STARTING FIVE

Another day that will live in infamy.

1. Massive Attack!

Germany 7, Brazil 1.

If you’re going to find a historical or sports analogy, it needs these components:

1. The losing side is at home.

2. The losing side is historically the best at the art at hand, and takes great pride in it.

3. The defeat is swift, unrelenting and massive. It renders the vanquished shell-shocked.

4. The stakes are high.

Christ the Redeemer, although all-seeing, has seen enough.

I honestly don’t have a perfect analogy. Pearl Harbor satisfies conditions 1, 3 and 4, but not so much 2. Miami 58, Notre Dame 7, satisfies 2 and 3,  but not 1 and 4. Chicago Bears 44, Dallas Cowboys 0 at Texas Stadium in 1985 satisfies 1, 2 and 3, but not so much 4. Twitter follower John Broussard suggested the 1991 Cotton Bowl, Miami 46, Texas 3. I like it.

I don’t think die Mannschaft celebrated quite like this

Here’s my write-up for Newsweek.

2. FDR: New Deal LBJ: Max Deal

Carry on our Hayward Son: Gordon signs for $63 million in N.C., which means he’ll be asked about that last shot versus Duke maybe a couple more times.

Max deal.

You’ve heard that term a lot since July 1.

“LeBron wants a max deal.”

“Bosh eyeing a max deal with Houston.”

“Charlotte gives Gordon Hayward a max deal.”

It feels as if “max deal” is Kramer’s “write-off.”  I wonder how many people who use the term “max deal” even know what it actually means, beyond what the term implies? I know that I don’t.

So I looked it up.

From Wikipedia (because who is more reliable?): “The maximum amount of money a player can sign for is based on the number of years that player has played and the total of the salary cap. The maximum salary of a player with 6 or fewer years of experience is either $9,000,000 or 25% of the total salary cap (2010–11: $14,511,000), whichever is greater. For a player with 7–9 years of experience, the maximum is $11,000,000 or 30% of the cap (2010–11: $17,413,200), and for a player with 10+ years of experience, the maximum is $14,000,000 or 35% of the cap (2010–2011: $20,315,400).^[10] There is an exception to this rule: a player is able to sign a contract for 105% of his previous contract, even if the new contract is higher than the league limit.”

So there you go…

3. Copa Bananas

This was the scene last week at the Fan Fest for Brazil vs. Chile.

My good friend Adam Duerson, SI soccer editor, liver of life, ahead-of-the-curve hipster and Wisconsin-raised-Bears fan, was at Copacabana Beach yesterday (the only beach, as Rog and Dave-o have noted, named after a Barry Manilow tune). He took some video. The weather was more foreboding than this scene, as was the outcome of the contest. And that’s when it got a little scary.

Is it just me or did that not remind you of the Christmas Tsunami of 2005?

Also, ESPN’s studio went out at halftime of the match –ESPN went from “Darke to dark” –and the only solution was for the High Priest of Tirico-ism and Alexei Lalas to use Bob Ley’s Panic Room. How awesome was that?

4. Cub Meh?

All-Starlin? Castro, hitting .280, is the Cubs’ only (mandatory) All-Star now that Samardzija has been traded to Oakland

Was it the Sports Illustrated cover curse? Or was this just the latest example of how the Chicago Cubs cannot get out of their own way?

Last week two things happened: SI put Mr. Cub, Ernie Banks, on its cover for its annual “Where Are They Now?” issue (and why that issue doesn’t include a WATN?-themed Pub Memo is beyond me). And, the Cubs embarked on a five-game win streak, including a three-game sweep of the world champion Boston Red Sox at Fenway Park.

Then, on Saturday morning, the Cubs traded two of their best starting pitchers, Jeff Samardzija and Jason Hammel, to the best team in baseball: the Oakland A’s. That day Chicago lost 13-0 and have lost five in a row overall. Yesterday they were swept in a doubleheader at Cincinnati, blowing a 5-0 lead in the nightcap to lose in the ninth.

Yes, the Cubs raked in some marvelous prospects but they just cashed in their chips on the 2014 season. I guess Theo Epstein’s thinking is, They’ve waited 106 years for a title, they can wait one more.

5. Newport News

Carlson

This story got buried earlier in the week due to the “shark attack” in Manhattan Beach, but over the Fourth of July weekend a lifeguard in Newport Beach drowned while rescuing a swimmer (who lived). Ben Carlson, a 15-year veteran, was the first lifeguard to die at the popular southern California beach while on duty in the 100-plus year history of the department.

Carlson, 32,3 had made contact with the swimmer in distress when a large wave smacked the pair at about 5 p.m. The swimmer was recovered, and alive, but Carlson’s body was not found until 8 p.m. Read this short profile of Carlson, a man who was living the life he loved.

Where In The World?

Monday: Baa Atoll, Maldives

Hint: There’s a lady who’s sure all that glitters is gold…

Remote Patrol

Argentina vs. Netherlands

ESPN 4 p.m.

Messi: Soccer’s version of Pete Maravich

Pure star power here, with Lionel Messi versus the Dodgy Flapper, Arjen Robben. If you’re Brazil, either outcome is horrible. A Dutch win means an all-European final at your sacred ground, Maracana. An Argentine win means your kid brother/annoying neighbor is playing for the championship on Sunday. I don’t have a prediction, but no one is winning by six goals today.

STARTING FIVE

The 11th hole at the Royal Liverpool Golf Club, site of the 143rd British Open.

1. British Isle Be Seeing You

Wimbledon finished up on Sunday.

The British Open commences next week from the Royal Liverpool Golf Club, Merseyside, which reminds me of this wonderful Sixties pop tune by Gerry & the Pacemakers that I’d hear while sitting in the back of my family’s wood-paneled Chevrolet station wagon (the progenitor of the mini-van).

And over the weekend, while Eugenie Bouchard was taking all of three games from Petra Kvitova in the Women’s Singles final –much to the chagrin of ESPN, it seemed — and Novak Djokovic and Roger Federer battled through five sets and 59 games of the Gentlemen’s Singles final at Wimbledon, the Tour de France (not to be confused with Anita DeFrantz…not to be confused with Anita Bryant…not to be confused with Bryant Young…not to be confused with Young Frankenstein) invaded the UK.

Was it a successful invasion? Approximately 6 million Brits turned out in person to watch the Tour’s first three stages from northern-most Yorkshire, home to my favorite literary veterinarian, to Essex, and then finally in a stage that went from Cambridge to London. Six million spectators, or eight times as many as turn out to watch football in person in all four of England’s professional leagues each week.

In the Tour’s 111 years, the Grand Depart has taken place outside France 20 times, beginning in 1954 in Amsterdam (the Grand Depart next year will take place in Holland, too). As for England, this was the fourth such time it has hosted the race’s start, and the wildly successful response assures, as one official stated, that a return to England is a matter of “not if, but when.”

Now when will they do a stage inside the Chunnel?

2. Spencer for Hire

Hall, now ready to dominate Mustache Wednesday himself.

In the past year Fox Sports 1 has hired college football analysts Clay Travis (not me), Bruce Feldman (not me) and Stewart Mandel (also, not me). But last night it appears that they gave an on-air audition to Spencer Hall, whom all college football denizens know as the founder of “Every Day Should Be Saturday“, alias @EDSBS, alias TEDDY GOOALSEVELT, alias the funniest guy in the room.

And Hall, to his credit, knocked it out of the park. He’s a natural.

Now, if Fox Sports 1 is smart, they’ll offer the Florida alum and Atlanta-based Hall, who writes for SB Nation, a full-time gig.

And if ESPN is smarter, they’ll see that offer and raise it and make him a regular on the SEC Network.

By the way, The Nashville Tennessean did a profile of Clay last week, and it was fascinating. However, the printed transcript of the interview, which for some reason the paper put on-line, was even more so.

3. They Have Issues

This week’s cover of ESPN the mag features an infielder who is also an out Fielder.

Kids, this is where vegetarianism leads…

While this week’s cover of Sports Illustrated also features an infielder, and there the similarities end…

By the way, it would be a failure of sports bloggery to not include at least one photo of an attractive female from ESPN’s Body Issue, no? The complete list of athletes.

Olympic gold medalist Jamie Anderson, Slope-style…

…and free style.

4. PED-estrian

Francisco C

Cruz, who leads all of baseball in HRs and RBI, is a convicted PED user with a one-year deal. Think any teams will shy away from him come November?

ervelli started at catcher last night for the New York Yankees –who won their fourth in five games, all on the road.

Nelson Cruz leads the Major Leagues in home runs with 28, and is headed to the All-Star Game.

David Ortiz is even more miffed about “free passes” than Dan Shaughnessy is about the World Cup.

And in 2007 A-Rod sought permission from MLB and was given an exemption to use PEDs (which, in extreme cases, they may grant), or so a new book alleges.

The nouveau blogger cool ‘tude on steroids is “I don’t care, let ’em do it.” But I do. And not because steroids may be harmful to the user or because they are cheapening the hallowed records. I care because it compels players to either cheat and survive or play by the rules and suffer. It’s the same reason you hate seeing people cut in the TSA line just because they’re late for a flight.

You know what? The next time you won’t be late for that flight. But if you know you can cut in line with impunity, you won’t get your act together. And the people who have their act together will suffer.

5. Crumb-ling

The cupcake bubble, hopefully, has burst. CRUMBS is announcing that it is closing every store. If you live on the Upper West Side, you can only rejoice. Bring back our pizzerias and all-night diners, please!

Meanwhile, New York women will need to find another comfort food to satisfy their craving for the city’s shortage of Mr. Big.

Remote Patrol

Brazil vs. Germany

ESPN 4 p.m.

Joachim Low, the Anti-Herrera

Copa des Copas! The two sides who have been to the most World Cup final matches in the event’s history –seven apiece –vie for an eighth berth. Selecao will be without Neymar (and Silva), while German manager Joachim Low will be without conditioner. So, that’s a push.

STARTING FIVE

A Happy –Medium Happy?– Addend Day to you all: 7/7/14

Djokovic’s reach did not exceed his grasp.

1. Serbia, Switzerland and Spain

Roger Federer has won Wimbledon seven times, more than any other male, but years from now his two Wimbledon finals losses may be what tennis fans remember most. Yesterday, in front of William and Kate, the splendid Swiss lost in five sets to Novak Djokovic, who still has the hair of a six year-old boy, God bless him.

Djokovic, 27, led 5-2 in the fourth set and was up two sets to one, and even had a championship point, but Federer scratched back to force a fifth set. Which is when Twitter pro Cecil Hurt opined that this was “going to penalty kicks.”

In 2008, you may recall, Federer lost in five sets –and two rain delays — to Rafael Nadal of Spain.

The final tally: 6-7, 6-4, 7-6, 6-7, 6-4.

Djokovic, who had lost five of his six previous Grand Slam finals, now has eight to his name. While Federer, who turns 33 next month, remains “stuck” at 17. As Djokovic said to Federer after the match, “Thank you for letting me win today.”

2. Slow Your Roll

Last season a Cleveland Brown led the NFL in receiving yards. His name is Josh Gordon but since he plays for the Browns, he’s not quite an outside-your-Fantasy-League household name. Brown led the NFL with 1,636 pass-catch yards despite missing the first two games of the years due to a drug-related suspension.

Then, in May, he failed a second drug test, which could lead to a season-long suspension. And then, on Saturday morning, he was arrested in North Carolina for a DUI –while driving celebrated pick-up game puncher P.J. Hairston’s Escalade.

Gordon most likely won’t be suiting up for the Browns or anyone else this season. Terry Pluto of the Cleveland Plain Dealer advocates  “Rehab or Release” for him. Which is nothing like catch-and-release, even though Gordon is a pass catcher.

Meanwhile, a photo of Johnny Manziel rolling a $20 in Las Vegas surfaces.

Yeah, we’re all SUPER-excited for “Hard Knocks: Atlanta Falcons.”

3. Shark Sighting in Bay Area

So, Jeff, how do you feel about not having Cubs’ bats backing you any more?

Perhaps it’s time for Susan Casey to revisit The Devil’s Teeth –and this time without using her charm and good looks to get the researchers who helped her fired (if you’ve read the book…). Anyway, the new shark in town is Jeff Samardzija, who goes from pitching for a Cubs team that scored 2 or fewer runs in 11 of his 17 starts, to an A’s team that has by far the most potent offense in baseball.

Do you think Samardzija was not thrilled to be wearing green-and-gold on Sunday for the first time since the October 15, 2005 home game versus USC? Samardzija led the A’s to a 4-2 victory in his first American League start. As someone who grew up not far from Chicago, in Valparaiso, Ind., Shark will not have the chance to help lead the Cubbies to their first World Series championship since 1908. On the other hand, he may actually at least play in one now.

The A’s, by the way, completed a four-game sweep of the were-in-first Blue Jays, while the Cubs, who had won six in a row, have dropped both games since Shark and fellow starting pitcher Jason Hammel were traded to Oakland.

4. A Long Way From Fenway

The 2014 All-Star Game rosters were announced last night. Remember, in yet another of Bud Selig’s bumbleheaded ideas, every team must have at least one player on the All-Star roster (and there will be 68 rostered players in the All-Star Game, or at least 18 more than are worthy)

Anyway, your world champion Boston Red Sox have the required minimum of one player on the All-Star roster: Pitcher Jon Lester. At least Lester, who has a 2.73 ERA and a 1.15 WHIP (both in top eight in A.L.), is worthy. The Sawx, who were swept at Fenway last week by he Cubbies, are experiencing a severe World Series hangover. In fact, Dustin Pedroia is the only Sox hitting above .280 (.284).

No wonder Dan Shaughnessy has been such a salty bitch lately.

5. People Suck (Volume XLII)

Better than anyone who has written “Shark Attack” on a hed today

Okay, obviously, the people laughing here are absolute assholes.

The other thing, and I’m sorry to The Big Lead and everyone else who felt the need to run the headline, “Shark Attack”, because this is not exactly true. A fisherman –fishing illegally off a pier in Manhattan Beach — hooks a Great White shark and fights it for quite some time. And the shark, fighting for its life, lashes out at an unfortunate swimmer nearby.

And so now people without much perspective, or sights just hustling for clicks, write “SHARK ATTACK” in the headline. It was a human attack. Great Whites and other sharks swim in the waters off Manhattan Beach all the time. Surfers have taken great video of it. And there hasn’t been a shark attack in quite some time.

I’m sorry to be so humorless on all this, but let’s grow up a little, CNN, TMZ (and The Big Lead). Animals don’t “attack” any more than you attack a hamburger –how do you think it got on your plate? The Beef Fairy? And most of the time sharks and crocodiles don’t “attack” people unless their turf is infringed. Here, an innocent creature was fighting for its life and in more pain than anyone reading this has probably ever known. If you still want to call it a shark attack, please allow me to drop a hook down your throat and pull for the next 45 minutes.

Otherwise, stop the stupidity.

Where in the World

Thursday answer: Salar de Uyuni, world’s largest salt flats, Bolivia

Hint: Sheep might like the name of this place

Reserves

Grantland’s Glen Andy Greenwald with 25 thoughts on the 25th anniversary of the “Seinfeld” pilot.

*****

Brooks, as far as I know, was not racing in Brooks.

Holly Brooks outlasts Christy Marvin by all of 2 seconds to win the annual Mount Marathon Race in Seward, Ala., The second-oldest continuous running race in the USA after only the Boston Marathon, Mount Marathon requires racers to clamber up a 3,022-foot mountain and then back down. Brooks, who won in 2012, defeated last year’s winner, Marvin, with a time of 52 minutes, 50 secs.

There’s also a men’s race, too. If you’re a runner or masochist –probably both–this needs to be on your bucket list.

The Mount Marathon course…

I have convinced John into taking the day off. Consider this the rubber game, in which John justs signs autographs pre-and post-game. Or, as the New Yorkers may call it, the Jeter Day. 

If you are not a It’s All Happening Weekend Edition reader, I’d like to introduce myself (if you already know me, try to bare through my promotion). I am Jacob Anstey, the intern for Medium Happy. I mainly do coffee runs, but occasionally get to play around with the keyboard. That’s all that is interesting with me, so let’s begin. 

Starting Five

So pretty…

1. The Fourth of July!

The easiest holiday to remember is today. Augmented with fireworks, barbecues, the lakes and the family, the Fourth of July is one big party. But, I am here to talk about my all-time favorite Founding Father, Thomas Jefferson — the true architect behind the Declaration of Independence.

All of the Founding Fathers played a huge role in the creation of this country that you and I both enjoy. It is the friendship  John Adams and Thomas Jefferson built at the culmination of the Second Continental Congress that leaves me proud to be an American. These two men were rockstars and, to a much greater deal, two men that understood each other. Something unprecedented today.

There is a TV mini-series titled “John Adams,” which was directed by Tom Hooper. The series is based on the Pulitzer Prize winning novel “John Adams,” coined by all-time great historian writer David McCullough. The series is brilliant; so brilliant in that I actually own a hard copy.

Here is one of my favorite scenes of the series.

A few thoughts:

Note when Benjamin Franklin states that “The issue before us is independence and not emancipation.” As you well know, less than a century from the signing of the Declaration of Independence was a Civil War, in which emancipation was the key ideal. Great attention to detail.

Also, imagine being edited by Franklin and Adams in a room. Writers tend to have egos, and I am sure Jefferson had one as well, but it takes a lot of heart to have your work reconstructed like that. That’s why I love that epoch of our history.

2. Pay for Play 2.0

And the 45th president of the United States of America is…

The term “pay for play” is commonly associated with collegiate athletics, for which athletes generate millions of dollars for their respective universities. That discussion is far from over.

On a different note, Ralph Nader suggests that users of Facebook get paid for their use of using the money-making social media site. In recent revelations, it has been detected that Facebook manipulated about 700,000 users when conducting their own psychology experiment. Nader suggests that Facebook wouldn’t be what it is today without its users — just as some individuals suggest collegiate athletics (the NCAA, mainly) wouldn’t be what it is today without collegiate athletes.

I’m not here to chime in on Nader’s opinion, but instead draw the connection between the two businesses (because, yes, college football is a business).

For every dollar that Facebook makes, how much is that distributed to its users? None. Is that fair? Is it moral?

That’s for you to decide.

3. Purely Art

It may be against the rules, but I am going to link to John’s most recent Newsweek article, titled “Who’s Afraid of Soccer in America?” To me, it seems like John has a sense of passion for soccer. I could be wrong, but it is a feeling I am starting to get.

The article touches bases with some well-respected personalities that have gone out of their way to – basically – crucify soccer. It is at the end, however, for which I really love his article. Here’s a sentence that encapsulates the entire article and, in a more spacious manner, the World Cup itself:

“A highly-skilled soccer team succeeds not by sheer might, or leviathan force, but rather by synergy.” 

While watching the World Cup, I realized that there was something different about this sport. But I could never come up with the right word. I believe John has, by calling it “synergy.” By my dictionary, that is synonymous with art and beauty.

Every sport has its discrepancies and outright greed, and I don’t think soccer maneuvers pass that. When looking at it just from the game aspect, though, soccer seems pure.

My opinion is very raw and could be flawed. But I don’t care. My love for college football blossomed because of its uniqueness. Maybe a new love for soccer will come into fruition because of its uniqueness. We’ll have to see.

4. Record Breaking Day

Exponential growth a sign of good things to come.

On Thursday, the Dow closed above 17,000 for the first time in history — on a shortened trading day (holiday weekend). Specifically, it closed at 17,068.26, up .54% from the days start. The S&P 500 closed at record highs, too, almost topping 2,000 — falling short at 1,985.44.

A strong jobs report, in which it was released that the economy created 288,000 jobs in June — well above analysts’ predictions, could be the leading variable to investors’ continuous bullish attitude. There is no doubt that the economy is recovering, but there is still a disagreement among economists on how efficient that recovery is.

I’m generally optimistic. I think there is sustainable hope for the future. What we need to work on, however, is equality. The economy cannot be two-faced, in which there’s an economy for the rich and then an economy for everyone else. If that continues, all bets are off.

5. Totally Terrible Tinder

Love: Something you don’t find on Tinder.

Well, now there is conclusive evidence to back up our hate for Tinder. Nick Summers, of BusinessWeek, penned a disturbing piece on the inside makings of Tinder, the online speed dating site. I highly recommend the piece.

Tinder is, well, pathetic.

Remote Patrol

Brazil vs Colombia 

ESPN 4 p.m.

Colombian star, James Rodriguez, leads the World Cup in goals, with five.

Eight teams left. And, after Friday, only six.

First up is France and Germany, two European powers. Will Germany be fully healthy to compete with the French?

And then there is Brazil and Colombia. World Cup favorite, and hosts of the tournament, Brazil looks to perform better than its lackluster performance in the Round of 16 match with Chile. Then there is Colombia, a club that has outscored its World Cup foes 11-2 so far. And, in my opinion, has looked like the best team in Brazil.

Give me Germany and Colombia to advance to the semifinals.

STARTING FIVE

47 days in a raft in the Pacific Ocean. And 2 years in a Japanese POW camp. Zamperini’s story is like no other.

1. Old Soldiers…

Louis Zamperini passed away at the age of 97 last night. If you don’t already know his story, he ran track at USC and  in the 1936 Olympics –and briefly met Hitler– and then was a bombardier in the Pacific theater in World War II. His plane was shot down and he and two fellow soldiers spent 47 days on a raft before they were “rescued” by the Japanese (one of the two died during the voyage). Then he spent two years in a Japanese POW camp with a camp director who recognized him and singled him out for torture.

Jolie and Zamperini

Author Laura Hillenbrand penned “Unbroken”, which is an apt title, to tell the unforgettable story of Zamperini’s life. Yesterday  the final chapter was completed. The movie on Zamperini’s life, directed by Angelina Jolie, will be released this Christmas. I’m guessing they showed him a rough cut at some point.

Zamperini died on July 2nd, the date that the Continental Congress adopted a resolution to sever ties with Great Britain, i.e. the Declaration of Independence. They needed two more days for Thomas Jefferson to add a little panache to the document. In a sense, July 2 is America’s birthday, and is there anyone more American than Zamperini: Olympian, war hero, and the epitome of someone who never gave up?

2. Jurgen

Not a Dodgy Flapper

I don’t care if the coach of the USMNT soccer team is named after a Swedish Chef ad-lib (or one of the first four words from Def Leppard’s “Rock of Ages”). I like his style. Yesterday in a press conference he noted that he told Chris Wondolowski that if he’d hit that ball cleanly the U.S. “would have advanced to the next round.”

Jurgen in his playing days

“Not to be too harsh (no, not at all),” said Klinsmann, “but when you have a bad performance someone should tell you.”

Amen.

3. Nick Knackered

Kyrgios’ father is Greek and his mother is Malaysian.

If you happen to be a 19 year-old playing in your first Wimbledon and you knock off Rafael Nadal, that’s kind of a big deal. Unfortunately, it’s not a bigger deal because Nick Kyrgios of Australia lost his subsequent match, earlier today, to Milos Raonic. Milos? No, c’mon. “Another game for Milos!”  <— Looking at that video now, I realize that Serena Williams was simply paying tribute to Jerry Seinfeld with her doubles performance the other day.

Kyrgios is six-foot-five and had won 12 straight matches before Raonic–hopefully clad in a sweat suit– defeated him today. The New York Times thinks he’s the real deal, but you know the NYT. As Ann Coulter reminds me, they prefer foreigners.

4. The First Woman Seinfeld Dumped

It wasn’t even a breastaurant back then.

Was she a close talker? Low talker? Man hands? What?

Saturday will mark the 25th anniversary of the first episode of “Seinfeld”, or as it was then known, “The Seinfeld Chronicles.” Elaine Benes (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) does not appear in the pilot episode, but a waitress named Claire (Lee Garlington) does. The restaurant is not Monk’s, either, but rather Pete’s Luncheonette.

Anyway, Garlington was supposed to be a series regular, but according to Jason Alexander (Costanza), she made “unwelcome suggestions” to Larry David and her role was dropped. Somehow, you had to know that Larry was in the middle of a bad person-to-person interaction. Garlington has gone on to several small roles (she was in “Field of Dreams”, for example), but oh, the coin she might have earned. Garlington discussed her career, including the “Seinfeld” misfire, in this article last year.

While I am loathe to include a Rolling Stone list after that Garth Brooks slight, the mag does a good job here of compiling “10 Episodes You Forgot You Loved.” Everyone mentions “The Contest” and “Soup Nazi”, but I think “Marine Biologist”, “Bubble Boy” and the one with Tony (“Step off, George”) are three of the very, very best.

Three thoughts: 1) Did any sitcom ever have more scenes per episode? 2) Part of the brilliance is how many plots fit into one episode. You forget two plots you loved were in the same one –“Schmoopie”, for instance, was part of the “SoupNazi” episode. 3) Most catch-phrases begin as inspired and then turn into being contrived (“Up your nose with a rubber hose”), but never on Seinfeld. Rarely did a catch-phrase last more than one episode, but they were so perfect (“”They’re real, and they’re spectacular!”) that they’ve lived on for decades.

5. KO

Tim Howard blocked more shots than a female pledge at a Sig Ep party (Hey-O!!!)

The eponymous host of “Olbermann” is upset with me, and to a degree, rightfully so. Last summer at about this time he did me a solid, even if the producers of his show somewhat dropped the ball. Note to people in positions of hiring others: If you actually interview a candidate, take 10 seconds and write a “Sorry, we’re not hiring you” email. You don’t even have to reply when the inevitable, “Why NOT!?!” email comes. People interviewing for jobs are basing their entire futures on the outcome of your decision. Pay them that courtesy. 

Anyway, I took exception to this opener he did last week, mainly because I think he’s way too good for this flippancy (I also think he’s way too good for the off-camera chuckling that happens most every night). If you’re going to allow a dissenting opinion on your program, don’t limit it to tweets, tweets that your producer can hand-pick so that you get to make the dissenters look like knuckleheads because their grammar on a tweet is faulty. Keith is a highly intelligent man; I think he could handle himself in a mano-a-mano face-to-face debate on a topic –in his studio–with someone who respectfully disagrees with his opinion.

The opinion that Olbermann put forward last week was that the country’s torrid summer fling with the World Cup was a case of, his words, the “Emperor’s New Clothes.” Then he had a delightful time playing Tim Howard to hand-picked tweets that dared to suggest that was not the case.

On Monday Olbermann opened with this more sober, more thoughtful essay, which another highly intelligent and tall ESPN personality, Jay Bilas, called “brilliant.” I’ll dare to respectfully disagree. While I get where Keith is coming from –we’ve all had friends who did a semester in Europe and returned more unctuous than ever– I don’t think soccer needs to become “more American” to be a thing here (it’s already a thing here). I don’t know if this analogy works for you, but for me it’s like Chinese food– nothing about Chinese food makes it less appealing if I use chopsticks to eat it. If anything, it opens up horizons.

I also strenuously object (hello, Lt. Galloway) to Noah Koslov playing the role of Ugly American here and telling Jason  McIntyre that the best American players need to play in the MLS –watch how Jason sets him straight.

Does soccer need to become “more American” (the “New York Soccer Yankees?”)? I don’t think so. The world’s top footballers, many of whom are not English, play in the English Premier League in England or La Liga in Spain (Neither Messi or Ronaldo or Spanish, for example). The world’s top baseball players and basketball players, many of whom are not American, play in the MLB and NBA. Same difference. There’s no reason that America has to import every sport to its shores and it may do the xenophobes –and I’m not saying Keith is that by any measure– a bit of good to learn about another country. Tim Howard’s Everton team, for example, is based in Liverpool (as is Liverpool’s other team, Liverpool), which gave us The Beatles (and The La’s).

Finally, last night Keith brought on frequent guest Sarah Spain (she’s not a fan…of mine) and they discussed the World Cup even more. KO mentioned the “Soccer, sport of the future” line and that it had been found in a 1987 Los Angeles Times column. He treated it like a discovery, but that’s kind of like someone just discovering that someone said, “It gets late early out there” in Yankee Stadium’s outfield.” That “line” is older than Sepp Blatter’s off-shore account in the Caymans.

You have to credit “Olbermann” for being that rare show that engages in intelligent discourse on anything, and it certainly has devoted a lot of segments to the World Cup in the past week. Even more credit to the show since the parent network, ESPN, is airing and heavily promoting the World Cup. I doubt Keith will read this, but I hope he knows that I admire his work and I am grateful for the hand he reached out last summer. A lot of people have had the chance to do so, and really just he, Michael Weisman (one of the all-time best people I’ve ever met in or out of this business), Bob Roe at Newsweek and a couple of college football scribe friends who know who they are, have done so. Keith is a true mensch. I hope that he takes his show to the next level by inviting guests who will not only challenge him intellectually (as Tony Bruno does) but who also challenge his positions.

And that is all I have to say about that…

Where in the World

Tuesday: The Preikestolen, Norway

Hint: Not in Utah