by John Walters

Haaland Days

Remember last August or September when we told you to look out for Manchester City rookie Erling Haaland, a Norse God of soccer (we don’t deserve credit for this; our former student SportsBrain does)? Well, last week, in a Champions League match versus RB Leipzig, the 22 year-old Haaland scored five goals—FIVE! And all in the first 57 minutes of play.

Only two other players, Lionel Messi being one of them, have ever done that. Again, Haaland is just 22

Haaland has already scored 30 goals in Premier League play and he is way ahead of the pace to break the single-season scoring record. He should be garnering so much more attention than he already has.

Gul

A year or so ago my college buddy and unofficial mentor Andre asked me if I had ever heard of the comedian Gary Gulman. I had not. Andre told me he was a big fan, so I decided to check him out. Gulman is a 6’6″ Jewish man from Boston (Gulman, Bill Burr, Louis C.K., all from Boston) who actually attended Boston College on a football scholarship (he only played his freshman year).

Some comics just have “it.” Gul does observational humor, never works blue, possesses a gift for verbiage, and demonstrates just the right amount of curiosity and skepticism. He knows how to craft a set. This, on state abbreviations, is one of his best. It won’t surprise you to discover that Gulman used to be a substitute teacher and would often craft lessons as bits. You could see this originating this way.

Zombie Apocalypse

A week or two ago I was driving along, listening to Tom Petty Radio on XM (as per usual). They were playing “Buried Treasure,” a show on the channel that Petty himself used to host where he played personal favorites. Petty played a song I’d never heard, “A Rose For Emily,” by the late Sixties British group The Zombies.

The tune stuck in my head, and so I commenced a deep dive…the song is off the album Odessey and Oracle (the first term unintentionally misspelled) and if it sounds like an outtake from Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, that’s more than coincidence. The Zombies moved into Abbey Road Studios shortly after the Beatles had completed recording their classic album there. Not only were they influenced by it, but—strapped for cash and running out of studio time—they even used some instruments that the Liverpudlians had left behind in the studio.

Here’s where the story takes an even more intriguing turn: One song was included as an afterthought on the album, “Time Of The Season,” which lead singer Colin Blunstone did not even want to sing. The song was not one of the two singles the band released off the album. By late December of ’67, the album had received diffident reviews, there was little appetite on either side (fans or artist) for a tour, and the Zombies…broke up!

It was 1967/1968 and the airwaves were replete with some of the greatest bands and music of the rock era. Even a dude like David Bowie could barely afford a sandwich. The Zombies were toast.

Then, more than a year later, an A&R man in the U.S. named Pat Kooper discovered the song and inveigled a few stations to give it airplay. Soon it was No. 3 in the U.S. The Zombies, broke and broken up, were suddenly a hit. Across the pond.

One last item: It was 1969, 1970. The internet and social media did not exist. News did not spread as fast. In the U.S., not one but two bands calling themselves The Zombies toured, playing Zombies tunes, even though they were NOT the Zombies. One of these faux Zombie bands had two future members of ZZ Top. I sh*t you not.

Today, “Time Of The Season” is rightfully recognized as a signature track of the pyschedelic era and the Zombies have been enshrined in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame.

A Horror Even Edgar Allen Poe Couldn’t Have Conjured (Or Could He)

If you know the story of Richard Parker, you may continue on. If not, this is astounding.

In 1838 the master of the short story had his only novel published: The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket. In the tale, four members of a lost ship find themselves in a lifeboat without food or water. They draw straws to determine which of them will be sacrificed to feed the others. The unlucky scalawag is a teen named Richard Parker, who is promptly stabbed and devoured.

Forty-six years later, in 1884, a 52-foot yacht with a crew of four set off from Southampton, England, bound for Sydney, Australia. Somewhere off the coast of South Africa the vessel was swamped by a rogue wave. Long story not as long, three of them eventually resorted to killing the youngest of their group in order to cannibalize him… and that teen’s name was Richard Parker.

It’s true. If you’ve read or seen Life Of Pi, you know that the tiger is named Richard Parker. This was intentional by author Yann Martel, in homage to the eerie coincidence. Though “Richard Parker” is a more common proper British name than, say, Lenny Kowalski. Now THAT would’ve been something.

Dollar Quiz

1. Who is the Roman goddess equivalent to Hera, who was the wife of Zeus in Greek mythology?
2. Whose face was on the first U.S. coin that had the face of an actual person?
3. What is the largest land-locked country in the world?
4. Eddie Murphy bought a painting from the estate of Marvin Gaye for $50,000 soon after Gaye was killed. He still owns that painting, valued at more than $16 million. Any ideas as to what it is?
5. What element has the atomic number 3 (hint: the other two before it begin with an “H”)?

Answers to previous quiz:

1. Lake Michigan
2. John Calipari, Rick Pitino.
3. First Battle of Bull Run, Chancellorsville, Cold Harbor
4. Hexagonal
5. Stegosaurus (Susie B.), Triceratops, Ankylosaurus (just a few)