by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Oil Rig’ged Election?

From The Failing New York Times: “Last week, Central Intelligence Agency officials presented lawmakers with a stunning new judgment that upended the debate: Russia, they said, had intervened with the primary aim of helping make Donald J. Trump president.”

This morning: President-elect Trump nominates Exxon CEO Rex Tillerson, a private businessman who has never worked anywhere but at Exxon but who is also said to be closer with Russian leader Vladimir Putin than any American, as our Secretary of State. Russia bestowed him with the Order of Friendship, which is the highest award a non-Russian citizen can be given (the highest award a Russian citizen can be given is a fresh loaf of bread).

Why would anyone think there’s any impropriety occurring? Tillerson, 64, is a former Eagle Scout and an alum of the University of Texas, where he played in the Longhorn band.

2. Tom Transcendent

No Gronk? No Danny Amendola? No problem. Facing the NFL’s stingiest defense, 39 year-old Tom Brady threw for 406 yards in a 30-23 defeat of the Baltimore Ravens.Brady threw for 76 more yards than Baltimore’s Joe Flacco while attempting 14 fewer passes. Now that’s Elite.

New England is now 11-2 headed into games at Denver, versus the Jets on Christmas eve, and in Miami on New Year’s Day (don’t they always lose in Miami?). They’ll likely finish 13-3 with home field advamtage throughout the playoffs.

Can you imagine the Patriots and good friend of PEOTUS Brady playing in the Super Bowl just one fortnight into the Trump presidency?

3. This is Aleppo

Forces loyal to the Syrian regime are reportedly entering the last rebel-held neighborhoods of Aleppo and shooting unarmed civilians on the spot. Also known as executions. The United Nations says Assad forces killed 82 people yesterday, including women and children, in what a U.N. official calls “a complete meltdown of humanity.” (Rule 18: There’s nothing more inhumane than humanity).

4. Rams: Scram

A little more than one week after announcing his two-year contract extension and three days before playing the Seahawks on Thursday Night Football in Seattle, the Los Angeles Rams fired head coach Jeff Fisher (party at Eric Dickerson’s house!). On Sunday the Rams lost 42-14 in the L.A. Mausoleum to Atlanta, giving the former USC defensive back his 165th career loss as a head coach. That tied the NFL mark held by Dan Reeves, who reached it in 18 fewer games than Fisher but, unlike Fisher, did take his teams to four Super Bowls (he Marv Levy’ed them).

In 22 seasons as a head coach Fisher, who is only 58, is 173-165-1. He could very well make a return to the sideline as a head coach. His Tennessee Titans came within a yard of defeating the St. Louis Rams (of all teams) in Super Bowl XXXIV in 2000.

Also in coaching news: Lane Kiffin, 41, has accepted the head coaching job at Florida Atlantic University and a giant wedge of humble pie. This, as my friend Stewart Mandel tweeted, is the job he should have had 10 years ago. He needed to take this giant one step back before moving two steps forward. Joey Freshwater has learned from the very best in college football—Pete Carroll and Nick Saban. Now it’s just a matter of applying what he knows.

The Owls’ first two games? Home agains Navy and then a visit to Camp Randall Stadium to face Wisconsin (whose QB could be Malik Zaire).

5. Golden Globes Nominations

Turns out the best movies of 2016 were not released until after Halloween, at least according to the Hollywood Foreign Press. At yesterday’s Golden Globe nominations, here were the five films nominated for Best Drama: Hacksaw Ridge, Hell or High Water, Lion, Manchester by the Sea, and Moonlight. Only Hell or High Water, which stars Jeff Bridges, Ben Foster and Chris Pine, was released before November (August 12).

Not on the list: Dirty Grandpa and Suicide Squad.

Our only beef was that Silicon Valley somehow failed to be nominated for Best TV Comedy (as did This Is Us; perhaps I’m watching it wrong?). Also, I don’t know if Better Call Saul deserves to be nominated as a Drama or as a Comedy, but it’s one of the five best shows in either. It got shut out. I like The Crown to win Best Drama, and as cute as Stranger Things was, it’s just an extended mash-up of X-Files-meets-E.T.-meets an After School Special. And what ever happened to Barb?

Reserves

Quarterback DeShone Kizer declares for the NFL draft, reportedly after receiving a first-round grade. Kizer, 6’4″, was named Notre Dame MVP at the team banquet on Friday as well as a captain for the upcoming 2017 season. Brandon Wimbush,  a redshirt sophomore who can out-throw Uncle Rico, will head into fall camp in a suddenly uncluttered quarterback group, as Malik Zaire has transferred and even QB coach Mike Sanford is leaving town to be the HC at Western Kentucky.

The weird question: Kizer is from Toledo. The Cleveland Browns will have the number one overall pick. Would they dare select him?

 

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This Photo, from last night’s SI Sportsperson gala…

Music 101

The Laws Have Changed

In 2003, Vancouver-based band The New Pornographers were the hottest Canadian indie band not named Arcade Fire. This song if off their second album, Electric Version, and that’s Neko Case, who would later forge her own solo career (she’s the Sookie to the band’s Dragonfly Inn) on vocals.

Remote Patrol

Thunder at Trail Blazers

ESPN 10:30 p.m.

I love Scorched-Earth-Policy Russell Westbrook. He’s the NBA MVP thus far: first in scoring, SECOND in assists and ninth in rebounds. He’s an isotope is what he is, just a radioactive bundle of unharnessed energy wreaking destruction (I don’t think that’s exactly what an isotope is, but go with me here).