! Into the party the armed thugs run a blitz. (Argyle still waits; this is long before Uber.) While havoc is wreaked by the evil Hans Gruber. pic.twitter.com/ZeUcMXNQZB
Sgt. Al Powell is told of disturbance; In response the fake guard feigns a bit of perturbance Does he hear anything? The answer is no Except for the song “LET IT SNOW, LET IT SNOW” pic.twitter.com/gdkHpf92Yp
Gruber talks to McClane, or rather he sneers Survival would be a miracle, he plays on his fears The policeman is bloodied and in dire need of succor “Yipee-ki-yea,” McClane says, “mother-f***er.” pic.twitter.com/AOKNqUnrcY
Theo, a wise man, who’s also quite naughty Is stealing the money in spirit quite haughty Ellis, the Judas, attempts an amenity By disclosing the cowboy’s secret identity pic.twitter.com/9iT5pXeWIH
“I got it,” says the sergeant, “but you can tell her yourself.” In a scene that’s as seasonal as a reindeer or elf “I hope so, but that's up to the guy upstairs,” says McClane Who’s traveled far for peace but encountered only pain pic.twitter.com/G9Dg6LtLn1
That Die Hard is a Christmas film Seems to me just a Fact I declare this without any holiday tact But whether you agree or your disapproval won’t cease I wish you a season of love and of peace. 🎄 🎄 🎄 pic.twitter.com/G9sCB4Xvne
Airplane! I am serious, and don’t call me Shirley. I tweeted this a few weeks ago and I mean it: my life can be divided in half, the person I was before seeing this film and the person after. And in a film that just stuffs as many jokes and gags as possible, I still chortle when the pilot’s wife tells the horse she’s sleeping next to to let himself out. 2. Raging Bull: The original Robert De Niro & Joe Pesci buddy film from Scorcese. Siskel & Ebert considered this the best film of the decade. 3. Caddyshack: Written in a cocaine-induced stupor by Douglas Kenney, the same man who gave us Animal House. He saw Airplane! three weeks after this was released and was inconsolable because the Zucker brothers had made a funnier film. A month later, at the age of 33, he was dead. 3. The Shining: Jack in the box 5. The Empire Strikes Back: Simply the best of the—how many have there been now, seven?—Star Wars films.
I really wanted to put Breaker Morant in here, and to a lesser extent Atlantic City, but which film in the top five to push out? So here’s a nudge to see these two films if you haven’t already because I’m sure, like me, you’ve already seen at least four of the above five multiple times.
