by John Walters

Starting Five

Making America’s Team Great Again

It wasn’t their prettiest victory—rookie Ezekiel Elliott ran for only 86 yards and the opponent was without its quarterback, its former MVP running back and its head coach (“Win One For the Zimmer!”)—but the Dallas Cowboys got it done on the road in Minnesota on a Thursday night, 17-15.

That’s three wins in the past 12 days for the How ‘Bout Them’s, and 11 in a row after a season-opening loss to to the New York Giants (whom they now have 9 days to prepare for in a rematch). Roger Staubach never led the Cowboys to 11 straight wins. Troy Aikman never led the Cowboys to 11 straight wins. And, oh yeah, Tony Romo never led the Cowboys to 11 straight wins. But rookie quarterback Dak Prescott has.

It’s been a magical season thus far, as Prescott and Elliott have played like seven-year vets, while that massive offensive line, wideout Dez Bryant and tight end Jason Witten have been themselves. But let’s face it: It all goes back to Lucky Whitehead. You’ve got to have a Lucky Whitehead. Without a Lucky Whitehead, Dallas is nowhere.

2. Troubles in Paradise

The Cavs and Warriors, who have the best records in their respective conferences, both lost last night. Don’t know the last time that’s happened.

The Cavs lost for a second straight time (at Bucks by 17, home to Clips by 19) by more than 16 points. I don’t know the last time that’s happened in the regular season to a LeBron James team.

No time to panic (that’s for you, Susie B.), but I’m with Sir Charles: I don’t like the way the new Warriors play (and I’m not even referring to Draymond Green’s karate kicks). Now Chuck became the second Alabamian this week to take a public swipe at women, saying, ““Maybe I’m old school but I’m never gonna like that little girly basketball where you have to outscore people,” but I do agree with his larger point.

I know Golden State has the league’s best record (16-3), but the ball movement as compared to last season is lacking. It’ the David Guetta with Sia “Titanium” offense: “Fire away, fire away!” It’s not a sustainable strategy.

3. From Jerry Orbach to Jerry Maguire, From Christian Borle to Christian Bale…

I spent a rather significant chunk of this week NOT opining about who should be in the College Football Playoff (it’ll figure itself out tonight and tomorrow) but instead finding and explaining all 250 or so pop culture references from Gilmore Girls, A Year In The Life. From obscure Finnish conductors (sort of redundant) to 19th-century cabinet makers (“That’s a Duncan Phyfe”). I do this all for you, America. Here’s the fourth and last installment, which has links near the top of the text to the preceding three installments.

Here’s the lede for No. 4:

Eight best picture mentions. George and Rosemary Clooney. Tori and Candy Spelling. Nancy and Barbara—but not Frank—Sinatra. Emerson, Wharton and Longfellow (but not Emerson, Lake and Palmer). Aaron Sorkin and Michael Bay. Jerry Orbach and Jerry Maguire. Christian Borle and Christian Bale. The Jungle Book and “Welcome to the Jungle.” Gilmore Girls, A Year in the Life, covered as many miles of the pop culture trail as Cheryl Strayed did the Pacific Crest Trail.

What did we learn, other than that residents of a Brigadoon-like New England town can be uncommonly erudite while making poor life choices? We learned that almost any hurdle can be overcome if there’s coffee and you have access to Emily Gilmore’s checkbook. That you can survive an entire year, with frequent trips to London, off one “Talk of the Town” piece in The New Yorker. That there really is a circle of life, as Logan is destined to become Christopher, Jess is destined to become Luke, and Rory is destined to be her mom. “Welcome back, Rory,” they said. “I’m not back,” she protested. Yes you are.

4. The Tragedy of Joe McKnight

It’s too early to expound on the details of the road-rage incident that claimed the life of former USC and New York Jet running back Joe McKnight in his home town of Terrytown, Louisiana. McKnight, 28, got into some sort of altercation with 54 year-old Ronald Gasser, who is white. McKnight was unarmed; Gasser was not.

Apparently, Gasser shot McKnight more than once, then witnesses say he stood over McKnight and said, “I told you, don’t you f___ with me!” before shooting him again. Gasser turned over his gun to cops who arrived at the scene. It seems inexplicable, but Gasser was released without being charged. There has to be more to this, no?

5. Fascist Forward

It had all the charm and decorum of a Nuremberg rally. Last night Donald Trump embarked on his “Thank You” tour (or, if you didn’t vote for him or are a fan of the First Amendment, his “F___ You” tour) in Cincinnati by reminding his followers, some of whom were wearing “Deplorable Lives Matter” T-shirts, that the media is “dishonest”and singling out the 18 year-old Somali who attacked students with a knife on Ohio State’s campus earlier this week (killing no one; someone or some people set fires in eastern Tennessee last weekend that have killed 11, but they’re probably not Muslim, so you know…).

Trump boasted about saving 1,000 jobs in Indiana, while failing to mention that it meant a $7 million tax break for a company that made $7.6 BILLION in revenue last year. “There is no global anthem, no global currency, no certificate of global citizenship,” Trump said. “We pledge allegiance to one flag and that flag is the American flag. From now on it’s going to be America first, okay?”

And then they all went off and burned down the Reichstag and blamed it on someone else?

You don’t want globalization? Cool. We’re all down with that. You ready to pay more for items, America? Or are you ready to work for less? Option No. 3: the corporate overlords who worry about nothing other than percent-growth-rate above last year’s corresponding earnings quarter have to reassess their priorities. Oh, that ain’t happening? Then go back to Nos. 1 or 2. Those are your options, America. But you get a red baseball cap with them. Enjoy. And remember to always blame your problems on somebody else, some mass of people beginning with an “M” (Media, Muslims) as opposed to looking in the mirror.

I can’t blame Donald. Leading Fascist rallies is something he’s good at; picking cabinet positions is boring, and you don’t hear the roar of the crowd. He’s kind of like the Springsteen of presidents. He NEEDS to feel that adulation.

Music 101

14th Street

Laura Cantrell grew up in Nashville, moved to New York City to attend Columbia University, and only then discovered that she loved country music. For years she lived a double life, working as “Vice President, Business Manager, Equity Research” at Bank of America, while also playing spots such as The Back Fence and beyond as a country music singer. She even opened for Elvis Costello on a tour in 2002.

This song was actually written by another artist, Emily Spray, but I think you’ll like the job Cantrell does with it.

Remote Patrol

Pac-12 Title Game

Colorado vs. Washington

FOX 9 p.m.

Use the 7 p.m. Ohio-Western Michigan MAC title game as your amuse bouche, then dig into this game from Santa Clara. Try to watch at a bar with a lot of Wolverines fans, and see how long they stick around. I like the Dubs tonight, BIG. Not B1G. B-I-G.

Also, tomorrow, UCLA and Lonzo Ball at Kentucky in hoops (CBS, 12:30 p.m). Should be fun.