STARTING FIVE

Frank N. Stein

1. Gone Ghoul

Katie’s right. Halloween…Thanksgiving…Christmas. How do you not love this time of year? I’ll say this, though, having lived part of my life in the Arizona desert and parts in the Midwest and Welcome to New York City. This holiday stretch is so much more awesome in lands of four seasons and leaf-peeping, etc. It’s as much better than any place such as Florida, Texas, Arizona or Southern California as the following three months (January, February, March) are that much worse.

Except for Texas. Which always kinda blows.

ANYWAY…Random Halloween thoughts: It is cool that a team with Halloween colors wins the World Series this week (We’ll see you again in 2016, San Fran)…my experience, and only because I don’t wear Sexy Nurse Costumes, is that most Halloween costumes are detrimental to one’s peripheral vision. I’m glad the lawyers haven’t yet figured out a way to litigate us straight out of the fun of this date…If you’re a household, be the household that serves up Snicker’s, Nestle’s Crunch, Three Musketeers or Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups…You HAVE to wear a costume. You cannot, as my big brother’s friends used to do when they got to their teenage years, just knock on people’s doors with a pillow sack in your hands. That makes you a panhandler, which, okay, may technically be a “costume,” but at least wear some home-fashioned cardboard shoes…

Sorry, Florida. We have this right now…You’ll win come January.

How to Make a Scary Movie:

1) Make it in black-and-white.

2) Never actually show splatter. The threat of something terrible happening is always scarier than the actuality of it happening.

3) Fog. (Humidity isn’t really that scary on its own)

“The next act is late. Can you just vamp for a bit, Bela?”

4) Cast Bela Lugosi or Boris Karloff.

2. Cansu Usta

Cansu (pronounced “John-Sue”) is a net-wrecker.

I know: It looks as if you’re looking at your Scrabble pieces, but it’s actually the name of a freshman female soccer player who scored 36 goals in just 16 games this season. Usta, the daughter of Turkish immigrants, lives in the Bay Ridge section of Brooklyn and shares a bedroom with her two younger sisters. Every day she has a 50-minute one-way commute by subway to the campus of St. Joseph’s College in Brooklyn.

But, once she arrives, Usta does nothing but score goals. She’s had a pair of six-goal games (double hat tricks?) for her Division III school. A five-goal game. A pair of three-goal games. I have yet to see her play a game in person, and it was funny that on the day I went to watch her practice earlier this week the field that the Bears were using had no goals. “Yeah,” the SID told me later, “we were hoping you wouldn’t notice that.”

No male or female, Division I, II or III has scored more goals than Usta. If she were to continue this pace, she’s shatter the NCAA career goals mark for men (137) or women (135).

3. They’re In

Nice uniforms, though, Cards. I’d keep these as your primary unis going forward.

When Florida State tight end Once Upon a Midnight Dreary/As I Pondered Nick O’Leary pulled that suplex move on the Louisville defender who intercepted Jameis Winston’s pass, it was a symbolic gesture. It was Tomahawk Nation telling all of its critics, this one included, that they don’t care about all the investigations or barbs because guess what: Florida State is taking one of those four playoff dance cards.

FSU trailed 21-0 late in the second quarter last night to the Fighting Bobby Petrinos in Louisville and if you look at their schedule, this game was their last real test. And so what do they do but outscore the Cardinals, with The Greatest looking on, 42-10 the rest of the way.

The Seminoles do not leave Florida again until the ACC Championship game in Charlotte. They have Virginia in Tallahassee, then head down to play The U, then Boston College and The UF back in Doak Campbell. Will this November be quieter than last November? Will it matter? The Noles are going to the playoff. Deal with it.

4. Flori-Duh: Wheelie Poppin’ Daddies

When he passes you on the interstate, just remember, He’ll be dead soon.

Florida man pops wheelies on motorsickle on I-95 north of Miami to impress female motorist, loses control, crashes into light pole, sails over retaining wall onto street below and dies. You never disappoint us with your imagination, Florida.

In the latest statistics revealed, 2012, there were 425 motorcycle fatalities in Florida alone. Nationally, 4,957 motorcyclists were killed in 2012. Which is kinda worse than that whole Ebola scare. Maybe there should be a Harley Davidson scare?

5. No, It’s “Gor-DON”

This dude could never have scored on an inside-the-park home run.

Okay. There’s no way you send Alex Gordon, who was already looking a little tired by the time he arrived at 3rd base, on Wednesday night. Why do people even debate this? Easy. Just think of the craziness of it: two outs, bottom of the ninth, Game 7 of the World Series, and you potentially score the game-tying run on an inside-the-park (error-aided) home run!?!?!

We’d have had to create an entirely new Level of Rule 27-dom for that one (for the newbies: Rule 27 dictates that in any baseball game there’s the chance to witness something you’ve never before seen, or even conjured).

Here’s the more intriguing wrinkle to me than Gordon going and beating the cut-off throw to the plate, which only happens if the Giants sub in 50-Cent at shortstop: Gordon runs and is ruled safe because Buster Posey is blocking the plate. And so what we’d have is not only Rule 27 but also a Great Moment in Irony, since the rule about blocking the plate was a direct result of the horrific knee injury Posey himself suffered a few years back. Now THAT I would have loved to see.

The other reason we –or Royals fans cannot let this go? Because, like with most tantalizingly torturous sports moments, there are so many what ifs as well as bizarre moments:

–WHAT IF Gordon had flown out of the box instead of watching the path of the ball?

–WHAT IF Juan Perez had bobbled the ball a second time?

–WHAT IF it had been one of K.C.’s speedsters, Lo Cain or Jarred Dyson, who had hit that same ball?

–WHAT IF Gregor Blanco had kept charging and dived? Might he have caught it and made arguably the greatest final out in World Series history?

And then there’s the fun stuff: Madison Bumgarner raising his arm in victory as Posey runs toward the mound. Too soon, fellas. Blanco’s boner. Perez, in the most critical moment of his career, taking his eye off the ball as he goes to pick it up and booting it with his hand.

Great drama. You couldn’t have scripted it any better.

Buuuut….anyone who watched the A’s-Royals wild card game knew that the following batter, Salvador Perez, is unable to lay off bad pitches. And yet, he did have the game-winner against the A’s in extra innings. So if you were Ned Yost, what would you have done?

Reserves

His next move? Owner of a Williamsburg bicycle shop/farm-to-market bistro

Did not get to this earlier in the week, but arrogant hipster farm-to-market cannibal butcher Gareth got his just desserts (and it wasn’t someone’s hamstring) on Walking Dead. Now we must debate which is your less favorite Gareth, him or the assistant (to the) regional manager at Wernham Hogg, Gareth Keenan?

Brave vet of the Territorial Army…

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I love Dave. I love Taylor. I love that they love each other. Here’s their Smitten-fest from earlier this week.

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LAKE Effects: The EKG-like chart of one stock, Lakeland Industries, maker of Haz-mat suits, during this Ebola-crazed month:

October 6: $8.50

October 13: $29.40

October 29: $11.35

October 30: $16.10

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Shoot, Kobe, Shoot! My advice to the Black Mamba for the 2014-15 season. And now that serial chucker Russell Westbrook is out 4-6 weeks, the early lead for the scoring title is within his grasp.

Remote Patrol

Night of the Living Dead

TCM 8 p.m.

“We know you’re home, and we want some candy!”

Lots of scary offerings on this evening (Halloween, Silence of the Lambs, Amityville Horror, The Shining, Michael Feinstein at the Rainbow Room), but let’s go with this 1968 indie that did more with less. This is the film that kicked off the zombie phenomenon and it’s also, seen another way, the worst invasion of trick-or-treaters ever.

Now that John is recording podcasts with Bruce Feldman, he no longer has time to write blogs so he lets me continue to write.   I think he figured that since I lived in the Bay Area, I could give an accurate account of #OrangeOctober. I either followed most games on my phone or on radio.  Plus, I’m a bitter Mess fan.

(For those wondering, I did the drop today)

IT’S ALL HAPPENING!

1. BUM-ING ANOTHER WORLD SERIES TITLE

Ha, Kershaw probably gets a Tesla for the Cy Young.

Behind the left arm of NLCS and World Series MVP, Madison Bumgarner, the San Francisco Giants won their third title in five years and the talk of a Gianasty has begun in the Bay Area.

It was probably the best game of the series, as everything hung in the balance the last 5 innings. Would the Giants add an insurance run? Would the Royals solve Madison? (A leadoff single meant maybe but then the Royals ground game was grounded and nothing seemed to materialize until the 9th).

Bumgarner pitched 21 innings in the WS and allowed 1 run. His fellow starting pitchers of Jake Peavy, Tim Hudson and Ryan (Vogey) Vogelsong went a combined 16.1 innings and allowed 18 runs in 5 other starts.

Two things about the Gordon hit with 2 outs in the 9th:

1. Posey and Bum thought the ball would be caught. Watch Posey, he ran to the mound to celebrate.
2. Gordon went too slow out of the box thinking the ball would either be caught or drop in for a base hit. I don’t think he ever turned the jets on. I still would have had him make a wide turn at third and force a throw. Perez wasn’t hitting Bum.

Now I have to listen to more Giants crap for the next year.

2. ANOTHER WEEK, ANOTHER REFERENDUM

What all the Patricia Ryan’s in Tallahassee will be wearing tomorrow.

A week after The Pick or Illegal Blocking or Touching a FSU player (btw, touching a FSU female student with force isn’t illegal at FSU) ruined ND’s undefeated season, we have another week of ref controversy.

First, THE Ohio State wins a game because replay broke and they couldn’t wait. Then, Auburn uses two players with the same number at the same time. Then, Utah wins using the Pick play. (If you’re a ND fan, all that’s left is a touchdown called back b/c of a blade of grass moving).

Plus, we have Mike Pereira opining that a higher power is deciding key SEC replays.

People think that if we do away with conference refs things will be fixed, but I’d like to say I doubt it. Look at college basketball: they did away with conference refs and yet the same refs are always doing ACC, AAC, Big East, etc. games and rarely will you see Karl Hess do a Pac-12 or Mountain West game. Based on schedule and familiararity, refs don’t leave the comfort of their area.

In college football, the same will happen. The home team is responsible for the refs and the conference assigns them. Is the SEC going to have a west coast crew come do Bama-LSU to show fairness when they have 7 crews of guys they know and trust? I doubt it.

3. PLAYOFF MADNESS

On Tuesday, the initial College Football Playoff Rankings came out and within seconds OUTRAGE!!! hit message boards and social media. Yes, three SEC West teams are in the top 4 (4 in the top 6), but how many fans realize they all play each other in the next month? No one had any idea had the committee would act, but I’m still puzzled on Ty’s selection to the group. The man was a volunteer golf coach a year ago, it’s not like he’s doing anything football-related (he didn’t do anything football related at ND either).

The big test for the group comes next Tuesday when Auburn or Ole Miss has two losses. Does Auburn stay above 1 loss teams because they lost to the #1 and #3 teams? Does Ole Miss drop far enough?

Then on Nov. 8 there are at least 4 games featuring CFP teams: ND vs. ASU, Bama vs. LSU, Oregon vs. Utah and Kansas State vs. TCU. Depending on the outcomes, then the real outrage begins.

As far as ND goes, I thought 10 was too low, but they haven’t beat anyone ranked in the top 25 and since MSU beat Nebraska they are going to be ahead of the Irish no matter how bad MSU looked against Oregon. Now the Irish need to win and to win big over Navy, ASU, Northwestern and USC.

4. TIME TO FISH FOR ANOTHER COACH

One game into the Derek Fisher era and one blowout. Knicks fans will defend Phil and say the previous group destroyed the cap space which limited what he could do. I’ll say the Knicks stunk in the preseason and we should have let Melo walk and started all over. Melo will never work in this system because he’s too selfish of a player. Look how long he’s been in NY and what marquee free agent has wanted to join the Knicks in that time frame? None. JR Smith should have never been give a contract extension but ownership thought JR turned a corner.

What member of the Jackson family coaching tree had success? Sometimes it’s ok to disrespect the family.

5. NAMING RIGHTS

You named me what?

At this time next week if all goes according to plan, my wife and I will be into our second go-round with an infant. She barely sleeps now and my toddler wakes me up at 5:15 every day so lack of sleep won’t be a problem. Naming the second kid has been more of the issue.

Our first kid just happens to share his name with a WS MVP (We’re trendsetters who aren’t Giants fans). So when we found out about kid #2 (We went on Maury, home tests are so passe) the name search began. People guessed we would stick with a President theme so that got thrown out, then we would throw out names and look at how popular they were because heaven forbid we not be seen as copycats.

We asked our kid and he suggested Treestump because of a funny episode of the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. Anything ND related was vetoed and we couldn’t do Shea because almost every Mets fan does Shea. I suggested Mookie, also vetoed.

When our little girl is born next week, she’ll have a name (no, John, it’s not Oscar) and then in 18 years she’ll change it if she wants.

BTW, first kid we were ready weeks in advance. Second kid, we’re barely ready to go to hospital.

AROUND THE WEB:

– Another major announcement from Apple CEO Tim Cook today “iGay”

– This guy is running for mayor of Oakland.  If I will have time next week, I’ll explain how the Oakland election works. If you like the way the media votes on football teams, you’ll love this.

– Based on protests around here regarding Happy Meals and Plastic Bag, I am shocked these people couldn’t get more signatures.

Starting Five

You have to love a guy who has “Sr.” on his jersey…

1. Spear Review

“New York’s hottest new nightclub is…Tallahassee-hee-hee-hee! This place has EVERYTHING: pregnant baby mamas, six-day loaner scooters, drug deals gone bad, an ex-Marine named ‘Shooter,’  a Jimbo Fisher denial, possible domestic abuse, MTV’s Dane Cortese, pilfered prawns (or at least their cousins), vulgar internet memes, a drug dealer named ‘Gutta,’ half-game suspensions, half-assed detective work, a Heisman Trophy and the nation’s longest winning streak…”

More like Armbook, amirite?

Nice reportage by Greg Schlabach and Brett McMurphy, by the way (though I suspect Brett’s precociously gifted daughter did most of the heavy lifting).

Soon to be borrowed by Bo Bo Wilson

And now, a poem by Not-William Karlos Williams:

So much depends

upon

The Tallahassee 

po po

Remaining

indifferent

In the midst of

an undefeated season

2. Non-Indianapolis Colt

The Redskins should totally sign free agent Jordan Shipley this week (is he still married to Claire Shipley?)

Everyone’s favorite reincarnated version of Ricky Schroeder, Colt McCoy, finally showed traces of his long lost Longhorn self last night in Washington’s overtime upset of  the Dallas Cowboys. Can a Major Applewhite return be far behind?

McCoy, nominally the Redskins’ 3rd-string QB, played a poised game–even if his pa occasionally became frustrated with his clock management– completing 25 of 30 passes for 299 yards. Although the Redskins’ MVP may have been the Dallas play-caller who suspiciously avoided using DeMarco Murray (19 carries, 141 yards) at the two most critical moments of the game for the Cowboys.

“No means ‘No’!” Even in Espanol, ESPN Deportes guy.

Still, if I were Jerry Jones, now that Tony Romo has taken yet another shot to the back (and then took a cortisone shot to the back), I would’ve sworn in Lone Star native McCoy (could there be a better name for a Dallas Cowboy than Colt McCoy?) as the new Cowboy QB before he even boarded the plane out of Dallas.

3. Who Needs a Man When U Have Manhattan?

Don’t know if you’d heard, but Taylor Swift is now dating New York City (until NYC cheats on her with Kiesza). Five things Miss 1989 must do before New Yorkers can even begin to think accepting her as one of us:

1) Switch trains (and I mean relocating to another platform) in the Times Square subway station between either 8-10 a.m. or 5-7 p.m. on a weekday.

2) Survive New Year’s Day to April Fool’s Day with no more than two weeks away to the Caribbean.

3) Wait patiently in your apartment for the cable guy, who will be there between the hours of 8 a.m. and 4 p.m. (which means 3:51 p.m.)

4) Fly out of LaGuardia. Commercial.

T-Swizzle must visit this “famous hot doggery.” I’ll be happy to escort her.

5) Order either two slices (and don’t smudge off the grease with a napkin) or two Gray’s Papaya hot dogs between midnight and 6 a.m. Alcohol should’ve been previously involved.

4. Death in Johannesburg

Meyiwa was 27

Earlier this week, Senzo Meyiwa, the goalkeeper and team captain of South Africa’s national soccer team, was shot to death during an in-home robbery attempt in the home of his girlfriend. Seven people were inside the home when two gunmen brazenly entered and demanded cellphones and wallets. When Meyiwa went to defend his girlfriend, who had a gun pointed at her head, he was shot dead in cold blood.

How bad is it in South Africa? Between April 2013 and March 2014 more than 17,000 people were killed. That’s 46 people per day.

5. NBA-Watch

The Phoenix Suns now have 2/3 as many dragons as Daenerys Targaryen

The NBA season officially tips off tonight. Here’s a nice Buzzfeed-style NBA Preview from SI.com plus an overwhelming one from Grantland.com that’ll take you longer to pore over than if you were to read every story Richard Deitsch linked on Media Circus. Some predictions for you…

MVP: LeBron

Leading Scorer: Stephen Curry

Most Improved Player: Anthony Davis

Rookie of the Year: Doug McDermott (hey, why not?)

Most Dragics: Phoenix, which will have both Goran and Zoran (plus the Morris twins)

NBA Finals: Cavaliers-Spurs

Remote Patrol

Game 6, World Series

FOX 8 p.m.

Every time you hear the name “Don Denkinger” this evening, drink.

Starting Five

Smash ’em in the Face!

1. Rouge et Or

The above photo is a fairly symbolic representation of what the Rouge et Or (“Red and Gold”) of Laval University have been doing to its gridiron competition the past 15 or so years. On Friday night the Quebec City, Canada-based university won its 25th straight game, defeating McGill, 53-14.

Since 1999, Laval has won eight Canadian Interuniversity Sport (CIS) Football championships, a.k.a., Canadian national championships. The Rouge et Or have also currently won 69 straight home games. The program, which we featured in Newsweek, has only been in existence since 1996.

The home field of the most successful team, the past 3 years, in the U.S.A.

Also worth noting: the North Dakota State Bison of the FCS (which stands for, “Not as Much Money”) won their 32nd straight game on Saturday, a 47-7 win at South Dakota. The Bison have the longest college win streak south of the border.

The Rouge et Or have won three national championships in the  past four seasons, while the Bison have won three in the past three. Perhaps they should play. Their weather is roughly the same.

2. MadBum

There should definitely be a “Drink Responsibly” PSA in MadBum’s future.

The San Francisco Giants’ Madison Bumgarner may soon be chugging an entire case of Budweiser (Bumweiser?). Last night the Hickory, N.C., native pitched a complete-game shutout win in Game 5 of the World Series, giving him a 2-o record in this Fall Classic with a line of 16 innings pitched and one earned run.

Tack those two games on to Bumgarner’s one start in each of the Giants’ previous World Series of the past half-decade, in which he went 2-0 and allowed no runs in 15 innings, and you get a World Series pitching line of 4-0, 31 innings pitched, one earned run, for an ERA of 0.29.

Simply put, no one with more than 25 innings pitched in World Series history has a lower ERA. MadBum has been a better than average pitcher the past two seasons –sub-.3.00 ERA and a record of 31-19 but he turns it up in October. Simply put, MadBum pitches in the World Series the way Clayton Kershaw should pitch in the postseason.

3. Sack Dancing with the Stars

I’ve sack-danced and I can’t get up…

Forget concussions. Well, if you have a concussion, you probably already have forgotten the previous sentence. Anyway, forget them. The latest injury scourge is terpsichorean post-sack demonstrations, as yesterday the Chicago Bears’ Lamarr Houston suffered a season-ending knee injury after sacking Patriot quarterback Tom Brady Jimmy Garoppolo with the Bears leading trailing by 25 points.

Nice move, Lamarr.

As you know, the Detroit Lions’ Stephen Tulloch was lost for the season last month after a similar performance. The common element here is defensive linemen Midwesterners dancing. It needs to stop.

Also, should their teams be on the hook for paying them? Doesn’t seem fair to the team that a dude gets paid for being an idiot (this is where the “players are always right even when they’re wrong” crowd would lob verbal ripe fruit at me on Twitter).

Meanwhile, this is just another reason why J.J. Watt should be the leader for NFL MVP this season. Yesterday Watt sacked Titan QB Zach Mettenberger and mimed taking a selfie of the moment.

4. The Others

It’s not that I dislike Oregon or feel the Ducks are not a good team. One of my good friends was a longtime Duck SID and how can anyone not root for Marcus Mariota (even if he does sound like a major commercial agriculture firm)?

It’s just that, has anyone noticed that there are three other Pac-12 teams who, like Oregon, have one loss? Two of those schools, Arizona State and Utah, have, like Oregon, beaten a pair of Top 25 teams. The third, Arizona, has only one win against a Top 25 team but it was against Oregon. In Eugene.

This is the classic name-brand example. If you, or the AP voters, did not know the names of the schools, you’d likely rank at least one of these schools ahead of the Ducks. Arizona’s only loss, after all, came at home on a missed last-second field goal from a highly convertible distance.

It’s not that this cannot be fixed. One from this trio will likely play the Ducks in the Pac-12 title game. It’s just funny that the Ducks are No. 5 while the Wildcats, Sun Devils and Utes are Nos. 14, 15 and 18, respectively.

Finally, here’s “No Pick, Part Deux.” Utah’s game-winning touchdown pass versus the Trojans had some alarming similarities to a flagged game-winning TD from the previous Saturday.

5. More Noise, Please

A four-week suspension means that Klemko is currently on MMQB’s “Taxi Squad.”

I read my old colleague Richard Deitsch’s “Media Circus” on SI.com every week because it’s informed and you can tell just how much work he puts into it. It’s Luke Winn-level dedication. I don’t click on every last link because, hey, I may not have much of a life to lead, but I do have somewhat of a life to lead.

Still, two bones to pick with today’s edition. First, how do you write 800 or so words on Sage Steele, the latest incarnation of NBA Countdown, and the tense relationship between Steele and Bill Simmons without including a link to this clip, which tells the whole story of their relationship in less than 30 seconds? Is this a situation in which RD doesn’t want to piss off Norby so that he’ll continue to have access to ESPN personalities?

Second, I’m sorry, but if you’re going to devote an entire podcast to MMQB writer Robert Klemko’s experiences in Ferguson, Mo., last August, including Klemko’s assertion of being wrongfully detained by police (he is African-American), then you need to at least have a line about him being rightfully arrested by police in Chicago last weekend after allegedly behaving like a jackass  –not to mention a “cabjacker.”

I understand why RD probably cannot do this. But that’s exactly why readers have flocked to sites such as The Big Lead, Deadspin, Awful Announcing and, in the case of AARP-aged University of Maryland and LeBron James fans, Medium Happy. We have no lords that need favoring.

If you’re going to do a media column, great. If you’re going to call out people in the media for being incompetent or just plain contemptuous (Colin Cowherd, Clay Travis, etc.), great. But if you utterly ignore when your own media monolith is the story, you lose me. It’s no better than the ESPN Pravda that you occasionally cite.

(And there goes any slim chance of RD including a link to my Laval story in next week’s “Media Circus.”)