IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Monday, March 31

March 31, 2014April 1, 2014 by John Walters | 1 Comment

STARTING FIVE

1. Rain Man

The Biblical epic “Noah” tops the box office ($44 million) on a weekend that, at least here in New York, produced near non-stop precipitation and anti-deluvian flooding. It’s a film that stars Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connelly as a married couple in which the husband hears disembodied voices. So, yes, totally new territory for this pair. If form holds, Connelly will marry the voice of God in real life.

2. The Upper Hand? Nope

Nik Stauskas scored a game-high 24 points for UM, but it wasn’t enough

Tough Sunday for the state of Michigan, as both the Spartans and Wolverines fall in their respective NCAA regional finals. The good news: baseball season begins today and Justin Verlander is on the mound this afternoon at Comerica Park versus Lorde’s favorite team.

3.Flesh Mob

She operates a post-zombie B&B. But are you the second B?

“All who arrive, survive,” proclaims Terminus’ own Tokyo Rose, but for how long? The season finale of “The Walking Dead” suggests that the erstwhile railroad depot Terminus, now a “sanctuary”, is just a new spin on “Soylent Green.” In the post-apocalyptic world that Sheriff Rick and the gang inhabit, everyone apparently wants to eat you: if it ain’t the zombies, then it’s just fellow survivors.

4. Elliott Mess

My former SI colleague, Josh Elliott, is leaving Times Square and “Good Morning America” for 30 Rock and ~~“Today.”~~ NBC Sports (it’s a short hike from 7th Avenue to 6th Avenue, and up from 46th Street to 49th. You can stop into the Steakateria en route).

From what has been reported, Josh was earning just over $1 million per and wanted a raise up to $8 million. And that may sound crazy to you, but GMA went from No. 2 to No. 1 in the morning after he arrived, and the incumbent host at “Today” earns approximately $25 million. Yes, Matt Lauer IS “Today”, but he’s also 56 so he’s not Tomorrow. On Today.

Josh is.

I like Josh a lot. He’s always been very, very sure of himself, but not in a way that is a turn-off. Plus, all the Ad Sales lasses at SI thought he was dreamy (he is). His first day at GMA, by the way, in May of 2011, was the morning after Osama Bin Laden was taken out. What a way to begin your national career as a news reader.

So who should GMA look to now? Scott Van Pelt would be “useful” (as suggested by Jim Weber on Twitter) but he just re-upped at the WWL and he may prefer where he is. You need another male on set. My easy suggestion is David Muir: intelligent, handsome, hard news background, 40ish. My wildcard suggestion is Zach Aldridge, because of this.

5. “I’m Literally Starving…’

Allie LaForce…she also appeared live in NYC this weekend.

Comedian Louis C.K. guest-hosts on Saturday Night Live and kills with his opening monologue. I happen to agree with everything he says here about religion, for example, God replying to the recently deceased about heaven: “I’m supposed to make a universe and then a whole ‘nother amazing place?!? You people are greedy ____ down there!”

Reserves

“60 Minutes” had not one but two segments last night that everyone is talking about: one about Michael Lewis’ new book, “Flash Boys”, which is about how Wall Street is emulating Peter Griffin’s scheme in “Office Space” and the other about my man Elon Musk, whom I have praised repeatedly on this site.

****

The SickSirs win! And by 25 points. Which means that their streak ends at 26 games, which only ties them with Cleveland for the worst of all time. Oddly enough, tonight they visit the Atlanta Hawks, who themselves have the NBA’s worst current losing streak at six games –and are only two games in the loss column ahead of the Knicks for 8th place in the East.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1937: Tris Speaker, CF; Cy Young, P ; 1938: Grover Cleveland Alexander, P; Eddie Collins, 2B 1939:Nap Lajoie, 2B; Joe Jackson, LF; 1940: Billy Hamilton, OF; Cap Anson, 1B; 1941: Wee Willie Keeler, RF; George Sisler, 1B; 1942: Rogers Hornsby, 2B; Pie Traynor, 3B; 1943: Mickey Cochrane, C; Frankie Frisch, 2B 1944: Ed Walsh, P; Old Hoss Radbourn, P 1945: Lou Gehrig, 1B; Kid Nichols, P 1946: Ed Delahanty, LF; Lefty O’Doul 1947: Pud Galvin, P; John McGraw, INF 1948: Carl Hubbell, P; Addie Joss, P 1949: Harry Heilman, OF/1B; Monte Ward, P/SS 1950: Cool Papa Bell, CF; Jimmie Foxx, 1B 1951: Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown, P; Josh Gibson, C 1952: Paul Waner, RF; Charlie Gehringer, 2B 1953: Mel Ott, RF; Hank Greenberg, 1B 1954: Eddie Plank, P; Dan Brouthers, 1B 1955: “Wahoo” Sam Crawford, OF; John Clarkson, P 1956: Chief Bender, P; Bill Dickey, C 1957: Sam Rice, RF; Joe DiMaggio, CF 1958: Bill Terry, 1B; Heinie Manush, LF 1959: Dizzy Dean, P; Tim Keefe, P

Hack Wilson

1960: Gabby Hartnett, C; Mickey Welch, P 1961: Bob Feller, P; Ducky Medwick, LF 1962: Luke Appling, SS; Jesse Burkett, LF 1963 Jackie Robinson, 2B; Zack Wheat, LF 1964: Jake Beckley, 1B; Rube Waddell, P 1965: Ralph Kiner, 1B; Lefty Grove, P 1966: Ted Williams, LF; Smoky Joe Wood, P/OF 1967: Roy Campanella, C; Max Carey, OF 1968: Goose Goslin, LF; Rabbit Maranville, SS 1969: Stan Musial, 1B/OF 1970: Ferris Fain, 1B; Earle Combs, CF 1971: Warren Spahn, P; Yogi Berra, C 1972 Satchel Paige, P; Sandy Koufax, P 1973: Robin Roberts, P; Whitey Ford, P 1974: Mickey Mantle, CF; Eddie Mathews, 3B 1975: Lefty Gomez, P; Hack Wilson, CF 1976: Jack Pfiester, P; Johnny Mize, 1B 1977: Ernie Banks, SS; Mickey Welch, P 1978: Roberto Clemente, RF; Chuck Klein, RF 1979: Willie Mays, CF; Luis Aparicio, SS 1980: Al Kaline, RF; Enos Slaughter, RF 1981: Bob Gibson, P; Harmon Killebrew, 1B 1982: Hank Aaron, RF; Frank Robinson, OF 1983: Brooks Robinson, 3B, Juan Marichal, P 1984: Hoyt Wilhelm, P; Arky Vaughan, SS

1985

Lou Brock, LF; 1961-1979, Cardinals

The greatest base thief of his generation and one of the best of all time, Brock led baseball in steals for eight seasons and set the record for steals in one season with 118 in 1974. When he retired Brock held both the single-season stolen base mark and the career stolen-base mark (938), records that were both later broken by Rickey Henderson. A six-time All-Star, he also eclipsed the 3,000-hit mark with 3,023.

Pete Browning, OF; 1882-1894, Louisville Eclipse/Colonels, Others

Browning

Browning is not actually in the Hall of Fame, but he is one of those baseball ghosts worth knowing about. First off, he hit .341 in 13 seasons, which is the 13th-best batting average in baseball history. Second, he was deaf and often played with massive head pain due to mastoiditis, an inner ear condition. He was known as “The Louisville Slugger” (he was born and died in the same house in L’ville) and was the first to have bats made custom for him. Browning was also the first Major Leaguer to purchase a bat from the Hillerich & Bradley Co., hence that’s why you know the nickname. He spent a season with a team called the Cleveland Infants. His dad died in a cyclone when he was 13. He gave his bats Biblical names and spoke to them. He stared into the sun to strengthen his eyes. I’m making none of this up.

Remote Patrol

How I Met Your Mother

CBS 8 p.m.

Kids, let me tell you about the series finale of HIMYM…While Barney Stinson is currently on Broadway (technically, he’s on 44th St. b/w 6th and 7th playing the lead –it’s a one-man show– in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”) the show will finally come to a close. Brilliant in its first few seasons, it’s petered out some in the end. Still, it gave us this (with Stacy Keibler!), which may have convinced Broadway producers that NPH was up for Hedwig, and many other great moments. Take a bow, kids.

Share on Tumblr

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Friday, March 28

March 28, 2014 by John Walters | Leave a comment

STARTING FIVE

1. Gettin’ Miggy With It (Da-da-da-da, da-da-DAH!)

The Detroit Tigers give their 30 year-old slugger, Miguel Caruso Cabrera, whose contract does not even expire for another two seasons, an eight-year, $248 million extension. This will only make Cabrera the highest-paid player in baseball history, although since he never attended college I do worry for his future.

Cabrera is already slated to earn $44 million over the next two seasons and by the time he’s 35 should be about as agile as Fred Sanford. So why did Detroit, which went cheap on its ace, Max Scherzer, last week, do this?

As Michael Rosenberg explains on SI.com, because you never want a guy who doesn’t expect to live long enough to see his next Olympics make your baseball personnel decisions.

2. Johnny Football’s Prop Day

Manziel eluded a broom much like this one in front of pro scouts. Projected back-ups, however, get mop-up duty.

Johnny Manziel demonstrated that he is no match for domestic tools during his Pro Day in College Station yesterday. Me, I’ll just think of JFF’s two games versus Alabama as his Pro Days.

Next month: the nation’s most talented student newspaper scribes will take part in their Prose Days. Try writing a lede as Bill Belichick casts a clinical eye your way.

3. Soy Un Perdedor

This is Casper Ware. He’s 5-10, he eats potato chips, and he scored 7 points for the SickSirs last night.

The SickSirs lost again last night, at Houston, tying the NBA record for consecutive second-place finishes in games at 26. Honestly, I’ve been watching them and they’re much improved over those debacles last month on the West Coast (123-78 at Clippers and 123-80 at Golden State on consecutive nights).

Now that they’ve cut DeSean Jackson, though, I do think they’ll win at home versus Detroit tomorrow so as not to own the skid mark outright.

4. Blake Wood Dive

This is Lakewood, which is adjacent to Cleveland. Not Blake Wood, who will pitch for Cleveland.

You have to love this. Indians manager Terry Francona visits the mound to inform pitcher Blake Wood that he has made the big-league club. My mind is racing with so many potential other things Francona might tell a pitcher on future visits (“your wife just left you for a Venezuelan utility fielder”). Also, you music fans are probably wondering how Blake Wood went from canoodling with Amy Winehouse to becoming a big-league pitcher, and I don’t have the answer.

5. Nick at (Late) Nite

It’s refreshing to see a Nick play well in SoCal this week.

Arizona point guard Nick Johnson goes 0-10 over the game’s first 37 minutes and then scored 15 in the final 2:45 as Arizona outlasts San Diego State in the Sweet 16. Florida got a similar late-sizzle performance from point guard Scottie Wilbekin.

You NEED guards in the tourney, which is why I like both the Gators and Zona in the Final Four (a reminder that my Final Four was Zona, Florida, Virginia and Louisville…I think). So you can see who I like tonight. Also like Tennessee in an upset and The Fighting Shabazzes of Connecticut.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1984

James Hoyt Wilhelm, P; 1952-1972, Nine teams

The patriarch of relievers, Wilhelm is the first pitcher to record at least 200 saves (227) and the first to appear in at least 1,000 games (1,070). A knuckler who retired 16 days before his 50th birthday, Wilhelm earned a Purple Heart in the Battle of the Bulge (there were so many more Pat Tillmans then) and did not make his MLB debut until he was 29. Hit a home run in his first MLB at-bat and then never hit another one in his 21 seasons. Two more items: 1) Only one pitcher who has pitched more than 2,000 innings since 1927 has a lower career ERA than Wilhelm’s 2.52 –and that is Mariano Rivera (2.21) and 2) When one of the Three Stooges names a John Cougar song title, it sound’s as if he’s praising Wilhelm.

Hoyt’s so good

Joseph Floyd “Arky” Vaughan, SS; 1932-1941, 19487-1948, Pirates, Dodgers

This nine-time All-Star once got into a dispute with his manager, Leo Durocher, then handed in his uniform and sat out the next three seasons. Vaughan’s best season was 1935, when he led the National League in hitting with a .385 batting average. He retired with a .318 batting average. Died at the age of 40 when, while fishing with a buddy on Lost Lake near his ranch in Eagleville, Calif., reportedly the buddy stood up in the boat, it capsized, and both men drowned. Gene Tierney was nowhere in sight (a Leave Her To Heaven reference, in case you wondered).

Remote Patrol

March Madness

CBS & TBS 7 p.m.

Come for the hoops, stay for the unscripted Charles Barkley clowning. CBS and Turner are totally Vanessa Williams-ing it, as the evening’s last games (Kentucky-Louisville and Virginia-Michigan State) are better potentially than next week’s Final Four. Sometimes the snow comes down in June…

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Thursday, March 27

March 27, 2014 by John Walters | 1 Comment

STARTING FIVE

1. There’s No ‘I’ in Teamster

So, the National Labor Relations Board has ruled that Northwestern football players may unionize. They also may still blow double-digit leads in the fourth quarter when facing ranked teams.

If there were ever a town in which you wanted to flip the game on the NCAA and create a union, that town is Chicago. Ask Studs Terkel.

Good thing? Bad thing? I’m going to go Zen Master on this and say, “We’ll see.”

2. Zooropa

If you read this site often, you know that I love animals.

More than most people.

I don’t apologize for that.

So I don’t quite understand what is taking place at the Copenhagen Zoo, which has exterminated two giraffes and now four lions in the past month. I’m not even sure I want to understand the logic, but can’t they just deport them? Or put them on a boat with an Indian boy? Sell them to Matt Damon?

I hate this.

3. The National’s League

You will be hearing about this film: “Mistaken For Strangers.” It’s a documentary, ostensibly about the indie rock band The National, made by Tom Berninger, the dissipated younger brother of the band’s front man, Matt Berninger. What begins as a band-on-tour doc transforms into a story about the film maker himself, a man who has lived his adult life in his big brother’s shadow and is trying to find his own niche. And, with this film he may have done just that.

Haven’t seen it yet, but it’s getting great reviews. I like to think of it as the “Rain Man” of rock docs.

4. Strangers with Candy Crushed

The reaction on Wall Street to Candy Crush’s stock price.

The company that makes games such as Candy Crush, Farm Heroes and Ultimate Time Suck*, King Digital Entertainment (KING) had its IPO yesterday and the stock plummeted 15%. That’s the worst IPO performance of the year. So, there is hope, people. You do realize that this life thing is not a dress rehearsal, don’t you? This is all we get. So why are you playing Farm Heroes? (“So why are you writing a blog?”) (Hey, I’ll ask the questions here.)

*Not an actual game

5. Pacers Win This Round

The Pacers beat the Heat in an over-caffeinated, thump-your-chest game that ESPN will tout as male soap-opera drama until they (hopefully, for some) meet again in late May. Hey, LeBron scored 38 and looked terrific, but these games that end in the 80s are often ugly and far too physical. Me, I’ll watch the Western Conference where they don’t care so much about winning the line of scrimmage.

Reserves

Guilty…Of Love in the First Degree

This is so Florida, except that it happened in the Bay Area: man flirts with a female employee at a fast-food joint named Curry Up Now (there should be a law against that name), then later returns to rob the store. Police abducted him by arranging a phony date with the object of his ardor.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Wednesday, March 26

March 26, 2014March 26, 2014 by John Walters | 3 Comments

STARTING FIVE

1. Terror Firma

Mudslide in the state of Washington kills at least 24, but as many as 100 or more people in rural Snohomish County may have perished. The area has received more than twice the average amount of rain (15 inches, as opposed to 7 1/2) this month, and that most likely triggered it.

2. Jimmy Fallon’s Funhouse

In his first month as host of The Tonight Show, Jimmy Fallon has turned the venerable franchise into Pee Wee’s Playhouse. And that’s not a bad thing. He’s never going to do the hard-hitting interview, but that boyish sense of adventure and enthusiasm is serving the 40 year-old well. Here he is enticing Billy Joel into a terrific two-man doo-wop rendition of “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”

3. “Tell Sloan I said, ‘What broke?”

So Kevin Connolly, whom you may know better as Eric or “E” from Entourage, was filming a scene for the movie version of the popular HBO show in which he catches a post-route thrown by Russell Wilson of the Seattle Seahawks. You know, the guy who quarterbacked the Super Bowl-winning team. Well, it didn’t go so well as Connolly suffered a fracture in two places in his lower left leg when he tripped over a sprinkler. But he did catch the ball.

Afterward everyone hugged it out.

4. “Nobody said it was easy…”

So you probably won’t hear Chris Martin and the boys play “Green Eyes” live any time soon. The lead singer of Coldplay and his wife of 10 years, Gwyneth Paltrow, have announced ~~that they are separating~~ a “conscious uncoupling” (befoe it was simply an “odd coupling?”).Oddly enough, Paltrow appeared on “Glee” last night and sang “Party All The Time” in a sudsy disco. Give a hand to Jason McIntyre, who tweeted out this “60 Minutes” piece on C9ldplay which portrays Martin as an irrefutably likeable bloke. And I’ve always loved this.

5. Area 51

Henry scored a team-high 22 off the bench.

The ‘bockers and their new team president, Iron Phil Jackson, invaded Staples Centers last night for a date with a Loss Angeles Laker team that will finish with its worst record since fleeing the Twin Cities in 1960. El ‘bockers desperately needed a win, as they were three games in the Loss column out of the eighth spot in the East.

What happened? They were outscored 36-20 in the second quarter and 51-31 in the third –yes, they allowed 87 points in one half in a non-All Star Game– in a 126-97 beat down. The 51 points were the most the Lakers had ever scored in a quarter (think about that: they scored 51 not with Elgin Baylor or Jerry West or Wilt or Magic or Kareem or Kobe or Shaq, but with Xavier Henry and Swaggy P and Chris Kaman–in fact, their “All-Star”, Pau Gasol, did not even suit up) and the 33-point lead was their largest of the season.

The New York Knicks, 2013-14: R.I.P. City

Reserves

Bench-clearing shove-a-thon in Florida-Florida State baseball game (hey, isn’t Jameis Winston on one of those teams???) after one player takes supreme umbrage at another player running to first base.

****

Navy freshman slotback Will McKamey, a 5-9 rusher who did not see action last fall, dies after falling into a coma after practice on Saturday. McKamey had suffered a serious head injury during a game in high school.

****

This is the photo that comes up when you Google-search “Clemson court storm Belmont.”

Did Clemson students ironically storm their court after defeating mid-major Belmont in the NIT?

***
Shaq, doing first-half highlights of the Knicks-Lakers, admonishes the ‘bockers for their lack of focus, then refers to Raymond Felton as Felton Spencer.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

1983

Brooks Robinson, 3B; 1955-1977, Orioles

“The Human Vacuum Cleaner” was, as the pseudonym suggests, a Hoover at the hot corner. THE gold standard for playing the toughest defensive position in baseball, Robinson won 16 consecutive Gold Gloves, the most of any non-pitcher in baseball history. Was an American League MVP in 1964, an All-Star Game MVP in 1966 and a World Series MVP in 1970. Robinson collected 2,848 hits in his 23 seasons and played on two World Series winners.

Juan Marichal, P; 1960-1975, Giants

The Dominican Republic native won more games (191) in the decade of the 1960s than any other pitcher and likely made the most enemies doing so, as he was known to aim pitches directly at a batter’s helmet. Marichal went 25-8 in 1963 and 26-9 in 1968. A 10-time All-Star famed for his uber-high leg kick, Marichal finished with a 243-142 record and a 2.89 E.R.A.

IT’S ALL HAPPENING! Tuesday, March 25

March 25, 2014March 25, 2014 by John Walters | 1 Comment

STARTING FIVE

“Heyyyyyy, this isn’t Bob Knight. It’s Ted Knight. We want Bob Knight.” “You’ll get nothing and like it.”

1. “Oh, Bob”

“If I were involved with the NBA I wouldn’t want a 19-year-old or a 20-year-old kid, to bring into all the travel and all the problems that exist in the NBA. I would want a much more mature kid. I would want a kid that maybe I’ve been watching on another team and now he’s 21, 22 years old instead of 18 or 19, and I might trade for that kid. On top of it all, the NBA does a tremendous, gigantic disservice to college basketball. It’s as though they’ve raped college basketball in my opinion.”

And he was doing so well until that last line. Or, as Chris Littman tweeted earlier today, well, this.

Is this a generational disconnect? A political correctness kerfuffle? You be the judge, but trafficking in Hitler and/or rape metaphors is risky business (although sometimes you gotta say, “What the ____?”)

And, yes, this might not have been as bad if Knight hadn’t famously equated rape to stress a quarter century ago in an interview with Connie Chung.

Worth noting: I once ran into a waiter in Lawrence, Kansas, a kid just out of college whom Knight didn’t know, but who met him and expressed a sincere interest in getting a job in college hoops. And Knight placed him, I believe, in an entry level job at KU –he was waiting tables to make ends meet. The young man couldn’t say enough great things about Knight, and I imagine there are a lot of people like him. People Knight has helped without fanfare.

2. But You May Still Dink and Dunk

Now Tony Gonzalez is definitely gone…zalez.

The NFL outlaws dunking over the goalposts after a touchdowns. Updating the list:

1. No crying in baseball.

2. No dunking in football.

3. No sex in the champagne room.

4. No more ‘I love you’s.” (<—–Annie Lennox insisted on this)

3. And Yet They Never Got Walter White, Pinkman, or Todd’s Uncle

Hey, Albuquerque Police Department, slow your roll. The ABQ has shot 36 people, 20 of them fatally, since 2010. Here’s more on it.

4. You Wanted The Best?

You got it! A scant 40 years after releasing its first album, KISS (Knights In Satan’s Service?) makes the cover of Rolling Stone. That’s a vintage shot from the Seventies, with Paul, Gene, Ace and Peter. Check out this surprise appearance they recently made for John Varvatos.

5. Pablo Honey

A lingering case of shingles to the eponymous host of Olbermann has created a larger window of opportunity for understudy Pablo Torre, a former Sports Illustrated reporter and writer, who keeps looking more and more comfortable in the chair. Here’s the Manhattan Regis Prep and Harvard alumnus (hey, just like Colin Jost) waxing philosophical on one-and-done and Occam’s Razor last night. Well done. He must have been on the debate team somewhere.

If you’re keeping score at home, former SI bullpen members now making a far more cushy living appearing regularly on national TV include Torre, Josh “Misdemeanor” Elliott and Seth Davis.

Fasten your seat belts, everybody. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

The Hall

Charter Inductees: Ty Cobb, Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Babe Ruth, Honus Wagner

Lefty Gomez

1982

Hank Aaron, RF; 1954-1976, Braves

His is the first name that appears alphabetically in The Baseball Encyclopedia, but it’s fitting. Hammerin’ Hank is baseball’s all-time home run king with 755 but he is also first in…. Most Seasons as an All-Star (21), RBI (2,297), Extra Base Hits (1,477) and Total Bases (6,856). Hammerin’ Hank is also fifth all-time in hits (3,771) and retired with a .305 batting average. One of the game’s more understated superstars, and one who exists in a rare orbit.

Frank Robinson, OF; 1956-1976, Reds, Orioles, Others

Sort of a poor man’s Hank Aaron who was a contemporary of his, Robinson finished a brilliant career with 586 home runs and 2,943 hits. Robinson won the Triple Crown in 1966 and remains the only player to have been named both a National League MVP (1961) and an American League MVP (1966). An All-Star in 12 seasons, he would later become baseball’s first African-American manager.