by John Walters

A Medium Happy 88th to Gordie Howe….

Starting Five

Kobe: 2 points in 9 minutes on 1 of 7 shooting.

That’s A Wrap?

The Lakers beat the Heat, 102-100, in overtime in L.A.

Lamar Odom showed up.

Kobe scored 2 points, then was taken out with “general soreness” (It only gets worse, Kobe; trust me).

I don’t know if any of the Lakers slapped hands with D’Angelo Russell after he shot a free throw.

Kobe Watch: 33,464 points in 1,339 games for a career scoring average of 24.99 points per game.

2. TCOB (And Working Overtime)

The angle looks off here, but the shot went in

In other NBA overtime news, the Dubs needed it in Salt Lake City before taking down the All That Jazz, 103-96. Klay Thompson missed a three-pointer with less than :25 to play and the Warriors trailing 89-86, but GSW got the offensive rebound, kicked it right back out to Klay, and he buried it with :21 to play to force overtime.

Golden State is 68-7 and the Spurs, who still have two games against them, will probably be resting their starters. GSW could very well face Utah in the first round.

3. “Hero Mate” and His Mate

The man on the right saved Brett Connellan’s life, and the woman on the left is like, just another sheila in New South Wales

Sure, you’ll want to read here about how 22 year-old pro surfer Brett Connellan was mauled by a shark at Bombo Beach (Why do Aussies have such wonderful names for beaches?) and lost much of his left thigh, but stick around for the video as the man on the right, “Joel,” is captioned as his “hero mate.” And that’s Joel’s girlfriend, Agie, an intensive care nurse. I mean, who needs to “build a wall” (and Mexico’s gonna pay for it) when we should all just move to Australia and hang out at places named Bombo Beach, where everyone looks like Jude Law or Naomi Watts ?

Connellan may be retiring this board

Connellan, from his IC bed, issued a statement pleading that this incident not lead to any reckless shark hunts. He’s a good man.

4. You’ve Got (More) Male

Berube played on the 1995 UConn team that went 35-0 and won the national championship, kickstarting the modern era of women’s college hoops

Yesterday in Newsweek we ran this piece I wrote on how this week, for the first time since they began staging a national championship in women’s hoops in 1972, all four head coaches will be male: Geno Auriemma of Connecticut, Scott Rueck of Oregon State, Mike Neighbors of Washington and Quentin Hillsman of Syracuse.

Then I dug further. The Division II national championship, which will also take place in Indianapolis (3 p.m., Monday) features our old friends Alaska Anchorage, coached by Anchorage native Ryan McCarthy, versus Lubbock Christian, coached by Steve Gomez (who apparently survived that shootout in Tohajiilee).

The Division III national title game, also in Indy (6 p.m., Monday) features Thomas More, coached by Jeff Hans, versus Tufts, which will have the lone female coach in a women’s championship game this year: Carla Berube. Her college coach? Geno Auriemma.

5. Death in Kolkata*

At least 14 dead, more to come

In the Indian city of Kolkata (formerly Calcutta), one of the most populous in the world, an overpass collapses above a street, trapping dozens. They are not big on inspections in India.

Music 101

Over My Head (Cable Car)

When Denver-based band The Fray released this song in late 2005 off their debut album, it became the fifth-most digitally downloaded tune of the year, selling more than 2 million copies. It lost the Grammy for Best Pop Performance the following year to “My Humps” (what a time to be alive).

Remote Patrol

Jimmy Kimmel Live

11:35 p.m. ABC

This happened once….

Not much worthy fare on tonight, but one of the world’s greatest guests, Bill Murray, will be making an appearance. Also, on Conan (11 p.m., TBS), the ENTIRE cast of Batman vs. Superman (like, the top 5 billed names) will be appearing. Is that the acrid scent of desperation you smell?

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 86th to Gomez himself, John Astin, whose ex-wife, Patty Duke, passed away yesterday. And yes, one of their sons is “Rudy” (Sean Astin)

Starting Five

How much trouble are you in with your teammates? No, a lot more than that, D’?

1. Sex, Losses and Videotape

hmmm i see D Angelo Russell is trending… I actually liked his film. Thanks bro.

— IGGY AZALEA (@IGGYAZALEA) March 30, 2016

D’Angelo Russell is 19 and he’s also the No. 2 pick in last June’s NBA draft. Plays for the 15-59 LOLakers. Recently, Russell secretly taped 30 year-old teammate Nick Young—we all know and love him as “Swaggy P”—as he cajoled Young, who is engaged to Iggy Azalea, into talking about his extracurricular activities.

The tape got put onto the internet. Now all of the Lakers are running isolation plays on Young.

It’s funny, because Gary Vitti has for 29 years handled all of the Lakers’ taping.

I like that this is happening. It’s like the Lakers’ own goodbye present to Kobe, one final reminder of how crazy life in the NBA could be. Oh, and can you imagine what life would be like for Russell if he had made Kobe-in-his-prime the target of his ill-considered prank?

And can you imagine if Russell had done this to Matt Barnes? It would be total TEMECULA!

2. Town Hell

Milwaukee. No candidate had a good answer for why the Schottz Brewery closed down.

Confession: The GOP Town Hall is, at this point of the race, far more entertaining than another debate. We’re over the bickering and the “I have a big weiner” boasts. This is more like Perma-Frost/Nixon, especially with White Walker Anderson Cooper handling the chores. Top quotes from last night:

“My view on welfare is that it should be a trampoline, not a hammock.” — Ted Cruz

“Security, security and security.” — Donald Trump, asked to name the three top functions of government.

“When I let Washington (as a U.S. Senator, at the end of the Clinton administration), there was a $5 trillion surplus. And guess who spent it? The Republicans.” –John Kasich (he really doesn’t understand how this game works, does he?)

“I didn’t start it!” — Trump “With all due respect, that’s the argument of a five year-old.” –Cooper

3. Blessed Are The Shotmakers

Blessed? Aw, hell no.

I know my former colleague Seth Davis, a Duke alum, well enough to understand just how much he loves college basketball. He is living his dream life. He gets to write about college basketball for the magazine of his youth, Sports Illustrated. He gets to opine about college basketball on national TV alongside giants, both literal and figurative, of past NCAA tournaments. He gets to go to the Final Four, stay in nice hotels and occupy a grand stage during the tournament.

If you told 22 year-old Seth Davis he’d be doing this, he’d gladly do it for free. But he’s not doing it for free. He’s beyond BLESSED to be doing this, but he’s not doing it for free. Or for a scholarship and room and board. No sir.

Will I be double-blocked on Twitter for running this item?

I don’t disagree that these players have a good situation, and I think it’ll take another team such as 1990 UNLV (a team that is a repeat champion would be a higher probability) to stage a strike. I’m just curious that a person who earns high six figures talking and writing about college hoops has the nerve to tell players how blessed they are without even, in a cursory manner, noting the irony of the fact that he’s earning a large sum off this event without ever once having suited up.

4. It’s Garry Shandling’s Court

I”m not going to identify every one in this photo, okay?

I love this. Garry Shandling staged a weekly Sunday afternoon hoops game at his home (three on three, up to 7, win by 2), so last Sunday a few of his friends, including Sarah Silverman and Judd Apatow (both noted fans of Easter Sunday), staged a final game in his honor.

Silverman shared a photo of herself and Shandling playing

Hoping it never happens, but at SI our Garry Shandling would be Jack McCallum, who annually staged a golf tourney at his house. He was the mentor to a bunch of young writers, many of whom you now know well. Like Shandling, Jack is brilliant and funny but is just as well-known for how much he made SI feel like a family.

5. Bloom’s Day

Happened upon this last night. Rachel Bloom, star of “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,” explains to host Stephen Colbert how “Anything Can Be a Musical.”

Reserves

As someone noted, “Michael Stipe has embraced his inner craft-beer brewer.” The former REM lead singer pays tribute to David Bowie on Jimmy Fallon.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hF2ed7ouU3o

*****

Did Molly Huddle cheat? Well, um, this is not at all sportsmanlike. From the March 20 NYC Half Marathon (I think I finished fourth). Go to :35

At least she’s learned something from last August in Beijing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5v5GKFUYkwA

Music 101

Falling From The Sky

This is a 2013 tune from Calexico, a two-man band from Tucson, Arizona. This is what happens when you put me in a car for two hours and allow me to tune in to listener-supported WFUV.

Remote Patrol

Texas Western vs. Kentucky

7:30 p.m. ESPN

The night they drove ol’ Dixie down….

The WWL has stepped back from the authenticity of the game footage claim, but it still should be fun to watch how much simpler college hoops was 50 years ago. And notice how players don’t palm the basketball or, ahem, Eurostep (because that’s traveling). Memo to Clay Travis: take the Miners and the points.

p.s. I had the honor of fact-checking a wonderful Curry Kirkpatrick bonus piece (you’d call it a longform) on this game when I was a wee lad of 24. It’s a fine complement to your viewing. I miss Curry’s type of style in SI. Dearly.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 61st to the Tyler Rose himself, Earl Campbell…

and we’re going to put this birthday greeting to Elle MacPherson down under his…

For a few years, she turned the swimsuit issue into Sports Elle-ustrated..

because….

Starting Five

Hillsman is taking Syracuse to the Women’s Final Four. I’m checking on whether he’s the first male African-American coach to do so.

Male-Order Final Four

For the first time in its history, the Women’s Final Four will have four male head coaches (Is there be a Title IX, Coaches’ Edition in the offing?). Geno Auriemma, Connecticut, was a given.

But this March the three other heavily favored No. 1 seeds were all toppled (and now they are bottomled?): Notre Dame (by Stanford, Sweet 16), South Carolina (by Syracuse, Sweet 16) and Baylor (by Oregon State, Elite Eight).

The WBCA blames Geno for this….

Your Final Four is a refreshing new crop of foes– Washington, with nation’s leading scorer Kelsey Plum, Syracuse, Oregon State and UConn. The four coaches are Mike Neighbors (U-Dub), Quentin Hillsman (Syracuse), Scott Rueck (Oregon State), and of course, Geno.

Fifteen years ago I wrote this piece in SI about how male coaches in women’s hoops were always placed in the same bracket so that no more than one would make the Final Four. As our politicians are loathe to accept, the more you try to bury a movement, the more resilient it often becomes.

2. Hack-a-Phone

Meet the FBI’s new technical consultant

So basically the FBI is an eight year-old boy who can’t find his baseball glove. So he cries, “Mom, I lost my baseball glove! Can you find it for me?!?”

And Apple is that good mom who looks up from baking her apple pie (what other type of pie would you expect her to bake???) and says, “Keep looking, honey!”

And the FBI whines. And stomps his feet. And declares he’s quitting baseball.

And Apple just keeps chopping up apples and making a glaze.

And then FINALLY the FBI enlists someone else to help and finds his glove. But who did the FBI get to help it? Neo, of course.

3. “I Want Some, Too!”

Fandango + Animal House by the guy who made Dazed & Confused

Looking forward, very forward, possibly even Fast Forward, to Richard Linklater’s Everybody Wants Some (title taken from this kick-ass Van Halen song), which opens Friday. It’s about a college baseball team in the early 1980s (Linklater played two years of college baseball) and that era is in this writer’s wheelhouse. Also, it’s got to be more entertaining than Boyhood.

Trailer here….

Rotten Tomatoes rating? 95%. Variety’s review, highly recommended.

Fandango: See this before you graduate college (it may just mess you up for life)

Last thought: One of my favorite films is Fandango, a coming of age film set in Texas that was made at about the time this film was set. That movie, starring unknowns Kevin Costner and Judd Nelson (and Suzy Amis), was set about 12 years earlier. I’m 1,000% percent positive that a Texas teen of that era like Linklater saw Fandango and was influenced by it. I’d recommend watching Fandango first, if you are able, to see if there are any nods to it here. And yes, as you remember, Linklater already did Dazed & Confused, which is set about seven years earlier (and note, one of our favorite characters was an eighth-grade baseball player).

4. Loss Angeles

Utah gifts Kobe a free pass to all the national parks as well as the worst loss of his career.

The Lakers lost by 48, tying a team record, at Utah (123-75).
Kobe Bryant shot 1 of 11 from the field, had a minus-44, and finished with 5 points.
Kobe did leave with some lovely parting gifts, though, as the Jazz bequeathed the exiting Hall of Famer and his family with a 10-year pass to all of the national parks. This is the part where I joke about Kobe visiting the Grand Canyon because at least he could throw one in there.

Kobe lifetime scoring average watch: Currently at 25.0089 ppg.

Kobe will need to score 188 points in LOLakers’ final eight games to maintain an above-25.0 ppg career scoring average, i.e., he’ll need to average 23.50 ppg to do so.

5. Hinky Dinky Gal

The first Hinky Dinky opened in….Omaha (True)

In last night’s Better Call Saul, our heroine, Kim Wexler, tells a prospective employer that she comes from “a little town near the Kansas-Nebraska border” and that had she remained there, she’d probably be a cashier “at the Hinky Dinky.”

“The devil is in the details,” co-creator (of the show, not of Hinky Dinky) Peter Gould told me last week, and this is a prime example. In many shows, they’d have the character say something generic, such as “at the local supermarket,” but on BCS, they care. So they found an actual no-longer operational food & drug chain, which actually launched in Omaha, where Jimmy McGill is eventually headed.

So, yeah, the Kansas City Royals shirt, Saul Goodman’s last retreat, Omaha, and now this reveal from Wexler as to her hometown. Maybe there is bruised and battered hope for these two yet?

Meanwhile, again, because we, too, care about attention to detail (don’t allow the daily spelling errors on this blog to fool you), young Jimmy McGill was peeping at Playboy in the late summer of 1973. We checked. That’s Cyndi Wood on the August ’73 cover.

This one the “Creative Use of Limbs” prize at the 1974 ASME awards

One minor complaint with last night’s episode: Jimmy suggests to Kim that they head to Whataburger to celebrate her decision to go into business for herself. It’s a fine choice and all, but if you live in Albuquerque you’re headed to Blake’s Lotaburger.

Try the green chile burger! Yum!

Music 101

Ball of Confusion (That’s What The World Is Today)

TURN IT UP!!!!!!! If there were a March Madness bracket for kick-ass tunes, this 1970 wakeup call by The Temptations would be a top seed. The song reached No. 3 on the pop charts, and I don’t believe it’s ever been used on the soundtrack of a major motion picture, which blows my gray matter. It’s the perfect opening tune for a movie. Also, that opening bass line….did Death Cab For Cutie lift that for their 2008 tune, “I Will Possess Your Heart?”

Alas, the lyrics are not at all outdated 46 years on…And the beat goes on…

Remote Patrol

Wizards at Warriors

10:30 p.m. TNT

Yes, this is the 2nd day in a row we’ve featured a middle-aged white dude dressed like a pimp in this space….

First of all, sure, there’s the Must-Win Guatemala-USA World Cup qualifier from Columbus, Ohio, at 8 p.m. on ESPN2. And there’s drama there. But why would any sports fan miss a chance to watch the Dubs as they chase 73 in the final two-plus weeks of the season? Plus, your sideline reporter tonight is Craig Sager. And let’s savor these moments.

by John Walters

A Medium Happy 30th to Joanne Germanotta, a.k.a. Lady Gaga

Starting Five

Tyler Lydon: As easy as one-shoe three! This was Syracuse’s only three-pointer of the first half.

1. reSUrrection

The lads in orange from Syracuse trailed No. 1 seed Virginia 35-21 at the half. They trailed by even more, 54-39, with 9:33 to play after London Perrantes (he’s from Los Angeles, you know) buried his sixth three of the game.

How did you blow a 15-point second half lead in the game’s final 10 minutes, Virginia? THAT’S your answer?

Then it was all SU, “back from the dead” on Easter Sunday, as Kevin Harlan said. The Orange went into a full-court press and the Cavs began pressing. Syracuse went on a 25-4 run and wound up shushing all the doubters who didn’t even believe they belonged in the tourney.

Demetrius Jackson scored 26 in what was possibly his final game for the Irish. The Mishawaka native played his bravest game as a collegian, and the Irish actually led 52-51 midway through the second half.

Your men’s Final Four: Syracuse and North Carolina, Villanova and Oklahoma. The Syracuse women have also already advanced tot the women’s Final Four, along with Washington and nation’s leading scorer Kelsey Plum, whose father is not a professor as far as we know.

2. Horror in Lahore

You really only need the first two words here.

On Easter Sunday, 72 dead, 29 of them children, as Christians are targeted celebrating at a park in Lahore, Pakistan. What is wrong with these people? And will CNN/MSNBC/FOX cover this even one-fifth as much as Brussels? Also, does humanity appreciate the inherent foolishness of arguing over whose monkey-god is supreme? We’re all dead in the end, folks. Whoever you think is responsible for your creation really doesn’t care any more about you than anyone else. That’s the fact, Jack!

3. Gooooooooooooal! of the Year

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv0xlQjN5RM

This is South Africa in yellow, and Cameroon in green. And that’s Hlompho Kekaha (which, if you saw The Lion King, you know means “No worries”) scoring from his own end after firing what Dr. Evil would refer to as “a laser.” Kekaha’s goal evened the score in this African Cup of Nations qualifier.

4. Abrupt Eruption

Thar she blows (this is an acceptable time to use “thar”)

Let’s go now to our affiliate in the Aleutian Islands, the sting ray’s tail of Alaksa, where the Pavlof Volcano blew its top and spewed ash up to 20,000 feet skyward, If you were planning on spending Easter Break in the Aleutian Islands, call your travel agent. You may have to cancel.

5. Reedus and Weep?

Is Daryl dead? That’s what fans of The Walking Dead are wondering after last night’s penultimate episode of this season ended with Daryl (Norman Reeds) being shot in a classic example of double-crossing and crossbow aficionado. Of course, after the Glenn death-not-death, does anything really even matter on that show anymore?

Sepinwall is ready to break up with the show heading into next week’s 90-minute season finale.

Music 101

Fight Song/I Am Woman

So, I noticed on Friday that Rachel Platten’s girl power anthem of recent vintage has 160 MILLION views on YouTube. And, yes, it’s got a great chorus. It peaked at No. 6 on the Billboard charts last year.

And then I noticed that Helen Reddy, the progenitor (progenitress?) of the female power anthem, has less than 40 THOUSAND views for the original video for I Am Woman, one of the most influential songs of the 1970s. The Australian’s anthem hit No. 1 on the Billboard chart in December of 1972 and became the first tune by an Aussie artist to hit No. 1. It still sounds good.

Inspired by these girl power songs, I wrote a cat power song (but not a Cat Power song) titled “I Am Kitty.” Enjoy.

I Am Kitty

I am kitty, hear me roar,

Cuz that’s my tail caught in the door,

But I know just how to trip you on the stair,

You will treat me like a pet,

I’ll cost you thousands at the vet,

Every coat of yours is littered with my hair,

Oh yes, I am wild,

But I’ll just pretend I’m tame,

Yes, I’ll scratch your child,

And treat you with disdain,

If I have to, I can nap anywhere,

I am vile (vile!),

I’ll vomit on your rug (on your rug!),

I am Kitty!

Remote Patrol

Better Call Saul

10 p.m. AMC

Get ready for a splash of color this week….

Last week’s preview implies that this may finally be the week when Jimmy McGill goes rogue. The colorful suits suggest that perhaps he’s once again going into business for himself? Or will he and Kim hang up a shingle together? Listen, there’s no show on TV that  grooves between hilarious and deadly better. It’s, as you already know by now, my favorite show. Enjoy!

by John Walters

We’re OUT!

You Dummies! (use the Fred Sanford voice there)

Anyway, the house (me) realized yesterday that its best chance to win was for all of us to lose on the same day. So when the other remaining players, Bret Keyes and Sean Sullivan, took Kansas yesterday, joining me, I was all for Villanova! I’ll send you a percentage of the $100 I saved—after you go pro, of course—Daniel Ochefu.

It was a fun pool. We’ll do this again. I’m even toying with an MLB knockout pool to see how long that would last.

Thanks for playing. And just like life, nobody wins, ultimately.