No Katie today (the GOP wins control of the Senate and suddenly Katie must off to work. Coincidence?) Hopefully, she’ll return some time soon. You’re stuck with me today, but don’t worry: I won’t opine on Lena Dunham’s sisterly vaginal spelunking.

And, I’m working on another ‘puter that doesn’t allow me to download photos (read: I have yet to figure out how to do), so those will wait ’til later.

Starting Five

1. GOP Years

“You down with GOP?/Yeah, you know me.”

The Republicans take control of the U.S. Senate, 52-44, and suddenly our most august governing body resembles a Big 12 football game early in the fourth quarter. The Dems are going to need to go for two if they score.

My only (USDA) beef: Let’s make voting hella easier. It’s 2014. Most of us have jobs and cannot easily get to polls at public schools during the day. We have the internet. We have places of business (e.g., Starbucks, Wal-Mart, CostCo, Target, In-n-Out Burger) that millions of Americans frequent daily–and those are all American business.

Let’s put the polls there (and, no, your Starbucks barrista would not authenticate your voter registration). Let’s let people vote. Because right now the way we vote is –and I love her to bits–skewed toward making it easy for Phyllis and other retirees to vote, but not for two-parent households where both work. I get the feeling that the people in charge like it just the way it is. And that’s just one more reason our system is so corrupt.

2. Houston, Hello!

You and I thought the Rockets would truly miss Chandsome Parsons. And perhaps they do. But the Rockets moved to 5-0 last night with a win at previously unbeaten Miami. So, yes, Dwight Howard is 5-0 and Kobe Bryant (37 shots last night; Shoot, Kobe, shoot!) is 0-5 and I imagine Dwight is aware of that.

The Rockets and Golden State are the only two teams in the Association (“Cherished is the word I used to describe…”) who are in the Top 5 in both Scoring and Scoring Defense. And, yes, I know it’s early, but the Rockets are thriving without two key glue guys from last season, Parsons and Omer Asik.

Why? Because The World’s Most Famous Ariza, Trevor, is having a torrid start. He’s already made 21 threes’, or 50% more than the NBA’s next highest arc-etype. James Harden is scoring like an MVP. And Terrence Jones appears ready for his close-up.

By the way, it couldn’t be any earlier in the season, but it’s funny to see San Antonio, Oklahoma City and the LOLakers currently out of the playoff hunt. Those three have appeared in 14 of the past 16 NBA Finals.

3. Platinum Blonde

Taylor Swift’s first few months in New York City are proving better than mine, back when because of a phone strike we had no phone service (this was pre-cell phones, kids) for three months and I was living in a 2-bedroom, 4th-floor walk-up on the Upper East Side with two friends from college. Oh, and we had wildings (not to be confused with wildlings) and squeegee guys and people were listening to Rico Suave. Those were end of days times, kids.

Anyway, yesterday SoundScan announced that T-Swizzle’s new album, 1989 (which just happens to be the year I moved here), has sold 1.287 million copies in its first week of release. That’s the best album debut in 14 years, or more pertinently, the best album debut since Steve Jobs murdered the record business.

Hey, you know me: I love the T-Swizzle. I don’t really love the songs I’ve heard on this album, but then she’s not making it for me. I’ll still take “Tim McGraw” over this.

4. A-Rod Cheated?!?!

Medium Happy went directly to Popeye for a comment, and he said, “Well, blow me down! Then Popeye scurried away when we asked him how his forearms got so huge.

Anyway, it has finally come out that A-Rod admitted using performance-enhancing drugs, which Selena Roberts (and all sentient beings) already knew. The two best takeaways from the story: 1) A-Rod injected the drugs directly into his stomach and 2) he was advised to use mid-stream urine when providing a sample for his tests. This gives an entirely new meaning to the term “pinch-hitter.”

5. Everyone (except Miss. State) Can Shut Up

The CFP Committee released its second round of rankings last night and all anyone should really care about is the Top 10. Of course, fans of most schools like to debate that their alma mater/favorite school should be higher because it is better based on some metric that, of course, puts their school in the most favorable light.

But let’s face it: It’s a crap shoot. Of the top ten teams, only Mississippi State is both undefeated (at least until Nov. 15) and has yet to play a game in which one play late, had it turned the other way, would have changed its record. MSU’s “closest” win was by 5 at LSU, but they led that one 34-10 early in the fourth quarter. Sure, if the Tigers had recovered the onside kick after scoring with 1:27 left to make it 34-29, they might have won. But they didn’t. So that’s not a one-play-away scenario we can point to. At the minimum, that’s two plays that never even happened.

Florida State needed a Clemson fumble late and a referee’s flag to remain undefeated.

Auburn needed an amazing play by Kris Frost to remain at one loss.

Oregon might still be unbeaten if Scooby Wright hadn’t sack-stripped Marcus Mariota.

Alabama threw an endzone INT that, if caught by a Tide player, would have meant a win in Oxford.

Michigan State needed a late INT to stave off Nebraska.

TCU got burned on a 4th-down non PI call, then on a 4th-down PI call, in Waco. They also needed a last-second field goal in Morgantown. They could have two losses; they could have zero.

Same with Notre Dame: could have two losses, could have zero. Only two plays altered those outcomes.

Arizona State is No. 9 in part due to a 47-yard Hail Mary pass on literally the game’s final play at USC.

In other words, 2-10 are separated by the thinnest of margins. Which is only magnified by the fact that No. 2 basically beat No. 10 because a referee threw a yellow flag that had no impact on the outcome of the play.

Remote Patrol

Country Music Awards

ABC 8 p.m.

Country’s biggest night, they call it, and this awards show has been hemorrhaging in popularity the past few years. One big reason? Co-hosts Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood have the best chemistry of any duo on TV. Even better than Tina and Amy. By the way, mid-term elections followed by CMAs? It’s like the greatest Red State week in years. Keep an eye, by the way, on newcomer Brandy Clark, an openly gay singer/songrwiter, who is up for some CMA love.