And the strangest part of it was, it was “Chris Davis Bat Day.” Orioles win, 8-2.
2. Twilight-weights
The two met last winter at a Miami Heat game: “You’ve got the brains. I’ve got the looks. Let’s make lots of money.”
Manny Pacquiao is 36 years old.
Floyd Mayweather is 38 years old.
My story in Newsweek.
3. Chelsea, Handlers
Chelsea’s glow-in-the-dark kits were too much for Leicester
Chelsea scored a come-from-behind win yesterday at Leicester and are now one win away from securing the Premier League title this season. The Londoners will hoist whatever BPL winners hoist for the first time in five years if they defeat Crystal Palace –not a strip joint, though it should be– on Sunday at Stamford Bridge.
4. Trading Places (the easy lazy headline to use here)
I missed this last week — because I’m currently without a working TV — but Jerry Seinfeld appeared on Late Show and Dave handed him the keys to the desk.
5. M(ay)ock Draft
NFL Network’s Mike Mayock only does one mock draft. Which is all you should do. He revealed it yesterday.
A lightning round edition, as we have an early work day out west….
Starting Five
1. Err Jordan
“No tip! No tip!” (a Seinfeld reference on Jerry’s 61st birthday). DeAndre Jordan goal tends in the game’s crucial play, while Blake Griffin briefly — and catastrophically — forgets the Clippers’ nickname: Lob City. Spurs up 3-2.
2. $einfeld
Streaming service Hulu purchases rights to stream all 180 episodes of Seinfeldfor $1 million per episode. That’s a better deal than driving empties to Michigan for the extra deposit money.
3. Like Rain on Your Wedding Day
On the day that Twitter was to report its quarterly earnings after the bell, a software company that searches for data on the web finds the underwhelming report an hour early and releases it. TWTR stock was going to plunge either way, but this way they lost 18% of its value before the trading floor closed. Isn’t it ironic: Twitter upended by news that was put out there in social media before they wanted it out there?
4. Riot Girl
A mom in Baltimore, a Baltimom, is already close to being Time’sMan of the Year for giving her son what-for for taking part in the Baltimore riots.
5. Step Moms
These are (just a portion of) the Santa Monica Steps, which you’ll find at the northern end of 4th Street. This was part of my workout yesterday. Lots of yoga moms there. Probably would’ve been more difficult if I had run up the stairs. Maybe next time.
Protests erupted in Baltimore yesterday in the wake of the funeral of Freddie Gray, who died within 45 minutes of being taken into police custody on April 12. In the words of the immortal Al Czervik, “So what? So…let’s dance!”
2. The Real Housewives of Kings Landing
“I wish we had some wine for you. It’s a bit early in the day for us.” Oh, Margaery, I hope you enjoyed that line, because you are going to pay for it. Cersei is still the Queen Bee. Andy Greenwald’s typically marvelous recap is here.
3. Indonesia: Not Messing Around
The Bali Nine, as they’re known
Nine prisoners are scheduled to face a firing squad in Indonesia today for attempting to smuggle eight kilograms of heroin from Bali to Australia in 2005. The shooters will stand just 5 meters away from the death row prisoners. I wouldn’t expect any Pulp Fiction-type miracle of missed shots.
4. The Firstros?
Jose Altuve, batting .325, waves goodbye to the cellar
Because I have no idea how long this will last: the Houston Astros, long celebrated here and deservedly so as the Lastros, are in first place in the American League West (13-6). The Firstros are one of the rare A.L. West squads who have assiduously avoided putting Justin Josh Hamilton on their roster, and it’s working for them.
Another-Texas-City Keuchel is 2-0 with a 0.62 ERA in four quality starts.
5. The XX Games
Jenner during his 1976 gold-medal winning decathlon competition
It’s cool that Bruce Jenner sat down with Diane Sawyer of ABC and spoke for TWO HOURS about his transgender situation. It’s astounding that, on a Friday evening, 17 million Americans tuned in to watch. Somewhere Dwight Stones is wondering what he needs to do to draw that much attention.
Honestly, if you were looking to wager back in 1976 which US Olympic track and field gold medalist would eventually do a gender change, I think the surer money would be on Dwight. And look at SI, putting a track star on the cover! Those were the days.
Music 101
There She Goes
She calls my name/Pulls my train/No one else could heal my pain
Four lads from Liverpool recorded one of the best pop songs of all time, and none of them were named Ringo. In 1990 The La’s burst onto the scene with tons of promise, but then mercurial lead singer/writer/genius Lee Mavers pulled the plug on the entire operation. I love this band –so does Mike Myers: every time he has appeared on Letterman since this song came out, including last month, this has been his play-on music.
What The La’s copped so well from the Beatles was the ability to write simple, catchy pop songs. Here’s one you’ve probably never heard that fills that order, “I Am The Key.”
Currently the count is 3,600 dead. That number will rise.
1, Nepal
A 7.8-magnitude earthquake, the worst in 80 years, strikes north of Katmandu and devastates the country of 27 million. Aftershocks measuring 6.7 and another registering 5.1 in India also strike. At least 18 climbers on Mount Everest perish due to concomitant avalanches.
In the coming days, mudslides, dysentery, disease, and more suffering.
2. Strong & True
She may not be co-anchoring “Weekend Update” anymore, but Cecily Strong upgraded her Saturday night comedy game by hosting the White House Correspondents Dinner. Not known as a stand-up, Strong had some wicked good lines (the Aaron Shock picture show dragged, though).
POTUS was no slouch, either. Best prez? Worst prez? I’d go with funniest prez, at least in a very long while.
Her two Strong-est lines: “President Obama, your hair is so white now that it can talk back to the police.” And, “Next season, Sarah Koenig (host of Serial), pick someone who definitely did it. Like Amanda Knox (sotto voce: “Her DNA is on the knife”).
Strong will need to adjust to wearing the same uniform more than once in the same season in the NFL
It’s a strong week to be named Strong. First, Cecily, and as Bruce Feldman predicts –and I fully concur — Arizona State wideout Jaelen Strong was a men among boys last autumn (just ask Southern Cal) and will rise up the draft board.
3. Boston Slammed Crowder
Up by 19 in the second half in Game 4 of a series they were leading 3-0, the Cavaliers’ J.R. Smith cheap shots Boston’s Jae Crowder (after Kendrick Perkins had earlier done the same) and earns an ejection. Probably a Game 1 suspension for the subsequent series versus the Bulls. And, J.R. does this on the anniversary of another time he was suspended. You can take the punk out of New York, but you can’t take the punk out of the punk….
4. The $6 Million At-Bat
In the first inning of last night’s 6-4 victory against the No Mas Mess, Alex Rodriguez hit a home run. A cheapie. It bounced off the top of the wall in right-center field, which is already a short porch, and into the stands. Still, that’s career home run 659.
A-Rod’s next will be his 660th (counting, yay!), which will tie him with Willie Mays for fourth place on the all-time list and instantly trigger a $6 million bonus due him from the Yankees. So, yes, a lot of those blasts were clouted when A-Rod was being injected, and the Yanks are contesting the bonus, but it’s not as if the Pinstripes did not realize what Alex was up to. So it’s hard to feel too sorry for them.
The Bombers appear to have no plans in place to celebrate A-Rod’s milestone blast –as prayers that he hits it on the road appear to be going unanswered — and when he was asked about a fete for his feat, he simply said, “I don’t have a marketing degree.”
5. Amazing Amelia (Addendum)
Rodeo Beach: It’s too bad the course is not scenic
One of this site’s unintended but proud duties is to chronicle the continued feats of Chicago attorney Amelia Boone, whose will exceeds her remarkable talent. The World’s Toughest Mudder, you may recall, tore her medial meniscus and suffered a tibial fracture early last autumn. Six weeks later, she won a Tough Mudder event in Las Vegas.
Less than two months after that Boone, who never fancied herself a runner per se, won a 15-mile Xterra run near Fountain Hills, Ariz. on Super Bowl Sunday. Six weeks after that, she completed the Georgia Death Race, a 68-mile wilderness run. And this weekend she finished first among females –and 3rd overall — at the Rodeo Beach Rumble just north of San Francisco.
Do you know how difficult it is to train as a runner in Chicago in the winter, this winter? While slaving away at a prestigious law firm? Look at the quote, taken from a case, that she has posted at the top of her blog, Race Ipsa Loquitur: “The timorous may stay at home.”
Music 101
Sloop John B
So hoist up the John B. sail/See how the main sail sets/Call for the captain ashore/Let me go home
Did the “California sound” exist before the Beach Boys did? Debatable. The Wilson brothers et al. took this from a West Indian folk song, rearranged it with their trademark ethereal harmonies, and included it on one of the greatest pieces of vinyl ever pressed, Pet Sounds. The song was released as a single in spring of 1966, a very good year, and rose to No. 3 in the U.S. an No. 2 in the U.K. in 1967.
Remote Patrol
Game 7: Islanders at Capitals
NBC Sports 7:30 p.m.
Who will win Game 7 of this Stanley Cup playoffs first-round series? Who cares: the real question is, Who will win Game 8?
Pelicans by 11 at halftime, 63-52: “Warriors, come out and play-ay!”
Pelicans by 20 after three, 89-69: “Warriors, come out to PLAY!”
Maybe just shut up and play defense?
Golden State outscores New Orleans by 20 in the fourth quarter and wins 123-119 in overtime as Stephen Curry scores 40 points. GS up 3-0 as the legends of Steve & Stephen, Kerr & Curry, continue to grow.
“You Warriors are good. Real good.”
“The best.”
2. Play Brawl!
Then again, the Royals are 12-4, which is the best record in the American League. Put ’em up, put ’em up!
Where can we buy tickets to the Mayweather-Royals bout? Or maybe just Pacquiao-Ventura? In three of Yordano Ventura’s four starts for Kansas City this young season, a benches-clearing contretemps has occurred, including in last night’s game at Chicago. Simmer down. Simmer down, now!
Meanwhile, the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight tix went on sale yesterday and all 14,000 of them were gone in 60 seconds. I do hope the bout is fast and furious. Some 1,100 of those ducats, not for public sale, were sold at $10,000 per ticket. The true heavy hitters will be in the front rows at the MGM Grand.
3. Calbuco!
Gee, I have no idea why ancient peoples, with no idea how science works, witnessed sights such as this and decided that God was punishing them. Anyway, click here for a score of photos of the first eruption of the Calbuco in Chile, in 42 years. See, Calbuco, this is what happens when you keep things pent up inside for too long. Serenity now, insanity later.
4. Jamie, FOX
This photo of Rosie Huntingon-Whitely appears here because she is a fox, which is a 1979 term for hottie.
You recall Jamie Horowitz? The programming whiz at ESPN who is mostly responsible/to blame for many of the shows we despise so much (First Take, Sports Nation). People watch those shows and Horowitz brokered that into a prime gig at NBC, which lasted all of 10 weeks (read this Vanity Fair piece).
Now the Williams Amherst College alum has been named FOX Sports National Networks President, which is another way of saying, “You’re Almost, But Not Quite, Eric Shanks.” I know Jamie a little. A little. The feeling I’ve always gotten is that when he’s not reading The Prince by Machiavelli, he’s reading The Art of War by Sun-Tzu.
Horowitz is scheduled to return to his alma mater appear at Williams College on April 30 to hand out the Frank Deford Awardto some deserving Eph undergrad.
5. Amazon, Amazin’
My friend Mary Pat, spouse of one of my closest friends on earth and certainly my dearest friend in McHenry County, Ill., Smoron, last week: “I’m thinking of buying some Amazon stock before next week’s earnings report. I think it’ll be good news.”
Dubs: Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Amazon (AMZN) reported after the bell last night and the stock is up 12%in pre-market trading this morning. What was I saying earlier this week?!?
Oh, and the Apple Watch goes on sale today. That little-known equity is up nearly 5% this week, which makes Tim Cook “happy.” It’s not rocket surgery.
Music 101
Hold On
This sounds like a good song…for me to POOP on! I only say that because the band behind this Seventies Arena Rock standard is Triumph. If you ever wondered if This Is Spinal Tap was inspired by real-life bands, well, this Canadian power-chord trio certainly qualifies. Triumph is to Rush as Seger is to Springsteen. The song reached No. 38 on the Billboard charts in 1979.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_C5s7wXmn0
Remote Patrol
Late Show
CBS 11:35 p.m.
Seinfeld, Duchovny, Dave, most likely in the early 90s
We are less than one month away from the final show (tears, shredding of garments, self-immolation to follow) and tonight’s guest is the legendary Jerry Seinfeld. Don’t watch if you don’t feel like it. For me, this is personal. My two heroes, and it’s probably the final appearance for Jerry, who’s been making the scene on this program since the 1980s.
