by John Walters

It’s Medium Happy’s eighth birthday today (and to celebrate, we will not be raising your annual subscription rate). We won’t have time tomorrow morning to lay down a track, so this is your serving for Sunday-Monday.

Herd Apathy

According to Media Happy’s indefatigable research crew, there have been five aviation disasters on the planet since 9/11 that have claimed at least 225 lives. They are:

–American Airlines Flight 587, which crashed shortly after takeoff from JFK in November of 2001 (just two months past 9/11).

Deaths: 265

–Iran Ilyushin II-76, an Iranian flight that was either brought down by pilot error or terrorism (a number of Iranian Guard members were passengers) in February, 2003.

Deaths: 275

–Air France 447, which crashed into the Atlantic Ocean en route from Rio de Janeiro to Paris in June of 2009.

–Deaths: 228

–Malaysian Air 270, which disappeared over the Indian Ocean in 2014 and has never been found (Lost is real?).

–Deaths: 239

Why do we mention these four aviation disasters? Because if you add the number of deaths from the four worst aviation disasters of the past 19 years (at least three of which had nothing to do with human malevolence), the total number of deaths is 1,007.

Meanwhile, the U.S.A. has been averaging more coronavirus deaths per day pretty much since the start of the outbreak. That many deaths every day. You take the four deadliest air crashes of the 21st century, place them all on the same day (you think that might arouse cable news producers), and then you do the same thing the next day. And the next. And the next.

For more than five months now. I think at a certain point Americans would stop boarding planes. So how come there are still Americans who refuse to wear masks? Or are still so cavalier (“It is what it is“) about the virus?

Put This On A T-Shirt

In an Op-Ed column for The New York Times where some dopey editor spelled it “Kamelot” as opposed to “Kamalot” (Micah, take note, autocorrect tried to “fix” this three times…I blame half my typos on autocorrect), Maureen Dowd wrote a perfect paragraph. We’d wear this on the front of a T-shirt:

President Trump represents the last primal shriek of retrograde white men afraid to lose their power. He’s a dinosaur who evokes a world of beauty pageants, “suburban housewives,’’ molestation, cheating on your wife when she’s pregnant, paying off porn stars, preferring women to be seen and not heard, dismissing women who challenge you as nasty, angry and crazy.

We can maybe shorten it up so as to just print the first sentence. That’s pretty much enough. If you print it, we’ll wear it. In a borderline red state. I’m not too worried because the Deplorables will be too busy trying to figure out what “retrograde” means to fight me.

The Bubble Suns

The 1869 Cincinnati Red Stockings.

The 1972 Miami Dolphins.

The Summer of 2020 Bubble Suns.

Three professional teams that compiled a perfect record. The Phoenix Suns have still not won an NBA championship in more than 50 seasons, but what they just accomplished in two-plus weeks in Orlando may merit a 30-for-30 episode.

Despite being without arguably their second-best player (Kelly Oubre… at worst, their third-best), the Suns ran through Orlando with an 8-0 record.

Behind Devin Booker’s signature 35-point outings, the Suns were the only team to run through the Bubble season without a defeat. And yet, they missed out on the play-in game via a tiebreaker with Memphis. Which almost makes it all the more beautiful.

Another t-shirt I’d wear: 2020 Bubble Suns, with that vintage square Suns logo from the 1970s.

Robert Trump

We’re no longer on Twitter, but we hear that not even 12 hours since the death of Robert Trump, the president’s younger brother, #WrongTrumpDied is trending. And the libtards are being called out for their insensitivity.

So which is it: Are libtards snowflakes cuz they can’t take a little teasing or are they “nasty” because they’re not sensitive enough? Hmm.

The president called his younger brother “my best friend.” This has to be crushing to Rudy.

Officials have not determined a cause of death other than to say that Robert did not hang himself in his jail cell.

Best Best Man

More than 18 million people have viewed this Best Man speech, so you may have already seen it. It really is as good as advertised. This guy’s a natural and what makes him so good are two things: 1) his sense of timing and 2) that he doesn’t laugh at his own humor (almost never). Also, I guess we should add: he writes great material.

He sounds Canadian. Not surprised.