Starting Five

1. Summer of George

Your mid-summer update: Men’s Wearhouse founder George Zimmer loses his job. Accused murderer George Zimmerman wins his case when a jury finds him not guilty.

Obviously, we could say a whole lot more about the latter development, but we could not say it any better or more eloquently than actor Jason Alexander, the originator of “Summer of George”, did yesterday in a TwitLonger tweet.

Important to note that Alexander has no issue with responsible gun owners. What he does stress is the adjective “responsible.” Should you have a gun in order to defend yourself? Sure. But does Zimmerman take the initiative to pursue Trayvon Martin, who was doing absolutely nothing illegal at the time Zimmerman chose to track him –against a 911 operator’s directive– if not emboldened by his firearm? Highly unlikely. Zimmerman was not using the gun to defend himself; he was using the gun to empower himself.

If George Zimmerman is not carrying that weapon –or if Trayvon Martin was not beating his ass the old-fashioned way — nobody dies on February 26, 2012.

Meanwhile, CNN has ignored nearly all other news over the past fortnight in order to keep America addicted to racial division. While Trayvon Martin’s death is certainly a tragedy, and while there are elements of it that invite public interest, it represented one of 1,009 murders in Florida last year. That’s .099%.

2. Lead Counsel Wee Soo Yu Will Handle The Case

Asiana Airlines will file suit against Bay Area Fox TV affiliate KTVU, which on Friday became the most infamous California local news station since Ron Burgundy’s KVWN. During its noon newscast anchorwoman Tori Campbell announced the names of the four pilots involved in the crash of Flight 214 as “Captain Sum Ting Wong, Wi Tu Lo, Ho Lee Fuk, and Bang Ding Ow“. Earlier in the week KTVU had touted its coverage of the disaster as “being 100% accurate, effectively using our great sources and social media without putting a single piece of erroneous information on our air, is what we are most proud of as a newsroom,” said news director Lee Rosenthal.

KTVU soon corrected its mistake and reported the pilots’ correct names: Captain Clarence Oveur, first officer Roger Murdock and Victor Basta.

Okay, not exactly. What I loved is that about 15 minutes after airing the prank names, Campbell apologized on-air for the misinformation but noted that the National Transportation Safety Board had confirmed the names. Which only makes you sound more like an idiot, Tori (and news team). If the first two names don’t activate your radar, the third was an alarm going off (Campbell pronounced it “Fook”).

Later Friday evening KTVU anchor Frank Somerville issued a full and honorable mea culpa for his news station. Admirable, but is nobody on KTVU’s noon broadcast intelligent enough to have detected that? Wow.

3. Speaking of Newsrooms

Aaron Sorkin’s The Newsroom returned for its second season last night, and that sound you hear is critics pouncing. I like it, though. Then again, I believe Bigfoot is real.

Anyway, Will McAvoy and Mackenzie McHale (Sorkin sure has a thing for Scots, no?) are still doing their Tracy-Hepburn act (“If there was a way to blame you, don’t you think I would have done that by now?” ), while Sloan Sabbith is hot and bothered about drone strikes, the weather (it’s August, 2011) and a lack of male companionship. Although that may be about to change. She is, after all, the commissioner of ACN’s fantasy football league.

Will quotes from both “Into The Mystic” (Van Morrison) and “You Better, You Better, You Bet” (The Who) while Slumdog appears to be on top of the “Occupy Wall Street” movement at its email blast phase. This gives Sorkin a chance to go all Matt Taibbi for a few seconds in the voice of the fledgling movement’s fictitious leader, Shelly Wexler, a PhD candidate in anthropology at NYU:

“Where was Will McAvoy when Goldman sold its clients mortgage-related securities without disclosing that the hedge fund manager who chose the mortgages was betting on them to fail? Or when Citigroup sold its clients a mortgage fund with securities it KNEW would fail so the banks could bet against its customers? Citigroup made $160 million off its investors losing $700 million.”

Well said, Shelly Wexler. Beers are on us at Fiddlesticks.

4. Summer of Stunt Deaths (Cont.)

Here’s the thing about death-defying stunts: Death sometimes wins. For every televised “Skywire” success, there’s a wingwalker who perishes (see: last month). This weekend Bill Warner, a motorcycle speed racer, died while attempting to break the 300 m.p.h. barrier on a Suzuki Hiyabusa at what was formerly Loring Air Force Base in Maine. Warner, 44, was traveling at 287 mph before he lost control and his bike veered hard to the right just past the mile marker. Two years ago at this same site he hit 311 mph, which is considered the world land speed record for a conventional motorcycle.

According to witnesses (there were 400 spectators at “The Maine Event”, the remainder of which was canceled), Warner was launched 40 feet in the air and slid at least 100 yards. Both the Loring Police Dept. and the Maine State Police Dept. are investigating the crash. I’m not sure why. Someone may just want to hand them each a Physics textbook.

5. The Hostess with the Mostess’

 

Hooray for cream filling! Hostess Twinkies, Cup Cakes Ho ho’s and –our personal favorite — Ding Dongs  return today. Hostess filed for bankruptcy last November after its bakers union voted not to accept a contract that included reduced wages and benefits. Then a pair of private equity firms, Apollo Global Management and Metropoulos & Co. stepped in, bought them out, cut jobs, yada yada yada… you have your tasty and delicious snack cakes back, what do you care?

Reserves

Johnny Bye Bye

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel’s stint as a counselor/coach at the Manning Passing Academy in Thibodaux, La., ends early after he is continually tardy or absent for sessions. Manziel’s dad, Paul, explained that his son was suffering from “dehydration.”

Riiiiiiiight.

Here’s a list of salooneries in Thibodaux.

Listen, if Manziel can be a student at Texas A&M without actually attending any classes in person, why can’t he be a counselor at the Manning Passing Academy without attending and meetings or passing sessions in person?

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As we requested by us not too long ago: Seth Meyers appears on “Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee” with host Jerry Seinfeld and a magnificently wondrous Porsche Carrera.

The best moments? Meyers on first meeting Don Rickles.

Rickles: “I’m sorry to hear that Saturday Night Live got canceled.”
Meyers: “It didn’t get canceled.”

Rickles: “A guy can dream.”

Also, Jerry reminding Seth how the chat went when Seth invited him to appear on a “Really!?!” segment. Seinfeld: “I think I can (do it), in fact I think I invented it.”

We need to take this concept further. Why can’t they go out for beers instead of coffee? Who will be the first comedian/enne to ask Jerry up for coffee when he drops them off (“coffee doesn’t mean coffee; coffee means sex!”)?

*****

Tim Lincecum tosses a no-hitter, making us momentarily forget that 5.18 ERA from a year ago, or this year’s 4.26 ERA. But who doesn’t love The Freak?

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Former Florida teammates of Aaron Hernandez, twins Maurkice and Mike Pouncey, wore these hats out while celebrating their birthday the other night.