Starting Five

1. WINTERVENTION!

98 Degrees: an ungodly temperature and boy band.

“Hi, Mother Nature. Yeah, come on in. Close the door behind you. Yes, we’re all here. Sure, sure, we know. We told you to come on over to watch a Vanderpump Rules marathon with us (Jax is hot!),  but that was just a ruse. A clever ploy. We need to talk. You’re going a little crazy with the mercury here. We are in the fifth consecutive day of 90-plus temperatures. Did you see the sweat stains on Chris Berman’s shirt during the Home Run Derby? That’s exactly how we all feel. Summer of Sam? How about Simmer of Sam? It’s oppressive. Miami Heat tormented us. Then came “The Heat” with Sandra Bullock and The Chick Who Used to Be Sookie on Gilmore Girls. Dig it: No more heat.

So that’s why we’ve called this wintervention. Mark Twain liked to walk around and say pithy things, and one of those was “Everyone talks about the weather, but no one ever does anything about it.” Well, we are. Lighten up, Mom N. Please.

2. Ascent of a Woman

L’Alpe-d’Huez. It’s like those French have an apostrophe for everything.

Why isn’t there a female analogue for the Tour de France? Honestly, and you don’t have to believe me but it is true, I was thinking that while watching Stage 18 of the 100th Tour de France yesterday. By the way, if you think it’s a slow sports week, it isn’t. You’re just looking at the wrong continent.

Anyway, the reason I say that you don’t have to believe me is because I am not the only person who wonders this. Turns out that American cyclist Kathryn Bertine does as well. And Bertine has launched an on-line petition that, according to USA Today, has already garnered 28,000 signatures, requesting that women have their own Tour de France. Same course, same mileage, same ascents and descents. Not to race against the men, but a companion race.

Bertine: A spokesperson for women cyclists. You see what I did th–oh, never mind.

Makes perfect sense to me.

By the way, sports editors, you are not obligated to use the word “grueling” in every Tour de France story. Just a heads up.

3. Or You Could Just Hang Outside the Lobby of Barclays, Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs…

Christian Bale-Out

Jamie Cuomo, a 26 year-old construction worker and year-round resident in the Hamptons, has launched a Facebook page titled “Douche Spotter.” Looking for douches in the Hamptons this time of year is like searching for slovenly males at SEC Media Days. I hope I’ve insulted enough people in this one item.

4. You Know What? Maybe Don’t Go Jogging in the Woods Near Boston

Can you believe this guy owned a liquor store in Boston? Right?!?

For the second time in the last six weeks, a jogger in Boston happened upon a dead body who is linked to an infamous criminal. First it was Odin Lloyd, whose alleged murderer is All-Pro tight end Aaron Hernandez. Yesterday it was Stephen Rakes, 59, who had been scheduled to testify in the sensational racketeering trial of James “Whitey” Bulger. Rakes’ body was found with no visible signs of trauma. I suspect Burking. Boston harriers: Maybe you give Soul Cycle a try. Or swim some laps.

5. Sky Scraper

Double D’s: Delle Donne and deep dish. What did you think I was referring to? Oh, you’re sick!

Remember about two months ago when I said that if it were me selecting first in the WNBA draft, I’d take Elena Delle Donne over Brittney Griner? For numerous reasons? You don’t? Well, I did. At the WNBA’s midpoint, Delle Donne is No. 3 in the league in scoring (23.0 ppg) and No. 1 in blocked shots (4 per game). Yes, Griner is the NCAA’s all-time leader in that latter category.

Delle Donne is also the leading vote-getter for the WNBA All-Star Game, which plays into the second reason, besides talent, why I would have selected her No. 1 overall. She’s intensely more marketable than Griner.

All that said, Candace Parker (25 ppg and 16 rpg) is the best female basketball player in the world right now. And it kills me to say that knowing that Diana Taurasi –who happens to lead the league in scoring at 32 ppg — is an active player.

Starting Five

1. Arm and Hammered

Manziel: Media Dazed

What if, during his nationally televised live interview with Texas A&M quarterback Johnny Manziel, ESPN’s Joe Tessitore had framed the question this way: “Johnny, you are, as you liked to say ‘just a twenty year-old college kid.’ If you had imbibed too much the night before at the Manning Passing Academy before oversleeping, would you admit it to me? What’s the shame in that?”

While Tessitore’s colleagues such as Rece Davis and Mark May fell over themselves tweeting about what a fine job Tessitore did –and for the most part, they’re correct — and others insipidly tweeted about how the Heisman Trophy winner “handled himself well”, no one approached the crux of the matter: Manziel likes to party and he is a minor, which may be fine if you’re one of the millions of college students who is NOT the reigning Heisman Trophy winner. But if you are Manziel, welcome to the glare.

Now, if Manziel had just admitted to Tessitore (assuming this is what happened) that he had overindulged (“a few social events”), I’d think more of him rather than less. Because I already believe that he did. So yesterday the only thing that he proved to me is that he’s a hypocrite, and a rather blatant one at that (“I’m still going to live my life” is code for “I’m gonna fight for the right to parrrrr-tay”). Own what you did, Johnny.

I had a friend who, when he was about Manziel’s age, was speeding across the Arizona desert at more than 100 m.p.h. He was the automobile version of the Lone Biker of the Apocalypse in “Raising Arizona.” As he zoomed through an overpass on Interstate 8, he noticed an Arizona Highway Patrol car. No other vehicles were in sight. My friend stopped his car, and then put it in reverse. He backed up to the patrol vehicle, rolled down his window, and with a happy and excited smile said, “Did you SEE how fast I was going?”

The patrolman laughed. And did not ticket him.

Own it, Johnny. Or don’t be it.

2. Hamm: The Other Other White Meat

Insulting Notre Dame girls AND LeBron James? Nice!

Considering that Jon Hamm is not a trained stand-up comedian, his performance as host of last night’s ESPY Awards was, in the words of Larry David, “Pritteeee, pritttee, prit-tteeeee good.”

“Russia took home 82 medals (from London Olympics). They only won 77, but they took home 82.” (slam on Putin)

“Usain Bolt proved that he is the fastest man on land. Michael Phelps proved that he is the fastest man in the water. And Ryan Lochte proved that he is not the sharpest knife in the drawer….He’s adorable… Lochte won five medals in London and only two of them were damaged when he tried to find out if there was chocolate inside.”

And we thought Hamm was joking…

“Are there any Miami Heat fans here or did they leave already?” (This line got drowned out by fans cheering in response to the first half of the question, which is too bad. Great line).

“I mean, the NBA Finals had everything: Clutch shooting, edge-of-your-seat games and every SINGLE stage of male-pattern baldness.” (second-best line, and amplified by the director cutting to LeBron James who was attempting to bury his chin into his chest in the aftermath. So I’m guessing Manu was not present.)

“Manu Ginobili is going to take some time off and do some traveling. I’m not sure if he’ll get called for it.” (You could add Dwyane Wade to that joke).

Katherine Webb: She’s just a 24 year-old Auburn alum the way Johnny Manziel is just a 20 year-old college student.

“I mean, I feel bad for (Manti) Te’o, but let’s face it: Fake internet girlfriend or real girlfriend who goes to Notre Dame? (Does the balancing scales maneuver with his hands). (And then they cut directly to Katherine Webb! Yes! You ever get the feeling that some jokes are written explicitly for you?)

And then…and then!… after doing The Funny, Hamm found pathos. He pointed out that he owes his success to drama (AMC, after all “they know drama” and they don’t mean Vinnie Chase’s older bro), but that actors or shows such as “Mad Men” could never hope to duplicate the drama that athletes and sports provide. Hear, hear!

Davis, 37 home runs by the All-Star break. Things that make you go “Hmmmm.”

And Oriole slugger Chris Davis won the inaugural (and sponsored) Altoids ESPY, for being “curiously strong.”

Last four things: 1) For many of us, Norm MacDonald’s fierce and career-reckless ESPYs monologue of 1998 will always remain the gold standard (and a reminder that the famous athlete reaction shots are half the fun…Ken Griffey, Jr., shaking off the cobwebs after Norm congratulates Charles Woodson for winning the Heisman by saying, “That’s something that no one can ever take away from you…unless you kill your wife and a waiter.”) . But this was fine work from a non-comedian. Give Hamm credit for not just reading the lines, but for selling them. Nice job, Don Draper. 2) I could have used a “He was just comforting Mrs. Rosen” reference dropped in here somewhere related to an athlete’s infidelity. 3) Notice, not one mention of Aaron Hernandez. Wise. 4) Finally, and it’s a minor quibble, but did it look to you as if Hamm may want to shed a few pounds? Don, that suited looked just a little snug.

3. And yet the band Boston NEVER made the cover of the Rolling Stone

Notice that his name appears nowhere on the cover.

As long as magazine covers have the power to incense, enrage, infuriate, leave gasts flabbered, and what not, print is not dead. Folks who argue that Rolling Stone should have done a story on the first responders or the victims fail to understand that it is not journalism’s job to lead cheers. As George Orwell once said, “Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed; everything else is public relations.”

If you are too lazy don’t have time to read the story, here’s a “10 Things You Need to Know” list regarding it.

Personally, I gravitate toward this commentary from The New Yorker on RS’ coverage.

I understand that this cover offends people. But he is not smiling and his name never appears. It’s a head shot. If you think this photo glorifies the bomber, I’d argue that most of that emotion is inferred. And if you think that putting him on the cover encourages more potential incorrigibles to commit crimes of this magnitude, I’d argue that so do drone strikes.

Finally, I’d like to close with the words of Uncle Ruslan, who was asked what might have provoked his nephews’ cowardly attack on innocent people: “Being losers.”

Uncle Ruslan. Not a mincer of verbiage.

Uncle Ruslan gets the last word, because no two words in this tale are more true.

4. He’s Been Dead for 75 Million Years and I’m Just Meeting Him Now?

As our friend Steve Herring noted, these may be Oregon’s new uniforms.

He weighed upwards of three tons and was 15 feet long and yet we only just discovered him, in the desert of southern Utah, a few years ago. Recently, this Cretacous Era herbivore was given a name: Nasutoceratops titusi, which literally means “Big-nosed horn face”, which only proves that third-grade girls are the world’s leading paleontologists.

5. Lewis Black is the new Black

What is it about comedians named Lewis/Louis lately?

When someone posts a video on YouTube titled “The Best Daily Show Segment Ever”, I’m in at least for a glimpse. And while that assessment is debatable, Lewis Black’s “Don’t Mess with Texas? No, Don’t F*&% with New York!” is definitely worth your consideration.

Damn, it’s awesome. I’m not sure if I’ve never been more proud to live in New York City or if I’ve never been more relieved not to hail from Texas. The best thing about Texas may still be Mike Judge, and I’m sure even he was laughing.

And I’m advising you that if you don’t stick around until the 5:10 mark, you’ll be sorry.

Starting Five

1. One Mo Time!

Still at the top of his game. So why leave?

Our friend Jeff Bradley, who once covered the New York Yankees for the New York Daily News, tweeted it best this morning: “Mariano Rivera is the rare person who is better than anyone else at his job and doesn’t offend anyone in the process.”

Agreed.

And last night Rivera returned to Citi Field, sight of one of his two blown saves in 32 chances this season, and received an encomium nearly worthy of his magnificence. As the Beatles once did at Shea Stadium 47 summers ago, Rivera stood all alone on the mound at the home of the Mets and listened to the full-throated cheers of an entire stadium.

With a love like that/You know you should be glad…

Tremendous moment.

And Rivera’s farewell tour, in which he visits the front offices of opposing teams and meets the minions who do all the dirty work, is another outstanding touch.

One question, though: Why retire? Rivera has 30 saves in 32 opportunities this season and only the man who pitched after him last night, the Twins’ Joe Nathan, has a better track record (30 saves in 31 chances.). Take a look at these numbers:

1) Rivera has faced at least 5,068 batters in his career (I was unable to find how many men reached base on error on him, or else I’d have a total for you) and allowed just 67 home runs. That’s about 1.3%.

2) He has faced, again, about 5,100 hitters and thrown just 13 wild pitches. In his entire career.

If Rivera were to continue this pace, he could be looking at about 55 saves and four blown saves, which would be better than any of his previous 18 seasons. He has never won the Cy Young Award… not in 2009, when he had 44 saves, 2 blown saves and a 0.90 WHIP… not in 2008, when he had 39  saves, one blown save, and a 0.67 WHIP…and not in 2005, when he had 43 saves, 4 blown saves, a 0.87 WHIP and allowed just two home runs.

Currently his WHIP is 1.25 and he has allowed two homers. Again, he is on pace for a career-high in saves.

If Rivera wants to pack up his glove and go home, good for him. No one has earned it more. And “Enter Sandman” comes off the Yankee Stadium playlist while the number “42” disappears from baseball forever.

But it he wants to return…well, who would deny that he is still one of the premier players in the game? No. 42 pitching at age 44? I’m all for it.

2. Johnny On the Spotlight

“I’m just a twenty year-old college student…just like all the rest of you twenty year-old college students.”

ESPN scored a live interview with Johnny Manziel at 8:15 this morning (by telling him that the interview would commence at 7:45). Joe Tessitore handled the chore.

Joe Tessitore: Did you miss the meetings because you were hung over?

Manziel: “Absolutely not.”

Tessitore: Were you out drinking the night before?

Manziel: “I’m not going to go into details.”

Points:

1. Johnny Manziel cannot use the “I’m just a 20 year-old college student” line in one breath, and then discuss how excited he is to be flying out to the ESPYs (presumably on a private plane) later tonight.

2. Technically –and I don’t make the laws– drinking alcohol as a min0r is illegal. And, sure, hundreds of thousands if not millions of college students do so, but how many of them have Heisman Trophies? So, yeah, welcome to the scrutiny.

3. Your “dehydration” is not an issue for me or anyone in the media to scrutinize until it affects others. Which, at the Manning Passing Academy, it did. I direct you to the episode of M*A*S*H in which Radar rips Hawkeye a new one for showing up to the OR too hung over to perform surgery. “People kind of look up to you around here…and they feel as if you let them down.”

Give ’em hell, Radar!

4. I got into it with Christine Golic on Twitter over this issue. As I reminded her, her husband Mike earned and continues to earn a fantastic living because of America’s obsession with sports and the people who play them. Her two sons earned free college educations because of it. You can’t reap those benefits and then suddenly act surprised and upset that people care so much about what “a twenty year-old college student” is doing. And at that point I assume Mrs. Golic returned to having her cake and eating it, too.

3. “Morning Joe” Goes Semi-Circle

This was the old set of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.” We enjoyed the casual coffee house look. As if some panelist might lean across the table and ask Mika if she were done with the Entertainment section.

Then Russell Brand happened. And perhaps — or perhaps not — his flauting of the worker bees who appear on-camera in the background scared producers. Or maybe they were just eager to try something different. The new set is a semi-circle that is far more formal and standard. Boring. Progress isn’t always forward, Joe.

4. Matt Harvey Interviews New Yorkers about Matt Harvey

You probably saw this but just in case you did not. Awesome.

But it does kind of explain how Jesus was able to rise from the dead and walk the Earth for 40 more days without being mobbed by followers. I mean, if you believe that story…

5. Selena Roberts is Rich! Rich! Rich!

Turns out she left Sports Illustrated after learning that her mom had left her millions of dollars… She’s even wealthier than fellow ex-SI senior writer Joe Posnanski. We think.

Heyyyyyyy!
I left Sports Illustrated (twice…and once of my own accord). And my mother lives in Arizona. And she, too, is frugal.

Don’t worry, Phyllis. I’m in no rush to see you shred this mortal coil. But just in case, where is that secret box and who has the key?

Starting Five

1. KTVU: “Cuba Batting, Jr., Wins Home Run Derby.”

Or was it Orlando Cepeda?

Confirmed by an ESPN intern whose name we did not quite catch.

2. Literally a Pathological Killer

Anthony Garcia

Police at Creighton University, a fine Jesuit institution located near the banks of the Missouri River in Omaha, Neb., arrested a former medical resident who worked in the school’s pathology lab on four counts of murder. Anthony Joseph Garcia, 40, is believed to have killed four people who were connected to the lab, including a professor of pathology and his wife, after Garcia was fired for “erratic behavior.” Turns out the people who terminated him were probably correct.

3. Dehydration, Then Contrition?

Manziel thought “Spring Breakers” was a documentary

Heisman Trophy winner Johnny B. Goodtimes apologized privately to the Texas A&M coaching staff yesterday, though for what reason we are not sure. Goodtimes was sent home from the Manning Passing Out Academy last weekend after missing too many meetings and cited “dehydration” (or at least his father, Papa Goodtimes did) as the reason. Now he is being advised “to be honest.” Drink more Gatorarde, Johnny. It originated with SEC football (Florida), after all.

4. Panda Twins! Panda Twins! Panda Twins!

Is also tired of local news’ panda-ing to his interests.

It’s a story that no news team can resist: the birth of a panda cub. But yesterday at Zoo Atlanta two panda cubs were born. Ton he Obama administration reacted by immediately lifting the ban on the hunting of pandas…inside zoos.

5. The Best Place To Be Sick is In Baltimore

Outstanding care, plus a 400-meter track in the front yard.

The U.S. News & World Report ranked America’s “18 Best Hospitals” (Why 18? Ask them) and Johns Hopkins in Baltimore ranks No. 1. None of the medical centers were ranked according to McDreaminess or McSteaminess.

Reserves

Glee Star Dies Alone In Hotel Room

Cory Monteith, 31, died in a hotel in Vancouver. Authorities are performing an autopsy.

Here’s Monteith and his later girlfriend, Lea Michele, performing “Don’t Stop Believing” in the pilot episode. Nobody got whacked.

The World Peace’s Most Famous Arena

World Peace will be working just a few avenues west of the United Nations.

The Artest Formerly Known as Ron is coming home, he’s coming home/Tell the world he’s coming home/Let the rain wash away/All the pain of yesterday/He knows his kingdom awaits/And they’ve forgiven his mistakes/He’s coming home/He’s coming home/Tell the world that he’s…

God, I love that song. Metta World Peace, back where he belongs, in New York City. With the Knicks.

Starting Five

1. Summer of George

Your mid-summer update: Men’s Wearhouse founder George Zimmer loses his job. Accused murderer George Zimmerman wins his case when a jury finds him not guilty.

Obviously, we could say a whole lot more about the latter development, but we could not say it any better or more eloquently than actor Jason Alexander, the originator of “Summer of George”, did yesterday in a TwitLonger tweet.

Important to note that Alexander has no issue with responsible gun owners. What he does stress is the adjective “responsible.” Should you have a gun in order to defend yourself? Sure. But does Zimmerman take the initiative to pursue Trayvon Martin, who was doing absolutely nothing illegal at the time Zimmerman chose to track him –against a 911 operator’s directive– if not emboldened by his firearm? Highly unlikely. Zimmerman was not using the gun to defend himself; he was using the gun to empower himself.

If George Zimmerman is not carrying that weapon –or if Trayvon Martin was not beating his ass the old-fashioned way — nobody dies on February 26, 2012.

Meanwhile, CNN has ignored nearly all other news over the past fortnight in order to keep America addicted to racial division. While Trayvon Martin’s death is certainly a tragedy, and while there are elements of it that invite public interest, it represented one of 1,009 murders in Florida last year. That’s .099%.

2. Lead Counsel Wee Soo Yu Will Handle The Case

Sum Ting Wong with this graphic

Asiana Airlines will file suit against Bay Area Fox TV affiliate KTVU, which on Friday became the most infamous California local news station since Ron Burgundy’s KVWN. During its noon newscast anchorwoman Tori Campbell announced the names of the four pilots involved in the crash of Flight 214 as “Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow“. Earlier in the week KTVU had touted its coverage of the disaster as “being 100% accurate, effectively using our great sources and social media without putting a single piece of erroneous information on our air, is what we are most proud of as a newsroom,” said news director Lee Rosenthal.

KTVU soon corrected its mistake and reported the pilots’ correct names: Captain Clarence Oveur, first officer Roger Murdock and Victor Basta.

Okay, not exactly. What I loved is that about 15 minutes after airing the prank names, Campbell apologized on-air for the misinformation but noted that the National Transportation Safety Board had confirmed the names. Which only makes you sound more like an idiot, Tori (and news team). If the first two names don’t activate your radar, the third was an alarm going off (Campbell pronounced it “Fook”).

Later Friday evening KTVU anchor Frank Somerville issued a full and honorable mea culpa for his news station. Admirable, but is nobody on KTVU’s noon broadcast intelligent enough to have detected that? Wow.

3. Speaking of Newsrooms

“Neil, this better not be another ‘Harlem Shake’ mash-up.”

Aaron Sorkin’s The Newsroom returned for its second season last night, and that sound you hear is critics pouncing. I like it, though. Then again, I believe Bigfoot is real.

Anyway, Will McAvoy and Mackenzie McHale (Sorkin sure has a thing for Scots, no?) are still doing their Tracy-Hepburn act (“If there was a way to blame you, don’t you think I would have done that by now?” ), while Sloan Sabbith is hot and bothered about drone strikes, the weather (it’s August, 2011) and a lack of male companionship. Although that may be about to change. She is, after all, the commissioner of ACN’s fantasy football league.

Will quotes from both “Into The Mystic” (Van Morrison) and “You Better, You Better, You Bet” (The Who) while Slumdog appears to be on top of the “Occupy Wall Street” movement at its email blast phase. This gives Sorkin a chance to go all Matt Taibbi for a few seconds in the voice of the fledgling movement’s fictitious leader, Shelly Wexler, a PhD candidate in anthropology at NYU:

“Where was Will McAvoy when Goldman sold its clients mortgage-related securities without disclosing that the hedge fund manager who chose the mortgages was betting on them to fail? Or when Citigroup sold its clients a mortgage fund with securities it KNEW would fail so the banks could bet against its customers? Citigroup made $160 million off its investors losing $700 million.”

Well said, Shelly Wexler. Beers are on us at Fiddlesticks.

4. Summer of Stunt Deaths (Cont.)

Warner, just 10 minutes before his fatal run.

Here’s the thing about death-defying stunts: Death sometimes wins. For every televised “Skywire” success, there’s a wingwalker who perishes (see: last month). This weekend Bill Warner, a motorcycle speed racer, died while attempting to break the 300 m.p.h. barrier on a Suzuki Hiyabusa at what was formerly Loring Air Force Base in Maine. Warner, 44, was traveling at 287 mph before he lost control and his bike veered hard to the right just past the mile marker. Two years ago at this same site he hit 311 mph, which is considered the world land speed record for a conventional motorcycle.

According to witnesses (there were 400 spectators at “The Maine Event”, the remainder of which was canceled), Warner was launched 40 feet in the air and slid at least 100 yards. Both the Loring Police Dept. and the Maine State Police Dept. are investigating the crash. I’m not sure why. Someone may just want to hand them each a Physics textbook.

5. The Hostess with the Mostess’

Hooray for cream filling! Hostess Twinkies, Cup Cakes Ho ho’s and –our personal favorite — Ding Dongs  return today. Hostess filed for bankruptcy last November after its bakers union voted not to accept a contract that included reduced wages and benefits. Then a pair of private equity firms, Apollo Global Management and Metropoulos & Co. stepped in, bought them out, cut jobs, yada yada yada… you have your tasty and delicious snack cakes back, what do you care?

Reserves

Johnny Bye Bye

Johnny, preparing to pass, and…

….Johnny, preparing to pass out.

Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel’s stint as a counselor/coach at the Manning Passing Academy in Thibodaux, La., ends early after he is continually tardy or absent for sessions. Manziel’s dad, Paul, explained that his son was suffering from “dehydration.”

Riiiiiiiight.

Here’s a list of salooneries in Thibodaux.

Listen, if Manziel can be a student at Texas A&M without actually attending any classes in person, why can’t he be a counselor at the Manning Passing Academy without attending and meetings or passing sessions in person?

****

As we requested by us not too long ago: Seth Meyers appears on “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” with host Jerry Seinfeld and a magnificently wondrous Porsche Carrera.

If Jerry Seinfeld is at the wheels of a Porsche Carrera, we’re getting java at the McDonald’s drive-thru and cruising the LIE for 3 straight hours.

The best moments? Meyers on first meeting Don Rickles.

Rickles: “I’m sorry to hear that Saturday Night Live got canceled.”
Meyers: “It didn’t get canceled.”

Rickles: “A guy can dream.”

Also, Jerry reminding Seth how the chat went when Seth invited him to appear on a “Really!?!” segment. Seinfeld: “I think I can (do it), in fact I think I invented it.”

We need to take this concept further. Why can’t they go out for beers instead of coffee? Who will be the first comedian/enne to ask Jerry up for coffee when he drops them off (“coffee doesn’t mean coffee; coffee means sex!”)?

*****

Tim Lincecum tosses a no-hitter, making us momentarily forget that 5.18 ERA from a year ago, or this year’s 4.26 ERA. But who doesn’t love The Freak?

*****

Former Florida teammates of Aaron Hernandez, twins Maurkice and Mike Pouncey, wore these hats out while celebrating their birthday the other night.

Someone needs to delete the “-nandez”