by John Walters

Starting Five

Jetty Night

Only 24 years old, Miami Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez had already been named to two All-Star Teams and won the National League Rookie of the Year award in 2013. Early Sunday morning—a day he was regularly scheduled to pitch, a start that was moved back to today for a few reasons—he and two friends were traveling at a high rate of speed when they either failed to see or failed to properly navigate the entrance to Government Cut, the channel that connects the Atlantic Ocean to Biscayne Bay.

The Cuban emigre’s brilliance was on display in his final two starts: On September 9 he threw seven shutout innings and struck out 14 Los Angeles Dodgers while outdueling Clayton Kershaw. On September 20 he threw eight shutout innings and whiffed 12 Washington Nationals in a 1-0 win. That’s 26 strikeouts and 15 shutout innings against the  second- and third-best teams in the National League.

2. Less Miles

Les Miles is out at LSU. What a fun coach, and a reporter’s dream in terms of filling up a notebook. The Tigers played for two national championships in his eleven-plus seasons, winning one. He leaves with a 114-34 record.

One wonders if the replay booth had not overturned the final play of LSU’s win at Auburn Saturday night (there were at least two reasons to do so, and nearly three), if he’d still have a job this morning. Miles is 62. Either way he’ll be fine.

3. “Going To the Candidates’ Debate…”*

*The judges will also accept ‘Liar, Liar.’

Perhaps Simon and Garfunkel foresaw all of this 49 years ago when their song “Mrs. Robinson” made its debut in The Graduate (the following year the tune would hit No. 1 on the Billboard charts): “Sitting on a sofa on a Sunday afternoon/Going to the candidates’ debate/Laugh about it, shout about it/When it’s time to choose/Every way you look at this, you lose...”

Of the top 20 most watched television events in American history, 18 of them are Super Bowls (future anthropologists will have a field day with this, assuming we’re not extinct). The other two programs that finished in the Top 20 were the M*A*S*H finale in 1983 (8th) and the Cheers finale in 1993 (20th). So I have some bad news for you, Sam and Diane: you’re about to be bumped down to No. 21, as ABC, CBS, FOX, NBC, CNN, MSNBC,  etc. will all air tonight’s Clinton-Trump debate from Hofstra University.

4. And He Left Us a Wonderful Beverage

Arnold Palmer, who shared a birthday with yours truly, passed away last night at the ago of 87. One of the first sports superstars of the television age, Palmer won four Masters tournaments. Only Jack Nicklaus (six) has won more at Augusta.

Palmer also is credited with inventing his eponymous drink, a half-and-half mixture of lemonade and iced tea, which is my go-to beverage on hot days at the cookoutateria (now that I’m older and appreciate how bad soda is for me…even if it is a wonderful name for George Constanza’s son).

5. Identity Versus Brand*

*The judges are also accepting “ND (Indig)Nation”

Notre Dame, a 21-point home favorite to Duke on Saturday, lost 38-35. The Irish, despite averaging more than 37 points per game, are now 1-3. The defense stinks, which is why Brian Van Gorder was fired yesterday morning.

Also yesterday, I went on a little Twitter rant about how I’m so over how Notre Dame has Disney-fied itself in the past decade or two. I talked about how I’m tired of the alma mater, I’m tired of “The Shirt,” I loathe the Campus Crossroads project that has made the stadium nearly unrecognizable, I despise FieldTurf, I hate that they eliminated the height requirement for the Irish Guard, and I’m not looking forward to the JumboTron.  I don’t understand why ushers are yelling at people to sit down and shut up as if they’re inside the library.

(This, above, just wouldn’t happen at today’s Notre Dame; the last time it was this loud was on October 15, 2005).

Notre Dame Stadium and Notre Dame game day used to be genuine. Authentic. It was like going to Fenway Park or Wrigley. No longer. Of course I was pilloried as being anti-millennial, or for failing to see that if Notre Dame just had better players, they wouldn’t have lost to Duke. I understand talent means more wins (I was alive last year), but I was searching for a way to better explain my point. And then last night it hit me: Who just beat Notre Dame?

Duke.

I remember Mike Krzyzwewski’s first season in Durham. I remember what Cameron Indoor Stadium looked like in the early 1980s, and I remember how the students used to pile in and be given the best seats in the gym. And you know what? Roughly 35 years later, nothing has changed. Cameron Indoor feels exactly the same, the students still get the best seats (imagine what wealthy donors would pay for them), and the experience at Duke is pretty much unchanged, right down to Coach K’s coif.

Duke, in basketball, gets it. Too bad Notre Dame didn’t follow their lead. I’m still an alum, but there’s very little about the experience at Notre Dame on a Saturday that seems authentic any more. As someone tweeted me last night, they’ve gone from an identity to a brand.

Change isn’t always bad (AC in the press box!) and it isn’t always good (smoke machine as players emerge from the tunnel). Change just is, and each proposal should be evaluated. More than any other football program, Notre Dame traffics in tradition and lore. And it made its oats as the underdog that “what tho the odds be great or small,” won over all. And even if you think that’s blarney, that’s the story (you know, kind of like how The Dude on the side of the library rose on the third day…).

So when that’s your campus fable/myth/legend, and then you completely abandon it to be come the entitled kid, the rich brat that everyone loathes, well, you sacrifice your soul. And when people tell me, “Well, everyone’s doing that these days,” my retort is blunt: “That’s exactly WHY Notre Dame should not.”

Music 101 

The Devil’s Right Hand

So, here’s one to stoke your 2nd Amendment passions. It’s a tune from Steve Earle, a Texas musician who grew up owning lots of guns. He wrote it in the late 1980s. Great personal anecdote from Earle leading into it.

Remote Patrol

Clinton vs. Trump

9 p.m. CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, CNN, MSNBC, Fox News, C-Span

“Let’s get ready to ruuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuumble!” Listen, the system is broke. The election season should last three months at most and there absolutely NEEDS to be a minimum of three parties. Begin there. But until this happens, and before Trump and Putin nuke the Middle East, this is what we have.