by John Walters
A Medium Happy 49th—yes, he’s still alive—to Artie Lange
Starting Five
Ken Bone: Red, White, and You
Bones
It is actually Emily Deschanel’s birthday today, so this is kind of a two-fer
He’s 34, married, and has a son. His parents were enjoying “Thanksgiving dinner” the previous night, which means there’s probably some Canadian in his family or background. He’s self-deprecating and quick-witted. Ladies and gentlemen, Ken Bone (@kenbone18), the one good thing that has emerged from this election.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqchRR1tZvc
2. Cubs Lose, Cubs Lose
The Giants refuse to relent on this whole even-numbered thing…
Madison Bumgarner was far from perfect, surrendering a three-run homer to opposing starter Jake Arrieta in the 2nd inning, but the Giants still do not know how to lose when MadBum pitches in an elimination game. San Francisco won 6-5 in 13 innings on Joe “Don’t” Panik’s RBI double. The game lasted five hours and our minutes, so if you were watching on the East Coast, you were up past 2:30 a.m.
Separated at Mirth: Hunter Pence and….
…Pied Piper founder RIchard Hendric
Aroldis Chapman gave up a two-run triple in the eighth off a 102 mph fastball to Conor Gillespie to allow San Fran to take the lead, but then Kris Bryant’s two-run homer in the ninth off Sergio Romo tied it and forced the four extra frames.
Both Los Angeles and San Fran host Game 4’s today in which they will be attempting to stave off, as opposed to staving on, elimination.
3. Adios, Papi Grande
Ortiz, 40, will likely gain at least that many pounds in the next six months
The Red Sox went meekly into the New England night, being swept by the Cleveland Indians. David Ortiz, the Dominican Babe Ruth, walked in the eighth inning and was pinch-run for with the Sox trailing 4-3. The runner never scored and Papi’s place in the order never came up again, anyway.
Boston, which scored more runs than any club in baseball this season (878, or more than 5 per game) was held to seven runs in three games and never scored more than one per inning. They last led in the third inning of Game 1, 2-1. The Sox won 11 straight in mid-September, then folded like a cheap tent, losing eight of their final nine.
Still, we’re going to miss Big Papi. There was simply no one who smote a baseball quite like he did, and no one in baseball who seemed to deliver more frequently in the most crucial moments. In his final two at-bats, he lined a screamer to center that nearly dropped, but still was good for an RBI, and then later walked on a 3-0 count. He was kind of hoping, you could tell, that the ump was going to call Ball 4 a strike. On to mofongo.
4. Carnage in Vermont
All five teens were 15 or 16 years old
Late Sunday night in Vermont, five teens in a Volkswagen Jetta heading southbound on I-89 were struck head-on by a Toyota Tundra headed the wrong way in their lanes, The car burst into flames and all five, high school juniors, were killed.
It gets weirder. As the first policeman arrived on the scene and attempted to douse the flames, someone stole his police cruiser, drove off, and crashed into multiple cars before being ejected. It’s assumed that the thief, Stephen Bourgoin, 36, is the same man (at least by me), but police have yet to confirm that. Bourgoin, of Williston, Vermont, is in critical condition.
5. Trump Tapes (Cont.)
The gift that keeps on giving, a.k.a. “The GOP Elephant in the Room.” Here’s Seth Meyers last night:
And here’s the latest Ana Navarro-Scottie Nell Hughes fracas. The Trump apologist went to Fifty Shades of Grey, the Twilight films, and Magic Mike to defend Donald Trump’s ugly sexism. As Navarro called Nell Hughes’ argument, it’s “Fifty Shades of Crazy.”
And here’s Mike Huckabee calling the GOP who are abandoning Trump as “bed-wetting, hand-wringing Republicans.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4VrXn9A0F4
Music 101
I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)
Here’s David Letterman introducing Scottish twin brothers Charlie and Craig Reid, a.k.a. The Proclaimers, in 1989 as they perform their one major hit. The tune went to No. 1 in Australia (where someone we know once danced atop a picnic table to it; XXXs beer may have been involved) and New Zealand, and to No. 3 in the U.S.A. “Haver,” by the way, is not Scottish for vomit; it means babble or talk nonsense.
Remote Patrol
Golden State Doubleheader, Game 4s
Nationals at Dodgers
FS1 5 p.m.
Cubs at Giants
FS1 8:30 p.m.
Yasiel Puig is 0-4 in the postseason
Day baseball at Dodger Stadium with Clayton Kershaw taking the hill as L.A. attempts to force a Game 5 and a trip back East. Twilight baseball at AT&T, as the Giants try to force a Game 5 at Wrigley.
Yesterday morning I went back (& back & back & back &…) to read your tweets since last Friday afternoon & it hit me – NOW I know why you were absent on Thursday! Someone gave you a heads-up about what was coming (“the tape”) & you “power rested” like an athlete carbo-loads before a big competition. Between the “tape fallout”, CFB, & Sunday’s debate, you’ve been one busy, busy boy. 🙂 Tip – it will only get worse (or better depending on your ability to withstand & react to nonstop “OMG, can this be happening?!” revelations) over these final 4 weeks.
Meanwhile, all I did was laugh. And laugh. And laugh. My FAVE part was hearing on CNN, MSNBC, etc Friday night & Saturday morning that the GOP was “possibly” trying to figure out a way to DUMP TRUMP off the ticket & if it was “legal to do so”. I never thought for one second this would happen but the fact that it was EARNESTLY DISCUSSED on NATIONAL TV LESS THAN A MONTH FROM THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION had me rolling off my sofa.
I have to give it to Ashton Kutcher – this is the biggest PUNKING of all time.
Baseball question – what are the chances that the CLEVELAND Indians win the World Series this year? I’ve been imagining that the folks of Northeast Ohio have been in shock since June’s jubilation but if a second home team should also win a world championship in the SAME YEAR? After 52 YEARS OF CHAMPIONSHIP DROUGHT? I’m thinking mass ‘spontaneous human combustion’!
2nd question – who are you (you too Jacob) rooting for if anyone? IF the Nationals actually get into the World Series, I will watch at least a game or two. Since the last time I watched anything baseball related was Cal ‘Ironman’ Ripken’s record setting game (how long ago was that?), this pretty much is a Sign of the Apocalypse, I guess. Sorry about that. 😉
Susie B.,
I usually just root for drama and good performances. I wouldn’t mind seeing the Indians or Blue Jays win it. I grew up a Cardinals fan and although I really don’t care if the Cubs win it, I wouldn’t feel like we are missing out on anything. The Toronto atmosphere seems to be electric. The Indians appeal to my “Hey, we have a crappy payroll (relative) but still won the WS” senses. The Giants have been there, done that. The Dodgers have the highest payroll, so I don’t find the achievement as exciting. As for the Nationals, I don’t know. Harper is young and can have his shot later. If Strasburg wasn’t injured, I’d perhaps be more actively pulling for them.
So, because an explicit answer is what you’re looking for, give me the Jays and Cubs in the World Series. Bautista with the walk-off home run off of Chapman in the bottom of the ninth of Game 7. Do that in Game 6, and the silence of Chicago would be pretty riveting, too.
It’s time for atonement, as Yom Kippur begins at sundown today.
What’s more, the infamous G.A. shares this birth date with Artie Lange.
Happy Birthday, G.A.!
I would like to apologize for our twitter exchange (I wont let it happen again)- I do like your blog and tweets (do not always agree but like). Yes bit Papi will be missed. Sox looked completely inept – it is difficult to believe they were actually within 1 run in two games. They did not do anything well (except the bullpen was ok) Disappointing because even though the future is bright you never know when you will be in this situation again
So cool that might birthday would show up in the comments here. Thanks AIR!
My favorite all-time riff on the Proclaimers is a 538-style breakdown of how far they would in fact walk:
http://www.citylab.com/commute/2014/06/the-corrected-geography-of-the-proclaimers-500-miles/372476/
Also, I don’t post this just to get a Dubs post to seven comments: Wallace Shawn is coming to town for a Comic-Con type gathering. Those are insanely expensive for my taste, but I’m genuinely tempted to show up with two bottles of water, give him one, and thus the battle of wits begins.
“Wallace Shawn is Coming To Town” was my favorite holiday special as a child. “You better watch out, you better not cry, clearly the potion is in my goblet, I’m telling you why…”