by John Walters

and we’re going to put this birthday greeting to Elle MacPherson down under his…

because….

Starting Five

Male-Order Final Four

For the first time in its history, the Women’s Final Four will have four male head coaches (Is there be a Title IX, Coaches’ Edition in the offing?). Geno Auriemma, Connecticut, was a given.

But this March the three other heavily favored No. 1 seeds were all toppled (and now they are bottomled?): Notre Dame (by Stanford, Sweet 16), South Carolina (by Syracuse, Sweet 16) and Baylor (by Oregon State, Elite Eight).

Your Final Four is a refreshing new crop of foes– Washington, with nation’s leading scorer Kelsey Plum, Syracuse, Oregon State and UConn. The four coaches are Mike Neighbors (U-Dub), Quentin Hillsman (Syracuse), Scott Rueck (Oregon State), and of course, Geno.

Fifteen years ago I wrote this piece in SI about how male coaches in women’s hoops were always placed in the same bracket so that no more than one would make the Final Four. As our politicians are loathe to accept, the more you try to bury a movement, the more resilient it often becomes.

2. Hack-a-Phone

So basically the FBI is an eight year-old boy who can’t find his baseball glove. So he cries, “Mom, I lost my baseball glove! Can you find it for me?!?”

And Apple is that good mom who looks up from baking her apple pie (what other type of pie would you expect her to bake???) and says, “Keep looking, honey!”

And the FBI whines. And stomps his feet. And declares he’s quitting baseball.

And Apple just keeps chopping up apples and making a glaze.

And then FINALLY the FBI enlists someone else to help and finds his glove. But who did the FBI get to help it? Neo, of course.

3. “I Want Some, Too!”

Looking forward, very forward, possibly even Fast Forward, to Richard Linklater’s Everybody Wants Some (title taken from this kick-ass Van Halen song), which opens Friday. It’s about a college baseball team in the early 1980s (Linklater played two years of college baseball) and that era is in this writer’s wheelhouse. Also, it’s got to be more entertaining than Boyhood.

Trailer here….

Rotten Tomatoes rating? 95%. Variety’s review, highly recommended.

Last thought: One of my favorite films is Fandango, a coming of age film set in Texas that was made at about the time this film was set. That movie, starring unknowns Kevin Costner and Judd Nelson (and Suzy Amis), was set about 12 years earlier. I’m 1,000% percent positive that a Texas teen of that era like Linklater saw Fandango and was influenced by it. I’d recommend watching Fandango first, if you are able, to see if there are any nods to it here. And yes, as you remember, Linklater already did Dazed & Confused, which is set about seven years earlier (and note, one of our favorite characters was an eighth-grade baseball player).

4. Loss Angeles

The Lakers lost by 48, tying a team record, at Utah (123-75).
Kobe Bryant shot 1 of 11 from the field, had a minus-44, and finished with 5 points.
Kobe did leave with some lovely parting gifts, though, as the Jazz bequeathed the exiting Hall of Famer and his family with a 10-year pass to all of the national parks. This is the part where I joke about Kobe visiting the Grand Canyon because at least he could throw one in there.

Kobe lifetime scoring average watch: Currently at 25.0089 ppg.

Kobe will need to score 188 points in LOLakers’ final eight games to maintain an above-25.0 ppg career scoring average, i.e., he’ll need to average 23.50 ppg to do so.

5. Hinky Dinky Gal

In last night’s Better Call Saul, our heroine, Kim Wexler, tells a prospective employer that she comes from “a little town near the Kansas-Nebraska border” and that had she remained there, she’d probably be a cashier “at the Hinky Dinky.”

“The devil is in the details,” co-creator (of the show, not of Hinky Dinky) Peter Gould told me last week, and this is a prime example. In many shows, they’d have the character say something generic, such as “at the local supermarket,” but on BCS, they care. So they found an actual no-longer operational food & drug chain, which actually launched in Omaha, where Jimmy McGill is eventually headed.

So, yeah, the Kansas City Royals shirt, Saul Goodman’s last retreat, Omaha, and now this reveal from Wexler as to her hometown. Maybe there is bruised and battered hope for these two yet?

Meanwhile, again, because we, too, care about attention to detail (don’t allow the daily spelling errors on this blog to fool you), young Jimmy McGill was peeping at Playboy in the late summer of 1973. We checked. That’s Cyndi Wood on the August ’73 cover.

One minor complaint with last night’s episode: Jimmy suggests to Kim that they head to Whataburger to celebrate her decision to go into business for herself. It’s a fine choice and all, but if you live in Albuquerque you’re headed to Blake’s Lotaburger.

Music 101

Ball of Confusion (That’s What The World Is Today)

TURN IT UP!!!!!!! If there were a March Madness bracket for kick-ass tunes, this 1970 wakeup call by The Temptations would be a top seed. The song reached No. 3 on the pop charts, and I don’t believe it’s ever been used on the soundtrack of a major motion picture, which blows my gray matter. It’s the perfect opening tune for a movie. Also, that opening bass line….did Death Cab For Cutie lift that for their 2008 tune, “I Will Possess Your Heart?”

Alas, the lyrics are not at all outdated 46 years on…And the beat goes on…

Remote Patrol

Wizards at Warriors

10:30 p.m. TNT

First of all, sure, there’s the Must-Win Guatemala-USA World Cup qualifier from Columbus, Ohio, at 8 p.m. on ESPN2. And there’s drama there. But why would any sports fan miss a chance to watch the Dubs as they chase 73 in the final two-plus weeks of the season? Plus, your sideline reporter tonight is Craig Sager. And let’s savor these moments.