by John Walters

We’re up 100% on ROKU, GBTC and NVDA this year, but you’re probably better off wagering with Clay Travis…

Starting Five

volcaNO*

*The judges will also accept “Bali Blast” but believe it sounds too much like a new-agey energy drink

In Bali, Mount Agung appears to be erupting for the first time since 1963. It sounds like a perfect Geico ad, but I’d really love to see Eddie Van Halen playing “Eruption” with a scene like this playing in the background. Can we make that happen?

2. Grey Cup So White

Canadians work on a schedule 5 to 10 weeks ahead of ours. Their Thanksgiving is in early October and their Super Bowl is in late November. Sunday night’s 105th Grey Cup (kudos to ESPN2) from Ottawa between the Toronto Argonauts and the Calgary Stampeders included a full-blown blizzard and native Canuck Shania Twain, 52, entering her halftime performance on a dog sled. That DO impress me much.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYYFqOhfFlg

The Argos shoveled out of a 24-16 deficit at the beginning of the fourth quarter to defeat the Stampeders 27-24. This was fun. You’re up, Minneapolis.

3. We May Already Have A Winner For the FAKE NEWS TROPHY

On the day after the Washington Post broke its story about Roy Moore‘s penchant for pedophelia, a woman approached WaPo to tell them that she had been impregnated by Moore when she was a teenager. WaPo researched the woman and not only debunked her story but soon discovered that she worked for Project Veritas, which targets “lame stream media” and is run by James O’Keefe, a conservative political activist.

Even Project Veritas has confessed that she works for them. So what we have here is a sting operation from the far right that was designed to undercut the public’s faith in the Fourth Estate, except that it failed, because you don’t come at Marty Baron with that weak sauce. Didn’t anyone at Project Veritas see Spotlight?

4. “I Cant’ Find The Joy Luck Club. Can You Help Me?”

This is not a still from the new Star Wars movie, but rather the new Tianjin Binhai Libray in China, which holds 1.2 million books and is the coolest thing in architecture we’ve seen in quite some time. But will I be able to use its internet for free?

How many of these tomes are in English, I wonder?

The judges will consider “That’s Fine, China.”

5. Tragedy In Northern California

While driving home from a father-son basketball tournament in Napa last weekend, Cal pitcher Jared Horn‘s car was rammed from behind by a drunk driver. Horn, a 6’5″ sophomore for the Golden Bears who starred at Napa’s Vintage High School, lost control of his vehicle on I-80. The car jumped the median and flipped. Horn survived but his father, younger brother, uncle and cousin were all killed.

Beyond devastating. This is the kind of tragic tale that Gary Smith would spend six months on back in the day at SI. The driver, a 47 year-old man from Sacramento, was arrested and charged with multiple counts of manslaughter and is being held on $1.5 million bail.

Music 101

Kiss And Say Goodbye

I own a white jumpsuit exactly like these! The Manhattans were one of a slew of amazing ’70s R&B groups that we were lucky to grow up with. This song hit No. 1 in the middle of 1976 and everyone age 50 and over has it implanted in their brains, I promise you that.

Remote Patrol

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show

10 p.m. CBS

From Shanghai. Man, don’t you hope they wear something from Louis Vuitton? Sunglasses, perhaps. Your lineup of bra-zen beauties includes the usual stunners: Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel and Alessandra Ambrosio.