by John Walters

Starting Five

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Nine years to the date after shocking No. 5 Michigan in the Big House, Appalachian State came a fumble recovery shy of taking down the No. 5 Volunteers in Neyland Stadium (those are two of the biggest stadiums in college football). With the score tied in OT, Tennessee QB/aeronautical engineering major Josh Dobbs failed to properly calculate his trajectory while leaping for the end zone and fumbled the ball into the end zone. Teammate Jalen Hurd recovered, though, for the go-ahead score. Had the Mountaineers recovered, they’d only have needed to kick a field goal to pull off the upset.

2. The Grange Award 

It’s time for our preseason prognostication concerning Medium Happy’s very own award for the Most Outstanding Stud in College Football, the Grange Award. On October 18, 1924, Red Grange of Illinois took the opening kickoff back 95 yards versus Michigan, a team that had not been scored upon in two years. Two years. Then Grange scored five more touchdowns against the Wolverines, the shortest one being from 44 yards out. Later, he earned the coolest nickname the sport has ever seen: The Galloping Ghost.

It is in the spirit of Grange that last year’s winner was such an easy choice: Christian McCaffrey, who is a modern-day doppelgänger (our preseason choice had been Nick Chubb of Georgia).

There is no Grange Watch list—if you play, you’re on it—but here are the players we think are most zealous to win the coveted award, and the trip for two to Ogallala, Nebraska: Dalvin Cook, FSU: Deshaun Watson, Clemson; Baker Mayfield, OU; Josh RosenRosen, UCLA; Jabrill Peppers, Michigan; Sony Michel, Georgia; Royce Freeman, Oregon; Leonard Fournette, LSU; and McCaffrey, of Stanford. And our preseason pick for the winner is……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Deshaun Watson. Why? He’s driven, he has his top receiver back after missing all of last season (Mike Williams), and he has a shot at a signature win at Florida State.

All that said, if Stanford and Notre Dame are both unbeaten when they meet on October 15th in South Bend, look out. McCaffrey will have the stage he needs to become a repeat winner.

3. A Few Words About The Double Neck Guitar

I was thinking about the double neck guitar the other day, the guitar with 12 strings on one neck and six on the other. It technically has a functional use, but isn’t it more about “LOOK AT ME!” I’ve always wondered what the other guys in the band thought about the dude playing the double neck guitar. Do they look at him the same way they do the lead singer who can’t play a musical instrument but decides to pick up the tambourine or the maracas?

And what is the sports equivalent? A few people suggested the belly putter. I can see that. Or how about in baseball, that RoboCop-style elbow guard for the batter? Still taking suggestions….

4. The Book of Mormon 2

A crazy story in The Daily Mail this morning about an American student/missionary, David Sneddon, who was last seen hiking in southern China 12 years ago. The story suggests that Sneddon, who was 24 at the time and spoke both Mandarin and Korean, may have been abducted by North Korean officials and taken to Pyongyang to serve as an English tutor for Kim Jong Un. I can totally see James Franco playing him in the movie version.

When you remember that the same two dudes, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, wrote both Team America: World Police AND The Book Of Mormon, it all begins to make sense.

5. Brock Turner Overdrive

Less than six months after being convicted for two counts of felony sexual assault and one count of attempted rape, and just halfway through serving a 6-month sentence (handed down by a fellow former Stanford athlete), Brock Turner will be released from jail today. So that’s one month for each conviction.

During his sentencing last June, judge Aaron Persky, who could have sentenced Turner to 14 years in jail, said this: “I think you have to take the whole picture in terms of what impact imprisonment has on a specific individual’s life. And the impact statements that have been – or the, really, character letters that have been submitted do show a huge collateral consequence for Mr. Turner based on the conviction.”

Perks would later sentence an immigrant who admitted guilt to sexual assault to three years, though in his defense, and I’m not making this up, the immigrant assaulted a woman who was conscious, while Turner assaulted someone who was unconscious, and currently under California law the former crime is taken more seriously.

Of course, if women were just physiologically as strong as men, none of this would happen.

Meanwhile, Stanford students are no fans of Brock, as the school has now banned hard liquor on campus. Thanks a lot, Brock. I mean, this is the smae place where LSD was originally developed.

Music 101

We’re An American Band

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwsgznR_T-g

One of the greatest fuel-injected navel-gazers in rock-and-roll history, this meta song from Grand Funk Railroad was written and sung by their drummer, Don Brewer. It went to No. 1 in 1974 for the trio from Flint, Michigan, and simply detailed their exploits while touring. More song facts here.  If ever there was a band that was the spiritual inspiration for Stillwater, GFR, loved by arena rockers while being panned by Rolling Stone, is it. If this doesn’t take you back to rolling the windows down in your Chevy Vega as you blew doors past that AMC Pacer, what will?

Remote Patrol

College Football

All Weekend

The glamour game is USC versus Alabama, but the best game just might be Notre Dame at Texas (closest, I mean). Will Houston pull off the upset of OU? Does Ole Miss have too much dirty laundry to play focused against an FSU team that hasn’t lost in Orlando since 1952? Here’s all your listings for the ten best games….