The third and final debate took place last night in Las Vegas and the republic is still standing. Hillary had no good answer as to why her foundation accepts donations from human rights-violating countries, while Donald told moderator Chris Wallace, who did a fantastic job, that “I’m going to keep you in suspense” when asked whether he would challenge the results of the November 8 election.
Also, Trump said that all of his accusers have been debunked (not true at all; they’ve been debunked by him in the same way that he claims he has won every debate) and that he never denied accosting women based on the fact that they were not attractive enough for him (also not true). Trump is the garish, gropish guy at the office who has no idea how much of a misogynist and sexual predator he is, and every woman he meets who is attractive is a potential target. We met this character once before, on WKRP in Cincinnati. His name was Herb Tarlek.
2. A Quest Called Tribe
Francona demanded both the ball and a handshake from his novice starter after that sterling performance
Cleveland advances to its first World Series since 1997 as it seeks its first championship since 1948, as the Tribe shuts out Toronto, 3-0. Rookie pitcher Ryan Merritt, who took the mound with 11 innings of big league experience, allowed just two singles in 4 1/3 and then baseball’s most withering bullpen took care of the rest. An Indians-Cubs World Series would be muy bueno.
3. Brooklyn Codger*
King is getting more air time on FS1 than Clay Travis this week
*The judges will also accept L.A. King
One rather distracting aspect of keeping track of the Dodgers-Cubs series in Los Angeles is the constant view of 82 year-old Larry King, who used to attend games at Ebbets Field as a kid in Brooklyn. Los Angeles’s most famous expat of that borough has replaced Vin Scully as the most famous octogenarian inside Dodger Stadium.
Mike Brito also has that “Weekend at Bernie’s” look
Those of us above age 40 find it weird to look into a home Dodger playoff game and not see Dodger scout Mike Brito, the man in the Panama hat with the radar gun, seated behind home plate. Brito, who discovered Fernando Valenzuela decades ago, is 81, by the way.
4. Smithy
It’s James Corden singing in a car, but years before you or I ever heard of him. Here he is going Don Rickles on the England Football Team. Yes, that’s David Beckham and Stephen Gerrard. Thanks to my good friend Mike for suggesting this….
5. Cruise-in’…..
What won’t actors do to promote their movie?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytEgqN-BdKA
Music 101
My Wave
In 1994 Soundgarden was poised to join Nirvana and Pearl Jam as the third leg of the Grunge invasion. They, too, were based in Seattle and lead singer Chris Cornell was every bit as charismatic as Kurt and Eddie and he could even reach higher notes. The whole movement sputtered after Cobain’s suicide, but this gem from the band’s Superunknown retains an irresistible turn-it-up quality. Note: Soundgarden and Stone Temple Pilots are very similar; they were poised to carry rock’s American flag into the late Nineties, but it just didn’t happen and we were left with the Goo Goo Dolls and Matchbox 20. I’ll never forgive them for this.
Remote Patrol
BYU at Boise State
ESPN 10:15 p.m.
Hill
I know, I know. Game 5 of the NLCS and Miami at Virginia Tech. We’ll miss nights like this come January and February. But the Broncos are 6-0 and the Cougars, who ripped up Michigan State in East Lansing a couple weeks back, are likely the last team standing in the way of an undefeated season and a difficult choice for the Selection Committee. BYU has 3 losses by a total of 7 points, all to good teams. Prediction: both Boise State and Western Michigan go undefeated and the SelCom sends them to the Fiesta Bowl to play one another. Keep an eye on BYU QB Taysom Hill, an Idaho native.
A Medium Happy 50th to Jon Favreau, star and writer of Swingers and Chef
Starting Five
In his last four appearances, totaling 6 2/3 innings, Jansen has allowed no runs and two hits
Artful Dodgers
Only two teams have played more postseason baseball games than the Dodgers, who played their 200th yesterday: the Yankees and Cardinals. Yet their 6-0 shutout of the Cubs in the NLCS last night marked the first time that the erstwhile Brooklyn Atlantics, Bridegrooms and Superbas had ever recorded consecutive shutouts in playoff games (they blanked the Cubs 1-0 on Monday).
So L.A. leads the series 2-1 and Game 4 is tonight up against debate.
2. Yet Another Notre Dame With A Problem
Notre Dame Prep, the McDowell Mountains in the background….
As the Notre Dame in South Bend trudges through a 2-5 season (despite having outscored its opponents in full), Notre Dame Prep in Scottsdale, Arizona, has just been placed on probation and ruled ineligible for the postseason. The Saints, as they are know, held a “summer football class” in June and put players in pads and would you believe, some photos were taken and placed on social media (No! Yes. NO! Yes.). Also, NDP sent out letters to athletes at other schools inviting them to attend.
Notre Dame Prep is a new and ultra-rich school, located in the wealthiest section of the wealthiest town in the Phoenix area. The Saints are 6-2 overall but 3-0 in their division and probably would qualify for the playoffs. Local media have located the “concerned” parents whose only takeaway is that they feel sorry for the kids, and we get it, but this was a fairly blatant violation of a known rule. More great life lessons being taught by adults.
3. Nigel, Please
Madison Man
Last Saturday ESPN’s College GameDay visited Madison, where the most famous local athlete is Badger varsity basketball player Nigel Hayes. The 6’8″ senior, who averaged nearly 16 points and 6 rebounds a year ago, is going to be a very wealthy man (especially relative to his classmates) a year from now. Hayes is just not wealthy now and yes, by being a major star who earns nothing (BESIDES A COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIP VALUED AT $47,544 FOR OUT-OF-STATERS, WHICH THE TOLEDO, OHIO, NATIVE IS), that seems unfair to some people (athletes and sports writers, mainly).
You know what “employees” at other businesses do when they feel that they are underpaid or taken for granted? They quit. Hayes does not seem to want to do that.
If you think the NCAA is exploiting these players, I’d like to welcome you to every business in America, if not the world. This is simple economics: As soon as I or any university president reads the story of a 4- or 5-star athlete turning down a scholarship offer, maybe the system will change. As soon as a team goes on strike en masse (before a Final Four contest), maybe the system will change.
Instead of coddling these student-athletes, sports writers should give them a lesson in economics. Management’s job is to make you an offer that is good enough to keep you from leaving the job. It isn’t to cut you in on what you think is a fair share of the pie.
Of course, the comeback here is that it’s a cartel. I guess, but the idea that you’re going to overhaul the system because 3% of its members need to take this route for their profession (which is about how many make it in the NFL or NBA) is ludicrous. I was a pre-med paying full tuition: I’d argue that my future profession was far more valuable to society and about 33% of us were moving on to med school. No one stepped in and paid my way.
Yes, but you didn’t fill up a football stadium. No, I didn’t, but my (and my classmates’) intelligence was every bit as valuable a commodity. The thing is, I can’t get into medical school without an undergrad degree, and the better the undergrad institution, the better my odds. Same with the NFL and college football. The potential NFL player also benefits greatly by playing at an Alabama or a USC. Not to mention the countless tangible and intangible benefits: expanded horizons, life experiences, media exposure, sorority honeys, and in some cases, Alaskan king crab legs.
But it’s just not fair, you say. And you’re right. It’s probably not fair that Apple, which has a market cap o $632 BILLION, employs Asian workers who make a fractional amount of what a U.S. worker would. But I don’t see you putting down your iPhone and I don’t see you not attending college football games or not watching them. You’re not willing to sacrifice anything for this noble cause (I’m talking about you the consumer, not the athletes), which just makes you a whiner.
Josh Dobbs: Starting SEC QB, aeronautical engineering major. Easy? No. Possible? Ask him. Or the people who put together Nike marketing campaigns.
Could the NCAA do more right by its student-athletes? Absolutely. Pay for their parents’ traveling to at least one postseason game per year, for starters. Give every four-year grad at least 72 further credit hours (I’d even go up to 144, about the equivalent of a four-year education) that he could either give to a family member who qualifies academically or for his or her own use. Assist by providing more education, not with money.
There are three major money problems: 1) Not all NCAA athletes have the same valuable (probably 1% or so would really be missed by the general public) 2) Once you agree to pay them, you’ve set a market. And now negotiations as to price become a constant aspect of the game and 3) You surrender the idea that young men should be going to college to receive an education; it’s just a minor league. The idea should be to reform the system and stress the value of the degree—and allow young men to earn meaningful degrees—not to be so jaded that we accept that it’s just a marriage of convenience.
Still, as soon as a Rivals 100 player turns down a scholarship, you may see university presidents and athletic directors huddle and discuss. But until then, well, these are mostly smart businessmen. Why pay more for something when the people who have the free will not to sell it (their athletic talent) to you do so anyway 100% of the time?
4. That 3rd Quarter
It’s been four days, I’m finally ready to talk about Stanford 17, Notre Dame 10.
What I want to discuss, as Keith Arnold and I talked about on our podcast, is that 3rd quarter. Not just because it’s where it all went bad, but because it’s a fascinating character study of Brian Kelly (who nine games ago had a 72% winning mark in South Bend and now has a 67% victory mark).
First drive: Notre Dame gets the kickoff to start the half (Finally!), but DeShone Kizer throws a pick-six. Great undercut of the route by Stanford’s Quenton Meeks (who had missed most of the last three games for the Cardinal) and a terrific open-field run to score it. Huge momentum change.
Second drive: On 3rd-and-7 in Stanford territory, Kizer misses an open Kevin Boykin, a completion that would have rendered a first down. On 4th-and-7 Kelly opts not to punt and Kizer, facing heavy pressure, throws a pick downfield. It’s a bad pass, but the pass the play before was the real error.
Third drive: The Irish defense forced a turnover just two plays later (on an insanely great play by Jarron Jones, the best defensive play of the season), so Kizer’s pick was not a huge blow. It’s midway through the 3rd quarter, your starter has just thrown picks on consecutive drives, and you still lead. If you’re ever going to give Malik Zaire a shot, now’s the moment. I think most of us can agree that this wasn’t the worst move, to shake the offense and Kizer out of his doldrums.
On the first play, Zaire sprints around right end for 13 yards. The stadium is energized. As is the team. Oh, what’s that? A flag? Holding on Quenton Nelson. I think that one flag changed the trajectory of Zaire’s career. Now it’s 1st-and-25 and the offense is deflated. The Irish will punt. But Stanford will punt right back. If you’re keeping count, the defense has now allowed one offensive touchdown in nine quarters, dating back to the second half of the Syracuse game.
Fourth Drive: Center Sam Mustipher snaps the ball high, fast and to the right of Zaire, whom Kelly has given a second chance. The ball sails out of the end zone. Safety. The score is now 10-9. On his second drive, Zaire was not even given a chance to touch the football.
Fifth Drive: Stanford scores on offense, finally, and gets the 2-point conversion, because of course (have you been watching Notre Dame football the past three seasons?). It’s now 17-10 and I tweet something to the effect, “If Kelly doesn’t put Kizer in now, that is a huge mistake.” Kelly sends Zaire back in. Three and out.
And there, kind of, is your ballgame. By the time Kelly finally returns to Kizer, for a 3-minute drive, he’s rusty and out of sync. He still almost pulls it out, though. He still should have not been on the bench that long. One series? Sure. Two? Maybe. Three? Never.
You have to wonder if Brian Kelly felt so much guilt over the hand that Zaire has been dealt that he made that the priority, massaging a former starter’s ego, over winning the game. It’s not Zaire’s fault. These are problems Nick Saban never faces. He’s a cold-hearted mofo, but it’s about putting your best team on the field and giving all of them the best chance to win. Ask Blake Barnett.
5. Matt Taibbi
If you have yet to read Matt Taibbi’s “How Trump Lost His Mojo,” from the Sept. 22 issue of Rolling Stone, I highly recommend it. It’s one of his masterpieces. This race changes so often, the major gaffes and low moments, that some of these issues will seem stale one month later. But the writing is too good to be ignored.
Describing a rally: “The audience roars. This is the Trump they fell in love with. It’s the same uber-confident, self-congratulating gasbag who bulldozed the Republican nomination on the strength of long, unscripted rants that were glorious tributes to every teenager everywhere who has ever taken a test without studying.”
Reserves
Canada Dry Humor
In case you have not yet seen this. Our Canadian friend Moose sent this. I think Canada is trying to help us, but it’s a wee bit patronizing, eh?
Music 101
Reach Out of the Darkness
1968 was the most tumultuous year in American history since the end of the Civil War: the Tet Offensive, the assassinations of MLK and RFK, Chicago riots, Nixon’s election, etc. (and yes, 2016 may still give ’68 a run for its money). It was Peak—or Nadir—Sixties, and this song by Friend and Lover is a groovy, hippie folk plea against the violence and chaos. I think this tune also ended the Mad Men episode that concludes with Megan Draper watching footage of the RFK news. The song peaked at No. 13, the duo’s only hit.
Remote Patrol
Baseball
Game 5 , ALCS
TBS 4 p.m.
Game 4, NLCS
FS1 8 p.m.
Donaldson and the Jays will attempt to do some more staving of elimination today
Or you can watch the third debate, but I’d rather just wait to see how SNL distills it down to 10 minutes in three nights. Did you know that the first pitch of Cubs games has been taking place at 7:08, that’s 19:08, Central time? Love that.
A Medium Happy 78th to Mary Ann herself, Dawn Wells
Starting Five
A Band-Aid would have technically been a foreign substance
The Bauer and the Gory*
*The judges will not accept ‘Let It Bleed’
Cleveland Indians pitcher Trevor Bauer, noted drone attack survivor, is forced to depart Game 3 of the ALCS in the first inning when his pinkie won’t stop bleeding. The Tribe won anyway, 4-2, to move within one game of their first Fall Classic since 1997.
I cannot wait to hear Trevor Bauer’s political views in 2028.
The Big 12 has ten members. The Big Ten has 14 members. Let’s begin there. When I was a child my dad could never explain to me how the Atlanta Braves were in the National League West or the Dallas Cowboys were in the NFC East. So that is where we begin: that two major conferences in college cannot even count. Think of the children, Bob Bowlsby (at least the SEC is geographically accurate).
Anyway, The Big 12, after months of what a certain feisty former female editor (whom I love) at Sports Illustrated would have called “finger banging” Rice and Houston and BYU, among others, the Big 12 has decided not to expand—for now. I would have invited Rutgers myself, just for the giggles and the easy W. Big 12 Expansion, your 2016 SI Sportsperson of the Year.
p.s. The above two paragraphs are ALL the professional energy I’ve ever devoted to this topic. I’ll never understand why my colleagues get so riled up about these kind of topics.
3. Knock, Knock, Knockin’ on Dylan’s Door
The Swedish Academy, the scholars who hand out the Nobel Peace Prize, say they have “given up” trying to reach Bob Dylan. Even though his whereabouts are fairly well-known. The troubador played a concert in Indio, Calif., last weekend and one in Las Vegas last night.
Guys, it hasn’t even been a week yet. How many times must an Academy reach out to Dylan, before they will hear back from him? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind…
4. Lady and the Trump*
*The judges will accept donations for this hed
Above, that’s cartoonist Tom Toles of the Washington Post. And this scary one below, in Rolling Stone, is courtesy of artist Victor Juhasz.
And then this, below, may be the most terrifying. As one friend shared, “Just this month this election has been hijacked by a Bone, a Bush and pu**y. What is happening here?”
Here’s who I think Jann Wenner will make sure gets in: Pearl Jam, Tupac Shakur, Joan Baez, Jane’s Addiction.
Here’s who I would put in (max. of four): Yes, ELO, The Cars, Pearl Jam.
I understand Tupac’s iconic importance. If hip-hop/rap is rock-and-roll (I’ll leave that decision up to someone else) then yeah, he’s in.
Music 101
People Are People
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErnMC7xokQ8
I always found I liked about 40% of any Depeche Mode song. They were definitely nowhere near my favorite New Wave band, but now they’ve been nominated for the R&R HoF and don’t you be surprised if they’re inducted. This song is a classic example of my 40% rule: I can’t stand the refrain (which actually leads off the song), or the verses, but I love the “Can’t understand what makes a man/Hate another man/Help me understand ...”. This 1984 song was their first hit single in the U.S. climbing to No. 13 on the charts.
Remote Patrol
Baseball Doubleheader
Indians at Blue Jays: Game 4, ALCS
TBS 4 p.m.
Cubs at Dodgers: Game 3, NLCS
FS1 8 p.m.
Andrew Miller: 9 postseason innings, a 0.00 ERA
I’m in Arizona this week. You want me to start watching October playoff baseball at 1 p.m.??? What do you think—okay. The Indians are 6-0 in October. The city of Cleveland has a 9-game win streak in postseason sports since falling behind 3-1 to the Warriors.
A Medium Happy 54th to Mike Judge. Who knew “Idiocracy” would get here so quickly?
Starting Five
Dallas at Green Bay: Dak’s Entertainment!
Here Comes Cowboys
After yesterday’s easy 30-16 win in Green Bay, Dallas is 5-1 with two spectacular rookies, quarterback Dak Prescott and running back Ezekiel Elliott, in the backfield. Elliott rushed for a career-high 157 yards against the Packers (who’d been allowing 42 rushing yards per game). The Ohio State stud has 703 yards after six games; only Eric Dickerson ever rushed for more in the first half-dozen games of his career (787).
Prescott, meanwhile, attempted 176 passes before throwing the first interception of his NFL career yesterday. That’s the most attempts before the first INT in NFL history.
Elliott left school a year early, or else he would have been playing down state in Madison the day before….
The Cowboys head into a bye week before visiting Philadelphia on Halloween Eve, but even if Tony Romo is healthy, the Cowboys (HOT TAKE ALERT!!!!) would be foolish to mess with this youthful synergy.
Circle (or Hi-Lite) December 1 on your calendar: Dallas at Minnesota on Thursday night.
2. “Bye Bye” Bye*
Notre Dame football in 2016: Ineffectual Brutality
*The judges note that Notre Dame’s offense did not look in sync on Saturday evening…
Notre Dame limps into its bye week 2-5 after going scoreless in the second half against a McCaffrey-free Stanford team and losing 17-10. For the fourth consecutive week, Stanford scored only one offensive touchdown, and that in the second half, and yet they are still 2-2 in that period.
For Notre Dame fans, the season has descended into ranking losses by degree of humiliation, frustration and hostility toward Brian Kelly. This Stanford outing, in which Kelly played “Do I Or Don’t I?” with his QBs throughout the second half, is No 1 for me.
The title here references what the Stanford strength coach said to Kelly as the teams walked off the field. Irish are off next Saturday (they can’t lose!) before hosting Miami on October 29.
3. Clay-mation
Nice way to rewrite the narrative, Clayton Kershaw. After closing out the Nats in Game 5 last week, the best starter in baseball’s regular season since Sandy Koufax blanks the Chicago Cubs, 1-0. Dodgers tie the NLCS, 1-1. Unbeatable trivia note: Only one other pitcher has ever blanked the Cubs 1-0 in a postseason game. His name was Babe Ruth (1918 World Series, which Ruth’s Boston Red Sox won)
4. Mosul
Mosul is located in northern Iraq
Oh, you wanted to talk issues instead of groping? Okay, this is Mosul, a city of 650,000 that is rich in oil reserves. ISIS has controlled it since 2014 and right now Iraqi and Kurdish forces are attempting to take it back. The U.S. is helping in a limited role. ISIS is reportedly using civilians as human shields. One Kurdish general said, “If I am killed in battle, I will die happy because I have done something for my people.”
5. Job Security: Kate McKinnon
The SNL debate openings aren’t exactly original, but they have been funny mostly because Alec Baldwin and Kate McKinnon are nailing their impressions. McKinnon is SNL’s reigning MVP and she’ll be it again this season.
As for the comedy writing, the formula is simple: 1) Take the most outrageous moments of the previous debate and 2) exaggerate them. It’s easy. It’s formulaic. It’s not very original. But it’s working because what’s happened in the first two debates has been so easy to parody.
Music 101
Before You Accuse Me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAjXfytr9rg
Going old school today. This song is better known by Eric Clapton’s cover of it, but the legendary Bo Diddley first recorded this hit in 1957. He released it as a “B-side” to “Hey Bossman.”
Remote Patrol
Game 3: Indians at Blue Jays
TBS 8 p.m.
A Tribe-Cubs series is looking increasingly possible. That would be I-80 incredible.
Jose Bautista has been paying attention to American politics, as he’s now claiming the ALCS is rigged and that the umps are on the Tribe’s side. Riiiiiiiiiight. Cleveland teams, meanwhile, have now won eight in a row since the Cavs trailed 3-1 in the NBA Finals last June.
A Medium Happy 89th to one of the better Bonds, Roger Moore…..
Starting Five
Anderson
Hands Kristin Anderson*
*The judges will also accept “Forced Trump”
The story of Kristin Anderson, who tells of being felt up by a stranger (Trump) at a New York City nightclub in the 1990s broke earlier today, but it’s not even the latest such story to break in the news. Are ALL of these women lying (answer: NO)?
2. The Hours
Kershaw gets the save. The last time he got a save, in a minor league game, it lasted 121 minutes. And current Dodger closer Kenley Jansen was the catcher
Gone With The Wind…….226 minutes
Lawrence of Arabia………. 227 minutes
Game 5, NLDS, Dodgers-Nats (9 innings)……..272 minutes.
3. A Message For Steve Bartman
The Cubs fans is a Domer, and a smart and successful one, so he already knows this. But on the 13th anniversary of Cub shortstop Alex Gonzalez making an error that led to a 6-run inning and Steve Bartman going on to be blamed for it, we just thought we’d run this reminder.
4. Anyone Have Lou Dobbs’ Phone Number?
FOX Business News anchor Lou Dobbs, who has cold sores older than most of Trump’s accusers, tweeted out the phone number and address of one of them yesterday. Then he quickly deleted the tweet and apologized. I mean….
5. Saint/Sinner
My old friend Richard O’Brien, one of the true good guys at SI (and the ultimate survivor), wrote a tremendous piece on the death of former New Orleans Saint Will Smith earlier this year.
Music 101
Saturday Night
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBn2ux5vRHk
Laugh all you want, but this song by one-hit wonders The Bay City Rollers was a monster hit in the mid-Seventies. It also gave you no excuse for not knowing how to spell a certain day of the week. This song actually hit No. 1 on the charts in the first week of our bicentennial year. Strangely enough, despite the title and despite topping the charts, BCR never had a chance to perform this on Saturday Night Live.
Remote Patrol
SATURDAY
No. 1 Alabama at No. 9 Tennessee
CBS 3:30 p.m.
Everybody: Hurts
No team has been more entertaining this season than the Vols, and who knows how much gas they have left in the tank after the past three weeks? The Tide have already been on the road in Oxford and Fayetteville, plus that season opener in Arlington. Tennessee came as close as anyone (besides Ole Miss, of course) to beating Bama last season as they made a national title run. You get a legit Top 10 matchup plus Uncle Verne and Gary. Enjoy!
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