Starting Five

Jimmy and Kim: My new favorite couple

1. Saul Right

Rule 41: A cynic is an idealist who has seen too much (by the way, Is anyone writing all these rules down? Susie B.? AIR? GA? An autocorrect aphorism, ‘To err is Auman.'”)

Back to Rule 41: In its last two episodes, Better Call Saul has become the show we’d hoped it would be. Our anti-heroes, Jimmy McGill (Bob Odenkirk) and Mike Ehrmentraut (Jonathan Banks), whom we will later know as criminals, or at least men who aid and abet, in Breaking Bed, are actually here good people. Good people who understand that sometimes you have to act outside the law to right a wrong.

Jimmy pulls that “Marx Brothers stuff” in an effort to help Mike. Mike kills two cops because he knew they killed his son. But he waits until they incriminate themselves to do so. Jimmy tries for hours to legally find a way to defend the koo koo Kettlemans –notice, he does try to use the law first–before realizing the most efficient way to help the good people involved (the taxpayers of Bernallilo County, Kim Wexler, and yes, himself) is to rob them. You can’t steal from a thief, technically, and all that.

There’s a reason Jimmy will eventually use a Jewish name professionally: he’s a mensch.

Oh, but what’s coming? I think we know. Something has to happen to break Jimmy’s heart, to stop him from believing in the goodness in the world. As pissed as he was at the end of last night’s episode, he was only angry because he saw that his road to wealth and success was not, alas, going to have a shortcut.

And while that may inspire some door punching, it is not the type of adversity that causes a paradigm shift in your feelings toward your fellow man. No, only betrayal does that (like when your boss asks you to babysit three college kids in a van for a week in March, but right before you go, he does something nasty behind your back, and swears the rest of the staff to secrecy, only you find out anyway and when he realizes this and is terrified that you’ll abort the mission, which will make him look bad, he enters your office and says–he actually says this–, “Some people here think I owe you an apology.” And there you are having your Joey Nichols moment). Only when someone or something you give your heart and soul to double-crosses you…

So what will happen? My guess is that Jimmy will eventually be betrayed by his paragon of decency and professionalism, by his one true friend, and by the woman he loves: Kim Wexler. Whether or not it will be actual betrayal, or just betrayal in his own mind, he will be betrayed.

How? I’m not exactly sure. But there’s a reason that the producers made Wexler’s boss, Howard Hamlin (Patrick Fabian), such a handsome guy. And while he’s older than she is, he’s not THAT MUCH older. You’ll notice that she has a certain allegiance to him and that in the scenes all three share, she’s visibly torn.

Harry Hamlin

And by the way: Howard Hamlin sounds awfully close to Harry Hamlin, a man who before being better-known as Lisa Rinna’s spouse was devilishly handsome and played a smooth attorney named Michael Kuzak on L.A. Law.

Kim Wexler will either wind up having a personal relationship with Hamlin, or she’ll be forced to choose professionally between Jimmy and Hamlin. In fact, that entire scene at the hospital, she may have already been betraying Jimmy. It was in her firm’s best interests that Chuck not be committed.

“How big of a douche do I think you are? Well, that’s difficult to say, Howard.”

I love the character that Rhea Seehorn plays, and love the job that she’s doing. Her internal struggle (she enjoys Jimmy’s company, but the pragmatic side of her knows that that the safer road to what she believes will be happiness lies at HHR) is a fascinating and subtle subplot.

That’s what I see coming. Somehow, even if it’s only in Jimmy’s own mind more than in reality, Kim Wexler is going to go Fredo on Jimmy McGill. And it’s then that he will stop believing in mankind, and in doing anything other than helping his own clients.

Here’s Alan Sepinwall’s review.

2. This Land is Borland

“I will not leave my head/In San Francisco…”

New San Francisco 49er theme song: “Do You Know the Way From San Jose?”

The exodus continues. First Jim Harbaugh, then potential Hall of Famer Patrick Willis. Possibly Justin Smith. And now 24 year-old linebacker Chris Borland, who would have replaced Willis in the starting lineup, retires.

Is it a pardigm shift in the NFL? Players prudently choosing long-term health above the money and fame? Well, it helps if, as in Borland’s case, your family is at least comfortable. Chris Borland is the son of a financial planner and grew up in Kettering, Ohio. It’s not Bill Laimbeer-family money, but at least he isn’t earning a paycheck for his parents and uncles, etc.

As a 5’11”, 248-pound NFL linebacker, Borland was playing at a disadvantage on every snap.

Read what Maurice Clarett had to say here. He’s absolutely right. Graduation rates are meaningless when the degree is nonsense. Oh, and by the way, it’s 2015. Your college degree has little value beyond being a bridge to a graduate degree. Your undergrad degree is what will separate you from being a server as opposed to back-of-the-kitchen staff at most restaurants. It isn’t likely to get you a corner office anywhere.

3. Members Only

A rendering of the NYC skyline just three years from now. Your gym locker room may soon look like this, too.

In South Africa, the world’s first successful live penis transplant is performed at Stellenbosch University (“Doctor, there’s a Justin Bieber on Line 1…”). Health care professionals there say it is a vital operation due to the high rate of botched circumcisions. Two words that should never appear in succession: “botched circumcisions.”

Do you realize what will happen if this surgery becomes as easy to perform as breast augmentation surgery? Do you? Let me put it to you this way: Have you ever seen the Manhattan skyline?

4. Chalk Talk

John Pinone started at center for a national championship team that beat Patrick Ewing’s team. two years before Villanova beat G-Town in ’85. Oh, well. Anything is possible.

Regarding the NCAA tournament: Seeding of teams began in 1979, in all those years, 36 tournaments, just once have all four No. 1 seeds advanced. Based on past tourneys, then, there is a 2.7% chance of Kentucky, Villanova, Wisconsin and Duke all advancing to the Final Four.

So who is most likely to be bounced? The popular pick is Villanova, but I’m going with Duke. Why? Because I hate Duke I watched them at VCU and a few other times and if you can get Jahlil Okafor in foul trouble, i.e., if a ref has enough cojones to call offensive fouls on the gifted frosh while risking the wrath of not Mike but Mickie Krzyzewski, then they’re a different team. And, outside of North Carolina, the venue will be rooting for whoever is playing Duke.

Not to be forgotten on Villanova: It’s the 30th anniversary of their miraculous run to the NCAA championship.

5. Roasted!

Bibs going for the John Maher look. Did anyone talk about his basketball videos?

The Comedy Central Roast of Justin Bieber was taped last Saturday on the Sony lot in Los Angeles and will air later this month. Kevin Hart hosted, cuz he’s not busy (Do you think Chris Tucker has a Kevin Hart voodoo doll?). I keep waiting to hear that they’ll be roasting Arash Markazi.

Anyway, this review of it from Rolling Stone is worth your time if, like me, you love this stuff. Classic lines from newcomer Pete Davidson of SNL and Jeffery Ross. The latter comedian told a Paul Walker joke, was booed, and retorted, “Too soon? Too fast? Too furious? Gimme a break, I’m trying to save (Bieber’s) life here.”

Comedy Central is cutting all three Walker jokes from the March 30 telecast. I get it. I admire CC for even providing a platform in which almost anything goes.

Music 101 

“Loose String”

On my long list of personal failures, I’ll include not attending this 1996 Son Volt performance on Austin City Limits. One of my 10 favorite albums all-time is Trace, a 1995 effort from the band that Jay Farrar founded after the breakup of Uncle Tupelo. If you like this, give “Drown” and “Out of the Picture” a try as well.

Remote Patrol

Dayton Place

6:30 p.m. Tru TV

He Haws

Honestly, I was looking for anything else to give you here other than the amuse bouche of March Madness. I mean, certainly The Quiet Man is playing somewhere on St. Paddy’s Day, no? No, but Finian’s Rainbow is on at 5:30 on TCM. Anyway, in a matchup New Yorkers will appreciate a Hampton without a prefix plays Manhattan, which is not located in Manhattan.

Later, BYU plays Mississippi. The Cougars are fun to watch.

Apologies for the late edition of IAH! today. I prefer to write it in the early morning. Oh, occasionally the late morning, but usually the early morning – or the mid-morning. Just the early morning, mid-morning and late morning. Occasionally, early afternoon, early midafternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . . But never at dusk.

Starting Five

Ware in the 2013 Elite Eight: “Get an ER, baby!”

1. Kevin…Where?

Remember Kevin Ware? Two years ago his lower right leg was hanging grotesquely after landing awkwardly in Louisville’s Elite Eight win against Duke. He’s baaaack. Ware transferred from Pitinoville last year (what’s the story there?) and has since resurfaced at Georgia State, scoring 18 of the Panthers’ 38 points in what must have been an ugly 38-36 Sun Belt Conference championship game win.

Wisconsin. Frank “The Tank” Kaminsky gets a Bo job (I’m sorry…it was just…a big lob waiting to be smacked)

Ware is back in the NCAAs. And Rick Pitino could sorely use a guard, having dismissed Chris Jones. Life is funny. Here’s some other notes of interest for the tourney from me in Newsweek. And thank God ESPN’s Lunardi Eclipse has passed. It is once again safe to stare directly into the television screen.

Remember: Only once in all the years of seeding have ALL four No. 1 seeds advanced to the Final Four. Don’t put TOO MUCH STOCK in seed numbers.

2 Non-Taxicab Confessions

In Durst’s defense, some of the victims demanded their security deposit back even though the apartment was a mess

On the sixth and final installment of HBO’s documentary series The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst, the titular character, a real-estate heir worth $65 million who is also suspected of murdering at least three people, walks into a men’s room and, staring in the mirror, says the following:

“There it is. You’re caught. You’re right, of course. But, you can’t imagine. Arrest him. [water runs] I don’t know what’s in the house. Oh, I want this. What a disaster. He was right. I was wrong. And the burping. I’m having difficulty with the question. What the hell did I do? Killed them all, of course.”  

Your move, True Detective.

3. Tebow Time!

This Florida alum is more likely to be seen on the Eagles sideline next autumn…

I love this! Chip Kelly invites Tim Tebow to work out with the Philadelphia Eagles. He’s getting the band back together: Tebow and Riley Cooper, and now if we can just get Aaron Hernandez ba–never mind.

4. Everybody Ate Chris*

Walking Dead extras morph into Grateful Dead fans trying to buy tickets for the Chicago shows…

Actor Tyler James Williams, previously best known as the child actor who played the young Chris Rock in Everybody Hates Chris, meets a gruesome end in a revolving doorway on Sunday night’s installment of The Walking Dead.

What an apt way to go. The entire series is a revolving door of actors, since it requires characters who have come to mean something to us to die (it’s Game of Thrones with six fewer kingdoms) and it’s really a revolving door of itinerant life to presumption of shelter/community and back to itinerant life. It’s a fun watch, but nothing new is ever happening. It’s Gilligan’s Island, and Sheriff Rick and the gang are never getting off.

* No credit to me on that. A Talking Dead viewer submitted it last night.

5. Help Needed

Garage Time: Now that’s a show I’d watch…

This is all I’ve seen from the premiere episode of Garbage Time and I’m a single, heterosexual male who writes and blogs about sports, so I’m supposed to unconditionally adore everything the host, Katie Nolan, does without question.

From what I have seen in interviews, I like her well enough (I’m sure she cares). She seems cool and smart and self-aware.

However, remember how Kramer would be ruthlessly honest with women (“You’re beautiful; you just need a nose job”) while George would be obsequious and patronizing? Whom did women respect more? Exactly.

So, well aware that at age 36 (shaddup) I’m outside Miss Nolan’s demographic, let me be Kramer on that bit: comedy is hard. People who host shows, people such as Chris Hardwick, Bill Maher and Seth Meyers, are on the road all the time doing stand-up. Because it’s about more than reading the lines, it’s about timing and selling the lines. I don’t know if Nolan has ever performed stand-up, but my assumption is that she has not.

Bad comedy is painful to watch (fortunately for me, it’s not as painful to read). The one bright moment of the monologue was when Nolan said, “Is that it? Are we canceled?” Why? Because it was the one honest moment. Be yourself. Be honest. The funny will come from that.

Second, who dolled you up? You’re Mary Ann, not Ginger. You can’t be comfortable in your own shoes if you’re not actually wearing your own shoes.

Hey, it was only one show. And it’ll get better. But just be yourself.

P.S. If you’re wondering why Bill Simmons is so enamored of Nolan, think about it: Boston bartender who starts a blog and finds a way into the big time. She’s “Jill Simmons.”

Starting Five

Yes, this shot is NOT taken from last night’s game.

1. Kyrie Eleison*

If you stayed up late last night, there was a classic regular-season NBA game on last night/this morning. Elsewhere, and taking place simultaneously, the Knicks were at the Lakers.

But I digress…

The world-champion Spurs led by six with :33 remaining, but then Kyrie Irving hit a REEDICULOUS 3-pointer from the far left corner. Then Kawhi Leonard missed two free throws that would have iced the game with :03.1 to play. Then Irving hit another to force overtime.

Then he hit another. And so did LeBron. Irving finished with a career-high 57 points. The last time anyone posted up more than 50 points in a game against the Spurs? 1984, Bernard King.

Charles Barkley, added to the TNT court-side crew, said, “This is one of the best NBA games I’ve seen in person…ever.”

Agreed. HUGE statement game. Do you even remember how awful the Spurs Cavs were in Miami on Christmas night?

By the way, best NBA game I ever saw in person? February 13, 1980: Larry Bird’s rookie year. Phoenix Suns 135, Boston Celtics 134, in regulation. Bird finished with 45 points and five three-pointers. I didn’t even have to look those numbers up.

p.s. The Knicks won. But they still have the NBA’s worst record.

*Translated: “Lord have mercy.” Applies here.

2. Suns? More Like Brothers*

Van Arsdale clones. Blame them for the trend.

Last nightTwo nights ago, with less than two minutes remaining in a win against the Minnesota Lupines of Wood, the Phoenix Suns inserted recent 10-day contract signee Seth Curry into the game. Curry is the younger brother of Steph Curry, and he’s still understandably irked that he didn’t get to Steph’s brother in that new State Farm ad (or that they refer to him as Sebastian).

This is the thing about the Suns: It’s not that they sign a guy who has a brother who plays in the NBA (or both of them), but they ALWAYS seem to sign the lesser talented of the pair. I compiled a list of 2nd-best NBA brothers who have now played for the Suns (I put asterisks next to name if their better halves have also played for the Suns, and two asterisks if they played for Phoenix simultaneously):

Tom Van Arsdale (Dick)**

Wesley Person (Chuck)

Robin Lopez (Brook)

Jarron Collins (Jason)

Luke Zeller (Cody and Tyler…Yes, he’s the 3rd-best Zeller)

The Suns would do a sign-and-trade for Chico Marx if he were available…

Miles Plumlee (Mason)

Zoran Dragic (Goran)**

Marcus Morris (Markieff)**

Seth Curry (Steph)

Totally Suns material

* We hope you appreciate homonyms

p.s. Speaking of Phoenix sons, and brothers, the band Kongos, which is comprised of four brothers who are also sons of a musician, hail from Phoenix. You’ve heard their song.

3. Paging Dr. Snyderman

The doctor is OUT. Comes the news that Dr. Nancy Snyderman is leaving NBC News after a rough patch recently in which she misremembered which helicopter she was aboard in Iraq. Wait…

Anyway, I wish her the best. As I’ve mentioned here before, I had the chance to be Dr. Nancy’s “date” for a night in Beijing, as the two of us watched Usain Bolt’s classic 100-meter gold-medal run inside the Bird’s Nest at the 2008 Olympics. We bonded over the fact that she is an Indiana girl whose father used to take her to all the Notre Dame home games when she was a lass back in the Sixties. She’s smart, nice and beautiful.

Don’t know where she’ll end up, but all the best to her.

4. Bald is the New Black

The world of Bald has gone from “Who loves ya’, baby?” to “Get a T.O., baby!”

Who started it? Dickie V.? Maybe, but Mr. Vitale has the classic monk’s cut. ESPN’s college basketball crew, in full force during conference tournament week, is All-Savalas: Jay Bilas, Dan Shulman, Dave Pasch, Seth Greenberg, Will McDonough, Shane Battier.

There’s more domes on ESPN’s college basketball crew than in Florence (“Hey-O!”)

5. This is The End*

I never learned if the plural term is “ani” or “anuses.”

A long form piece on your anus? Sure, on the BBC.com website. Sphincter? I barely touched her!

*The judges would have also accepted, “Readers Digest”

Music 101

“No Sugar Tonight”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amqgUwIMjw4

As the story goes, The Guess Who wrote this tune in 1970 after overhearing a biker chick in Berkeley, Calif., tell her biker man, after a heated argument, that he’d be getting “no sugar tonight.” One man’s involuntary abstinence is another’s classic rock hit.

p.s. I always thought that Cream should have covered this tune…

Remote Patrol

Oliver!

10:45 p.m. TCM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e0gNMQsImoQ

Not only did this musical adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic work win six Oscars, including Best Picture in 1968, but it is also the only Best Picture winner to have an exclamation point at the end of its title–though, to be fair, I would have voted for Airplane! in 1980. As for other Best Picture winners, would Gandhi! have been a better title?

As you watch–if you watch–try not to notice that all the urchins in this film are better dressed than any children you’ve ever seen with the exception of class picture day at school.

Starting Five

‘s all good, man.

See what I did there? No, there. Up above. And now, to our regularly scheduled programming.

1. Chelsea Mourning

Raise your right hand if you’d like to go home early

In the second leg of its home-and-home Round of 16 UEFA Champions League tie versus Chelsea, here is what French side Paris Saint-Germain faced:

–the game was at Stamford Bridge, i.e., Chelsea, who are in first place in the Barclays Premier League, which means they’re prit-tee, print-tee good.

–PSG was without its top player, Zlatan Ibrahimovic, for the 59 minutes of regulation, as he was sent off with a red card (Rule 8,337: You don’t mess with the Zohan, you DO mess with the Zlatan). This meant that PSG played 10 men versus 11 for the final 2/3 of the match (plus the 30 minutes of extra time)

–PSG fell behind not once but twice.

So, what happened? PSG pulled off a stunning upset, rallying each time on headers by defensemen David Luiz (a former Chelsea player) and Thiago Silva to forge a 2-2 draw. The second one came with just six minutes left in stoppage time.

Because the number of overall goals in both matches were even (3 to 3), the tiebreaker went down to who scored more Away goals, and that was PSG. Chelsea, the UEFA Champions League champions just three years ago, are out.

2. I Hate People Who Hate Christian Laettner

Lateness totally resembles a tennis dad these days….

When I heard the title of the ESPN 30-For-30 doc was “I Hate Christian Laettner,” my first thought was, So Bobby Hurley is making movies now? Anyway, bully for Laettner for turning the spotlight back on the people who thought they were going to put him in the glare as well as their sacrosanct colleague, Jalen Rose. I love what he said here.

3. Hazard

Medium Happy caught up with Roscoe, the alligator in residence at Myakka Golf Glub in Englewood, Fla., to talk about his brush with fame yesterday:

I’m trying to find some dinner here and you’re whacking a white sphere and you think you’re the one who’s more evolved? My kind, we’ve been around since the Late Cretaceous period, like 300 million years ago. You guys are like, literally, in the past 200,000 years ago. That’s right: Abe Vigoda is half the age of man himself.

So what I’m trying to say is, Snap all the photos you want. Go ahead and laugh. Blog about me! But you know what? Me and my reptile buds are going to be here long after you and your race are extinct, and we’ll know what caused it (selfies!), but we won’t tell a soul. Enjoy your brief time on stage, Homo erectus. And thanks for inventing guns!

4. Chairman Meow

Scherzer has the count up to seven…

Nationals pitcher Gio Gonzalez being interviewed by MASN reporter Dan Kolko. Watch this video right meow. All this was lacking was Max Scherzer interrupting the interview to demand “A LITER OF COLA!” Meow I’m going to have to give you a ticket. That’s the law….MEOW!

5. Mushin’ Impossible

In Alaska, it’s a dog-beat-dog world….

Quitting is easy. Finishing last is hard. Especially if the race in question is the 1,049-mile Iditarod Sled Dog Race across Alaska.

Last year I profiled psychiatrist Ellen Halvorsen, the only person to FINISH last twice at the Iditarod, for Newsweek. Ellen is back this year, and of the mushers who are still mushin’ across The Last Frontier, (the leaders are halfway through), Dr. Halvoresen is two spots ahead of last place: 74th out of 76. I’m rooting for you, Ellen. I have to hope those other two mushers will drop out and you’ll garner a third Red Lantern (the prize for finishing last).

 Music 101

“I Can’t Let Go”

One of my all-time favorite under-the-radar pops songs. Below, Linda Ronstadt lends her nuclear-powered voice (and a red jumpsuit!) to the vocals in 1980, and in this link I’ve got Allen Clarke and The Hollies, who wrote it, performing it in what looks like the same catacombs where the Beatles used to play in 1965 (that’s Graham Nash, later of CSN, on guitar). Notice: Ronstadt and Clarke could be wearing the same wig.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3wapH7H00I

Remote Patrol

Cavaliers at Spurs

TNT 9:30 p.m.

LeBron returns to the scene of the cramps

I want to believe this will be an intriguing matchup, sort of “Naked Heat-Spurs 2 1/2,” but I happen to agree with Susie B. that Pop will probably sit every one of his players who was born outside the 50 states just to spite some invisible nemesis. Anyway, the Spurs actually have the NBA’s longest current win streak, six games. I pray that it’s interesting, because LeBron won’t be seeing these guys in the Finals three years in a row.

Starting Five

“YOU have untapped potential….and YOU have potential…”

1. That Chip Chap

“Nobody thinks it will work, do they?”

“You just described every great success story.”

Those lines, from Say Anything, sums up the Philadelphia Beagles (yes, we hear he is changing the team name, as well) right now.  The question is whether “nobody,” i.e., conventional wisdom, will prove correct after coach Chip Kelly got rid of DeSean Jackson, LeSean McCoy, Jeremy Maclin and Nick Foles, or if Kelly will. Is he a real genius or a Wile E. Coyote genius?

This from the Tweet of God: “I’m omniscient and even I don’t understand what the Eagles are doing.”

So (for) now Philly has Sam Bradford at QB. I don’t know who will be taking snaps for Kelly next September, but I’m fairly certain it’ll be a Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback   who played college ball in a state that begins with the letter “O.”

Remember: In his first half as a Division I coach, Chip Kelly’s offense failed to get a first down. Two years later they played for the national championship. Chip is used to doubters.

2. Gaye Rights

Jury to singer Robbin’ Thicke and his Blurred Lines collaborator, Pharrell Williams, in the matter of whether they must pay the estate of Marvin Gaye: Got To Give It Up. To the tune of $7.4 million.

Happy, now?

I imagine Thicke and Pharrell still made out but-fine overall on this deal.

3. The Latest on the MVP

Some day we’ll look back on 2015 in wonder as we attempt to fathom how Anthony Davis ever finished as low as 5th in an NBA MVP race…

I submit this for the irritation of Susie B. Both Grantland and SI.com’s “experts” weighed in on the NBA MVP race in the past 24 hours and the humorous thing is that LeBron James was completely excluded from the conversation. None of SI’s experts picked Russell Westbrook, even though he is having an historic season.

I’m not saying that they’re not entitled to their opinions of Curry or Harden. It’s just that there’s still 20% of the season left to play. And if there’s one thing I know about male sportswriters, it’s that they hate having to budge from an opinion once they’ve expressed it, even when they know they’re wrong (and you can sub in “men” for “male sportswriters”).

4. Copter Crashes

Two days ago: Ten people, including French Olympians Camille Muffat (a gold medal in swimming in London), Florence Arthaud (yachtswoman) and Alexis Vastine (boxing) die when two helicopters collide in mid-air in the Argentine wilderness while filming an adventure reality show.

Last night: 11 U.S. servicemen are lost when their helicopter goes down near Pensacola in low visibility conditions.

Tomorrow: Will Ferrell plans to play all nine positions in eight different Cactus League games, using a helicopter to get from ball field to ball field. Sincerely hope it doesn’t “Get Hard” for him.

Bernard 1, Fate 0

p.s. French swimmer Alain Bernard, infamous as the dude in Beijing who boasted that the French would “smash” the Yanks in the relay, and then who was out-touched during the anchor leg, was about to board one of the helicopters in Argentina but stepped off at the last minute to avoid overloading it. Whoa.

 5. Ready…Aim…Inject!

The final scene from “Breaker Morant.” This is a way more dramatic way to go out…

And now a brief word on the death penalty…so Utah will allow executions by firing squad and yesterday a few people on Twitter got all huffy about how inhumane that is. Which I don’t understand. I’ve never been fatally shot or lethally injected, but I imagine both methods are pretty swift.

There’s an irony to thinking that one means of swift execution is inhumane but another is not, no? Or is it all about leaving a good-looking corpse? Besides, has anyone ever filmed a poignant lethal injection execution scene?

Music 101

“Fox on the Run”

This tune even inspired our bus driver to turn it up during my 2rd-grade runs home in 1974. I’m pretty sure that the band Sweet had an amplifier that went to 11. If you don’t love this song, I’m not sure that we can be friends.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wjfZG9UzK7E

“Our next band has undergone a musical metamorPHOses…”

Remote Patrol

UEFA Champions League: Paris-St. Germain at Chelsea

FOX Sports 1 3 p.m.

Eden Hazard of Chelsea….

I love Champions League. I’m just waiting for Eric Shanks at FOX (on the run) to place a heated call to UEFA and ask, “Why the $%&# do you kick off the two games you have at the same time when I’m trying to bleeping’ build an American audience for this bleep and I’d rather run a doubleheader…particularly when it means I have to choose between Chelsea, the top team in the Premier League, and Bayern Munich, the top team in the Bundesliga!?!?” Will you Euros ever figure it out???”

Paris St-Germain and Chelsea drew 1-1 in their first tie.