by John Walters

Tweet Me Right

So proud to call @Rachel__Nichols a colleague. Have watched her interview with Mark Cuban from yesterday several times now. There’s no one better at their gig than Rachel. https://t.co/kEzrtTx42i

— Ben Cafardo (@Ben_ESPN) September 20, 2018

Mark Cuban entered the Shark Tank yesterday. Rachel Nichols, step-daughter of Diane Sawyer, does the family proud. Cuban, to his credit, comes on camera and takes the grilling. Doesn’t excuse what happen, but he didn’t hide. Ahem.

Starting Five

Dodgers: Artful

So apparently there’s an entire other league of baseball teams outside the Red Sox, Astros and Yankees. Seriously! No one there plays .600 ball, but they’re going to have playoffs and everything next month, and then the hottest team will win the right to be smoked by one of those three teams above (Astros).

And right now the hottest team in that league is the L.A. Dodgers, who last night completed a three-game sweep of the Rockies thanks to a go-ahead, pinch-hit, three-run blast by Yasiel Puig. The erstwhile Cuban refugee has hit six home runs in the Dodgers’ past five games.

The sweep put the L.A.ers 2 1/2 up on the Rockies in the N.L. West

Rojo for Ronaldo 

One day after Messi passed longtime rival Ronaldo for Most Career Champions League Hat Tricks (8), Ronaldo one-upped his Argentine friend by being the first of either of them to be given a red card in a Champions League match. The Portuguese man-of-war was sent off in the 29th minute after chiding a Valencia foe for flopping.

To Ronaldo’s credit, he did not berate the official, claim he’d never cheated in his life, demand an apology, or even sulk about the fact that his ex-girlfriend is now Bradley Cooper’s baby-mama. You can read Martina Navratilova‘s essay (“What Ronaldo Got Right”) in tomorrow’s New York Times.

By the way, Ronaldo’s new team, Juventus, still won 2-0. Their next Champions League group match is against a side called Young Boys. Really. That’s the name of the club. Young Boys. Sounds like a ’70s punk outfit.

3. New Highs For A Pot Stock

If you owned shared of Tilray (TLRY) one month ago, you know that at the time they were hovering in the low $30s. Yesterday, though, the stock reacted as if it were Tuco having taken a hit of Heisenberg’s crystal blue for the first time, shooting up more than 50%.

That probably had something to do with Tilray receiving approval from the U.S. to import a cannabis study to California (check the stock portfolio of your local congressman).

Shares of the Canadian cannabis company are now at $228.

Is cannabis gonna be this year’s bitcoin in terms of small asset class bubble? We’ll see.

4. Rape Doc

Grant Robicheaux (above) had it all: an orthopedic surgeon in his 30s with good looks and a Newport Beach, Calif., address. His girlfriend was a smoke show. But that wasn’t enough.

Allegedly, Robicheaux, 38, and his girlfriend, Cerissa Riley, 31, traveled to music festivals and the like, met and charmed women, then drugged and sexually assaulted them. Like, dozens of women.

They’re both free on $100,000 bail and if I were him, I’d run. Or jump off a cliff. Because he’s too pretty for prison. And you know what happens to pretty boys in prison…

Speaking of sexual assault and tribal culture, this piece from Elizabeth Bruenig of  The Washington Post is outstanding. Really well written by a young scribe. Highly recommended (no idea if she is related to Dallas Cowboy linebacker Bob Bruenig, but wouldn’t that be a scream?)

5. Get The F Out!*

*The judges thank the Chandler regional bureau for this headline suggestion.

Remember that Snickers commercial where the end-zone painter forgot to paint the “i” in Chiefs so that it turned out “Chefs?” (great googly moogly). Apparently it can happen in real life, and as many online smart-alecks noted, “Cathay Pacific has no F’s left to give.”

Mistake? Probably, but also a brilliant marketing maneuver.

Music 101

Love Is The Drug

If VH-1 still did “Behind The Music” (we haven’t watched VH-1 or MTV in years), a Roxy Music doc would be in order. Brian Ferry is the type of artist who was born to be brilliant and difficult and what else could he have ever possibly done to make a living?  The band’s genius co-founders, Bryan Ferry and Brian Eno, did a lot of shagging. Even for rock stars.

This was always a band that was more influential than it was popular. But if you don’t already own them, go buy Avalon or Street Life: 20 Great Hits. You’ll see what we mean.

This 1975 single was the British band’s breakout hit in the U.S. You can hear the early New Wave and disco all over it.

Remote Patrol

Jets at Browns

8:20 p.m. NFL Network

We’re not even sure if we get this channel, but there are always salooneries. The Browns have lost 36 of their last 37 games, including 19 in a row, but they’ve played very well in their two defeats this season. The J-E-T-S were incredible on MNF, then hit a dud at home versus the Dolphins. For two teams that probably won’t make the playoffs, this is a must-watch game.