by John Walters
Ballooney Tunes
One nation, in dirigible, under God…
Any time the day’s weirdest news story allows us to invoke F Troop, that’s a good day. A suspected Chinese surveillance balloon, hovering at roughly 100,000 feet is sailing over United States airspace and perhaps the craziest thing is that I type this neither Bill Pullman, Morgan Freeman nor Samuel L. Jackson is president. This story has already entered the fifth dimension in terms of cable news coverage.
One nation, in dirigible, under God…
We don’t understand what any of this means other than that it allows Sean, Tucker and Laura the avenue to avoid mentioning the AWESOME jobs report that also came out today. The headline: “America’s unemployment rate fell to 3.4% in January, the lowest since before the 1969 moon landing.” The U.S. added 517,000 jobs in January and not all of them were taken by illegal aliens.
The next time a MAGA cries to you about “they’re taking our jobs,” it may be good to note that 1) the MAGA whining to you is likely retired or 2) someone is hiring those people and you never seem to be upset with the “job dealers” and 3) actually, there are more than enough jobs to go around (even if too many pay poorly), which is why the immigration influx is happening, legal or not.
AR-You Kidding Me?
The healthier the economy and overall outlook of the country becomes, the nuttier the Republicans in Congress become. It’s purely tactical. Distract from the at-worst better-than-average 46 is doing in order to keep ’em playing defense. So you have Matt Gaetz proposing the pledge of allegiance become mandatory before every session of Congress (the author of the pledge, Francis Bellamy, did not have the words “under God” in his 1892 version; that was added 62 years later by President Eisenhower at the height of the Red Scare). Or the above Congresspeople wearing AR-15 pins where their U.S. flags used to be. Or Kevin McCarthy kicking Ilhan Omar off the Foreign Affairs Committee.
They do all of this to avoid having to acknowledge that Biden is doing a good job or that their party has no ideas for the betterment of American life. They just want to yank at the chains of liberals and continue feeding their base casual racism and GOD GOD GOD. There was a video yesterday where a man interviewed a MAGA who said all he knew was that he was against CRT but when pushed repeatedly to cite a single thing that he abhorred about CRT, admitted that he didn’t know much of anything about it. “I don’t really know what it’s about,” the MAGA said, “other than that I don’t like it.” Is there a better slogan for the GOP in 2023?
I Know What You Did Last Summer
Chevron, Conoco, Shell Oil and Exxon all just reported the highest profits in their company histories for the year 2022. Together, they did more than $1 trillion in sales. Trillion. Meanwhile, we all suffered at the pump last summer. So the war in Ukraine was just a false flag all along. You know where a lot of that oil money winds up? In the pockets of some of your least favorite legislators. It’s all a racket. If we weren’t all so used to it, this would be a major scandal. But who has time to revolt and protest what with the Super Bowl merely 10 days away?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: sports are the greatest way to subdue and mollify the masses this country’s power brokers have. If you do not believe me, return to the spring and summer of ’20 when the absence of sports led to mass rioting on other issues. Don’t believe it’s connected? I do.
Tommy Boy
It appears former Notre Dame quarterback and current Irish offensive coordinator Tommy Rees is headed to Tuscaloosa… in case you wondered if Nick Saban sees Brian Kelly as a legitimate threat. As tweep @ndsixstring noted…
You have to wonder if new Irish quarterback Sam Hartman feels as if he just had the rug pulled out from under him. Sure, he’ll still wear a gold helmet but you have to think Rees was part of the reason he chose South Bend. There’s no loyalty among plunderers, Sam.
Dollar Quiz
- What is ground-breaking, or extraordinary, about George Kucor’s 1939 film The Women?
- What is the deepest river in the world?
- Who holds the MLB record for most wins by a left-handed pitcher?
- Who wrote Catch-22?
- Cinematically, what do Matt Damon, Ryan Gosling, Ed Harris, Tom Hanks and Jack Nicholson all have in common?
1. All-female cast, director’s name was George Cukor.
2. The Congo.
3. Warren Spahn.
4. Joseph Heller.
5. Astronauts.
Damn, girl!
I feel like Dr. Johnny Fever on that episode of WKRP where they spliced together a number of songs for a contest in which they never intended to give away a prize and then the caller nailed all but one. Except you got ‘em all. And thank you for the correction on Cukor.