by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Celestial Bodies

The aptly named Bruce Vince Wilfork of the New England Patriots is your ESPN Body issue (which I don’t recommend perusing if you have body issues) headliner this summer, while Super Bowl MVP Von Miller appears to have the best bod. Females in the issue include Elena Delle Donne (WNBA center) and Friend of MH Emma Coburn, who competes for a berth on the US Olympic team tomorrow in Eugene. The Bob Ley photo shoot never came about, alas.

2. Extremely Careless*

*Or, “She Lied”

Time can never mend/The careless email of a good Dem….I’m never gonna run again/Guilty feeling/Got no delegates….

So this is all a little too tidy. I imagine FBI director James Comey says, “I’m not about to compromise the integrity of my career for Hillary,” so he agrees with Attorney General Loretta “Not a Coal Miner’s Daughter” Lynch that he’ll be allowed to present the facts that the FBI has found but as a compromise will not recommend she be indicted for mishandling of classified emails on a private server (and later lying about it). Comey said that 110 of HRC’s emails that were sent and received on a private server were classified, even though she repeatedly denied that.

The announcement comes on the morning after a three-day holiday weekend, and almost immediately HRC and POTUS are off to North Carolina for a rally where for the first time they appear together in a moment where he is endorsing her for his job. It’s all a little too contrived.

Honestly, this is the best episode of Madame Secretary yet….

3. N.L. All-Stars: Cub Club

The starters for the National League All-Stars were announced yesterday, and the entire infield is comprised of Chicago Cubs (more proof that this is the most bizarre year in history). Chicago center fielder Dexter Fowler is also a starter, and pitchers Jake Arrieta and Jon Lester should also be on the team.

The Cubs’ infield All-Stars, around the horn: Anthony Rizzo, 1B: Ben Zobrist, 2B; Addison Russell, SS; Kris Bryant, 3B. The last of these four, Bryant, leads the majors in home runs and is second in the NL in RBI. Zobrist, Rizzo and Fowler are all Top 10 OBP guys in the NL, and all of them have better OBPs than Daniel Murphy of Washington, who leads the NL in batting average, a stat that should be considered secondary to OBP.

That ’63 Cardinal team whose entire infield started? Bill White, 1B; Julian Javier, 2B; Dick Groat, SS (that’s a painful condition, too), and Ken Boyer, 3B. None of them are in the Hall of Fame, though it should be noted that Groat played hoops at Duke and was named National Player of the Year (though he only stood 5’11”) and then later would be a National League MVP. Groat was a GOAT!) Two of that team’s other starters? Hank Aaron and Willie Mays.

The question: Will any of these four/five Cubs make it to Cooperstown? Bryant has the best shot.

4. Staten Island, Ferguson, Baltimore, Baton Rouge. etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCf27btBVoI

In Baton Rouge, 37 year-old Alton Sterling is fatally shot by police as two officers already have him pinned to the ground. His alleged crime: selling CDs outside a convenience store (maybe he was just being extremely careless with the proffering of them?). Also, body cameras on both cops slipped off as the incident unfolded. This is ugly, and you just wonder how often this happened before YouTube existed and no one ever found out about it.

The convenience store owner, Abdul Muflahi, told officers that he did not see Sterling hold a weapon but that he saw cops pull one from his pocket following the altercation.

5. An Alaskan Brings It Home

As you’ve heard me say here before, the greatest sporting event that ESPN continues to completely ignore (in favor of a goddamn hot dog eating contest, mind you) is Alaska’s Mount Marathon Race, an annual 4th of July event since 1915. The 5-K event, which begins in downtown Seward, heads up the steep slope of Mount Marathon, and then returns, is as American as the Aleutian Islands, you know?

On Monday, David Norris of Fairbanks, a nordic skier at Alaska-Pacific University, became  in the words of one local, “a rock star forever” by breaking the course record and winning the race in 41:25. Although the course record has been broken three times in the past four years (after not being challenged for 32 years, since 1981), wheat makes Norris’ achievement special is that he broke the record that was set by a Spaniard last year. Alaskans are very protective of their race, and so this meant a lot to have a Last Frontier native set the record. Particularly because Norris, 25, had never even run the race before.

In February Norris won the 51-kilometer American Birkebeiner cross-country ski race in Wisconsin, the most prestigious race in that sport on American soil. He’s in pretty decent shape.

Music 101

Feed The Tree

“Feed the Tree” is a metaphor for the sustenance we will provide after we’re buried. This tune by Belly featuring lead singer Tanya Donnelly went to No. 1 on the Modern Rock list in 1994, back when modern rock was still a thing. This song was a big deal back when Party of Five and My So-Called Life were big deals on TV and would have fit in the background in any number of scenes from those shows. It was a good time.

Remote Patrol

Euro Semi: Wales vs. Portugal

ESPN 3 p.m.

It’s the Real Madrid face-off, as stars 1 and 1A for the UEFA Champions League champs, Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale, meet. You know who I’m rooting for. This is the apparent undercard of the Euro semis, as France and Germany meet tomorrow. But this should be fun for the budding rivalry between these two strikers and somewhat awkward teammates.