Starting Five

1. World War Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz: Spurs 113, Heat 77

 

— World War Zzzzzzz? I was this close to going with “The Interned.”

–I just want to lead off by stating that Mike Miller shot five-for-five from beyond the arc. Remember that, lackluster franchises, if Doug McDermott is still on the board when your spot arrives in the NBA Draft.

–Let’s just assume that the Spurs covered the spread. The 36-point defeat was the third-worst loss in NBA Finals history. In Game 2 of the 1998 NBA Finals, Chicago beat Utah 96-54 (42 points). In Game 6 of the 2008 NBA Finals, Boston beat Los Angeles 131-92 (38), which means that Ray Allen has participated in two of the three worst blowouts in Finals history. Allen scored 26 points in that ’08 contest and four last night on 2-2 shooting.

–Before the game Bill Simmons reminded his three amigos on the set that Mario Chalmers, who had 19 points in Game 2, “is one of the league’s most up-and-down (read: inconsistent) players.” Chalmers started last night and finished with zero points on 0-5 shooting.

–As predicted earlier this week, Game 3 failed to produce an item in The Big Lead about female fans with zaftig (look it up, A.J.!) figures.

–Can’t decide if I want to go with the Danny Green Reno Bighorns’ jersey or his Erie Bayhawks jersey for Game 4 (correct answer: the Danny Green 2007 Cleveland Cavaliers jersey!). Green, who has emerged as the breakout star in this series after scoring a game-high 27 points last night, leads all scorers in this series –including his former Cav teammate, LeBron– with 56 points. Remember, though, that Green did start on an NCAA national championship squad (North Carolina, ’09), while four of the 10 starters in last night’s game never even played college hoops (FTR, two other players, both Heat, did the same as Green: Udonis Haslem [Florida] and Chalmers [Kansas]).

 

— Love this, from ESPN (but not from Ed Werder): The first time Miami won in San Antonio –after 11 losses — was in 1996. David Robinson broke his foot in that game, the Spurs crashed and burned the rest of the season, and their reward was drafting Tim Duncan the following June.

–The most pivotal Game 3 that comes to mind for me was in 1991: Bulls and Lakers are tied 1-1- as we head to the Forum. Michael Jordan, who had averaged 34.5 points in the first two games (those are the kinds of numbers GOATs put up, kids), led Chicago back from a 13-point third-quarter deficit (sound familiar, Heat fans?) to send the game into overtime, where the Bulls would win. For anyone who remembers, the series was over after Game 3. It felt that way, and in actuality the Bulls would win the final two games, in L.A., without too much trouble.

2. Tiananmen Square…Tahrir Square…Taksim Square…Hollywood Squares!

The first protester in Istanbul who cries, “I’ll take Charley Weaver to block” will have my undying devotion.

So, there are protesters in Istanbul, Turkey, a place I’ve never visited but would love to see…though now I think I’ll wait awhile. Yesterday the government police were spraying tear gas at protesters in Taksim Square, at these, yes, young Turks, who were revolting against the planned closing of Gezi Park, which would be replaced with Ottoman-era army barracks (making so little sense that I wondered which current U.S. elected official hatched that idea).

Okay, sure, the moment you heard this, if you are like me, your mind immediately went to Jerry Seinfeld’s thoughts on the Ottoman Empire: “an entire empire built around a foot rest.”

Anyway, I’m on the side of the protesters. Would that I lived in a nation where people turned off the television long enough to go out and protest the atrocities its own government commits on a daily basis. That said, I don’t think the answer in these foreign countries is less repressive regimes. The answer is less squares.

And, because I hope that Steve Rushin occasionally reads this, here are some classic Paul Lynde quips from the original Hollywood Squares (Host, Peter Marshall: “Paul, how many husbands have the three Gabor sisters had among them?” Lynde: “You mean including their own?” and “Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?” “Loneliness.”). You can be funny without using the F-word, it turns out.

3. Oldest Living Human Dies

Jiroemon Kimura, 116, of Japan passes. I actually learned of Kumara’s death three days before he left this mortal coil because Rafael Nadal tweeted it.

4. And That Is Why They Don’t Call It a “Pacific” Division

Major brawl between the D-Bags and Dodgers last night. It began after Ian Kennedy struck THE LEGEND Yasiel Puig in the nose with a pitch in the 6th inning (it ricocheted off Puig’s shoulder before striking his face). Zack Greinke retaliated in the top of the 7th by striking Miguel Montero in the back, and then Kennedy struck Greinke in the helmet in the bottom of the 7th.

The best part? Vin Scully narrated the entire fracas (“No use in calling out names; they’re all down there”). My only disappointment is that somehow Don Zimmer was not in the midst of this.

Seriously, Ian Kennedy, WTF!?! Before Puig arrived this is what a Dodger game was like.

5. He Still Needs To Receive His Letter of Exceptance

Four-star quarterback DeShone Kizer of Toledo Central Catholic, a high school senior-to-be, tweets out that “I am privileged to say that I will be continuing my Fighting Irish tradition (CCHS goes by same moniker) by playing football at the University of Notre Dame!” So, the Fighting Irish lose a quarterback to the state of Ohio (Gunner Kiel) and then they obtain one. Kizer’s next tweet, since deleted, alerted media that he “would not be excepting calls until 6:30 p.m.” Typo? Maybe, but either way, as one follower tweeted, “This is not going to be good for Notre Dame’s APR.”

Reserves

How do you see this A.J.-Webb-Wood scandal ending? Is it going to get all “Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice” as Katherine Webb seeks out Wood’s ex, baseball prospect Aaron Judge? No, silly. It ends with Webb dumping A.J. for Johnny Manziel. C’mon! Right?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meanwhile, I has a few questions for the paid-for-a-living sports media:

1) Have any of you checked on whether there was a canceled Birmingham-to-Memphis flight on Saturday?

2) And how exactly did Wood get from Birmingham’s airport to Tuscaloosa? That’s about a 40-mile drive.

3) How did Wood’s tweets first appear on Radar’s, um, radar? She said nothing about A.J. McCarron on them.

4) Has anyone spoken to Webb (and if you do, have you reminded her that, well, she can do much better than A.J.? [Darnell Dockett begged me to add that])?

5) Where did Wood, McCarron and “friends” go out? Who contacted whom first? Who are the mutual friends?

6) Why aren’t there any SEC quarterbacks as handsome as Heath Shuler any more?

7) Are any of you going to make any calls on this or are you just going to keep glomming onto Radar’s quotes?

**

What is more difficult to fathom: That anyone could actually not be on Edward Snowden’s side or that someone could earn $200,000 a year living in Hawaii and, while engaged to an acrobat, throw it all away for his ideals? Either way, the only ones faulting Snowden are the people who already “got theirs” and like the way that the government works for them all the time.

**

Mark Lisanti’s weekly “Mad Men Power Rankings”, in which he at last dethrones Don Draper. Word is that when Draper heard about being dropped in the rankings, he approached Lisanti, who kept his door closed while Draper lamely attempted to explain to him that he was simply “comforting Mrs. Rosen Rosen.”

 

Our Rankings:

1. Ted Chaough: Has his pilot’s license and appears in those “It’s Not Complicated” ads…

2. Yessiree! Bob Benson: First, Joan. Now, Pete. And we thought 1967 was the “Summer of Love.”

3. Roger Sterling: “Gimme one scene, just one scene per show, and I’ll steal the whole damn episode,” he says while juggling chainsaws.

4. Mitchell Rosen Rosen: Avoids Vietnam (and hence, Vietnam flashbacks), has a great ass and will later form the band Television.

5. Daenerys Targaryen, Mother of Dragons: Just because.

**

How can you have a stat called “Fielder’s Indifference?” As if you can assume ambivalence. Just give the guy the stolen base. Meanwhile, I’ll stump for “Batter’s Indifference” when someone takes the third strike looking. Also, if the Detroit Tiger first baseman fails to hold you on the bag, is that Prince Fielder’s Indifference?

**

In which genial and deservedly vaunted NBA scribe Jack McCallum, a former colleague, thanks me for reminding him that you cannot have an NBA All-Style Team without Pete Maravich.

 

**

The USA defeats Panama, 2-0, in the World Cup qualifier in Seattle. The U.S. is now in first place in the CONCACAF standings, where the acronyms are just not long enough.

***

Flooding is expected for the first round of play at the U.S. Open at Merion outside of Philadelphia on Thursday. This is why golf courses need to be domed.

***

Send doughnations to mediumhappy.com care of sameriver@hotmail.com at PayPal. I promise to never erect a Paywallters, but your contributions help.

 

 

 

Starting Five

1. Oliver’s Army is on Their Way/Oliver’s Army is Here to Stay?

The correspondent who came in from the cold? Great Brit John Oliver, who will fly The Daily Show desk this summer while Jon Stewart is off “learning to cobble shoes in a small Italian village.” Granted, The Daily Show’s correspondents file their live field reports literally a few yards away from where the host’s desk, but Oliver leap-frogged a few talented veterans, a fact that the show handled deftly and hilariously–surprise — in its second segment (this is even funnier when you realize that the first two correspondents features, Jason Jones and Samantha Bee, are real-life husband and wife).

In the first segment? The PRISM controversy, about which Oliver states, “I bet the Amish are feeling pretty smug right now…or they would be if they had any idea what’s going on.” He also introduced a new segment titled, fittingly, “Good News! You’re Not Paranoid.” Solid material.

2. From Pigskin to Pygmalion

Can’t you just imagine Bill Belichick and his offensive coordinator, Josh McDaniels, sitting in Belichick’s office, sipping tea, and discussing the inalienable differences between Tom Brady and Tim Tebow? Wtithin moments BB is getting all HH (That’s Henry Higgins, as in Professor Henry Higgins in “My Fair Lady”) as he proposes that he can transform Tim Tebow, Eliza Doolittle-style, into a proper NFL quarterback (go to 3:00 mark).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“This is what the SEC population/Calls a Heisman-

worthy education,

Why cant’ the SEC/Teach their QBs how to pass?

JaMarcus Russell was the No. 1 pick/Now he’s sitting on his ass,

The Tebow lad/His sideline throws are such a load of crap,

But I could teach that boy to play in literally a snap.”

And so, the experiment begins. Tim Tebow, Heisman Trophy-winner, future nominee for beatification and recently cut by the New York Jets, will move into Belichick’s spacious home and learn to become a proper gentleman:

“All I want is a locker room,

Far away from that cold Jet tomb,

To see my talent bloom,

Oh wouldn’t it be lo-verly…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So now, you have the two most famous quarterbacks in professional football, Tom Brady and Tim Tebow, (sorry, Peyton) sharing one meeting room. At least for the mini-camp. This oughta be fun. And wait until Gisele starts playing matchmaker. The good news for Tebow is that no head coach insulates his team from the media quite like El Presidente Belichick. The bad news is that Bristol, Conn., is just 92 miles away.

3. California Dreamin’

So Matt Thomas, a Miami native who some outlets rate as the nation’s top linebacker in the incoming freshman class, no longer wants to enroll at Florida State but instead wants to attend USC. And he wants a release that will allow him to play immediately, which the Seminoles are unwilling to grant without a “compelling reason.” Our suggestion: Just tell them you want to be closer to Eddie Vanderdoes’ ailing relative. You can cue up that “Shame on Florida State!” column by Gregg Doyel of CBSSports.com in “3….2…..I said ‘3….2….’ …..um, there seems to be a problem with the righteous indignation column loader…our techs will look into it.”

4. From Chad Johnson to Chad Ochocinco to…. Chandy Dufresne?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Judge: “Sir, are you satisfied with the assistance of your attorney?”

Chandy: “Yes, ma’am, he’s awesome!”

Judge: “You should be. He’s an excellent attorney.”

(Chandy slaps butt of defense attorney; Judge reaches into robe and tosses yellow flag)

Judge: “I’m not accepting this plea negotiation. As a condition of his probation he’s to serve 30 days in the Broward County Jail.”

Chandy: “I don’t understand! How can you be so obtuse?

Judge: “So what? What did you call me?”

Chandy: “Obtuse. Is it deliberate?”

Judge: “30 days. And no conjugal visits.”

Chandy: “Child, please.”

Just remember, Chandy. At the end of the 30 days, don’t hang on to that defiance. Or she’ll slap you with another month in solitary. The best line we read about this entire episode came from Twitter, where Matt Goldich  (@MattGoldich) opined, “If Chad Johnson gets two cellmates instead of one, that could free up more opportunities for TJ Houshmandzadeh.”

5. Dustin Pedroia is a Boss

Just one Major League Baseball game in a season in which all 30 teams play 162 of them (you can do the math on the total for me), but if you watched last night’s Red Sox-Rays game, you can appreciate the axiom that every game is unique. Consider that the Red Sox scored six runs before a single out was made in the contest. Consider, too, that the score was tied 6-6 after nine innings and 8-8 after ten. The Sawx would win in 14.

The best part, though, was the sheer brilliance of Dustin Pedroia, who plays the game as if this were 1917 and Ty Cobb were sliding in to second base spikes high. In the top of the ninth inning Pedroia stole both second and third base before scoring the go-ahead run. In the bottom of the ninth, and this is not easy to do when you think about it, he made a game-saving dive for a pop-up at the pitcher’s mound. One inning later the five-foot-nine (??) former AL MVP rushed a drag bunt and made a perfect toss to first, helping the Red Sox escape a bases-loaded, no outs jam with the score tied.

Some players hit the ball real hard, some have cannons for arms, some run real fast. Pedroia has tools, but he plays the game smarter and harder (when is the last time he finished a game with his uniform not besmudged?) than anyone in baseball. He’s kinda the Tony Parker of MLB right now.

Reserves

Also a Boss? Debra Fine.

Someone wondered aloud, and it is a valid question: How come last Fridays’ tragedy in Santa Monica, where a man shot and killed five people, two of whom were his father and brother, received so little national attention? Read this detailed account of the actions of Debra Fine, who attempted to stop the killer (I won’t name him) and took three to four bullets herself. Fine survived (here she is with Piers Morgan). If you’re keeping score, and I am, that’s two women who heroically stood up to spree murderers this spring (remember the lady in London) and zero males. C’mon. None of us are surprised by this (also, next time don’t put your car between the shooter and the victim; simply strike the shooter with your vehicle).

Pac-Man Finds Trouble…Again

In Atlanta Pac-Man Jones is arrested for allegedly punching a woman outside of a bar. Jones, who now plays for the Cincinnati Bengals (of course), claims that he was simply defending himself. The NFL says that it will review the videotape. In my mind I see Ed Hochuli strolling over to the corner of Roger Goodell’s office, going under the hood, and emerging 90 seconds later saying, “Upon further review, the call outside the bar stands.”

“So, what? No (Bleepin’) Ziti?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, A.J., it’s much more dire than that. Perhaps your worldwide Webb privileges will be revoked. While Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron’s pulchritudinous paramour, Katherine Webb, was making an appearance in Los Angeles last weekend, a Maxim bikini model crashed at his Tuscaloosa home after having too much to drink (it could’ve been worse; she could’ve crashed at Greg Dent’s place). The salient points are 1) How this story ever became public in the first place (after all, the model in question, Margaret Wood, is suddenly far more famous than she was last week; tip of the cap from Ms. Webb, who recognizes that play from Pg. 1 of her playbook) 2) The Joy Behar point: “So what? Who cares?” and 3) that this is all the University of Mississippi’s fault, since McCarron “met” Wood while standing on the sidelines during the Bama-Ole Miss game last fall. If only they could have made the contest more compelling (final score: Bama 38, Ole Miss 7). He asked for her number. If only A.J. had gone A-Rod and tossed her a football with his phone number on it.

 

As always, we are only too happy to accept doughnations at the mediumhappy.com tip jar. Send them to PayPal via sameriver@hotmail.com

 

 

Starting Five

1. Legen-wait for it-dary Opening Number

For the opening number of last night’s Oscars at Radio City Music Hall, host Neil Patrick Harris, 39, strummed guitar, danced with Mike Tyson, vanished into thin air (only to reemerge at the back of the theater), got in jabs at Shia LeBoeuf and Kathy Lee Gifford, referenced Chuck E. Cheese and his own erstwhile childhood character, Doogie Howser, and literally jumped through a hoop. He even used the word “legendary.” “It’s Bigger” was better than anything one can recall from an awards show host since perhaps vintage Billy Crystal openings at the Oscars (even better than “Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit“). The Oscars? An awards show that NPH will certainly host someday, after he accepts an Emmy award for hosting last night’s Tony Awards. Oh, yes, the Tonys. Who won? Didn’t you just read the last four sentences?

2. Sally Draper Witnesses Unholy Fornication; Unlike Bran Stark, Is Not Tossed From Tower

Switching from gay emcee to AMC (thanks to Greg Auman for that one), last night’s “Mad Men” shocker involved a doorman handing over keys to a teenage girl who doesn’t even live in the high-rise full-time (I think we now know how Sally’s “grandma” gained entry a few episodes back). So, impressionable Sally Draper witnesses dad, ahem, “comforting” the wife of Dr. Rosen Rosen and then has to sit by as their son, a guitarist for The Strokes, I believe, shakes his hand and thanks him for being such a great guy. Then Sally storms from the dinner table because, let’s face it, who wants to eat Megan Draper’s cooking? Later, Don fecklessly appeals to Sally that he and Mrs. Rosen Rosen were simply performing Father Abraham.

 

Woodstock is like, 13 months and a two-hour drive north away, Don Draper, and Sally is SO going next year. She’ll show you what free love is all about. Meanwhile, the terminally earnest Yessirree! Bob Benson does the knee-touch thing with Pete Campbell, a harbinger of his future as a GOP senator.

Roger Sterling gets one scene, juggling oranges? And Joan is a DNP, Coach’s Decision? That’s just wrong.
Last thing from me: If Ted Chaough is not atop Mark Lysanti’s “Mad Men Power Rankings” on Grantland later this morning, I’ve lost all hope in humanity.

3. As ABC Once Sang, “Shoot That Poison Arrow Through My Heart“

 

Ygritte treats her true love, Jon Snow, as an archery target. Arya fatally stabs a man in the neck, employing the old “Oops, I dropped my coin” ruse. Sansa talks about “sheep-shifting”, which is Westeros’ version of short-sheeting with a side dish of livestock dung.  And Khaleesi goes crowd-surfing as if she just happened upon Lollapalooza.  The women of Westeros are not to be trifled with in the season finale of “Game Of Thrones”, although Ramsey remains atop the list of “Those With Whom Not To Trifle.”

Asides…

–Tywin Lannister is Miles Dentrelle from “Thirtysomething.” They’re both operating out of the same playbook, and they even bear a strong resemblance. That said, Tywin’s little speech about “the man who puts his family first” was spot-on. Even the Imp could see that.

— I miss Petyr Baelish. I mean, sure, that “chaos is a ladder” was the best career walk-off home run you’ll ever see, but there’s at least 30% less chicanery and 17% less intrigue when he’s missing. I hope he shows up at the Time-Life Building and touches knees with Bob Benson.

— Lord Walder Frey –and Steve Rushin will back me up on this — looks and behaves like every third patron at The Emerald Inn (a legendary bar on Manhattan’s Upper West Side, which recently closed but has relocated to West 72nd Street and will reopen this week. Pop in for a Guinness.)

— Seven of the ten most boring characters on “Game of Thrones” are Stannis Baratheon. I don’t know what Melisandre sees in him.

–If you are large and slightly overweight, isn’t Hodor the easiest Halloween costume for you? Just stumble around with a goofy grin on your face saying your own name? I may put on 30 pounds just to try this (I already have the gray going for me).

–Is there a reason Kingslayer must wear his right arm in a sling? Can’t he just let it hang by his side? Is there a blacksmith in King’s Landing who can fashion a hook for him now? Or just attach a giant sword?

–If Joan can do ads for Johnnie Walker, I don’t see why Cersei can’t do ads for Yellow Tail.

–In Season 4, Fleabottom undergoes gentrification. Trust me on this. The first signs of this will be when an inordinate number of young artists move in and start producing Mumblecore films.

–Are you like me? Do you sit there wondering what comeuppance Ramsey is going to receive for all of his unmitigated evil? My best guess is that he’ll become the new co-host on CrossOver.

— Why does Bran feel the obligation to go north? Why doesn’t he just stay that “extenuating family health circumstances” preclude him from heading into that dangerous region?

— Samwell slays a White Walker AND gets a chick into Castle Black (which, if I still lived in Dillon Hall today, would certainly be that dorm’s nickname). When the Home Depot Game of Thrones Awards Show airs later this month, Samwell is definitely going to win Most Improved Player.

 

4. Turning on The Heat

Our own Bill Hubbell had all the insightful observations in last night’s MH, so rather than step on his brilliance, I’ll just recommend you go there. And yes, that is the first time I’ve linked this site on this site. It’s like looking for the Miami Dolphin inside the Miami Dolphins helmet.

 

5. Joey Crawford is not the only Whistle-blower Out There

The man who leaked the fact that the National Security Agency combs through as many phone records as it wants to is 29 year-old Edward Snowden (who sounds like a character on GoT, no?). What I find most preposterous is that he did not even work directly for the government, but rather for a privatized consulting firm, Booz Allen Hamilton. The U.S. government will learn from this. The next time it wants to farm out illegal wire-tapping work, it’ll off-shore it to India and Bangladesh (oh, JW, stop being so naive; that’s probably already happening).

 

 

The Feds will attempt to portray Snowden, who is now seeking asylum in in another country, as a treasonous traitor (as opposed to a treasonous trader, Wall Street-style), but for me he is everything but. He is a citizen who truly believes in the first three words of the most important document in this nation’s history: “We the people…”

Oh, and isn’t it funny how pissed the NSA is that someone would know their secrets without their approval? Hmmm. Pot. Kettle. Hello?

Give ’em hell, Edward. And we will come visit you in Iceland.

 Reserves

Don’t feel bad, Tiago. You’ve just gained immortality.

 

Ryan Reynolds, Jeff Daniels and Marisa Miller in a movie? Sure, why not?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Remote Patrol

The Doctor

NBA TV 9 p.m.

The Doc doc promises to be blissful nostalgia for those of us who were raised on Arthur Fonzarelli, disco and the hegemony of the Pittsburgh Steelers. During the NBA interregnum between the dominant Celtics and Lakers of the late Sixties-Early Seventies and the dominant Celtics-Lakers of the Eighties, the league foundered. The ABA had more spectacular talent, but less infrastructure (tomorrow: race out to a bookstore or go on-line and order Terry Pluto’s “Loose Balls”; you’ll think 90% of it is fabricated, but it’s all true). Into this wasteland soared Julius Erving, alias Dr. J., who starred for the New York Nets in the NBA until he was plucked by the Philadelphia 76ers, the Miami Heat of that era: Dr. J., George McGinnis, Maurice Cheeks, Doug Collins, and Caldwell Jones were the starting cast, but memorable characters such as Bobby Jones (one of the best sixth men of all time), Steve Mix (a walking Just For Men ad), Darryl Dawkins, World B. Free and Andrew Toney also were part of the cast. As was Kobe Bryant’s dad.

But I’m getting away from the point. The Doctor was the most mesmerizing player in the league. Sure, Connie Hawkins before him soared just as high and Michael Jordan after him soared even higher, but the Doctor was the first player who combined aerial acrobatics with superstardom (anyone out there remember Hawthorne Wingo? Besides me and Marv Albert?). Also, he is the first player in my memory, even before Jordan, to be associated with a shoe brand. Yes, Puma had Puma Clyde’s but every kid bought Converse All-Stars because that’s what the Doctor ordered.

This is a 90-minute documentary and I hope it explores the culture of the era. The NBA was down at the time –Finals games truly were broadcast on tape-delay and SI actually did a story on how come nobody attends NBA games. So much has changed. Doc was the rudder that altered its course.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, BOOM!, Mad Men. I mean, Don Draper is a silver-tongued fox and all, but he’s going to have a difficult time explaining to his teenage daughter that he and Mrs. Rosen Rosen were just doing the moves for “Father Abraham.”

Meanwhile, Yessirree! Bob Benson makes a move on Pete Campbell at the office. I’m not at all dismayed that Bob may be gay. I’m just worried that he has such bad taste in men.

Gotta love Cicely Tyson getting her first Tony nomination at age 79 and winning for “A Trip to Bountiful.” Glad they gave her time to speak her mind, talking about wanting one more great role after 30 years away from stage: “I didn’t want to be greedy. I just wanted one more.” You win an award at age 79, I can’t bring myself to make dress comments. … Pippin wins again, with Patina Miller getting Leading Actress in a Musical. Her arms might be stronger than Scottie’s.  …