by John Walters

Starting Five

The Bauer and the Gory*

*The judges will not accept ‘Let It Bleed’

Cleveland Indians pitcher Trevor Bauer, noted drone attack survivor, is forced to depart Game 3 of the ALCS in the first inning when his pinkie won’t stop bleeding. The Tribe won anyway, 4-2, to move within one game of their first Fall Classic since 1997.

I cannot wait to hear Trevor Bauer’s political views in 2028.

— Kyle (@KyleKoster) October 18, 2016

2. An Imperfect 10

The Big 12 has ten members. The Big Ten has 14 members. Let’s begin there. When I was a child my dad could never explain to me how the Atlanta Braves were in the National League West or the Dallas Cowboys were in the NFC East. So that is where we begin: that two major conferences in college cannot even count. Think of the children, Bob Bowlsby (at least the SEC is geographically accurate).

Anyway, The Big 12, after months of what a certain feisty former female editor (whom I love) at Sports Illustrated would have called “finger banging” Rice and Houston and BYU, among others, the Big 12 has decided not to expand—for now. I would have invited Rutgers myself, just for the giggles and the easy W. Big 12 Expansion, your 2016 SI Sportsperson of the Year.

p.s. The above two paragraphs are ALL the professional energy I’ve ever devoted to this topic. I’ll never understand why my colleagues get so riled up about these kind of topics.

3. Knock, Knock, Knockin’ on Dylan’s Door

The Swedish Academy, the scholars who hand out the Nobel Peace Prize, say they have “given up” trying to reach Bob Dylan. Even though his whereabouts are fairly well-known. The troubador played a concert in Indio, Calif., last weekend and one in Las Vegas last night.

Guys, it hasn’t even been a week yet. How many times must an Academy reach out to Dylan, before they will hear back from him? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind…

4. Lady and the Trump*

*The judges will accept donations for this hed

Above, that’s cartoonist Tom Toles of the Washington Post. And this scary one below, in Rolling Stone, is courtesy of artist Victor Juhasz.

And then this, below, may be the most terrifying. As one friend shared, “Just this month this election has been hijacked by a Bone, a Bush and pu**y. What is happening here?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jAPDac7A4ss

5. Yes? Yes!

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees for 2017 are in. Here’s the complete list.

Here’s who I think Jann Wenner will make sure gets in: Pearl Jam, Tupac Shakur, Joan Baez, Jane’s Addiction.

Here’s who I would put in (max. of four): Yes, ELO, The Cars, Pearl Jam.

I understand Tupac’s iconic importance. If hip-hop/rap is rock-and-roll (I’ll leave that decision up to someone else) then yeah, he’s in.

Music 101 

People Are People

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErnMC7xokQ8

I always found I liked about 40% of any Depeche Mode song. They were definitely nowhere near my favorite New Wave band, but now they’ve been nominated for the R&R HoF and don’t you be surprised if they’re inducted. This song is a classic example of my 40% rule: I can’t stand the refrain (which actually leads off the song), or the verses, but I love the “Can’t understand what makes a man/Hate another man/Help me understand ...”. This 1984 song was their first hit single in the U.S. climbing to No. 13 on the charts.

Remote Patrol

Baseball Doubleheader

Indians at Blue Jays: Game 4, ALCS

TBS 4 p.m.

Cubs at Dodgers: Game 3, NLCS

FS1 8 p.m.

I’m in Arizona this week. You want me to start watching October playoff baseball at 1 p.m.??? What do you think—okay. The Indians are 6-0 in October. The city of Cleveland has a 9-game win streak in postseason sports since falling behind 3-1 to the Warriors.