Good day readers, from sunny Arizona! While John Walters is out fishing for a story, I’ve been designated the AIR Apparent for today’s edition of It’s All Happening! Guaranteed Sharknado-free. Katie McCollow is a tough act to follow, but daylight’s burning. Shall we?
1. Baby Bowden
College GameDay reporter Samantha Ponder recently posted this Instagram photo with her month-old daughter Bowden Sainte-Claire Ponder, named after seminal Seminoles football coach, Bobby Bowden. How did The Ponders deliver a boyish name like that? Ponder’s hubby Christian and his father both played for Bowden at Florida State University. The biggest mystery that remains is how this pulchritudinous, high profile couple managed to keep both the pregnancy and birth under wraps. With a name and lineage like that, baby Bowden is certain to inherit more than a few desirable traits, and a tight spiral pass. SKOL!
2. Getting His Phil of Pickleball
Pro golfer Phil Mickleson was spotted playing America’s fastest growing game last week in Encinitas, California. Although he’s known as ‘Lefty’, Mickleson played right-handed, and is thought to ‘have some potential’ after his 3-hour duel on the pickleball courts.
As the “Pickleball Wrangler” in my spare time, I can attest to the addictive quality of this game. It’s a captivating combination of lob, touch and kill shots, punctuated by frequent peals of laughter.
How do I know this court sport is catching on? Just ask the Mumbai Suburban Pickleball Association, or discover over 2,500 places to play across North America at www.usapa.org.
3. The Mother of All ‘Dear John’ Letters
I confess, I was once guilty of the cowardly act of leaving a Dear John letter on a car seat. Granted his name was actually John, and I can plead full-blown immaturity as a defense. Yet Jackie O seriously puts the rest of us to shame with this release of a scathing kiss-off penned in 1947, pre-JFK:
“I’ve always thought of being in love as being willing to do anything for the other person—starve to buy them bread and not mind living in Siberia with them—and I’ve always thought that every minute away from them would be hell—so looking at it that [way] I guess I’m not in love with you.”
4. A Riff on Ruth
Owning up to my archaic first name, I decided it was time to assemble my own power index of famous Ruths. (With gratitude to Steve Rushin, for the inspiration.)
The Book of Ruth—According to ancient scripture, Ruth was a widow resigned to toiling in the wheat fields as a day laborer. As the story goes, Ruth’s mother-in-law Naomi was also widowed, as was Ruth’s sister-in-law, Orpah. Naomi decided to play “Fiddler on the Ruth” by introducing Ruth to Boaz, who immediately separated the chaff from the wheat and rescued her from a lifetime of gleaning.
Babe Ruth—When it comes to Ruths, George Herman Ruth bears the least resemblance to me, but is perhaps the most influential Ruth of all time. This vintage photo (with fake beard) never fails to crack me up. By today’s standards, Babe Ruth wasn’t the fittest of professional athletes, but there’s absolutely no empirical evidence linking his bulk to excessive consumption of Baby Ruth candy bars.
Ruth Chris—Back in 1965, a fearless single mother of two ripped a ‘steak house for sale’ ad out of a newspaper, and thought to herself, “I can do that”. Ruth Fertel proceeded to build a beefy franchise which has grown from one location to 140, now serving up 40,000 steaks each day.
Doctor Ruth—The “Wall Street Journal” described her as a ‘cross between Henry Kissinger and Minnie Mouse’, while “Playboy” lauded her as one of the 55 most important people in all things sex. As a former spokesperson for Clairol shampoo, I predict Dr. Ruth will be on the comeback trail with a “Fifty Shades of Grey” ad campaign.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg—Recently dubbed “The Notorious R.G.B”, this diminutive Supreme Court Justice holds degrees from Cornell, Harvard and Columbia. (And if that isn’t enough, she has three honorary doctor of law degrees from Williamette, Princeton and Harvard University as well). At 81, she remains a serious overachiever and the second female after Sandra Day O’Connor to sit on the Supreme Court.
I would never intentionally be Ruthless. If I left an iconic Ruth off my list, please add (him or) her in the Comments section.
5. Pre-Madonna Prima Donna
What more can I say? When you live in Arizona, you’re always searching for a little Wintour in the dead of summer. Thanks for reading!
–An Inconvenient Ruth (AIR)
To jdubs & his friends – You know the best scene/line of ‘It’s a Wonderful Life?’ (Of course you do & no, not the ‘angel gets his wings’) – when all the townspeople & George Bailey’s friends rush to his aid & war hero/little brother says “to my big brother George, the richest man in town”? It wasn’t that they were giving him money, it was that they were his friends & they were there.
Well, not only does jdubs have numerous friends, but they are all fabulously smart & funny. (Seriously, envy is beginning to eat my soul). I do sometimes wish they would try to “dumb it down” a little as I worry Grantland will snatch them (& him) all away.
Thank-you to AIR, Katie, Okerland, Chris, & weekend intern. I have been remiss in not commenting before but it’s a delight to read your writings.
And to jdubs – the richest man in the country.