by John Walters

Starting Five

This is as close as two storied NFC franchises were willing to go for “Color Rush Thursday.” Good on them.

Making America’s Team Great Again

It wasn’t their prettiest victory—rookie Ezekiel Elliott ran for only 86 yards and the opponent was without its quarterback, its former MVP running back and its head coach (“Win One For the Zimmer!”)—but the Dallas Cowboys got it done on the road in Minnesota on a Thursday night, 17-15.

That’s three wins in the past 12 days for the How ‘Bout Them’s, and 11 in a row after a season-opening loss to to the New York Giants (whom they now have 9 days to prepare for in a rematch). Roger Staubach never led the Cowboys to 11 straight wins. Troy Aikman never led the Cowboys to 11 straight wins. And, oh yeah, Tony Romo never led the Cowboys to 11 straight wins. But rookie quarterback Dak Prescott has.

His name is Lucky and he wears “13.” And yes, if you’re paying attention, this is not from last night.

It’s been a magical season thus far, as Prescott and Elliott have played like seven-year vets, while that massive offensive line, wideout Dez Bryant and tight end Jason Witten have been themselves. But let’s face it: It all goes back to Lucky Whitehead. You’ve got to have a Lucky Whitehead. Without a Lucky Whitehead, Dallas is nowhere.

2. Troubles in Paradise

Maybe if LeBron wasn’t so busy dancing on football sidelines and receiving a commemorative watch or picking up his Sportsperson of the Year Award, he’d start membering her’s a pro basketball player (sometimes I just like to poke the Susie B. bear)

The Cavs and Warriors, who have the best records in their respective conferences, both lost last night. Don’t know the last time that’s happened.

The Cavs lost for a second straight time (at Bucks by 17, home to Clips by 19) by more than 16 points. I don’t know the last time that’s happened in the regular season to a LeBron James team.

Not what they meant by ‘get a leg up’ on the competition

No time to panic (that’s for you, Susie B.), but I’m with Sir Charles: I don’t like the way the new Warriors play (and I’m not even referring to Draymond Green’s karate kicks). Now Chuck became the second Alabamian this week to take a public swipe at women, saying, ““Maybe I’m old school but I’m never gonna like that little girly basketball where you have to outscore people,” but I do agree with his larger point.

I know Golden State has the league’s best record (16-3), but the ball movement as compared to last season is lacking. It’ the David Guetta with Sia “Titanium” offense: “Fire away, fire away!” It’s not a sustainable strategy.

3. From Jerry Orbach to Jerry Maguire, From Christian Borle to Christian Bale…

I spent a rather significant chunk of this week NOT opining about who should be in the College Football Playoff (it’ll figure itself out tonight and tomorrow) but instead finding and explaining all 250 or so pop culture references from Gilmore Girls, A Year In The Life. From obscure Finnish conductors (sort of redundant) to 19th-century cabinet makers (“That’s a Duncan Phyfe”). I do this all for you, America. Here’s the fourth and last installment, which has links near the top of the text to the preceding three installments.

Not in Richard’s chair, Luke

Here’s the lede for No. 4:

Eight best picture mentions. George and Rosemary Clooney. Tori and Candy Spelling. Nancy and Barbara—but not Frank—Sinatra. Emerson, Wharton and Longfellow (but not Emerson, Lake and Palmer). Aaron Sorkin and Michael Bay. Jerry Orbach and Jerry Maguire. Christian Borle and Christian Bale. The Jungle Book and “Welcome to the Jungle.” Gilmore Girls, A Year in the Life, covered as many miles of the pop culture trail as Cheryl Strayed did the Pacific Crest Trail.

What did we learn, other than that residents of a Brigadoon-like New England town can be uncommonly erudite while making poor life choices? We learned that almost any hurdle can be overcome if there’s coffee and you have access to Emily Gilmore’s checkbook. That you can survive an entire year, with frequent trips to London, off one “Talk of the Town” piece in The New Yorker. That there really is a circle of life, as Logan is destined to become Christopher, Jess is destined to become Luke, and Rory is destined to be her mom. “Welcome back, Rory,” they said. “I’m not back,” she protested. Yes you are.

4. The Tragedy of Joe McKnight

As you know, McKnight becomes the second ex-NFL star to be shot and killed in a road rage incident in New Orleans this year

It’s too early to expound on the details of the road-rage incident that claimed the life of former USC and New York Jet running back Joe McKnight in his home town of Terrytown, Louisiana. McKnight, 28, got into some sort of altercation with 54 year-old Ronald Gasser, who is white. McKnight was unarmed; Gasser was not.

Apparently, Gasser shot McKnight more than once, then witnesses say he stood over McKnight and said, “I told you, don’t you f___ with me!” before shooting him again. Gasser turned over his gun to cops who arrived at the scene. It seems inexplicable, but Gasser was released without being charged. There has to be more to this, no?

5. Fascist Forward

Dude, You Already Won

It had all the charm and decorum of a Nuremberg rally. Last night Donald Trump embarked on his “Thank You” tour (or, if you didn’t vote for him or are a fan of the First Amendment, his “F___ You” tour) in Cincinnati by reminding his followers, some of whom were wearing “Deplorable Lives Matter” T-shirts, that the media is “dishonest”and singling out the 18 year-old Somali who attacked students with a knife on Ohio State’s campus earlier this week (killing no one; someone or some people set fires in eastern Tennessee last weekend that have killed 11, but they’re probably not Muslim, so you know…).

Trump boasted about saving 1,000 jobs in Indiana, while failing to mention that it meant a $7 million tax break for a company that made $7.6 BILLION in revenue last year. “There is no global anthem, no global currency, no certificate of global citizenship,” Trump said. “We pledge allegiance to one flag and that flag is the American flag. From now on it’s going to be America first, okay?”

And then they all went off and burned down the Reichstag and blamed it on someone else?

You don’t want globalization? Cool. We’re all down with that. You ready to pay more for items, America? Or are you ready to work for less? Option No. 3: the corporate overlords who worry about nothing other than percent-growth-rate above last year’s corresponding earnings quarter have to reassess their priorities. Oh, that ain’t happening? Then go back to Nos. 1 or 2. Those are your options, America. But you get a red baseball cap with them. Enjoy. And remember to always blame your problems on somebody else, some mass of people beginning with an “M” (Media, Muslims) as opposed to looking in the mirror.

I can’t blame Donald. Leading Fascist rallies is something he’s good at; picking cabinet positions is boring, and you don’t hear the roar of the crowd. He’s kind of like the Springsteen of presidents. He NEEDS to feel that adulation.

Music 101

14th Street

Laura Cantrell grew up in Nashville, moved to New York City to attend Columbia University, and only then discovered that she loved country music. For years she lived a double life, working as “Vice President, Business Manager, Equity Research” at Bank of America, while also playing spots such as The Back Fence and beyond as a country music singer. She even opened for Elvis Costello on a tour in 2002.

This song was actually written by another artist, Emily Spray, but I think you’ll like the job Cantrell does with it.

Remote Patrol

Pac-12 Title Game

Colorado vs. Washington

FOX 9 p.m.

Elijah Qualls: 6’1, 321….

Use the 7 p.m. Ohio-Western Michigan MAC title game as your amuse bouche, then dig into this game from Santa Clara. Try to watch at a bar with a lot of Wolverines fans, and see how long they stick around. I like the Dubs tonight, BIG. Not B1G. B-I-G.

Also, tomorrow, UCLA and Lonzo Ball at Kentucky in hoops (CBS, 12:30 p.m). Should be fun.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Luke 2.0

More Gilmore?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Spoiler Alert: If you watched Gilmore Girls all the way through, you learned an important life lesson: It’s best not to screw up in life, but if you do, it’s a good idea to have wealthy parents (or grandparents). You got that, kids?

Anyway, so much to say on the revival (loved “These Boots…”, LOVED Stars Hollow: The Musical, hated the Steampunk Life and Death Brigade’s homage to Across The Universe, thought Kelly Bishop [Emily Gilmore]  smacked it way over the fence and deserves at the very least a Golden Globe and Emmy nomination, missed Krysten Ritter, didn’t at all miss Luke’s sister and brother-in-law, loved Michel), but here’s what I’ll posit:

Emily’s D.A.R. scene in Episode 4 was a thing of beauty. “Bullshit!”

Rory is not carrying a wee Wookie in her womb. The child is Logan’s. Possibly (probably?) conceived in New Hampshire. Logan is the new Christopher, which makes our lad above, Jess, the new Luke. Logan is only bad for her, Jess is only good for her. Does this sound familiar? Also, did you notice how the camera turned from Rory to Christopher in his big office all alone in that final shot? He saw what he gave up, and for what?

Logan will be able to pay for the child’s needs, but he will not be part of its life (he may even do all that he can to keep it secret). Jess will be able to publish Rory’s book (I know a little something about self-published books in Connecticut taking off and being successful; Jess, pound the pavement, babe!).

Since being editor-in-chief of the Yale Daily News, Strong, 5’2″, has appeared in Mad Men and co-created Empire. Not coming up short.

This won’t be our last Gilmore Girls item; far from it. Curious footnote: Danny Strong, who plays Doyle, Paris’ estranged husband, lampoons himself somewhat in the revival. He’s playing “a sellout” Hollywood screenwriter who plays snooker with Michael Bay. In real life he’s one of the two co-creators of ABC’s Empire. Not bad, kid. Not bad.

2. Carrier Pigeons

It’s good that Donald Trump negotiated a deal to save 1,000 jobs at Carrier in Indiana. Of course, Carrier is going to save whatever money it is losing by not going global with tax breaks from both the federal and state (remember who the governor of Indiana is?) government. I think we can all agree that it’s better to have people work than to be on the dole, but what happened here is basically the government decided to subsidize 1,000 jobs, not that Carrier decided it was better business to keep 1,000 jobs here.

Two more items, both very important: 1) As current White House spokesman Josh Earnest said yesterday, “All president-elect Trump needs is to do this 804 more times and he’ll equal the number of manufacturing jobs saved during President Obama’s presidency.” So, even if he has eight years, he’d need to do the equivalent of this deal once every four days.

Pence cashe in some of his political capital on this Carrier deal. It’s a cortisone shot: feels better, but doesn’t cure the actual ailment.

2) And this is the more Trump-ian aspect of the deal: Carrier’s parent company, United Semiconductor, has existing contracts with the federal government that account for up to 10% of its revenue. So Donald, I’m assuming, may have just made Carrier an offer it couldn’t refuse. Hey, that’s just smart leverage on Donald’s part. On the other hand, this is a “give a man a fish” strategy as opposed to a “teach a man to fish” strategy.

As long as Americans insist on belonging to unions and demanding health care and other benefits, and as long as major companies operate with both eyes on their quarterly earnings reports, globalization is going to be a reality. And jobs will flow out of the country, no matter who’s president.

3. Plane In Vain

This shouldn’t happen in the 21st century. The charter flight that went down in Colombia just a few miles short of the runway in Medellin, killing at least 71 people, including most members of a Brazilian soccer team, apparently ran out of fuel. It’s one thing to run out of gas when you’re driving your KIA Sorrento out on I-275, but it’s another when there are dozens of people aboard a plane and gravity is in play.

Tragic story. The Brazilian soccer team, Chapecoense, was enroute to play the first leg of a home-and-home in the Copa Sudamericana against Medellin’s Atletico Nacional. Six people survived the crash because the plane did not explode on impact, which is likely because there was no fuel left to burn. This story on 41 year-old keeper Nivaldo, who’s been with the club more than a decade and was not on the flight, is worth reading.

4. “Oh, Mr. Graaaant Tinker

Tinker was not a meddler. He identified the talented people, then got out of the way. Good style, that.

One of the legends behind the scenes of network television (along with Garry Marshall, Norman Lear and Aaron Spelling) passed earlier this week. Grant Tinker, the NBC network exec behind The Mary Tyler Moore Show (he was married to her for 20 years), as well as Hill Street Blues, Taxi, The Cosby Show, Miami Vice and Cheers, died at the age of 90. Of those network era lions, only Lear, who created All In The Family (my pop’s favorite show and one of mine), survives.

Highly recommend this read. Go down to the part where the author invites everyone over to his house to watch TV as long as they tune theirs to Cheers. Tinker started out as an ad man, and he was basically a more polished Don Draper in the Sixties (he worked on The Dick Van Dyke Show, where he met and wooed a young MTM) without the clandestine back story.

5. Hot Karl

Towns: Just turned 21

It was still only November, practically preseason in the NBA (even though, don’t look now, but teams are more than 20% through their schedule), but we’ve had some stunning performance already (perhaps because it still feels like preseason). Last night Minnesota Timberwolves 2nd-year man Karl-Anthony Towns scored 47 points and grabbed 18 rebounds in a 106-104 loss to the Knicks.

If the T-Wolves can just keep that nucleus (Towns, Wiggins, LaVine) and if Ricky Rubio ever learns to shoot, this team could be dangerous. They’re like the 2011 OKC Thunder, but not quite as talented. Oh, by the way, they’re currently 5-13. Why’d they get rid of Sam Mitchell again?

Reserves

When Sportswriters Attack*

*The judges will also accept, “Heather Dinich Walks Into a Bar…”

I’ve never met Cecil Hurt of the Tuscaloosa News in person—we may have shared a press box long before I knew of him—but he is one of my favorite follows on Twitter. Perhaps my very favorite (I write that simply to make Jamie Reidy jealous).

Now yesterday, ESPN’s Heather Dinich appeared on an ESPN studio show (SportsCenter, was it? Pardon The Intervention?) opposite Paul Finebaum. Dinich is to the College Football Playoff committee what Richard Engel is to Lebanon: she’s the embedded reporter. And here she is probably asked by the segment producer to make the counter-argument to “PAWL!” as regarding the Crimson Tide. And we know which way PAWL! is going to lean, so she has to be the contrarian. Dinich reminds everyone…

“Their best win is against USC…when you look at their resume, who did they beat?” @CFBHeather on Alabama https://t.co/hSO2vgJv1w

— Paul Finebaum (@finebaum) November 30, 2016

That, for those of you laymen in the audience, is what we professionals refer to as a “hot take.” Well, I don’t know if Cecil was watching this live, or what, but then he tweeted…

You could walk into any sports bar in America and find someone more qualified than Heather Dinich https://t.co/kosSTrLU7l

— Cecil Hurt (@CecilHurt) November 30, 2016

As someone who’s sent out a few tweets I regret (Only last night I tweeted that the Pac-12 has zero black head football coaches, forgetting David Shaw, although let’s face it, David Shaw is whiter than Sonny Dykes, amirite?), I’m imagining Cecil wishes he had this one back. I respect him for not deleting it. And I don’t know Ms. Dinich, but I’m sure she’d be able to explain head-to-head versus best win better than that scraggly haired guy who’s always occupying the final stool at the Dublin House.

Alabama did not allow a single touchdown in November. Not one. The Tide are the best team in the nation, and there should be very little argument about that. Doesn’t mean they can’t be beaten on New Year’s Eve or in January, but to me it means there’s only so much that stats and advanced stats reveal. I DO trust my eyes. I DO trust my gut.

Meanwhile, I like Cecil a lot. That opinion was harsh and a lot of our colleagues came down hard on him on the Twitter because of it. He thinks she’s overrated (her best win is against USC?). To Heather’s credit, she chose not to get into a Twitter catfight (much to the chagrin of The Big Lead and other blogs).

But here’s the thing: At what point do you tell the producer of your TV show that you don’t want to have to make arguments that you don’t actually believe, that you’d rather have your integrity than be Skip Bayless? I dunno.

Music 101

Maybe We Should Fall In Love

The Springsteen of the Southwest, Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers consistently put out solid records and their live shows are purely evangelical. The 48 year-old from Tempe, Arizona, is a regular husband and dad who just happens to regularly go on tour and glug tequila shots from adoring patrons who pass them up to the stage. Good guy, good music.

Remote Patrol

Cowboys at Vikings

NBC 8 p.m.

Jason Witten: Now in his 14th season with the Cowboys. Only one TE in NFL history, Tony Gonzalez, has more receptions than his 1,072

I’m so not a fan of the NFL on Thursdays, but Dallas is the NFL’s best team this season, winners of 10 in a row. The Vikes, at 6-5, are having a surprisingly good season minus Teddy Bridgewater under center. This should be a good one. It would be an even better one if they were playing outdoors, truly outdoors.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Oops

1. NBA Twilight Zone

What was in the NBA water last night? The Cavs, Spurs and Clippers, who entered the night with three of the league’s four best records, each lost to a team that entered the evening with a sub-.500 mark. The Clips lost to Brooklyn by five in OT, the Spurs fell at home to Orlando (no, really) and the Cavs lost by 17 at Milwaukee.

At least we were treated to the signature play of J.R. Smith‘s career, as while he was supposed to be guarding Tony Snell, he recognized Jason Terry (whom he once elbowed flagrantly in a playoff game) seated on the Bucks bench, was probably shocked to learn he was still in the league, and then went over to greet him (so they’ve made up). Ball gets inbounded to J.R.’s open man, who dunks uncontested. How can you not laugh, even if you’re LeBron?

2. “Working on Building/Working on Building/STARS HOLLOW!”

Christian Borle and Sutton Foster. They were actually married outside Miss Patty’s stage.

Olay, sure, Taylor Doose teases Stars Hollow: The Musical early in Episode 3 of the Gilmore Girls revival, but did you really think they were gonna go for it for TEN MINUTES? And then the Palladinos go ahead and hire Christian Borle (currently playing Shakespeare as a rock star in Something Rotten on Broadway) and Sutton Foster to play the leads (“She was Kinky Boots!”). And what about your director, Nat?

Nat: Minimalist director

Anyway, it’s nowhere on YouTube, so you’ll just have to go to Netflix and see it for yourself. Note: Borle and Foster used to be married and were HUGE Gilmore Girls fans. They’d watch it together. They were married about eight years but remained friends after. Then Foster got the lead in Bunheads, a show that the Paladins produce, so she was a natural for the role of Violet here. She actually suggested Borle, a two-time Tony Award winner, to play Carl. And now you know the rest of the story.”

3. Ore-Gone

The Ducks never allowed fewer than 26 points in a game this year, even surrendering 28 at home to UC-Davis

The Ducks fired coach Mark Helfrich after four seasons. In his first two years in Eugene, the Coos Bay native went 24-4 and led Oregon to the national championship game. In the last two years the Ducks were 9-4 and 4-8 and this season were particularly awful on defense, finishing 125th nationally (out of 128 teams) in Scoring Defense, surrendering 41.4 points per game.

Coos Bay native and secular saint Steve Prefontaine would not be pleased

Still, isn’t it anathema at Oregon to fire someone from Coos Bay? Steve Prefontaine is from Coos Bay. Where would Phil Knight and Nike be without Pre (I mean, sure, he’d still be a monster success, but Pre is sort of Knight’s Moses), and where would Oregon be without Knight? I get it: the talent level had declined and Oregon couldn’t stop anyone.

So who’s next in Eugene? Memo to Chip Kelly, currently coaching the San Francisco  1-9’ers (UPDATED: 1-10’ers; I just wanted you to see the joke): Get back. Get back. Get back to where you once belonged.

4. Blue Bloods

Lonzo is a Ball-er. Bruins will be 8-0 when they visit No. 1 Kentucky on Saturday

You checked out the early men’s hoops rankings? Of the eight schools that have won at least three national championships, seven are ranked int the top 14. Kentucky (8) is No. 1, North Carolina (5) is No. 3, Kansas (3) is No. 4, Duke (5) is No. 5, UCLA (11) is No. 11, Indiana (5) is No. 14 and Louisville (3) is No. 14.

The only slacker among the eight schools with three or more cut-down-nets is UConn. The Huskies are struggling at 2-4.

The only school in the Top 5 without three national titles is No. 2 Villanova, which is both the defending national champ and the only school from a non-Power 5 conference to cut down the nets (twice, in fact: 2016 and 1985) since 1985 (UPDATE: I forgot UNLV, 1990; apologies to the Runnin’ Rebels and my old friend Paul Gutierrez).

Oh, and I’d be remiss not to mention that the school that has ended the longest winning streak in men’s college hoops history, Notre Dame, is 7-0 after taking Iowa down by 14 last night (and its women’s team is No. 1 with a date against UConn, winners of 79 in a row, a week from tonight).

I guess the lesson here is that in sports, as in America, it’s a lot more of an oligarchy than people would like to believe.

5.  “We’re Going To Dine at Jean Georges—and Mexico’s Going To Pay For It!”

Can’t we just have a taco bowl and stay in?

That’s president-elect Donald Trump and potential Secretary of State Mitt Romney dining in New York City last night. They went to Jean Georges, a three-star Michelin Guid joint located above Columbus Circle. Official reports have the three men (they were joined by Reince Priebus as the designated “Why-don’t-we-change-the-subject?” guy) ordering  “a young garlic soup with thyme and sautéed frog legs, and diver scallops with caramelized cauliflower and caper-raisin emulsion as appetizers.

“Priebus and Trump ordered a prime sirloin with citrus glazed carrots for their main course and Romney ordered lamb chops with a mushroom bolognese sauce. All three of the men had a chocolate cake for dessert.

Remember when conservative pundits killed Obama for ordering mustard with his cheeseburger (Laura Ingraham: “Do these men not have anything better to do?”)? Where are they this morning?

For once, I’m with Mike Pence. Spend about one-tenth the money and enjoy an appetizer sampler and then the burger at TGI Friday’s next time, guys.

Music 101 

So Quiet In Here

What the Beach Boys are to summer, Van Morrison is to autumn. He just fits this time of year. As you look outside at 4:50 p.m. and see darkness, your best bet is some mulled wine (I had some this weekend. Who knew!?! So good!) and Van the Man. This is from his 1990 album Enlightenment, which is highly under appreciated.

Remote Patrol

Doubleheader

No. 15 Purdue at No. 14 Louisville

No. 3 North Carolina at No. 13 Indiana

ESPN 7 p.m.

Honestly can’t name a single player on any of these squads. Does Grayson Allen play for one of these schools? No? Okay. Well, I guess this is roll call. Maybe I’ll know a name or two after tonight (Who am I kidding? I’m going to re-watch Gilmore Girls; you do what you like).

by John Walters

Starting Five

Fire On The Mountain

There’s a 500-acre wildfire blazing in eastern Tennessee, near the North Carolina border, in the Great Smoky Mountains. Dollywood is under some threat. It doesn’t help that the southeast is experiencing its worst drought in a more than a decade.

Officials suspect arson, in case you were wondering if we had a candidate for our new daily item, “What The Hell Is Wrong With People?”

2. What The Hell Is Wrong With People?

Okay, so there’s more than one nominee today. An 18 year-old freshman at Ohio State drove his vehicle into a crowd, got out, and then began stabbing people. A Somali immigrant who posted on Facebook that he was “sick and tired” of seeing fellow Muslims “killed and tortured,” the student stabbed 11 people, none fatally, before a campus cop shot him dead.

I have no idea nor do I care, as the cable and network news stations like to report, “if this was terror.” It’s a meaningless construct. Also, I have no idea how this will affect the right-to-knife movement.

3. Twitter: A Weapon of Mass Distraction

This was Donald’s most recent tweet this morning…

Nobody should be allowed to burn the American flag – if they do, there must be consequences – perhaps loss of citizenship or year in jail!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 29, 2016

I don’t doubt he believes this. I also don’t doubt that he fails to understand the First Amendment. I think a better, fictitious American president, Andrew Shepherd, explained why Donald is wrong on this one (1:35). This was Aaron Sorkin’s first attack, 20 years ago, on Trump, even though at the time he had no idea which vile politician Bob Rumson actually was going to represent (turned out it was Cheney and Trump).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCliHGQy8-w

More importantly, from what is the Wizard of Trump Tower trying to distract us? From yet another divisive cabinet selection? And when that tweet inspires an uptick of flag burners, Trump will call them “losers” and create an even more divisive country. Well done.

4. Pahranagat Falls

Spring Mountain, after losing last year’s state championship game to Pahranagat

It happened more than a week ago, but the longest win streak in high school football history came to an end in Las Vegas, Nevada. Pahranagat Valley High School, which plays eight-man football, lost to its rival, Spring Mountain, 68-46, in the I-A state championship game. Spring Mountain only led 40-38 entering the final quarter, then broke away for the win.

What makes this rivalry so interesting, as I wrote about last year, is how different both schools are. Pahranagat is a closely knit, isolated Mormon town going back generations. The kids start playing football together in second grade and they run the same system all the way up through high school.

Spring Mountain is equally isolated, but for a different reason: it’s a juvenile detention facility located in the mountains northwest of Las Vegas. Most of the players are only there for one school year and many of them come from broken homes.

Pahranagat is exclusively white. Spring Mountain is almost entirely minorities.

Side note: One week earlier Division III Mount Union’s 112-game regular season win streak was also snapped, by John Carroll University. Mount Union has made it to the D-3 quarterfinals, though, and it faces Alfred (a school, not a butler) this Saturday.

5. No Ordinary Joe (etc).

This, by the way, is the only home uniform the Browns should ever wear

Two prodigious NFL streaks to make note of before we get any further into this week:

1. Cleveland Browns tackle Joe Thomas, a first round pick in 2007, recently played his 10,000th consecutive snap. The former Wisconsin Badger has never missed a snap in his career. What makes this Gehrig-ian feat somewhat tragic is that in nearly 10 seasons, Thomas has never taken a single snap in a playoff game. The Browns, currently 0-12, are 47-109 in his career. Their only winning season came in his rookie year, when they finished 10-6 but missed out on the playoffs due to a tiebreaker (the 10-6 Titans got the last spot). Thomas has lined up with 18 different Browns starting quarterbacks behind him.
   

   Tucker, a former undrafted free agent, played at the University of Texas

2. Kicker Justin “Updog” Tucker of the Baltimore Ravens hit four field goals on Sunday, including three from beyond 50 yards in the first half (the first NFL player to ever do that). Tucker has now connected on 34 consecutive field goals (the league record is 44, by Adam Vinatieri) and has yet to miss a PAT or field goal this season. In the strike shortened 1982 season, Washington Redskins kicker Mark Moseley became the only NFL special teams player to be named league MVP. Moseley made 21 of 22 field goals, at the time a league record for successful percentage.

Music 101

When Will I Be Loved

In 1975 Linda Ronstadt covered this Everly Brothers song, originally released in 1960, and turned it into a No. 2 hit. The only thing keeping it from reaching No. 1 was The Captain & Tenille’s monster hit “Love Will Keep Us Together” (it didn’t). This tune belongs on any compilation hit of 1970s signature tunes or at least on the soundtrack of a Paul Thomas Anderson film.

Remote Patrol

Gilmore Girls

NetFlix

Spoiler alerts aplenty, as I have finished this four-part series: Considering the names of the four episodes, why didn’t Carole King get up and bang out, “Winter, spring, summer or fall/All you got to do is call….” (she wrote it; James Taylor only covered it)? The letter that Emily referred to in that therapy session that was purportedly received on her birthday…they never came back to that. Was that a reference to an old episode that I forgot? How did Rory buzz in and out of London as if she were simply heading to New London, and where was she getting the money to live that entire year (she never had a paying job)? How great were Emily, Paris, Kirk and Michel throughout, and when did Bootsy get so many lines? Why did they give Luke a toupee? Was Mitchell Huntzberger right all along (“You don’t got it”)? You think Jess has been lifting? If you never again see the Life and Death Brigade, do you agree that it will be too soon? Also, finally, I counted the pop culture references: at least 250 in the four episodes.

by John Walters

Starting Five

Castro is dead at 90

1. Castro Es Muerto

Stepping all over Florence Henderson’s moment in the sun, Cuban dictator Fidel Castro died on Saturday. He was 90. The former guerrilla leader took power on January 8, 1959 (just days after Michael and Fredo Corleone had fled on a plane to Miami) and ruled the island of 11 million with an iron fist as it languished economically via communist policies.

2. Grey Cup Runneth Over

Calgary and Ottawa went into overtime at the 104th Grey Cup, but the Redblacks prevailed when 41 year-old quarterback Henry Burris (Temple grad) hit Ernest Jackson (Buffalo grad) on a post route for an 18-yard TD. Jackson bobbled it three times before securing the ball just as he crossed the goal line. For Ottawa, who finished the regular season 8-9-1 (Calgary was a league best 15-2), it was their first championship since 1976.

Burris completed 35 of 46 passes for 461 yards in the 39-3 win, even though he injured his knee in warmups and it was uncertain if he’d play. The trainer gave him a shot in the locker room just before kickoff to numb the pain. “They gave me some happy pills,” said Burris, a 17-year CFL veteran.

One big difference between the Grey Cup, which had 33,000-plus fans, and the Super Bowl. At game’s end they name a Top Canadian (Ottawa tight end Brad Sinopoli).

3. Raiders of The Lost Art (of Winning)*

Mack (rhymes with “tackle for loss”) had his first career pick-six on Sunday against Cam Newton

*The judges are cool with “Del Rio Grande”

With Sunday’s 35-32 defeat of the Carolina Panthers, the Silver & Black are 9-2. They’ve clinched their first winning record since 2002 (the year they lost in the Super Bowl to the Bucs) and became the second team this season (besides the Falcons) to defeat both Super Bowl teams from last February.

For years the Oakland Raiders bragged about “Commitment to Excellence” and that no other franchise had as good an all-time won-loss record. And that was true. But now they’re not even Top 10. It’s been a humbling 15 years, but with emerging stars such as QB Derek Carr and LB Khalil Mack, the team that wears the same uniform and plays in the same stadium as it did in its Seventies glory years looks as if it’s headed for a renaissance.

4. Wee Hour Tweeps

USC’s Adoree Jackson owned the Irish with a punt return, screen pass and kickoff return, all of which went for TDs and were longer than 50 yards

Donald Trump, who became famous for 3:30 a.m. tweets, has company: embattled Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly. After the Irish lost 45-27 at USC to end their sour season at 4-8, Yahoo! writer Pat Forde filed a story reporting that Kelly’s representatives were looking into other options. This after Kelly had definitively declared in the post-game presser that he’d return next season.

Statement from @NDFootball coach Brian Kelly… pic.twitter.com/NuPHmNlTyr

— Michael Bertsch (@NDsidBertschy) November 27, 2016

I

If you’re keeping score at home, both Kelly and Trump tweet around 3:30 a.m. Kelly just finished a week in which all of Notre Dame’s 2012 and 2013 wins (21 in all) were vacated, while Trump is now slightly concerned about a bigger win being vacated.

5. “Bitterly Disappointed”

Friday’s and Saturday’s rivalry games were mostly anti-climactic, or just blowouts, save for one: Michigan at Ohio State, which went into overtime. With the Wolverines up 27-24 in the second overtime, the Buckeyes’ Curtis Samuel escaped a 10-yard loss (that would have put the ball on the 30 on 4th down, putting Urban Meyer in a pickle: try a 47-yard FG with a shaky kicker or go for it on 4th-and-15?) with some nifty reversal of field running to set up a 4th-and-1. On that play QB J.T. Barrett, barely, and I mean BARELY, pushed the ball to the 15-yard line for a first down (he landed at the 16). Like by the length of the pleat of a khaki.

On the next play Samuel ran around left tackle, the Wolverines over pursued, and he went in untouched for the win, the victory, and a highly likely playoff berth (with the added benefit of Ohio State NOT having to play this Saturday in Indianapolis).

It was a lot closer than that, Jim.

The scantest of distances, inches really, and in overtime, separated a probable Michigan berth in the playoff from one for Ohio State. Jim Harbaugh complained in the post-game presser, repeatedly, that he was “bitterly disappointed” in the officiating (UM was flagged seven times; Ohio State, two) but that fourth down was too close to blame on the refs. Besides, Michigan returns to Ann Arbor cognizant that it went 1-2 in games outside the state of Michigan, its lone win being at Rutgers.

p.s. This was the most watched television game of the season, with nearly 13 million viewers, and it kicked off at noon.

Meanwhile, as Penn State waxed Michigan State 38-12, some fun angst is set up. The Nittany Lions, if they beat Wisconsin in the B1G, would be conference champs and own the head-to-head versus Ohio State. Those two factors purportedly matter to the SelCom. But unless U-Dub or Clemson lose, Penn State, with two losses to Ohio State’s one, will almost certainly be on the outside looking in. Then again, playing in the Rose Bowl is a decent consolation prize.

Reserves

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdOJrHxjU0o

Music 101

Bad Company

Like the band Talk Talk, whose hit single and debut album were also named “Talk Talk,” mid-Seventies British rockers Bad Company put a song on their eponymous debut album that was also eponymous. That’s Paul Rodgers, who also had a decent solo career in the early Eighties, with the searing vocals. Bad Company was managed by Led Zeppelin’s legendary manager, Peter Grant. The song never charted in the USA, though it is a staple of FM radio stations and can be found on juke boxes of reputable domestic dive bars. Also, if you pay close attention, the song uses the same progression as Joni Mitchell’s “Woodstock.”

Remote Patrol

Gilmore Girls 

NetFlix

Rory and Lorelai have just been told Luke’s only serves decaf

Emily Gilmore dropping a Llewyn Davis reference. Hep Alien covering Joe Jackson’s “I’m The Man.” Kirk dressed as Eraserhead. Luke giving out bogus WiFi passwords.  A town meeting in which it is pointed out that two episodes does not constitute an arc. It’s too good! I’m only two episodes through the four reunion episodes, but the Palladinos are showing no rust. If you were ever a fan, you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how seamless this reunion is nine years after they shipped Rory off on a bus to cover the 2008 election.