Apologies for the late edition of IAH! today. I prefer to write it in the early morning. Oh, occasionally the late morning, but usually the early morning – or the mid-morning. Just the early morning, mid-morning and late morning. Occasionally, early afternoon, early midafternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . . But never at dusk.

Starting Five

1. Kevin…Where?

Remember Kevin Ware? Two years ago his lower right leg was hanging grotesquely after landing awkwardly in Louisville’s Elite Eight win against Duke. He’s baaaack. Ware transferred from Pitinoville last year (what’s the story there?) and has since resurfaced at Georgia State, scoring 18 of the Panthers’ 38 points in what must have been an ugly 38-36 Sun Belt Conference championship game win.

Ware is back in the NCAAs. And Rick Pitino could sorely use a guard, having dismissed Chris Jones. Life is funny. Here’s some other notes of interest for the tourney from me in Newsweek. And thank God ESPN’s Lunardi Eclipse has passed. It is once again safe to stare directly into the television screen.

Remember: Only once in all the years of seeding have ALL four No. 1 seeds advanced to the Final Four. Don’t put TOO MUCH STOCK in seed numbers.

2 Non-Taxicab Confessions

On the sixth and final installment of HBO’s documentary series The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst, the titular character, a real-estate heir worth $65 million who is also suspected of murdering at least three people, walks into a men’s room and, staring in the mirror, says the following:

“There it is. You’re caught. You’re right, of course. But, you can’t imagine. Arrest him. [water runs] I don’t know what’s in the house. Oh, I want this. What a disaster. He was right. I was wrong. And the burping. I’m having difficulty with the question. What the hell did I do? Killed them all, of course.”  

Your move, True Detective.

3. Tebow Time!

I love this! Chip Kelly invites Tim Tebow to work out with the Philadelphia Eagles. He’s getting the band back together: Tebow and Riley Cooper, and now if we can just get Aaron Hernandez ba–never mind.

4. Everybody Ate Chris*

Actor Tyler James Williams, previously best known as the child actor who played the young Chris Rock in Everybody Hates Chris, meets a gruesome end in a revolving doorway on Sunday night’s installment of The Walking Dead.

What an apt way to go. The entire series is a revolving door of actors, since it requires characters who have come to mean something to us to die (it’s Game of Thrones with six fewer kingdoms) and it’s really a revolving door of itinerant life to presumption of shelter/community and back to itinerant life. It’s a fun watch, but nothing new is ever happening. It’s Gilligan’s Island, and Sheriff Rick and the gang are never getting off.

* No credit to me on that. A Talking Dead viewer submitted it last night.

5. Help Needed

This is all I’ve seen from the premiere episode of Garbage Time and I’m a single, heterosexual male who writes and blogs about sports, so I’m supposed to unconditionally adore everything the host, Katie Nolan, does without question.

From what I have seen in interviews, I like her well enough (I’m sure she cares). She seems cool and smart and self-aware.

However, remember how Kramer would be ruthlessly honest with women (“You’re beautiful; you just need a nose job”) while George would be obsequious and patronizing? Whom did women respect more? Exactly.

So, well aware that at age 36 (shaddup) I’m outside Miss Nolan’s demographic, let me be Kramer on that bit: comedy is hard. People who host shows, people such as Chris Hardwick, Bill Maher and Seth Meyers, are on the road all the time doing stand-up. Because it’s about more than reading the lines, it’s about timing and selling the lines. I don’t know if Nolan has ever performed stand-up, but my assumption is that she has not.

Bad comedy is painful to watch (fortunately for me, it’s not as painful to read). The one bright moment of the monologue was when Nolan said, “Is that it? Are we canceled?” Why? Because it was the one honest moment. Be yourself. Be honest. The funny will come from that.

Second, who dolled you up? You’re Mary Ann, not Ginger. You can’t be comfortable in your own shoes if you’re not actually wearing your own shoes.

Hey, it was only one show. And it’ll get better. But just be yourself.

P.S. If you’re wondering why Bill Simmons is so enamored of Nolan, think about it: Boston bartender who starts a blog and finds a way into the big time. She’s “Jill Simmons.”