by John Walters
It’s Medium Happy’s fifth anniversary week! It’s not easy to maintain something this mediocre at the same level for this long, but we’re still here. In lieu of flowers, send a comment and thank Susie B. for her consistent World Championships of Track and Field coverage (I’m leaving that to you, S.B.)
Starting Five
There’s nothing more bougie than purchasing your racist torches from the Home Depot patio section
White Walkers*
*The judges will also accept “If At First You Don’t Secede…”
It’s not that we agree with the idea of taking down statues of Confederate generals as much as we realize how the extreme response to doing so by white nationalists justifies the action in the first place. The reaction, at least by many extremists in Charlottesville, was so much less about historical preservation than it was about white supremacy. And it left one young woman, Heather Heyer, dead when a car (below) plowed into a crowd of counter-protesters.
Carnage, as one dies
Say what you want about the movement to take down Confederate statues. When your side has to chant “Heil Trump!” to make its point, maybe you need to reassess. The New York Times has “A Guide To the Violence” if, like us, you were too busy enjoying your weekend.
Condolences to the family of the young woman killed today, and best regards to all of those injured, in Charlottesville, Virginia. So sad!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 12, 2017
Sometimes it’s hard to find just the wrong words to say during a difficult time, but this man seemed to be able to do so.
2. Cersei’s Preggers!*
Of course this means you’ll have to cut back on the wine
*Oh, the judges wonder, should we have typed “Spoiler Alert!” first?
Of course Jamie Lannister survived his first encounter with Drogon (Bronn is also a certified lifeguard) and now word is out that he again is going to be a father. This is his sister’s/queen’s last desperate attempt to maintain both the Lannister legacy and her twin’s unswerving allegiance.
Meanwhile, Jon Snow and Daenerys (his sister) seem to have eyes for one another (once again, you know nothing, Jon Snow), Ser Davos rescues Bastard Baratheon (the TRUE heir to the throne) from Fleabotttom, and now he and Snow have teamed up to head north of the Wall along with Tormund, the Hound and Ser Davos (this is DEFINITELY the coolest posse in the history of Westeros) to capture, alive, one White Walker (or they could head to Charlottesville).
Sorry, Tarly. It’s time to be charred.
Meanwhile, Petyr Baelish is going to teach Arya a little lesson about cunning while likely attempting to pit her and Sansa against one another. Do NOT trifle with the former mayor of Baltimore, Arya.
And yes, Samwell lost a father and a brother to a barbecue, but he never really missed them anyway.
Finally, you didn’t think Gilly’s asking what the word “annulment” means was just a throwaway line, did you? Here’s the key to understand what it portends.
3. Huddersfield Town!
After one weekend of play in the Premier League, Manchester United is in first place after a 4-0 win. Man U. owns a record-13 Premier League titles. In second place, at least via goal differential, is Huddersfield Town, recently promoted from Championship League, after the Terriers’ 3-0 win at Crystal Palace. Huddersfield Town was playing its first match at the top tier level in 45 years.
The Terriers took the lead 23 minutes in on a Crystal Palace (we still think this is an Atlanta-area strip club) own goal, then Steve Mounie scored two more for the upstarts. Mounie hails from Benin, which is the actual name of an African country (neither had we).
Huddersfield, of Yorkshire, hosts fellow recently promoted club Newcastle next Sunday in a battle of two of the three most northern clubs in Premier League.
4. Out Goes Frazier*
One of these men has a Harvard law degree and the other has tiny fingers
*The judges will also accept “Merck vs. ‘murica”
In breaking news, Merck CEO Ken Frazier resigns from the President’s American Manufacturing Council in protest to Donald Trump’s tepid reaction to the racist violence in Charlottesville.
Here is Frazier’s announcement, via Twitter:
— Merck (@Merck) August 14, 2017
And here is the President’s response, also via Twitter:
Now that Ken Frazier of Merck Pharma has resigned from President’s Manufacturing Council,he will have more time to LOWER RIPOFF DRUG PRICES!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 14, 2017
5. A Big Log and A High School Football Death
At Sachem East High School on Long Island, a 16 year-old football player was killed during a training exercise that required five players to carry a 400-pound, 10-foot long log. The log dropped on to Joshua Mileto, 16, and he was killed.
The Navy SEALs do a similar training exercise, except that their trainees are five to ten years older and the logs they use are HALF the weight.
Reserves
Is The American League Rookie of the Year Award Still Up For Grabs?
At the All-Star break, certain starry-eyed bloggers (ahem) were considering Yankee right fielder Aaron Judge not just a shoo-in for ROY (he was at or near the top of all three Triple Crown categories) but as a strong possibility for MVP. Judge has slumped ever since hitting 47 home runs in one night in Miami (related: bad idea to participate in HR derby), while Red Sox rookie Andrew Benitendi, a Cincinnati native, spent the past weekend in the Bronx looking like the second coming of Fred Lynn.
As the BoSox took two of three from the Yankees, Benintendi went 5-of-13 with three home runs and nine RBI. He’s still far behind Judge in the stats dept. (Benintendi: .279, 16 HR, 66 RBI; Judge: .289, 35 HR, 78 RBI) but the 5’10” rookie has greatly narrowed the gap in the past month.
Music 101
Sunday Girl
In 1978, as disco was peaking and punk was peaking its head above the covers, Blondie released the album Parallel Lines. American kids knew the hits “Heart of Glass” and “One Way or Another,” but this song was never released as a single in the U.S. It did chart at No. 1 in the U.K., though.
A Word, Please
promulgate (verb)
promote or make widely known
This site is one of my favorites, and my first stop in the morning. Thanks for all you do.
Thanks for keeping the site going for five years. Can honestly say this is the only site I read everyday. Here is the furthest the Wayback Machine will take us: https://web.archive.org/web/20120904022241/http://mediumhappy.com:80/
The memories!
Congrats on the anniversary. Your site is always an entertaining read.
Re Aaron Judge, he’s still the odds-on choice for AL Rookie of the Year, even though he on on pace to shatter the record for strikeouts by a rookie. Kris Bryant holds that record (199 Ks), but that didn’t keep him from winning rookie of the year in 2015. Judge has struck out in a Yankee-record 30 straight games. He’s still in the mix for MVP if he can right the ship, because his first half was so extraordinary. Right now, Jose Altuve and Andrelton Simmons might be ahead of Judge in that race.
Would the judges have accepted
KKKavalier Attitude?
🙂 Thank-you, jdubs. And HARDLY mediocre! Best damn site online! Happy Anniversary 2 days early (8/16)! 🙂
I am surprised YOU didn’t mention the World Track & Field Championships the concluding few days as EMMA COBURN got the GOLD in Steeplechase! EMMA! And a fellow American woman got the Silver! It was AWESOME!
The remaining 3 days continued the mix of shocking upsets & expected results. For ex, Semenya got the Gold in the “Women’s” 800 but American Ajee Wilson got a medal too (yeah!). The American women got the Gold in both relays but the American men only got Silver. On the one hand, that the American men actually got the stick all the way around in the 4 x 100 was a plus, but that we lost to GBR when we had both the Gold & Silver individual 100 medalists on the relay was quite the disappointment. That the Jamaica men’s 4 x 100 not only didn’t medal but didn’t even finish was a shock but I do NOT believe for one second that Bolt’s hamstring “cramped”; he saw he would not win & faked the injury (in my opinion).
I was actually VERY upset with the TV coverage on Fri night & Saturday as all we got was the NBC version. We were spoiled rotten last week with the “world feed”! While I did miss interviews with the American athletes & quite like an emphasis on the Americans you get with NBC, overall, the world feed broadcast shows MUCH MORE of EVERYTHING! For example, there was almost NO men’s HAMMER Final Friday night! And only about 3 high jumps TOTAL by the women jumpers. At least we got to see more jumps by the men high jumpers yesterday, probably because the guy who won Gold (Barshim from Quatar) is a hoot! He HURDLED the bar when it was at 6’4! I really like him & hope he competes for the next 2 Olympics.
Allyson Felix has now won more World Track & Field Championship medals (16 I think!) than any athlete in history. She is such a classy person & competitor. I hope she makes it all the way to Tokyo in 2020 injury-free. When she finally does retire, it will be a huge loss to the USA team.
Overall, Team USA did fantastic – the most medals (30!) by any country of any World Championships ever. Whether this reflects an increase in anti-doping worldwide (as some contest) or just a happy circumstance, I guess we’ll see in the years ahead.
The best compliment I can give JW (and by extension, this site and his writing) is that I don’t always agree with him and his opinions, but he presents it (mostly) very well and inoffensive (again, mostly). It’s well thought out opinions.
I started reading JW when he wrote for the Inside the Irish blog for NBC Sports, and he hooked me because he was far from a “homer” and took a very rational approach to criticizing Notre Dame’s (very poor) football product. When he left, I followed him to FanHouse and then WSJ’s The Daily (though I’ll admit I did NOT have a paid subscription – Sorry John!). Then eventually to this site and (briefly) Newsweek. I also can’t wait for another season of The Grotto (assuming that’ll get fired up in time for the 2017 Fightin’ Irish campaign).
Sorry I couldn’t meet you in person in NYC, JW, to treat you to a beer (at which point I assume you’d ensure that I behave well and treat the bartender well). If you ever find yourself in the Chicagoland area, let me know. I owe you for all the (free) content, and
food for thought, you’ve provided.
Mercury goes into retrograde and Medium Happy turns five? That’s more than a total eclipse of the heart!
We are ever grateful MH’s intrepid team of coffee runners, pun-dits and judges for keeping us informed, making us think, and even better, sharing lotsa laughs.
I got a kick out of Jacob’s archival link, because my ancient ode to ‘stickiness’ was in there. That word presciently defined this site. Thank you for sticking with MH, through thick, thin and crazy busy times. We are all the wiser for it!
Daenerys is Jon Snow’s aunt, not sister.. sorry for nerding out on you 🙂 Love the site, read it daily, keep up the awesome work!
You’re right. Meant to correct it yesterday, but the cookoutateria had me working 12 straight hours.
Love your site…It’s my must-read every day….Here’s my nomination for a song to highlight:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6nwlDd7gfE
The Young Dubliners are fantastic…
Happy belated Anniversary, Medium Happy! I remain in awe of your ability to watch and comment on, literally, everything, and still make it to the gym regularly. I’m raising a coffee toast to one of my favorite people, and then to you. For reals, you’re the best! Salud!
For the tenth anniversary, I propose a convention-that’s right, an in-person meeting of all the regular commenters and anyone else who feels like it, at the top of the Empire State bldng, on Valentine’s Day. I’ll bring cookies.