Starting Five

1. Many Rivers To Cross

Did Bill Simmons become a TV star last night? Yes. Yes, he did.

“The truth keeps changing.”
With those four words Bill Simmons, the erstwhile Sports Guy, vaulted himself to television stardom last night during the 2013 NBA Draft. In fact, his on-air skirmish with Doc Rivers overshadowed every single draft pick.

Earlier this week Rivers, who for years coached the Boston Celtics (the object of Simmons’ lifelong fandom), became the new head coach of the Los Angeles Clippers (the team that Simmons chose to support upon moving to Los Angeles). Simmons accused Rivers of “quitting on the team”, a comment that Shelley Smith passed on to Rivers during an interview last night.
“I would like to call him an idiot, but I’m too classy for that,” said Rivers, a quip that for some unknown reason elicited a chuckle from Smith (who is so famously out of her league doing anything that does not involve USC public relations). “I mean, that’s just his opinion. That didn’t happen and he needs to know the whole truth, which he doesn’t.”

The camera shifted back to the Barclays Center set of host Rece Davis (the best ESPN has), Jay Bilas, Jalen Rose and Simmons. Davis went directly to his nascent on-air colleague. “What’s your reaction to that?”

Simmons, confident and defiant, replied, “The truth keeps changing. I mean he’s given different answers to this…. When he sticks to a story, I’ll believe the truth.”

It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong (of course Rivers knows the whole truth; whether he is being transparent about it is the issue). It’s about an ESPN on-air talent having the fortitude to challenge a player or coach who is not already on the wrong side of public opinion. Earlier (or was it later?) in the evening the crew did an interview with new Net coach Jason Kidd, and by way of salutation Rose slobbered on about how he and Kidd were both “class of 1994 NBA Draft alumni.” So how incisive or probing do you expect the subsequent questions to be?

The problem is that we live in an age where an entire generation has been raised on ESPN. Men–and ladies– who are not old enough to remember an earlier time when truth was more important than celebrity…or being friends with a celebrity.

Simmons, who’s about my age, remembers that time. Remembers a man named Howard Cosell. What he brings –and what he brought to a lesser extent during the NBA Finals — is the point of view of someone who has not been corrupted by the vortex of celebrity. He may be a celebrity himself now, but he still approaches these things like the outsider the rest of us all are.

Except for his own hair line, Howard was all about the truth.

Michael Wilbon does not do that. He’s too busy being buddies with all the athletes and coaches he’s supposed to be covering.

Magic Johnson? He is the antithesis of Simmons.

Jalen Rose? You can see that he and Simmons enjoy one another’s company, and Rose can be candid. Just not often enough.

For me the most fascinating aspect of last night was watching Simmons blatantly seizes Jay Bilas’ scepter. Bilas, intelligent and informed, was the closest ESPN had to someone who would endeavor to find the truth in any situation. Like you, I was intrigued to see the two men share a set for the first time. But Simmons just blew Bilas out of the water here. This was the evening in which Simmons finally found his TV voice. He long ago found his columnist’s voice.

Later in the evening Rivers’ son Jeremiah took to Twitter to stand up for dad. The keeper in this harangue is the final tweet, in which Rivers ends his rant by saying, “Good day, sir”. It’s 12;31 a.m. when he types that.

Finally, as terrific as Simmons was last night, we long-time fan boys truly missed his real-time NBA Draft diary. Is it too much to hope for that he still provides u one, with the fascinating meta-aspect of his discussing the character of Bill Simmons on TV? We’d all love to read that, no?

2. Bail Denied

A judge denied Aaron Hernandez bail yesterday and it is reasonable to assume that the former New England Patriots tight end has seen his last day outside of an institutionalized life. Hernandez, just 23 and a former Pro Bowl tight end, is now also being investigated in connection with a double homicide that took place in Boston last summer. The circumstances involve Hernandez being involved in an altercation in a nightclub last July 15 and a drive-by shooting taking place a short time afterward.

Allow me to go out on a limb here: Is it possible that Lloyd either knew about this earlier incident, was involved in this earlier incident, or that Hernandez had confided in him about it? And is it possible that Hernandez learned that Lloyd had opened his yap about it to someone else? Pure conjecture here, but it’s something to consider. Apparently, it’s not that long of a limb. I just found the Boston Globe story that suggests the same thing.

Also, it appears that this case may hinge on a “smoking gum”: a pack of blue Bubblicious cotton candy gum may be a critical piece of evidence for the state. Prosecutors can tie Hernandez and Lloyd stopping at a gas station on the night of the murder to purchase a pack of it, and there was a discarded piece of the gum –conveniently located next to a spent .45 shell casing –under the driver’s seat of the rental car that Hernandez was driving.

The victim, Odin Lloyd

Finally, this quote from former Patriot teammate Matt Light speaks volumes. VOLUMES. A three-time Pro Bowler himself at offensive tackle, Light told the Dayton Daily News, “I never talk about other guys, but I will say I have never embraced — never believed in — anything Aaron Hernandez stood for.”

I added the italics. That’s a devastating comment from a guy who shared the huddle with you, and often lined up literally next to you, for your two NFL seasons.

3. When Howard Met Jerry

An absolutely captivating and often hilarious 90-minute interview took place earlier this week between two of my Upper West Side neighbors, Howard Stern and Jerry Seinfeld. The former is the best interviewer in the business, because he is so direct, such a good listener and his own candor invites honesty from his guests. As for Seinfeld, I worship at his altar and this interview reveals why.

At one point Howard is absolutely fascinated, and concerned, that Seinfeld is continuously observing life and conjuring jokes and bits in his mind (“I’m never NOT thinking of material”). Like a shark that cannot help but keep moving forward. Howard seems worried that this obsession, that Seinfeld’s inability to ever stop “working”, must be brutal. Jerry’s reply, “What fun is life if I’m not making jokes all the time?”

Seinfeld, when Howard asks him how he memorizes all his material: “Howard, what else do I have to do?”

On his being addicted to conjuring bits: “The blessing in life is finding the torture you’re comfortable with.”

On people teaching comedy classes: “It’s like pirate school. You can’t really go to school to learn this stuff.”

On Chris Rock’s transformative “Bring The Pain” set, where he finally found his voice: “You know who the first person who called him was? Me.” Howard: “What did you say to him?” Jerry: “You did it.”

And here’s Seinfeld’s latest episode of “Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee” with David Letterman. I’d like to see Jerry go for a spin with Seth Meyers next.

4. Do You Feel A Draft?

Quick riffs/review on the NBA draft:

1. Anthony Bennett: How does a guy named Tony Bennett get drafted No. 1 overall and nobody at ESPN has the keenness of mind to make a “Rags To Riches” reference? Or play the song in the background?

2. Victor Oladipo: Love this pick. LOVE LOVE LOVE him. Orlando, at No. 2, didn’t try to be cute or overreach. He may not be the next Dwyane Wade, but you know with Oladipo that you are getting a winner, a guy with tremendous heart. Some dudes have more talent, but don’t have the competitive gene. MJ had it. Kobe has it. Oladipo appears to have it, too.

3. Otto Porter: You could go from Georgetown undergrad to Georgetown Law School and you’d have a farther commute than Porter, a Hoya, will have from his own undergrad days to his job at the Verizon Center.

4. Cody Zeller: He’s a seven-footer who runs the open court like a deer. Another pick I like.

5. Alex Len: The Suns already had two Eastern European starters –Goran Drajic and Marcin Gortat –and added another last night in Len, a Ukranian seven-footer from Maryland, and guard Nemanja Nedovic (last pick of first round).

6. Nerlens Noel: The “New Orleans Noel” era lasted scant minutes, as the Pelicans selected him and then promptly traded him to the 76ers.

7. Ben McLemore: A lot of people, myself included, think he has the most All-Star potential of anyone in the draft. So why did this Kansas one-and-done dude falls so far? Somebody know something?

10. C.J. McCollum: The Trail Blazers have now cornered the market on mid-major point guards who are destined to surprise us. Remember that former Damian Lillard of Weber State was this season’s Rookie of the Year.

13. Kelly Olynyk: The Celtics jettisoned their past and are going with a Canadian seven-footer who only a year ago red-shirted because he couldn’t get any playing time at Gonzaga? Hmm. I like watching Olynyk –and I love that his last three letters are the abbreviation for Boston’s rival — but I think he’s no better, if not worse, than Gorgui Dieng.

15. Giannis Antetokounmpo: Someone in the Bucks’ p.r. department needs to coin a nickname for this 6-9 Greek and pronto. I

22. Mason Plumlee: Like you, I’d pay to watch the scrimmages in which he goes up against Kevin Garnett.

31. Allen Crabbe: Cleveland may wind up liking this pick better. The Cal product is the Klay Thompson of this year’s class.

54. Arsalan Kazemi: A 6-8 forward from Iran who is going to remind Philadelphia 76er fans who are old enough to recall an awful lot of Bobby Jones. And that’s a terrific thing.

5. We Still Love Yasiel Puig!

Yes, it’s only been 3 weeks, but he has best BA in MLB. Puig should start the All-Star Game.

The Los Angles Dodger rookie connected on an 0-2 count with two outs and bases loaded in the bottom of the 7th last night to scratch a two-run single and break open a tie game. L.A. has now won six straight. The Cuban defector is now batting .427 while the next-best Dodger is hitting .274. At least the integers are the same.

Our good friend Dan Leonard over at the steakateria was singing Puig’s praises throughout spring training. We’re happy for Dan that he was able to pick Puig up on his fantasy team.

Starting Five

1. Murder

Tight end Aaron Hernandez, hours after being released by the New England Patriots, is charged with murder and four other counts related to the death of Odin Lloyd. As the sheriff at his jail notes, “He’s going from a 7,100-square foot home to a seven-foot by ten-foot jail cell.”

2. He Was Betterer Than Federer

Wave bye to the queen and we’ll see you in Queens.

Seven-time and reigning Wimbledon champion Roger Federer falls in the second round to Ukrainian Sergei Stakhovsky. It was his earliest departure from a Grand Slam event since 2004. Maria Sharapova also lost. By day’s end Chris Fowler could be seen reading “Phil Steele’s College Football 2013 Preview” magazine on-set (I’m kidding…sorta).

3. “I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul” 

South African leader Nelson Mandela, the man who did more than any other individual to dismantle apartheid, is in a hospital and in frail condition. Mandela, who is 94, spent 27 years imprisoned on Robben Island, which is visible from atop Table Mountain in Cape Town (a place you really need to see before you go…Cape Town, that is, not Robben Island).

4. Draft Punk

“We’re up all night to get drafted!”

The NBA Draft takes place tonight at the Barclay’s Center in Brooklyn. And there’s really no player in the field who is a franchise-shifter.

Personally, I’d select Doug McDermott. Coach’s son, 23.2 ppg, six-foot-eight. What?!? He’s staying for his senior season in Creighton? Okay. Moving on…
How I Picture Top Five Going:

Cleveland–Alex Len: He’s a seven-foot-one center from Maryland by way of the Ukraine whose girlfriend, Essence Townsend, is six-foot-seven. One word of caution: Darko.

Orlando–Nerlens Noel: Shot-blocking beast, but has already had one ACL surgery before his 20th birthday. Otherwise a No. 1, but no one wants to select the next Greg Oden.

Washington: Ben McLemore. It’s too easy to assume that the Wizards will take local Georgetown product Otto Porter. McLemore has the most potential of any player in the draft to be a 2-guard star.

Charlotte: Shabazz Muhammad. Here’s my surprise pick. Muhammad was the top high school player a year ago. A southpaw with terrific size (6-7) who probably intrigues Michael Jordan more than Porter or some of the other safe picks.

Phoenix: — Victor Oladipo: The Indiana guard is a complete gamer. Plays bigger than his size and is a ball hawk.

5. “I Love Leave L.A.!”

The Los Angeles Lakers are trying to ensure that Dwight Howard, who has the potential to become the fifth-best center to ever play for the franchise (my rankings go 1) Kareem 2) Wilt 3.) Mikan and 4) Shaq) understands how badly they hope he re-signs with them. I really do wish Kobe Bryant would tweet his thoughts on this billboard, don’t you?

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Starting Five

1. Kill Bill Vol. 3

In the case of Wendy Davis versus the Texas State Legislature. The issue was not whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, but rather whether politicians will manipulate the legislative process or, if that fails, blatantly commit electoral fraud in order to get the law that they desire.

Notes:

1) The irony of Davis’ numerous opponents in the Texas State Legislature attempting to get her to abort a filibuster whose aim was to block a vote on a bill that would outlaw most abortions in the state of Texas.

2) Easily the most memorable filibuster that the Lone Star State has witnessed since another blond, Taylor Boyle, refused to leave the field at the Houston Astrodome in the 1977 film “The Bad News Bears: Breaking Training.” “Let her speak!” equals “Let them play!”

3) So you have it, during a filibuster one may not take a potty break, eat, or lean on a desk –much less sit– but you may wear pink tennis shoes. No word yet on whether or not you may send texts or do yoga.

4) After the gallery (“We the people!”) shouted down the senate, preventing them from voting on the bill by the midnight deadline, they did so anyway and passed it. At 12:04 a.m. Then someone in the legislature attempted to change the time-stamp so that the record would show that the bill was voted on by midnight. Apparently, none of these legislators are aware of Twitter. At 3 a.m. Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst stepped to the Senate floor and declared the bill dead.

5) Gov. Rick Perry, who is in favor of the bill, declared, “In Texas, we value all life.” A notion worth remembering as the Lone Star State prepares to execute its 500th prisoner since 1976 this week.

6) While all of this was transpiring –from about midnight to 1:30 a.m. on the East Coast — not one of the cable news networks (much less the major networks) provided a scintilla of coverage. We were hoping to find it on The Longhorn Network, but no luck. At one point both CNN and MSNBC were showing taped coverage of the George Zimmerman/Trayvon Martin trial, making Aaron Sorkin’s point for him yet again. Even our friend Keith Olbermann weighed in on all of it, via Twitter.

7) Wendy Davis was the child of a single mom. She became a single mom herself at the age of 19. Then she graduated from Harvard Law School with honors. She is 50 years old, blonde, and attractive. Julia Roberts has already spoken to her agent this morning. Reese Witherspoon really cannot go down this path again, can she? Others worthy of consideration: Naomi Watts, Charlize Theron, Sharon Stone, Gwyneth Paltrow and The Rock (Update: someone just suggested Connie Britton; I like it).

8) The new official song of the Texas state legislature, courtesy of Slow Hand.

2. Aaron Hernandez: Handcuffed by Police & Released By Patriots

Hernandez: No stranger to double coverage

Within a 90-minute time span –or, as long as it takes Roger Cossack to don a coat and tie — Aaron Hernandez was arrested in connection with the murder of Odin Lloyd and was then released by the New England Patriots. The latter development, according to NFL experts, suggests that the Patriots’ security people have more information than the general public (no duh).

We all knew this was coming. Not necessarily because police searched Hernandez’s home three times, including for three hours on Saturday, in the past week. Not because they searched a pond behind his home. Not even because he was seen in the company of Lloyd on the night that Lloyd, whose body was discovered just a mile from Hernandez’s North Attleborough, Mass. home, was murdered.

Rather, because Hernandez handed police a shattered cell phone. Because he had his entire home scrubbed and wiped. Because he destroyed his home security system. And because he refused to cooperate. Police are not idiots, and you’d have to be one to not understand that Aaron Hernandez has plenty to hide.
As for football, the Pats let Wes Welker head west to Denver; Rob Gronkowski may never come back after all those surgeries, and Hernandez is history. Tom Brady is not happy and Tim Tebow may just wind up playing tight end this season.

Another pro athlete Hernandez, another moment in a vehicle, and potentially another “I can do whatever I want” episode.

3. “Alex should just shut the f___ up!”

The New York Yankees have learned a valuable lesson this spring –something most of us knew years earlier: Alex Rodriguez isn’t worth the drama. While the Yankees are not a World Series-caliber team as presently constructed on the field, they would make the playoffs if they began today. That is due to a solid pitching staff, the best set-up/closer duo in baseball (David Robertson and Mariano Rivera) and a collection of position players (Robinson Cano and the Seven Dwarves) who compensate for a lack of talent by playing their hardest every night.

Then there’s A-Rod, the human chemistry killer. Last night’s transgression — a tweet announcing that a doctor had cleared him to play only one day after GM Brian Cashman had told reporters exactly the opposite –was not even that heinous. But Cashman’s over-the-top reaction tells you just how fed up the Pinstripes are with A-Rod’s vortex of melodrama. What does Cashman hate more: A-Rod himself or that $100 million albatross of a contract the Yankees gave him a few years ago?

We said it was wrong then. Just as we said the Justin Verlander contract will come back to haunt the Detroit Tigers (he may be Detroit’s third-best pitcher right now).

It has been a frustrating year for the most aptly named man in sports –and the broken leg while skydiving during spring training didn’t help. But if the Yankees can get Derek Jeter and Curtis Granderson back (Tex is gone for the season, which isn’t horrible because Lyle Overbay is filling in fine) and if Michael Pineda, who has a 1.64 ERA after three Double A rehab starts, can not only return but return to form, the Yanks actually would have a squad that can compete with anyone in the American League. Since no one in the A.L. is all that formidable this season.

But if A-Rod returns…watch how the chemistry wilts and dies. The question becomes how much of A-Rod’s remaining dollars will the Yankees absorb in order to ship him to another team and be free of him? He becomes David Justice in “Moneyball.” “No, man, I’m not paying you $7 million. The Yankees are paying half your salary. That’s what the New York Yankees think of you. They’re paying you three-and-a-half million dollars to play against them.”

(Note: Avid reader but reluctant commenter Ken Fowler notes that today is The Captain, Derek Jeter’s 39th birthday. So Cashman gave him an early present last night.)

4. Oedipus Flex

Because they couldn’t title it “Mother…” I’ll stop right there.

Robin Wright, Naomi Watts, and two young dudes who apparently stepped directly out of a Hollister catalog. All four are on a beach holiday and each hunk is the son of one of the SuperCougars. The film is titled “Adore”. Well, you can see where this is going. Oh, Princess Buttercup. It’s “Waiting To Exhale” meets “Blame It On Rio” meets “Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice” meets “Summer Lovers” meets “Whatever is Playing on Cinemax at 2 a.m.”.

That said, I think we can all agree that Robin Wright is aging better than any woman in Hollywood, and is getting more roles now (“The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo”, “Moneyball”, “House of Cards”) than she ever has. Spicoli, you idiot.

5. NCAA Outlaws Chip Kelly for Next 18 Months

The NCAA reduced the number of paid visits from 56 to 37, and also the number of uniform combos from 56 to 37.

Our friend Brett McMurphy said it best on Twitter (@McMurphyESPN) : “College football coach checklist: 1. Cheat, 2. Cooperate w/NCAA for minimal penalties, 3. Repeat Rule No. 1.”

 Reserves

Bel-Fast

That tennis player who defeated Rafael Nadal in straight sets, Steve Darcis, withdraws from Wimbledon due to shoulder soreness. Can we have Rafa back, please?

“I’d Like A One-Way Ticket From Moscow to Ecuador”

Apparently, Edward Snowden has grown tired of the Moscow Domodedovo Airport Cinnabon and now has requested asylum in Ecuador. Snowden has said that his main purpose in obtaining the job that he had was to acquire the access he did so as to expose it. Maybe the NSA should have spent more time spying on him.

Immigration Policy

Comedian Ron White on what our immigration policy should be. It’s only funny because it makes absolute perfect sense. NSFP: Not Safe For Phyllis.

As always, Medium Happy is published via a grant by No One In Particular. Your doughnations are welcome. Sameriver@hotmail.com via PayPal. Thanks.

Dear Super Moon: Maybe it’s just me, but it feels as if we are growing more distant. Was it something I said?

Starting Five

1. Stunning Stanley Cup

Dave Bolland scored the series-clincher with 0:59 to play.

With 0:90 remaining in Game 6 of the Stanley Cup finals, we were settling in for a Game 7 in Chicago as the Boston Bruins led 2-1 at home.

Then, with 1:16 remaining and using an empty net, Chicago’s Bryan Bickell tied it. Overtime? Sure, why not? But then just 0:17 later, while Steve Levy and Barry Melrose were reapplying the hair shellac, Dave Bolland cleaned up a shot that hit the pipes and sent it past Tuukka Rask for the game-winner. Stunning.

The most stunning finish to a Game 6 in nearly a week is what it was.

So, Chicago wins the first Stanley Cup finals between two Original Six teams since 1979.

And, like their NBA counterparts, the Heat (not to be confused with the Sandra Bullock-Melissa McCarthy movie of the same name opening nationwide at a theater near you), the Blackhawks had a memorable streak this season that validated their title. The Heat won 27 in a row, the second-longest win streak in NBA history, while the Blackhawks did not lose in regulation over the first 24 games of the season.

He also answered to “Birdman.”

For those of you who don’t know, “Black Hawk” was the name of a Sauk warrior from the area of what is now Rock Island, Ill. He abetted the British in the War of 1812 and his actual name, which would have given copy editors fits, was Makataimeshekiakiak.

2. American Boss Held Hostage in China (or as I call it, “Progress!”)

Chip Starnes: On the bright side, it is still a gated community.

A co-owner of a Coral Springs, Fla.-based company called Specialty Medical Supplies was taken hostage by his factory workers in the company’s plant outside Beijing. Employees are demanding that Chip Starnes, 42, provide them severance packages. Starnes, in a quote that needs to be cut-and-clipped for our year-end “It All Happened” issue (we have a year-end “It All Happened” issue?) said, “I think it is inhumane what is going on right now.” Ha ha ha ha ha.

3. Belgian Blast

Steve Darcis? Never heard of him.

Steve Darcis of Belgium, the 135th-ranked player in the world, knocks out two-time Wimbledon champion Rafael Nadal in straight sets in the opening round at Wimbledon. You may recall that only last month Nadal won the French Open for an eighth time. But you realize that clay and grass are two different surfaces, different colors even (brain storm: A blacktop NBA championship series).

See you in September?

Anyway, Nadal’s knee yada yada yada and he went out in the second round at the All-England Lawn & Tennis Club last season, then took the rest of the year off to rehab his knee and presumably pose shirtless. Also, since we’re taking about Belgium, you should really see In Bruges if you have not already.

4. Death at Le Mans

The driver’s side is on the right.

You sometimes forget that the “24 Hours of Le Mans”, the world’s oldest vehicular endurance race (est. 1923) still takes place. Especially since Steve McQueen has stopped starring in films about it. Maybe because ESPN never includes it in its Top Plays segment. Anyway, it’s a 24-hour race in which each vehicle is shared by two drivers and the test is to see who is able to drive the most laps in a day’s time. Do fans remain for the entire 24 hours? I have no idea.

McQueen in the 1971 film “Le Mans”

Last weekend the race was staged and for the first time since 1986 suffered a driver fatality. Allen Simonsen of Denmark perished when he lost control of his Aston Martin in what is known as the Tertre Rouge corner.

5. Chicago Sky, non-WNBA Edition

Donde es Delle Donne?

While the Blackhawks were busy clinching Lord Stanley’s Cup in Boston, residents of Chicago were enduring massive thunderstorms. Flying into O’Hare Airport is o’hairy enough without having to deal with weather such as this. Actually, the storms were so treacherous that O’Hare Airport temporarily closed and there were probably like, what, 83 murders committed. Which you really cannot blame on the weather.

Reserves

LeBrained? Almost.

The first rule of standing on the top tier of an open-air double-decker bus is don’t stand on the top tier of an open-air double-decker bus. Especially if you’re 6-8 or taller. LeBron James and Juwan Howard nearly got brained during the Heat’s championship parade. If that had happened, all the critics who accused LeBron of “over-passing” during the NBA Finals would be vindicated. Thanks to the Big Lead for that video. See, Selena Roberts, it ain’t that hard to credit someone.

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Where in the world is Edward Snowden? Putin says he’s not in Russia. Oh, that Putin. He IS funny. Speaking of funny, no U.S. media have been able to locate Snowden –after being scooped on his story by a British publication, The Guardian –but at least the Washington Post Express has a sense of humor about it.

Secretary of State John Kerry called the Snowden affair “deeply troubling” and noted that “lives will be lost.” Perhaps he and other elected officials might want to ruminate on why so many Americans –the people they purportedly represent– consider Snowden a hero. One commenter on a blog noted that when you say the initials of the National Security Agency quickly enough, it sounds a lot like “Nazi.”

There will always be “terrorists.” If in the wide definition of the term, I may also include drunk drivers, teenage girls who text and drive, pharmaceutical companies who, intentionally or not, get people addicted to prescription drugs (which kill far more Americans annually than illegal drugs), politicians who openly lie or say, “I don’t recall” while testifying before Congressional sub-committees, and the people responsible for the Legends Seats ticket prices at Yankee Stadium, why yes, “lives will be lost.”

Lives will always be lost, John. No one gets out alive. If, in the cause of protecting us from death –something no one has yet figured out how to do — you squander all of our rights as well as your own integrity, it ain’t really worth it.

But, of course, fear is what keeps you in business, isn’t it?

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Much Ado about Much Ado About Nothing

Fillion and Hanks: There IS crying in war.

At least one film critic believes that this film, which opens Friday, is the best movie of the year thus far. One of its stars is Nathan Fillion, a likeable Canadian (are there any other kinds?) actor who was not even billed in “Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place” but is now the title character in “Castle.” We’ll always love him for weeping openly in front of not one but two former sitcom stars (Tom Hanks and Ted Danson) in Saving Private Ryan.

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Mark Lisanti’s “Mad Men” Power Rankings

Bob Benson at No. 3?!?!? Way too low, Lisanti.

“How are you doing?”

“Not GREAT, Bob!”

The term we use in organic chemistry is “isomers.”

I do think that Mr. Lisanti has a very soft spot in his four-chambered blood-pumper for Mr. Draper and the audacity of hope, don’t you?

(Side Note: Dear AMC or, specifically, Dear Idiots in The Marketing/Promotions Dept. of AMC: You are fortunate enough to have a genius, Matt Weiner, putting shows on your air. And he probably does not choose the songs with which he closes an episode without great care. So if you really want to promote your network, if you truly want to do what’s best for AMC as opposed to doing something that validates your paycheck, hands off the credits. Don’t cut into “Both Sides Now” with a promo for “The Killing”, which most of us aren’t going to watch anyway. Just be glad we watched “Mad Men” and stay the hell out of Weiner’s way. Are we clear? Thank you.)

Slim Whitman, RIP

Country crooner and world-class yodeler (which reminds me: Twinkies are returning!) Slim Whitman passed away at the age of 90 last weekend. I mention him because if you are of a certain age –mine– you may recall being positively assaulted with Slim Whitman infomercials in the late 1970s and early 1980s. You were told that Whitman was “an international star” (he did sell 70 million records, after all) and then you turned to your older brother, the one who had the Led Zeppelin poster up in his room and who had just purchased “Never Mind the Bollocks: Here’s the Sex Pistols”, and you asked, “Who in the wide world of sports is Slim Whitman?”

And he had no idea. Nice obit here from The New York Times. And here’s a tune you may have actually heard.

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Mini-Day of Yore

Happy 137th Anniversary of the Battle of Little Bighorn, one of the great ass-kickings (of Americans, on American soil…sort of) in U.S. history. Most of us remember little more than a line (“Custer’s Last Stand”) if anything more about this “battle” but the truth is that the cavalry got everything they deserved and then some.

You should know that Gen. George Custer was a Civil War hero –he was given the desk at which the Confederacy signed its terms of surrender at Appomattox — and that he ruthlessly slaughtered both Native Americans and their horses in his naked ambition. As far as the Battle of Little Bighorn, it was a case of Custer and his troops being disorganized, wandering far outside their bounds of comfort, and engaging a tribe of people who were more than just a little pissed off at how the Americans had constantly broken promises to them about land rights.

As I wrote, it was a full-on butt-kicking. Savage, really. I highly, highly recommend you read Nathaniel Philbrick’s “The Last Stand”, which is just a phenomenal book. Kids, I ain’t anti-American. I’m just pro-truth.