by John Walters

Starting Five

Irish OutmUSCle Trojans

Wow. 28-0 at halftime versus Sam Darnold and the Not-Ready-For-Their-Closeup-Mr. DeMille Trojans? Wow.

Notre Dame, which some people we know have been saying are far better than the pollsters claim for a month now, smoked USC 49-19 on Saturday. And the Fighting Irish did not require a “decided schematic advantage.” They simply lined up and, on both sides of the ball, owned the line of scrimmage.

Darnold? Two turnovers, a pick and a fumble on the Trojans’ first snap. Also, a punt returner flubbed one inside USC’s own 10. Irish? Josh Adams, 19 carries for 191 yards, including an 84-yard TD run from scrimmage late in the third quarter. He’s now aboard the Heisman Train.

By the way, both Adams and Saquon Barkley are juniors from eastern Pennsylvania.

The MH Domin-8: 1. Alabama 2. Georgia 3. Penn State 4. TCU 5. Ohio State 6. Wisconsin 7. Clemson 8. Notre Dame

2. What The Fog?

New England wins the Super Bowl LI rematch in Fogsborough, 23-7. No miraculous comeback necessary. Bill Belichick is the Macgyver of NFL coaches. It never matters whom he loses, he just uses some duct tape and parts from a transistor radio and patches together a football team. Having Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski helps, of course.

3. A.L.-tuve

We saw not a single pitch of Games 6 and 7, but rumor has it that the Houston Astros shut down the Baby Bombers and are headed to the World Series to face the Dodgers. Presumptive American League MVP Jose Altuve hit a solo homer in both games and had 4 RBI total. The Yanks scored one run total in the two games when all they needed was one win.

This was all gravy this season, of course (remember when they trailed 3-0 in the first with runners on 2nd and 3rd with one out in the wild card game versus Minnesota?). We like the Dodgers in five and only wish that a Kershaw vs. Verlander matchup was on the Game 1 menu.The Astros will throw Keuchel in a battle of K-aces.

4. Karma Kick

Never, ever celebrate early. #SCNotTop10 pic.twitter.com/f6Ej9uGucn

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) October 23, 2017

No words necessary here.

5. “Smile, My Ass”

This is why you listen to NPR on a long road trip. Sunday’s episode of Radio Lab featured a look at the classic TV show, Candid Camera, which was the progenitor of all reality television. By 1969 the show had been on air for eight years, was wildly popular, and its creator and host, Allen Funt, was one of the most famous men in America.

So here’s where the story picks up. As the kicker for this profile, they tell the story of when Funt and his family were flying from New York to Miami in 1969. In the midst of the flight, a man put a knife to the throat of a flight attendant and walked her up to the cabin. The man, who only spoke Spanish, then told the flight crew, “Cuba! Cuba!”

The captain got on the loudspeaker and calmly told the passengers, “We have a man here who wants to go to Havana.” Before panic could set in, though, one of the passengers recognized Funt. And the word got around quickly. And everyone on the flight just assumed that they were part of a Candid Camera gag.

Funt tried to explain that this was an actual hijacking, but nobody was having it. At one point he turned to a priest and asked him to explain that this was real, but the priest smiled and told him, not in so many words, “Nice try.”

Eventually the plane landed in Havana. The passengers looked out and saw Cuban military circling the plane. That’s when they realized this was no joke. And for some odd reason they were furious at Funt. The last man off the plane looked down at him and simply said, “Smile, my ass.”

Reserves

 

This is also Twitter in a nutshell. pic.twitter.com/Ok39TGgJeI

— Mark Ennis (@MarkEnnis) October 23, 2017

This is what losing 45-7 to Alabama looks like. Champions of Life?

Music 101

Lay It On Me

James Keough, better known as Vance Joy, is an Australian former Aussie Rules Football player (he was named best first-year player in a lower professional league). He also recorded a perfect score on his standardized high school English exams. Don’t you hate people like this? This song is just a few months old; songwriting and musicianship is not dead.

Remote Patrol

Halloween Marathon

AMC 9 a.m. to Whenever

It’s the Mike Myers who doesn’t say, “Schwiinnngg!” or “Yeah, baby, yeah!” (Damn, how big was Michael Myers in the early to mid-Nineties?