by John Walters
This Presidency Has Trumped The Shark*
*The judges, frankly, were beset by a plethora of choices: “Electoral College 306, Trump University 232,” “The Fat Lady Sings As The Fat President Swings,” etc.
It’s finally over. The Supreme Court on Friday and the Electoral College on Monday showed an aversion to corruption—we never counted on them, to be honest—and there are zero obstructions to Joe Biden being sworn in as 46th president on January 20.
Then again, one imagines Donald Trump and Stephen Miller attempting to conjure up a Scooby Doo ending.
Lowering The Barr
It was good news all around yesterday: the Electoral College formally elected Joe Biden president, the vaccine began to be circulated on a wide basis (only 1,641 deaths yesterday), and Attorney General William Barr, one of Trump’s Three Lies Men (along with Mike Pompeo and Mitch McConnell), resigned.
We’re here hoping that Biden re-installs Sally Yates in that job, but either way it’s good to have the Paul Giamatti character from the 2001 Planet Of The Apes out of the picture.
Isn’t it incredible how many people were willing to throw away their legacies and careers in service to Donald Trump? It reminds me of when people attempt to “shoot the moon” while playing Hearts. Here the prize, as they saw it, was prolonged white power and a casual dictatorship built on “law-and-order,” tax breaks for the wealthiest, and long-term maintenance of the status quo. So they went for it, even though they did not have enough hearts in their hand to finish the job. And here they all are, either jailed or disgraced or Lindsey Graham.
(This take is so freezing cold that you could ship vaccine in it)
Was it worth it?
We saw a photo somewhere at about 4 a.m. and if we can find it we’ll post it. The cover says “The GOPranos” but instead of Tony it’s Donald and instead of the crew it’s Trump’s crew. Pret-tee, pret-tee good.
Flushed, From The Pocket*
*Once more, the judges were overwhelmed by the possibilities: “He Came To Ply,” “Heady Lamar,” “Runs and Passes,” “Jackson Overcomes browns, Browns.”
(Our favorite moment from above is that hurried wave past Lamar gives the dude exiting the locker room. Who among us has not been there?)
By now you know the story: In what is being hailed as the wildest NFL game of the season, Ravens QB Lamar Jackson spent half the second half in the locker room (“cramps,” or diarrhea?), and then returned to lead the Ravens to victory in Cleveland.
The final two minutes began with the score knotted 35-35. Then, Jackson, rolling right on 4th-and-5 and with ample space to run for the first down, pulled up and heaved downfield where one of his boys had gotten behind the coverage. TD, Ravens. The Browns answered on a 22-yard TD pass to Kareem Hunt to tie it again at 42.
Then Justin Tucker kicked a 55-yard game-winner with :02 left to give Baltimore the win. But that wasn’t enough. The spread was Browns +3 (or +3.5) and on the ensuing kickoff Cleveland tried to lateral their way to victory. Instead, the play ended in a safety. So not only did Cleveland lose, but if you took them plus the points, you lost that, too.
Pride Goeth Before A Fatality
First Herman Cain. Now Charley Pride. It’s always the black guy at the massive, masks gathering who dies, isn’t it?
Last month Pride, 86, appeared at the Country Music Awards and was bestowed some big honor (only-black-dude-ever-to-make-it-big-in-country-music achievement award?). But in a crowd of more than 10,000 humans in Nashville, most mask-less, Pride apparently caught the coronavirus. He died a month or so later and now knows truly if you can kiss an angel good mornin’.
As we read his obit in The New York Times, we came across a factoid we never knew:
Rather than choosing to become a singer, however, Mr. Pride initially decided to pursue a career in baseball in the Negro American League, leaving home at 16 to pitch for the Memphis Red Sox, among other organizations, and the Boise Yankees, an Idaho affiliate of the New York Yankees.
2020 Hindsight
Courtesy of The New York Times, images from the year 2020. There’ll never be another year like it in our lifetimes.
Hindsight 2020 conjures “Children of the Corn”,or “Night of the Living Dead.”