Starting Five
1. WINTERVENTION!
98 Degrees: an ungodly temperature and boy band.
“Hi, Mother Nature. Yeah, come on in. Close the door behind you. Yes, we’re all here. Sure, sure, we know. We told you to come on over to watch a Vanderpump Rules marathon with us (Jax is hot!), but that was just a ruse. A clever ploy. We need to talk. You’re going a little crazy with the mercury here. We are in the fifth consecutive day of 90-plus temperatures. Did you see the sweat stains on Chris Berman’s shirt during the Home Run Derby? That’s exactly how we all feel. Summer of Sam? How about Simmer of Sam? It’s oppressive. Miami Heat tormented us. Then came “The Heat” with Sandra Bullock and The Chick Who Used to Be Sookie on Gilmore Girls. Dig it: No more heat.
So that’s why we’ve called this wintervention. Mark Twain liked to walk around and say pithy things, and one of those was “Everyone talks about the weather, but no one ever does anything about it.” Well, we are. Lighten up, Mom N. Please.
2. Ascent of a Woman
L’Alpe-d’Huez. It’s like those French have an apostrophe for everything.
Why isn’t there a female analogue for the Tour de France? Honestly, and you don’t have to believe me but it is true, I was thinking that while watching Stage 18 of the 100th Tour de France yesterday. By the way, if you think it’s a slow sports week, it isn’t. You’re just looking at the wrong continent.
Anyway, the reason I say that you don’t have to believe me is because I am not the only person who wonders this. Turns out that American cyclist Kathryn Bertine does as well. And Bertine has launched an on-line petition that, according to USA Today, has already garnered 28,000 signatures, requesting that women have their own Tour de France. Same course, same mileage, same ascents and descents. Not to race against the men, but a companion race.
Bertine: A spokesperson for women cyclists. You see what I did th–oh, never mind.
Makes perfect sense to me.
By the way, sports editors, you are not obligated to use the word “grueling” in every Tour de France story. Just a heads up.
3. Or You Could Just Hang Outside the Lobby of Barclays, Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs…
Christian Bale-Out
Jamie Cuomo, a 26 year-old construction worker and year-round resident in the Hamptons, has launched a Facebook page titled “Douche Spotter.” Looking for douches in the Hamptons this time of year is like searching for slovenly males at SEC Media Days. I hope I’ve insulted enough people in this one item.
4. You Know What? Maybe Don’t Go Jogging in the Woods Near Boston
Can you believe this guy owned a liquor store in Boston? Right?!?
For the second time in the last six weeks, a jogger in Boston happened upon a dead body who is linked to an infamous criminal. First it was Odin Lloyd, whose alleged murderer is All-Pro tight end Aaron Hernandez. Yesterday it was Stephen Rakes, 59, who had been scheduled to testify in the sensational racketeering trial of James “Whitey” Bulger. Rakes’ body was found with no visible signs of trauma. I suspect Burking. Boston harriers: Maybe you give Soul Cycle a try. Or swim some laps.
5. Sky Scraper
Double D’s: Delle Donne and deep dish. What did you think I was referring to? Oh, you’re sick!
Remember about two months ago when I said that if it were me selecting first in the WNBA draft, I’d take Elena Delle Donne over Brittney Griner? For numerous reasons? You don’t? Well, I did. At the WNBA’s midpoint, Delle Donne is No. 3 in the league in scoring (23.0 ppg) and No. 1 in blocked shots (4 per game). Yes, Griner is the NCAA’s all-time leader in that latter category.
Delle Donne is also the leading vote-getter for the WNBA All-Star Game, which plays into the second reason, besides talent, why I would have selected her No. 1 overall. She’s intensely more marketable than Griner.
All that said, Candace Parker (25 ppg and 16 rpg) is the best female basketball player in the world right now. And it kills me to say that knowing that Diana Taurasi –who happens to lead the league in scoring at 32 ppg — is an active player.
Covered Della Donne at the McDonald’s All-America game in Tampa, back when she was a UConn signed. Found her very likeable if a bit nonchalant — she has really found her drive in the last two years. Watching Griner again at ESPYs, I continue to notice how rarely she seems happy in situations that normally merit it.
There used to be a female verison of the TDF. The organizers (NOT the ASO, the owner-org of the Tour de France) couldn’t find enough sponsors to make it remotely profitable & it withered down to less & less stages & finally was cancelled a few years ago.
The photo you show is not of Alpe d’Huez, it’s the descent of the Col de la Sarenne which had never been used before in the TDF. Very narrow, crappy road surface, no barriers; they were LUCKY the expected nasty rain storms held off.
Also, every year an event is held called the ‘Etape du Tour’, where regular (insane) folks can ride one of that year’s actual stages. It is usually held a week or so before the riders get to it. YOU should do it. You might just think the cycling journos are being too stingy with “grueling” in their dispatches.
Yesterday’s stage was at times awesome but I was personally a bit disappointed. I was expecting ‘TOURNADO!’ & we barely got Sharktopus.
BTW, Austin Murphy rode L’Etape a few years ago. I think he’s fine now.