by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Viewer Discretion Is Advised

The LPGA became American Idol on Sunday, as home viewers affected the outcome. Well, one home viewer did. On Sunday Lexi Thompson, 22, was leading the field at the ANA Inspiration, a major (and a poorly named major at that), by four holes. a viewer emailed officials to inform them that on the 17th hole the day before, Thompson had misplaced her ball before a putt.

 

Viewers at home should not be officials wearing stripes. Let’s go @Lexi, win this thing anyway.

— Tiger Woods (@TigerWoods) April 3, 2017

The viewer was technically correct. Officials decided to enforce the rule based on that information, penalizing Thompson two strokes for moving the ball and another two for signing an incorrect scorecard (Can anyone say “double jeopardy?”). “Oh my God, this is ridiculous,” Thompson responded when told after the 12th hole on Sunday in Rancho Mirage. “Is this a joke?”

It was one day after April Fool’s, but it was no joke.

Thompson lost four strokes, still forced a playoff, but then lost the playoff to (Fill in name of Korean golfer here that nobody knows).

So much wrong here: 1) Yes, technically, Thompson unknowingly broke the rules, but it’s not, or at least it shouldn’t be, Big Brother’s job to enforce them. 2) One two-stroke penalty  is somewhat understandable, but the second two-stroke penalty seems entirely unfair: if you had no idea you’d broken the rule, why would you sign the scorecard differently? Had Thompson, who TEN YEARS AGO at the age of 12 became the youngest golfer ever to qualify for and play in the U.S. Women’s Open, only been penalized two strokes, she may have won on Sunday. That would have been her second major victory.

In short, men’s AND women’s golf needs to address this problem. Fans don’t want to see tournaments affected an entire day later because someone in Topeka turned on the DVR.

p.s. “Lex” in Latin means law, so it’s unfortunate that Lexi got screwed by the letter of the lex.

2. Dawn of a New Era

Like the 1980 Team U.S.A. hockey team, Mississippi State pulled off the greatest upset in its sports history in a semi-final on a Friday night (knocking off UConn and ending the Huskies’ 111-game win streak). Unlike the Miracle gang, they were unable to secure the championship on Sunday. One man’s Finland is not another man’s South Carolina.

The Gamecocks—a curious name for a distaff squad—beat the Bulldogs, giving former tournament MOP and coach Dawn Staley her first national championship as a player or coach. It was South Carolina, by the way, that lost to UConn in Storrs when the Huskies got their 100th consecutive win in February. Staley will be the Olympic women’s coach in 2020, taking over for Geno Auriemma.

The biggest curiosity of the final? MSU coach Vic Schaefer sat Morgan William, who scored 41 points in the Elite Eight win and hit the dagger that knocked out UConn, for the entire fourth quarter. She was not having a great game, but South Carolina only led by 8 when the last quarter began.

Doris Burke called it “shocking” and I agree. William is a junior so she’ll be back next year. Perhaps there was something behind the scenes none of us know about, perhaps how the Dawgs celebrated after Friday night’s win. I dunno. Still, that is nuts.

p.s. Our pal @Okerland says that the last five teams that have beaten Stanford in the Final Four (USC included this weekend) have gone on to win the national championship.

3. Giants Lose (Again) By a 6-5 Score

Remember that time a San Francisco Giant starter was outstanding, only to hand the ball to a reliever in the ninth and watch him yip the game? Yep, it happened in Game 4 of last year’s NL Divisional Series—San Fran’s final game of the 2016 season—and it happened in Sunday’s opening day game in Arizona.

Last October, Matt Moore pitched eight outstanding innings, allowing two hits and two runs and giving the Giants a 5-2 lead heading into the ninth. Four relievers choked and the Chicago Cubs won 6-5 (they’d go on to win the World Series, as you may have heard). Yesterday Madison Bumgarner retired the first 16 men he faced AND belted two home runs (he’s the home run leader in the Major Leagues), but again the Giants squandered the lead in the ninth and again lost 6-5.

4. Can Enable

I can’t improve upon the Bill Maher rant above, so I won’t try. You can listen to all of the “New Rules” segment, or fast forward directly to the 1:47 mark that begins with the “Fixing A-Hole” graphic. For the record (or off the record, I don’t much care), I don’t think all of these folks are enabling Donald Trump as much as they are Steve Bannon. He’s the puppet master in this White House, he’s the brains. Donald is the front. He’s the Elton John to Bannnon’s Bernie Taupin.

5. Race To The Bottom

The Los Angeles Lakers did a terrible thing last night: They won (108-103 over the Grizzlies). The Phoenix Suns, who are far better coached, dutifully lost their 12th straight game (to a Rockets team playing without James Harden or Trevor Ariza.). Now both the Suns and Lakers have identical records (22-55) and now both have the same, second-best chance to get the top draft pick.

My question for the Suns: Who would you take, anyway? The Suns are incredibly top-heavy at guard (even more top heavy at guards from Kentucky). Devin Booker, a second-year player who is 20, scored 70 two weeks ago. Tyler Ullis, a rookie who is 21, scored a career-high 34 last night. Erick Bledsoe, arguably the team’s best player (sitting out final month of season), is also a Wildcat guard.

 

Update on the race to the bottom from @ESPNStatsInfo. (Lakers’ pick is top-three protected.) pic.twitter.com/Q8r3nGyytd

— Baxter Holmes (@BaxterHolmes) April 3, 2017

So do the Suns really want Lonzo Ball or Markelle Fultz? Do they pick one or the other and seek a trade? Do they trade that player or do they trade Bledsoe (I’d trade Bledsoe; no way I part with Booker). Is there a front-cout player (Josh Jackson?) worthy of a second pick? Is Lauri Markkannen or Zach Collins even in the conversation?

And wouldn’t it be wonderful if the NBA screwed the Suns and Lakers on the ping-pong balls for being so blatantly devoted to tanking? We’ll see. Meanwhile, if Lonzo Ball doesn’t end up in a Laker jersey, I’ll be surprised.

 

Music 101 

Lollipop

The first time I can recall hearing this tune was the first time I saw Stand By Me (1985, River Phoenix, Will Wheaton, Corey Feldman, Kiefer Sutherland and a pudgy Jerry O’Connell–who could’ve guessed he’d grow up to marry Rebecca Romjin), but the song by The Chordettes hit No. 2 in 1958. I’m taking a not-so-wild stab here, but that looks like a young Andy Williams supplying the sound effect. Also, if you ever wondered where Kristen Wiig unearthed that bizarre SNL character who sang and had incredibly tiny hands, I think we’ve found the source.

Remote Patrol

NCAA Championship Game

Gonzaga vs. North Carolina

CBS 9:09 p.m.

Dear Refs: Remember how you called the first half of Gonzaga-South Carolina. If you want to give us a memorable game this evening, go back and watch that tape. That’s how you do it. Do you favor the school that ran the four corners offense winning in a four corners state, or do you take the team with AZ in its name winning in AZ?