Yeah, we’re gonna try to go convention-free the next two weeks. All the battle lines have been drawn and no one’s about to change anyone’s mind. Unless the St. Louis couple comes out on stage brandishing their firearms at the RNC (and who are we to wager against that?) next week, we’re going to try and block out the noise.
by John Walters
Fernando!
It was 39 years ago that a 20 year-old rookie in southern California took baseball’s breath away. Now, in the summer of 2020, a little down the coast from Los Angeles, a 21 year-old 2nd-year player is doing the same.
Dodger pitcher Fernando Valenzuela, meet Padres slugger Fernando Tatis, Jr. The 6’3″ shortstop from the D.R. banged out a 3-run homer and his first career grand slam (on a 3-0 count with the Friars up 10-3 in the 8th) in successive innings last night. His 11 home runs lead all of baseball.
USPS BS*
*The judges will also accept “From Claven To Craven”
Not everyone who works at the post office is Newman. Or Cliff Claven.
Neither rain, nor snow nor the Trump dynasty will impede the U.S. Postal Service from doing its job. A job whose very existence was put into place in the U.S. Constitution (ah, that old and musty document that we all once adhered to as opposed to just worshipping the 2nd Amendment).
It’s called “flooding the zone” and it’s what Trump does best. Throw so much misinformation and lies out there that it becomes too exhausting to sift through what’s true-or-false and so your average “I Love The Poorly Educated” American sates him- or herself with a catchphrase: e.g., “Lock Her Up.” (never mind that the man who coined it belongs in prison, but whatevs).
So now the president is flooding the zone against the postal service. You know what is not a sign of a healthy democracy? When the people in charge would rather not have people vote.
Arash Resigns
Our friend Arash Markazi resigned from the Los Angeles Times over the weekend, which is the least disruptive outcome to this somewhat sordid affair. Ben Koo has an insightful analysis on all of it in Awful Announcing.
We spoke to Arash a week ago and will be there to support him wherever he lands next. He’s a righteous dude and that job was never the right fit for him, anyway. One thing we did tell him is how proud of him we are regarding his weight loss. That’s not easy to do at all.
Most of us get knocked down in life, whether it is of our own devices or not (often a combo of both). The trick is in always getting back up, no?
From Russia With Puppy Love
Scientists in Siberia have unearthed a 14,000-year old puppy, found almost perfectly preserved in Russia (above, NOT the puppy). And what they’ve learned is that inside the puppy’s stomach is a not fully digested piece of wooly rhino (above), which went extinct about 14,000 years ago. So, not only are dogs being blamed for eating our homework, but also for causing entire species to go extinct.
The puppy, scientists believe, must have died shortly thereafter. It was probably rhino-intolerant (and here I said I wasn’t going to mention the Democratic National Convention; shame on me).
He’s Not Here*
*The judges will tell you this is one of our more inspired headlines, but you have to be familiar with UNC-Chapel Hill to get it.
The first chink in the armor Football F*ck Your Feelings (i.e., the ACC, Big 12 and SEC) just happened in Chapel Hill. The University of North Carolina, a member of the ACC, just announced that it is abandoning in-person instruction for undergrads this semester after at least 177 students tested positive for the coronavirus.
Related: the Norwegian band A-Ha once wrote that “It’s no better to be safe than sorry” but they were talking about romance, not pandemics.
Anyway, stay tuned to see how UNC justifies having a football program this autumn when it just said that it ain’t safe for undergrads to congregate in class rooms (How many times have we heard that the football field is a classroom of sorts?). And once UNC falls, who’s next? We may just have an autumn of Clemson and Alabama playing one another 12 times, and let’s face it, there are worse things.
In addition to mailed-in ballots, our county announced yesterday it is setting up ‘Drop-Off Ballot Boxes” at various locales (which will be “monitored 24 hrs/day”). Our county is heavily Democrat (in spite of being one of the 5 richest counties in the COUNTRY for the past 60 years) & when announcing this development yesterday, the spokesperson (one of our Democrat Congressmen) specifically said it was to insure “Donald Trump could NOT STEAL THE ELECTION”. 🙂
How will you vote? Absentee NY ballot or will you re-register in AZ? What’s the mail-in voting situation in AZ? About half of my “voting life”, I’ve voted with absentee ballots. The only thing I don’t like is that on Election Night, you don’t see YOUR vote up on the big board although I don’t see why the ABs can’t all be collected at least a week ahead of the Election & already counted. The 1st time I was going to vote in person I was SO excited as I thought I’d be using the machines that my old county had used when I was a kid : 6 ft curtained voting machines, with a lever that opened & closed the curtain. And all these little levers that you flipped up or down, depending on who you were voting for. And when done, you moved the big lever back & the curtain opened & your vote got registered. It was AWESOME! Imagine my disappointment when I voted in person that 1st time in my current county & it was this flimsy punch card thing. The voting “apparatus” has changed several times since but still no curtain booth with the levers! sigh. Of course these days, the main thing is for your vote to actually be counted!
I understand the frustration, fear & even panic of “football folks” that their beloved sport/occupation/stepping stone to a new life is in danger of being postponed or cancelled. But what is so irritating is that they think THEIR concern supercedes not just EVERY other sport but life itself! Well, they need to GET OVER THEIR DAMN SELVES! Hell, Olympic athletes may not even be able to qualify for their event next year & their dream is OVER forever. Plus, is PLAYING a GAME more important than HUMAN LIVES?!
MAYBE the states that have less than 5000 COVID cases can try to have a Fall season, but do you think they’ll be ready for multiple outbreaks? And maybe not a death of a student, but some parents? Or some kind of lifelong health impairment thanks to COVID? Heck, 20yr olds don’t even understand taking on student loan debt, do you think they comprehend long-term health issues?
One more thing which is confusing. Last week, my state (or county?) CLOSED several COVID testing locations because it seems the tests they were using have been found to be “unreliable”. These were the SALIVA TESTS. Which I just read this week that the FDA is “approving”. Hmmmmmm. Maybe there are multiple types of the saliva test?
If you are looking for non-convention (unconventional?) content, I wouldn’t mind hearing your take on Notre Dame’s opening/closing travails this month in the aftermath of Fr. Jenkins’ resolute stance earlier this year.