by John Walters

Starting Five

A Picture of Dorian: Gray Skies

Dorian is cutting a swath through the Caribbean and is set to make landfall in Florida on Monday as a Category 4 storm. It’s at times such as this that I feel compelled to point out that the highest point in Florida is Britton Hill in the state’s panhandle, and that is only 345 feet above sea level. That’s less than the elevation of a football field, end zones included, if it was stacked up vertically.

115 yards. That’s the highest point in the nation’s third-most populous state as climate change bears down on the planet this century. Should be fun. Miami Subs will one day be known as Miami Sub-marine.

Aquino Es Aqui, No?*

*The judges will haltingly accept “Aristides Development”

On August 1st the Aristides Aquino, a 6’4″, 220-pounder whose prodigious home runs had already earned him the nickname “The Punisher” in AAA ball, was sent up the river. The Ohio River.

Aquino was not heading to jail, but from the AAA Louisville Bats to the Cincinnati Reds. Just 30 days later, the Louisville Slugger has set a Major League record for home runs in one month by a rookie, with 14 (What took you so long, Cincy?).

It’s been a record-breaking summer for heat and a record-breaking month for homers. The Yankees have hit 70 home runs this month with two games remaining, and that breaks the team record for one month by a margin of 12. And then there’s Aquino, the Dominican Republic native who now has the N.L. rookie record for a month. Also, Aquino hit 13 home runs in his first 100 career plate appearances, which is the most of any player in the history of the game.

That’s So Raven

The Baltimore Ravens won last night. Again. That’s 17 consecutive wins for the purple-and-black dating back to the final game of the 2015 season. Exhibition season, that is.

Yes, the Ravens have won 17 consecutive preseason games, which must be recognized in the Dubious Achievements Hall of Fame (memo to Esquire: bring back the Dubious Achievement Awards; it was the best thing ever).

As far as longest-ever NFL win streaks, the Patriots won 21 in a row (2003-2004), the Packers 19 (2010-2011) and seven clubs have won 18 in a row. All regular season. Since this current Ravens preseason W streak began with the last game of the 2015 exhibition season, the Ravens have appeared in one playoff game, which they lost.

Death Of An Iconic Figure

You recognize the figure, or at least the suit and hat, but not the name. The man on the left is James Leavelle, a former Dallas detective who was leading Lee Harvey Oswald out of City Hall and to the county jail when Jack Ruby fatefully, and fatally, intervened.

Leavelle, nearly 56 years since standing inches away from the path of the bullet that killed Oswald, died yesterday at the age of 99. In that famous image, he is handcuffed to Oswald for, ironically, safekeeping.

A native Texan, Leavelle was present at two of the most infamous moments the American 20th century. He was there for the JFK assassination, initially interviewing Oswald about the murder of Officer J.D. Tippit until it was realized Oswald was the prime suspect in a much bigger murder case. He was also aboard the U.S.S. Whitney, a destroyer tender, about two miles from Pearl Harbor during the attack on December 7, 1941.

Cary Grant-Style

Humphrey Bogart. Spencer Tracy. John Wayne. Clark Gable. Jimmy Stewart. Okay, George Clooney or even Brad Pitt. There are spectacular actors (Henry Fonda, Al Pacino, Jack Nicholson) and then there are MOVIE STARS, and I’m not sure anyone I’ve yet mentioned in this paragraph better fit that term, in all that it meant, than Cary Grant.

Two nights ago I was watching a Grant film I’d never before seen, The Bishop’s Wife (1947), in which he plays angel named Dudley who’s come down to restore luster to a sagging marriage. Grant’s Dudley is possessed of an easy charm, self-assured without being arrogant or obnoxious. He is never rude, never foul-mouthed or ill-tempered. There is a grace to him, a joy in enjoying the moment and never truly letting circumstances get the better of his good nature.

Sure, but he’s playing an angel. Then I realized that pretty much every one of his characters is angelic. In films of his that I’ve seen—this one, The Philadelphia Story, To Catch A Thief, North By Northwest, Holiday, His Girl Friday, Bringing Up Baby, and perhaps my favorite, An Affair To Remember—he’s always the same charmed man, usually, okay living a charmed life—and always better than his circumstances.

And this isn’t about his personal life. And maybe it’s a little pie-in-the-sky. But wouldn’t it be great if more of us, particularly more of us males, tried every day to be a little more like a Cary Grant character? A little good humor. Style. Manners. Who knows, maybe the Saville Row suits will just follow.

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

This photo has been brought to my attention. pic.twitter.com/yk1kjjHF4H

— the kat czar of new york city (@mankattan) August 29, 2019

Yo, Google.

Starting Five

https://twitter.com/CuomoPrimeTime/status/1166892551967821824?s=20

Liar, Liar

Watch this above and then we’ll talk.

The problem I have with this is that CNN created Kayleigh McEnany. She was blonde and feisty and they had her on panels as the foil to Van Jones and Ana Navarro more nights than not in the year leading up to the 2016 election.

That very visibility put her in a position to become the latest sycophant to work for 45 and now Chris Cuomo’s in a dither that she is lying so blatantly on national television? And he says, “Interview’s over” and then it continues for another minute?”

You’re either a true believer in Trump and you suddenly have decided that everyone in the media lies or else you’re someone who understands the term gaslighting. There’s really no in-between at this stage.

Earlier, McEnany had said that “the president would never lie to the American people because he loves this country.” That’s a two-fer in terms of prevarication as the president lies daily and it’s obvious the only thing he truly loves is himself.

Two nights ago Lawrence O’Donnell of MSNBC did something very stupid and went with a story on Russia and oligarchs that was insufficiently sourced. When he fully realized his error, O’Donnell went on air the following night and owned up to it. That’s not lying; that’s doing a poor job and owning up to it.

Call us the first time Donald Trump admits that he was wrong about anything. Or that he spoke in error.

The test for CNN and Cuomo is whether they will invite McEnany back on their air. Sadly, that will probably have less to do with her credibility than it will with the ratings. And seeing how viral that clip has become, I think we know the answer.

Kenan Wins

Yesterday we wrote about an SNL cast member who, like all those who preceded her, burned brightly for a few moments and then left the galaxy. Every cast member leaves SNL, and most after five years or fewer. They either fail to make an impact (Jim Breuer) or they become so big that they reach escape velocity (Eddie Murphy).

Enter Kenan Thompson, the SNL unicorn. The former Good Burger star is 41 and about to enter his 17th season with SNL. He doesn’t want to leave and Lorne Michaels is in no rush to push him out the door. By the time he’s 50 Thompson will have spent more than half his life as an SNL cast member, and we think he’ll get there.

There’s something truly admirable about surviving in a place such as SNL for as long as Thompson has. The trick is consistency and stability. The highs aren’t too high and the lows not too low. I’ve worked with people at Sports Illustrated who are just like this (won’t mention any names for fear of embarrassing them) and the sad part is, I’ve sort of taken on this role at the Cookoutateria: show up every day, on time, do your job consistently, avoid the drama (we have just as long an employee casualties list as SNL or SI does, and what’s more, we’ve had actual deaths, including one this summer).

What makes Thompson special? Just seeing him in a skit brings a smile to your face. He’s always happy or bemused and he understands that in almost every skit, such as how he’s become SNL’s de facto game-show host, he realizes he’s there in a complementary role. Us, we’ll always love the inspired zaniness of “What Up With That?” (Bill Hader as Lindsey Buckingham???), which he appears to have retired a few years ago. That was his starring vehicle, and it was always brilliant.

There’s a line from an old Cary Grant-Loretta Young film (The Bishop’s Wife…you can catch it on Netflix) in which a cabbie tells Grant’s character, an angel named Dudley, what’s wrong with the world today: “No one knows where they’re going and they’re all in a terrible hurry to get there.” That line appeared onscreen in 1947 and it’s every bit as true today. Kenan Thompson is not one of those people. And you can see the inner joy within him because of it. A lesson for us all.

Note: We had wanted to write this story at Newsweek just before all the *&% hit the fan there. Glad it was written by WaPo. Thompson’s resilience and understanding of how good he’s got it is refreshing.

A Bunt Really Is As Good As A Hit

Easily the best executed bunt in MLB history. https://t.co/zr8bSO32He

— Adam Lewis (@AdamLewisPI) August 28, 2019

We show you this clip because we were alive at the time and until Twitter showed this to us yesterday, we’d never heard of it. This belongs right up there with the greatest Seventies sports moments, like Doc Ellis pitching a no-hitter on LSD.

The night was May 29 1974. The place, Arlington Stadium in Texas. It’s the fourth inning. Earlier in the at-bat Cleveland Indian pitcher Bob Johnson decides to brush Texas Ranger Lenny Randle off the plate by throwing a pitch behind him. Randle retaliates by bunting down the first base line—props for the execution of this idea—and then decleats Johnson while clearly running out of the base path. Indians first baseman John Ellis then tackles Randle and it’s on.

You may not be surprised to learn that the Rangers’ manager was Billy Martin.

Postscript: Five nights later the two teams played again, this time in Cleveland. The Indians staged a promotion, 10-cent beer night (drinking age was 18 in Ohio). At some point Indians fans rushed onto the field and attacked Ranger outfielder Jeff Burroughs (an All-Star caliber player) and a few umpires. Three bases were stolen, and not by either the Indians and Rangers. The game was called and the Indians forfeited.

A month later, the Indians held another 10-cent beer night. I miss the Seventies.

Thelma & Louis

If you happen to be traveling in the very remote Four Corners region (where Utah-Arizona-Colorado-New Mexico meet), be on the lookout for this couple, above. They were being extradited from upstate New York to Tucson, Arizona, this week to face a murder charge when they overpowered two security guards who were transporting them, in the southeastern Utah town of Blanding. If this is the pilot episode of Vince Gilligan’s next AMC series, we’re all in.

Leap Of Faith

holy sh*t💪😏🔥 pic.twitter.com/O0QLHjrX6t

— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) August 28, 2019

First, of course, WHY?
Second, where? It looks, from the storefront, to be somewhere in France.

Third, how does one practice this stunt?

Fourth, what happens if he clips a toe as he’s clearing that wall? I don’t think we wanna know.

Finally, how did Johnny Knoxville not think of this first?

Music 101

I Go Blind

Love this song and only in researching it did I realize that Hootie and the Blowfish, who had a hit with it in 1996, were only doing a cover version. The song was written and released by Canadian band 54-40 (whom I hope at some point in their careers opened for UB40) ten years earlier. Is it just me or does this tune have the flavor of a classic Blood, Sweat and Tears song?

Here’s the 54-40 version…

Remote Patrol

Georgia Tech at No. 1 Clemson

8 p.m. ACC Network

No. 14 Utah at BYU

10:30 p.m. ESPN

Foobaw is back! I know we had Coke Zero last weekend, but that UF-Miami game is best forgotten and who on the East Coast was still awake when Hawaii stopped Khalil Tate at the 1-yard line at about 2 a.m.? Tonight we see Trevor Lawrence and Clemson against a Georgia Tech team with a new coach, Geoff Collins, who led Temple to an 8-4 record last season. Then it’s the Holy War (wayyyyyy too early in the season for this, btw) as your nightcap, and the Utes are favorites in the Pac-12 South. Jon Krakauer will be on the concourse signing copies of Under The Banner Of Heaven at halftime.

by John Walters

Starting Five

A Run To Remember

This is June Eastwood, who on Saturday will compete in an NCAA Division I cross-country race in Cheney, Wash., as a member of the women’s team at the University of Montana. What will make her run historic is that Eastwood ran as a male, Jonathan Eastwood, in her first three seasons as a collegiate runner at Montana.

While a transgender athlete has competed at the Division II level in track (and won an NCAA championship in the hurdles), it has never before happened at the Division I level.

And Eastwood’s times as a male (1:55 in the 800, 3:50.19 in the 1500) would absolutely crush the existing women’s NCAA marks. In fact, that 3:50.19 is only 12/100ths slower than the current female WORLD RECORD.

I honestly don’t understand all the anatomical details of what “transitioning to female (or male)” actually means and most stories are too delicate to inform. From LetsRun.com:

“The NCAA transgender handbook states that an MTF transgender athlete must undergo “one calendar year of testosterone suppression treatment” in order to compete in the women’s category. According to the Bozeman Daily Chronicle, Eastwood has been taking testosterone-suppressing pills for one year (in addition to estrogen pills) and is in “full compliance” with the NCAA regulations.”

It’ll be fascinating to see how well Eastwood does this weekend. And if she runs anywhere near as fast as she did as Jonathan, you can expect an uproar from competing runners and coaches. And while I empathize with her situation, I completely appreciate their gripes, should they manifest.

Pass Or Fail

For the second time in a week, a quarterback at a prominent Pac-12 school has announced he is leaving the program. USC redshirt sophomore Jack Sears, who actually acquitted himself quite well in his one start last season (20 of 28 for 235 yards in a loss to Arizona State), found himself No. 4 on the depth chart for the Trojans and has opted to depart. Sears joins U-Dub sophomore Jake Haener, who lost the August competition to transfer Jacob Eason and also is leaving.

Sears was actually the successor to Sam Darnold at San Clemente H.S. and rated the No. 5 passer in the nation by ESPN coming out of high school, FWIW. Meanwhile, we were not much impressed with USC starter J.T. Daniels last season, for all the accolades that whatever crew covering him that game heaped on him. Sears will graduate in December and if I know Mike Leach well, will probably be playing in Pullman next year. He or Haener.

Gone Girl

SNL cast member Leslie Jones, who was 47 years old when she joined the cast back in 2014, will not return for Season 45, which kicks off on September 28 with Woody Harrelson as host. That’s nowhere near as shocking as the fact that Pete Davidson is still alive.

Phoebs

So we don’t have Amazon Prime, which means we have not seen Fleabag, which means that we’re not cool. But the creator and star of the show, who also created Killing Eve, is a young and sharp-witted Brit named Phoebe Waller-Bridge. If you don’t know her (as I did not), here’s an introduction.

She’ll be hosting SNL this October with Taylor Swift as the musical guest.

We’re so old that we recall “Fleabag” as the Oscar Madison-like half of the duo from the Saturday morning cartoon The Oddball Couple. The cat was named Spiffy.

A Real-Life Axe Murderer

You may recall last week that we had an item about a book titled The Man From The Train. It’s a true-crime book, written by baseball saber metrics patriarch Bill James (and his daughter, Rachel) about a series of axe murders that took place all across the U.S.A. roughly between 1898 and 1912 (though most occurred in 1911-1912).

Exhaustively researched, the book is fascinating but also incredibly grim. With nothing but a hunch, the James began with the famed Villasca murders in Iowa in 1911, where a family of five or six was bludgeoned to death in their beds with the blunt side of an axe. Then then began looking to see if there were any similar crimes. Um, yeah. Like nearly two dozen or so.

By honing in on the killer’s modus operandi—the family always lived in a rural area, usually within a quarter-mile of a railroad track, the killer almost always struck after midnight and always used the blunt end of the axe to murder people in their sleep—the James were able to piece together more than 20 unsolved murders in this era from Florida to Washington, from Maine to Colorado.

They deduce that this murder, who is without the infamy and notoriety of such monsters as Jack The Ripper or Zodiac, likely murdered 100 or so people. While almost all of them were asleep in their beds.

(SPOILER ALERT…SKIP READING TODAY IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW!!!)

The book is more than 400 pages long and it can get wearying, as the crimes are so similar but James meticulously lays out each one. But then there’s a huge payoff. Though these crimes are more than a century old and most of the research was done by searching through old newspaper accounts, Racel James was able to find a detailed story, with a known suspect, dating back to 1898 in Brookfield, Massachusetts. That suspect was never caught but the James duo believe he was the murderer. And as the chef’s kiss to the story, they theorize that he returned to his native country in Europe, whereupon they are able to find the story of a famous murder in that country, also unsolved, that took place a decade or so later and had all the same tell-tale signs.

by John Walters

Starting Five

To Be Oxycontinued

In Oklahoma, Judge Thad Balkman ordered Johnson & Johnson to pay $572 million toward ending the opioid epidemic. Balkman’s ruling is the first time a jurist has found a pharmaceutical company responsible for the spike in addiction and overdoses caused by its drugs.

There are more than a thousand such lawsuits being filed around the U.S. right now and every last plaintiff is going to cite this suit. The last time we were in Oklahoma? To report a piece on Austin Box, the starting linebacker at Oklahoma who died of an opioid overdose.

Good Luck, And Good Night

A full 48 hours after the Andrew Luck retirement, pundits such as Dan Dakich doubled down on their “rub some dirt on it and get back in the game” troglodyte takes while Dan LeBatard of ESPN exuded, in our opinion, true wisdom.

https://twitter.com/HQonESPN/status/1166099480707551232?s=20

Here’s what we know, from having played organized tackle football many years but at a much lower level. If your heart isn’t in it, you definitely don’t belong on that field. You can go through the motions somewhat in other sports, but in football or boxing (or MMA), you just can’t. The sport is too violent.

🎙️ @GottliebShow on his Andrew Luck Tweet from Saturday night: pic.twitter.com/5xl8CARDRX

— FOX Sports Radio (@FoxSportsRadio) August 26, 2019

As to Susie B.’s question as to why Indianapolis put such a poor line in front of him, the Colts had addressed that in 2018 by selecting the best offensive lineman of the past decade, Quenton Nelson, with the No. 6 pick in the draft. But this was after the lacerated kidney and the sprained shoulder and the messed up ankle.

That’s total bullshit Doug. What qualifies you to decide how someone should live their life? So you’re now the authority on what motivates Andrew Luck? And if his decisions don’t fit into what you think is best for him then you rip him? Guess that keeps you employed on FS1. Nice https://t.co/p59DsmPoER

— Troy Aikman (@TroyAikman) August 26, 2019

An unexpected benefit of the Luck retirement: Fox talent feuding with Fox talent (Aikman-Gottlieb) and ESPN talent feuding with ESPN talent (Dan Dakich vs. Golic & Wingo). No one has revealed himself to be more of the horse’s ass we always knew him to be than Dakich, who himself quit a job at West Virginia in 2002 after less than two weeks.

Thirty Extra

Before there was Sully Sullenberger, there was Al Haynes. In July of 1989 Haynes was the pilot about United Airline flight 232, a Denver-to-Chicago DC-10 with nearly 300 passengers. Suddenly he heard a loud bang: the back engine had blown, which severed the hydraulics, crippling the plane. There was no way to steer it or manage the speed.

The plane had to make continuous right circles as it descended toward a crash landing in Sioux City, Iowa. The crash landing was astonishing in that where you sat in the fuselage determined whether you survived or perished. 185 people, including Haynes and his crew, survived. But 111 passengers also died.

Still, what Haynes was able to do, steer the plane by manipulating the two remaining engines, was borderline miraculous. Yesterday, after giving himself (and nearly 200 others) 30 extra years on the planet, he died in a Seattle hospital. Haynes was 87.

Burn Notice

The G7 pledges $20 million toward fighting fires in the Amazon rainforest ($20 million???? That was the pocket change around the table) and Brazilian president Bolsonaro turns it down and tells them to mind their own business. Sound like anyone you know?

We gotta believe, behind the scenes, that if Brazil felt any pressure from the United States to stop this environmental catastrophe from continuing, they’d be on it. But Bolsonaro does not.

We are simple folk: beyond the obvious catastrophic damage to the planet in terms of oxygen debt, we’ve never understood how anyone can destroy something that is beautiful and causes no harm (the Atticus Finch Postulate). Be it murdering lions and elephants in Africa or setting fire to the planet’s greatest symbol of life and biodiversity. For us, there’s simply nothing more evil than that. Anyway….they are called rainforests and we do hope Mother Nature takes a hand in combating that. Meanwhile, is it against the law to hope that a leader who is not the president of the United States takes a bullet to the face?

Here Come The Cards (And A’s)

Baseball…it’s a loooooooooong season. It’s a little bit like the Indy 500 or the Western States 100. Folks rarely lead wire-to-wire and what you were on June 1st doesn’t mean you have to be there on October 1st. Ladies and gentleman, I give you the St. Louis Cardinals and the Oakland A’s.

The Cards were 26-28 on May 29th and a week later they were 5 1/2 back in the N.L. Central. The A’s were six games under .500 on May 14 and 12 1/2 back in the A.L. West in mid-June.

Now the Cards, who always seem to garner an October invitation no matter how they play the first half of the season, have won 14 of 17 and are now 71-58, 2 1/2 up in their division. They were literally 58-55 after being swept by the Dodgers in L.A. just three weeks ago.

The A’s, once 35-35, are 40-20 since after beating up the Royals 19-4 last night. They swept the Yankees last week; the only other team to do so this season was the Houston Astros, in early April. Clip that one: the Yankees are 0-6 at Houston and Oakland this season. The A’s are currently a 1/2 game in for the second wild-card berth. Both of these clubs will be dangerous come October.

****

Off to another double-shift day. That apocalypse bunker isn’t going to buy itself.

by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

https://twitter.com/jdubs88/status/1165807910619930629?s=20

It’s been that kind of summer at the Cookoutateria…

Starting Five

As Luck Would Have It

We’ve been ginormous fans of Andrew Luck ever since he was shredding Notre Dame and we were covering the Irish for NBC/Fanhouse when he was back at Stanford. The reason? He has Hall of Fame passing talent inside the mind of a nerd. Sure, he was a brilliant passer on the Farm and there was that time a USC defender scooped up a fumble only to have Luck bodyslam him into the turf.

But Andrew Luck also loved talking about books and 19th century economics, etc. He’s a Renaissance man and that’s why Saturday night’s retirement, some 19 days before his 30th birthday, did not exactly shock us. Whereas his predecessor, Peyton Manning, also battled painful injuries for years only to be ousted (for Luck) and then play in two more Super Bowls as the quarterback for the Denver Broncos, Luck wanted none of that. And good for him.

This photo from @hoIIaback is heartbreaking…

I hope he finds his joy pic.twitter.com/hLQAI4XteP

— Pat McAfee (@PatMcAfeeShow) August 25, 2019

What aroused our intrigue most about this was Adam Schefter‘s tweet. We’ve known Schefter—should say, “We knew”—since the mid-Nineties. Adam is bright but he is equally ambitious. Always has been. When we were covering the AFC West for SI and he was a reporter in Denver he was gracious about being our Uber driver/unofficial city escort. What I remember from our rides is that the way he speaks doing a 2-minute hit on SportsCenter is exactly the way he speaks during a Sportswriters In Cars Getting Coffee talk. He never turns off.

And that is a large reason why Schefter has ascended to having NFL Woj status. He’s earned it. But still, there was a part of me that wondered if he had to send out that tweet, had to file that story, exactly when he did. Granted, Luck did not have a Tom Brady or even Drew Brees career. Still, knowng that the moment you hit “Tweet” that you’re going to rob Luck of the chance to say goodbye to his teammates on his own terms, that you’re going to expose him, as he stands on the sideline during an NFL preseason game, to angry reactions from the Lucas Oil Stadium crowd…

Filed to ESPN: Andrew Luck has informed the Colts he is retiring from the NFL, per source. There will be a press conference Sunday to make it official, but Luck is mentally worn down, and now checking out.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) August 25, 2019

Maybe Schefter believed another reporter was hot on his heels. Judging from the press box reaction to the news in this wonderful Chicago Tribune piece, I’d suggest nobody was. I get it. An intrepid reporter must be agnostic about such reverberations. Schefter had the story and as soon as he had it, he needed to go with it. And yet…who was the Colts insider who told somebody who told somebody else who told Schefter? And what if Schefter had told the Colts’ PR guy that Luck needed to tell his teammates immediately after the game because he was sending out the tweet 10 minutes after the game ended? Would that have helped? I don’t know.

It just felt somewhat wrong to me that Adam Schefter and Twitter dictated the closing scene of Andrew Luck’s NFL career. Particularly because, as everyone who has ever dealt with Luck will tell you, he’s one of the nicest and best athletes they’ve ever come across.

Too Little, Too Tate*

*The judges will not accept “Arizona Sinks In Hawaii—Again”

Week Zero of the college football season ended sometime around 2 a.m. and we just did not have the energy to stay awake for the final play of the season’s first episode of Pac-12 After Dark. The longest rush play from scrimmage was Khalil Tate’s 31-yard scamper on the game’s final play and with Arizona trailing Hawaii by a touchdown. The problem was that the play began from the Hawaii 32-yard line. So, yes, Tate fell one yard shy of being this week’s hero on this Week Zero.

Khalil Tate comes up less than a yard short of a game-tying TD as time expires. @HawaiiFootball squeezes out the 45-38 victory. 👀

WHAT A GAME! WHAT A START TO THE CFB SEASON!#CFBonCBS pic.twitter.com/yhXPySr4I4

— CBS Sports Network (@CBSSportsNet) August 25, 2019

Yes, Tate was stopped one yard shy of pay dirt in Honolulu on the game’s ultimate play. It’s worth noting that Tate, who had a brilliant breakout season under former coach Rich Rodriguez in 2017 in which he rushed for 1,411 yards in only eight starts, rushed for only 224 yards all season last year, Kevin Sumlin’s first in Tucson (by comparison Tate gained 327 yards rushing in his first real game for the Cats when he took over for injured Brandon Dawkins early in the game at Boulder). The difference? Head coach Kevin Sumlin. It appears that Sumlin finally realized you shouldn’t use a Maserati to haul firewood and let Tate do, at least a little, what he does best in the season opener. If only he’d realized that before the game’s final play.

Worth noting: Hawaii receiver Cedric Byrd had 14 catches for 224 yards and 4 touchdowns and has a HUUUUUUUGE head start on the rest of the field for the Biletnikoff Award.

What’s Black And White…

The Yankees and Dodgers, with nearly 250 Major League seasons (and 33 World Series championships) between them, play in the regular season once every three years. And not in the postseason since 1981. They once shared a city and they still share the title of (along with the St. Louis Cardinals) most iconic uniforms in baseball, unis that go back more than 80 years.

So when the two met in Chavez Ravine this weekend, which happened to overlap with MLB Players Weekend, which is just an excuse by MLB to put new merchandise on the shelves and at the mlb.com store, perhaps Commissioner Manfred should’ve given them a four-pitch pass. Or at the very least limited it to one evening.

Every team in baseball was compelled to adopt the Stormtroopers vs. Darth Vader color schemes (white home, black visitor). We get the idea of changing it up for a series, but these were just horrible looks. The one redeeming aspect, for us, is that Dodger pinch-hitter Jedd Gyorko chose “Jerk-Store” as his nickname and then came to bat on Friday night with Larry David in the stands.

Meanwhile, in actual baseball news, Aaron Judge‘s power outage appears to be over, as he has smoked home runs in each of his past three games and in four of the last six. Before that he’d only hit one in the past two or three weeks. The Yanks (85-47) are tied with Houston for the best record in the AL while the Dodgers (85-46) have the best in the NL.

Trade Wars/Tirade Wars (Cont.)

Above, that was Friday in the latest back-and-forth between Trump and the American investor, a result of his tariff war with China. And here, below, is today, after Trump makes mollifying comments about possibly reaching a deal. Remember, the tariffs are not even due to begin until Sunday, September 1st.

As an investor, you may want to hold onto Linus’ blanket…

Mushroom Cloud Vs. Hurricane

Some ideas are so crazy that they just might work (e.g. the Trojan Horse or having Bill Walton broadcast baseball). Others? Just plain nutso. The website Axios is reporting that our 45th president has floated the idea of nuking hurricanes in order to disrupt them, an idea that only Slim Pickens could be in favor of.

This, of course, would allow us to divert even more money to military expenditures, one assumes. And perhaps we’d attack smaller tropical storms with conventional weapons? You might even be able to take out an afternoon thundershower with a Howitzer if you aim just right.

Music 101

Everybody’s Talkin’

Pick your preferred 1969 ill-fated buddy movie film song: B.J. Thomas’ “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head” from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid or this gem from Harry Nilsson for Midnight Cowboy. This one, which was originally written and recorded by Fred Neil two years earlier, won a Grammy Award. Thomas’ tune won the Oscar.