by John Walters
A Medium Happy 46th to Richie Finestra, a.k.a. Bobby Cannavale. That whole Buck Rogers deal? Fuggedaboutit.
Starting Five
Final play of Thunder-Spurs? No. Leicester fans celebrate.
1. Feat, Foxes
Yesterday Leicester City won the Barclays Premier League, which was rather unusual because it isn’t always that BPL clubs play on a Monday, and because Leicester City wasn’t one of the two teams playing, and even more because Leicester City was a 5,000/1 shot to win the crown when the season began.
My own non 5,000-to-1 bet (much surer odds, in fact) is that most Yanks cannot name a single LCFC player, that some can name one (the BPL’s leading scorer this year with 22 goals this year, Jamie Vardy), and that only a few can name more than one and/or the squad’s manager, ___________. (Claudio Ranieri)
Sweeper Christian Fuchs will be played by Ryan Reynolds in the movie, if they begin shooting tomorrow.
In their last 14 matches, the Foxes scored five shutouts (“clean sheets”….why are the Brits so impressed with laundry?) and went 10-1-3. They secured the league title, their first since their founding in 1884, when Chelsea played No. 2 Tottenham Hotspur to a draw yesterday. This was, yes, an unlikely triumph.
Americans instantly attempted to equate the achievement to U.S. sports phenomena. I chose to equate it to a proctologist performing a successful brain transplant.
2. Met Gala
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, last seen acting as a speed bump on Fury Road, has recovered nicely.
Every spring Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour puts a figurative gun to the heads of the fashion industry (pony up for a table for charity or, who knows, Vogue may forget you exist) and every year they pay, but they do get to invite fashionable celebs to the event, which is staged at arguably the crown jewel of New York City, the Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Queen Bey brought her beauty and her booty, but not her Jay-Z
Sure, lots of folks dismiss it, but I see the appeal: the Met Gala is an annual reaffirmation for us New Yorkers that the best part of spring is about to begin and also, that celebrities really are prettier than we are. I’m still awaiting a Mets Gala to be held at Citi Field. Maybe next year.
Well, yeah, it’s her….
3. Publish and Perish
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDRmp9wmQ2A
When my old Sports Illustrated colleague Jeff Pearlstine (I watched the movie, Jeff) phoned me a month or so ago and asked if he could interview me for a grad school project, I had no idea that I would be part of a 39-minute documentary*. But here it is. Jeff Pearlman did an outstanding job on his film, “Book Whore.” Take a look at it.
*Next time I’ll shower and shave before I appear in a film.
4. Karma Is A Bitch, Manu
In the foreground, Kawhi grabbing Westbrook’s shirt. Not called, either.
If you were up past midnight….
Hunky: “Dion Waiters fouled Manu Ginobili!”
Dory: “While throwing the inbounds pass?”
Hunky: “Yes!”
Dory: “But Manu kept crossing over the inbounds line, which is illegal.”
Hunky: “They never call that.”
Dory: “That’s the point. They never call anything in the NBA any more. Oh, and by the way, didn’t the refs actually do SAS a favor by not calling the foul? OKC committed the turnover.”
Hunky: “ARRRRRRRRGGHH!”
OKC wins. Series tied, 1-1.
Meanwhile, at Billy Donovan‘s post-game presser:
5. Cruz From Cuba, Cruise to Cuba
In an instant, Havana goes from the Western Hemisphere’s capital of oppression to the 21st century Puerto Vallarta
As Ted Cruz, a man of Cuban (and Canadian?) descent, was busy demonstrating how out of touch he is with Ford truck Republicans, a U.S. cruise ship docked in Havana for the first time in more than 50 years.
I sort of feel sorry for Ted Cruz, because he just seems so insulated that he has no one to advise him on the get-it factor. Like, when your running mate falls off a stage at a rally, drop everything and help her up. Or, if you’re going to engage with hecklers who are so dumb that all they can do is parrot catchphrases (“Build a wall!” and “Lyin’ Ted Cruz!”) the last thing you do is cite a New York Times story.
C’mon, Ted, at least understand the game that is being played. I mean, I admire the effort here, but you have to know your opponent.
Music 101
Don’t Look Back In Anger
Some bands are good, others are great, and others we wonder just how great they might have been if they didn’t fall prey to rock star-itis. Oasis was loaded with talent and in the mid-1990s poised to become the biggest British since, what, Wham? Okay, since George Michael? The Clash? Queen? Alas, brothers Liam and Noel Gallagher couldn’t play nice and we only got a taste of how gifted they were.
This is the first tune that big brother Noel Gallagher sang lead on, and even though it was the fourth single off “What’s The Story (Morning Glory)?” it still went to NO. 1 in the UK.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBbyc3t-Ctc
Remote Patrol
The Night Manager
10 p.m. AMC
So our man Jonathan Pine has infiltrated Richie Roper’s citadel (wait, isn’t he a film critic? How did he become an arms dealer, too?) and they all seem to know he’s a plant. So how will our man avoid being treated to a fate worse than Ramsey Bolton could devise? I guess we’ll have to tune in. Part 3 of 6.
I’m thrilled for the Leicester players & fans. Such a story! Can’t wait for the movie. 🙂
Good for the Thunder to recover from their humiliating beat-down the other day & head back to OKC with a win. About as good as they could have expected.
As for your inadvertent oversight about the other NBA playoff game last night – the Cavs beat the Hawks in their Game 1 of Round 2. While I’m happy the Cavs won & that they were the dominant team for most of the night, they ALMOST let it slip away! Plus, except for flashes here & there, I didn’t think they played all that well. Maybe because they didn’t feel they HAD to? Well, that’s a dangerous path to the Finals!
Steph Curry & the Warriors need to read up about RG3! How DUMB to play him at all unless they are on the verge of elimination & even then, I don’t know. Stoopid, stoopid, stoopid.
Speaking of “stoopid” – I saw this morning that one of your fave guys – Coach Holtz, is backing Trump. My respect for him has plummeted. Sorry, can’t return from that. You know how you screech about hunters & others who mistreat animals? Can you respect any of them? That’s now how I feel about Holtz & any other IDIOT who actually thinks Trump could in ANY WAY possible be a valid let alone good President of the United States of America. WTF is wrong with those people!
You ARE familiar with Winston Churchill’s quote about fanatics, I assume, Susie B?
“A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject.”
Oh, I love the irony that has occurred in today’s comment section.
You are referring to a photo of a certain young chanteuse, I assume, JasonJacob. Touche! Although I will say I prefer a picture saying 1,000 words to reading 1,000 words.