by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Farewell, Hockey Puck!

Don Rickles, Mr. Warmth, The Merchant of Venom, passes away at age 90. To be a kid growing up in the Seventies was to watch the Dean Martin Comedy Roast or hear your parents laughing as they watched The Tonight Show and know that Don Rickles was skewering celebrities again. He was the original Triumph, The Insult Comic Dog and he did it in such a way that even those being destroyed couldn’t keep from laughing. I’ve never quite figured out how he managed that.

When Frank Sinatra was arguably the biggest star in the world, Rickles became the one guy who could mouth off to the Chairman of the Board and have him rolling at the same time. It was a gift.

Many have said or will say it, but Rickles was both immune to political correctness and an antidote to it. He said things that, read on the blank page, would probably send scores of college kids to their safe spaces. But if you watch how he says it, to whom he says it, and how everyone reacts, you understand that the ironic title Mr. Warmth was really reverse-ironic. Because Rickles always had that warmth. Which is why so many people loved him.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwJEWJqvNuk

 

2.  Super Syria-us*

*The judges will also accept “Launch Is Served” or “Missiles: You’re Fired!” or “Assad Situation”

At around 8:40 p.m. EST last night the U.S. fired 59 Tomahawk missiles at Al Shayrat air base in Syria from a pair of destroyers, Porter and Ross, based in the eastern Mediterranean. “This clearly indicates the president is willing to take decisive action when called for,” Secretary of State Rex Tillerson told reporters in Florida.

This was in response to the chemical weapons attack against his own people by Syrian president Assad in recent days.

What a mess Syria is. You’ve got an evil president, then you’ve got ISIS, then you have Russia claiming to fight ISIS while it backs the evil president. Meanwhile you have innocent civilians who are all like, Maybe that raft across the Mediterranean to Greece isn’t such a bad idea.

 

Hours before U.S. attack on Syria, Hillary Clinton called for strikes against Syrian airfields. https://t.co/AS7vYfVO16 pic.twitter.com/EEMcjas8IR

— ABC News (@ABC) April 7, 2017

Trump says he’s trying to change Assad’s behavior. He more than anyone should know that you don’t change the behavior of a sociopathic narcissist this late in the game. But then, that would require self-awareness, now wouldn’t it? You can’t really fault Trump for the missile strike, but now that he’s dipped our toe in the water, what next?

3. Denver Pile On*

*The judges will also accept, “O, Pioneers!”

In the second Frozen Four semifinal in Chicago, the University of Denver smothered Notre Dame 6-1. It was 5-0 after two periods ad the Pioneers, winners of six previous national championships, owned possession of the puck. The Irish scored a power play, courtesy-clap goal in the 3rd period off a slap shot from just inside the blue line. Fighting Irish hockey dad Lavar Ball said the Irish had no chance to win because they had “too many slow white guys (or I may be conflating college sports items today).”

Denver will take on Minnesota-Duluth, which took down Harvard 2-1, on Saturday night.

4. The Purple Gang

The Arizona Diamondbacks wore their Purple Reign original unis last night and why not? They’re far better-looking than the Hunt’s tomato sauce colors they currently wear, or whatever that other look is they were going for last year. Oh, and they won a World Series wearing these unis in 2001.

Last night Arizona beat San Francisco to go two games above .500 (okay, so they’re 3-1) for the first time since September of 2013. Not bad for a club that opened the season by not getting a man on base until one out in the sixth inning. Oh, and in each of the past two games pinch-hitter Jeremy Hazelbaker (nearly as good a name as Bastian Schweinsteiger!!!) has gotten an RBI base hit when pressed into service.

But to return to our original point: Ditch all ugly unis of the past five or so years, ‘zona, and return to these. Gracias.

5. The Return of Gus Fring

Longtime readers know that I’m hopelessly in love with Better Call Saul and I daresay it’s 99% the show that Breaking Bad was. So I’m fired up for Monday night’s premiere, especially since Season 3 heralds the returns of BB bad hombre Gustavo Fring. Viewing parties at my place this spring, bring your own Moscow Mule mug, please.

Music 101

Buffalo Stance

If you’re gonna be a one-hit wonder, you might as well have a danceable track that will live on in clubs forever. Neneh Cherry briefly was all over the radio in the spring and early summer of 1989 as this song went to No. 3 on the Billboard charts.

Remote Patrol

The Best Years Of Our Lives

TCM 10:15 p.m.

This 1946 masterpiece about veterans readjusting to civilian life after World War II won seven Oscars, including Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor and Best Supporting Actor. You can watch the NBA playoffs next Friday.