by John Walters
A Medium Happy 89th to the creator of Festivus, Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller). “I got a lot of problems with you people!”
Starting Five
Bern Out? Not yet, and where do I procure one of those cool T-shirts (Lower right)?
1. Weakened at Bernie’s
Was the story last night that Hillary Clinton became the first presumptive female nominee of a major party in the history of the United States? Or was it that Bernie Sanders stood up on a stage in Santa Monica, pronounced himself “pretty good” at the maths, and said he was taking the fight to D.C. next Tuesday for one more week of voting?
Bernie’s like the Indy 500 driver who is four laps behind when the Brazilian takes the checkered flag but still insists upon driving around the oval a few more times. Oh, well, you’re 74, Bernie, and we like you, so what the hell? Then again, you could have been a little more gracious there, Bernie. What’s that? Right. A lot more gracious. Especially when your supporters booed Hillary. Not cool, old man. Not cool.
Also, people kept tweeting last night how the daughter of our first African-American president will now be able to cast a vote for a female candidate. So wouldn’t it be funny if Malia voted for Trump? Tragic, but funny.
2. Making Sport of Defining A Sport
Gluttony is not a sport
I hear it nearly every day on Twitter, and certainly every week: “Such-and-such is or is not a sport (this week the debate is over cheerleading).” But I almost never hear anyone attempt to define the term. And my question is, If you know X is a sport and Y is not, and are so certain of it, then how come you cannot provide a simple definition of sport. And here is where it gets tight: you must be able to live with the parameters of your definition, i.e., once you define it, that’s going to either include or exclude a few activities that you may not want to include or exclude. Therein lies the rub.
The Mud Pit Belly Flop. I wonder if this sport has a tandem who call themselves the Splash Brothers?
So I wrote about it for Newsweek and asked cool peeps such as Scott Van Pelt, Amelia Boone, Jeff Pearlman, Tim Crothers, David Goldblatt and Angela Gleason to assist. I really hope you read it. Thanks.
3. Cheery O’s
Machado es mas macho
Look out, American League, because here comes Buck Showalter and the Baltimore Orioles. The O’s have won six of their past seven to clamber into first place in the American League East, a half game ahead of the Red Sox.
And they’ve got a little fight in them. Last night, in the fifth inning of a 9-1 win, Manny Machado was plunked nailed in the back by a 99 mph fastball from the Royals’ Yordano Ventura, a pitcher with a 5.32 ERA who had bragged to his teammates that he was going to do this before the game. So, not smart. Machado, I’d say, exacted vengeance.
4. Preventable
In Cooper Township, Michigan, a few miles north of Kalamazoo, five cyclists were killed and four more injured when a blue pick-up truck driven by a 50 year-old man (still unidentified) rammed into them. Five dead. Reports say that between 6:08 p.m. and 6:21 p.m. law enforcement officials in the Kalamazoo area received three different calls of a blue truck driving erratically, but there was not an active search for the vehicle when it plowed into the victims at around 6:30 p.m.
Senseless tragedy. Last night I rode my bike from the Upper West Side of Manhattan to Citi Field in Queens. When I go on bike rides like that, it’s a lot of fun, but it’s also about me having to trust drivers to be paying at least half as much attention to what they’re doing as I am. If they aren’t, I could be dead. New York City is turning, incrementally, into a cycling city and it’s great. Tragedies like this are a reminder of the price we pay for bad drivers.
The driver fled the scene, by the way, but was apprehended soon after.
5. Rule No. 14: You Are What You Do
Just because you look like Howdy Doody does not mean you’re not a rapist. In fact, it may mean you’re more of a rapist.
We haven’t added a new rule in awhile (Rule No. 1: “Gravity always wins”), but here’s one. You are what you do. Yesterday I literally heard CNN’s designated Donald Trump apologist, Jeffery “My Sweet” Lord, tell Van Jones that Trump “is not a racist.” But he makes racist comments, no?
And then I read where Brock Turner’s father and a childhood friend both wrote letters that their sweet Brock is not a rapist. But he was convicted of rape, no?
You are what you do, people. You are what you do. And if you’re not, then I don’t want to hear anyone who runs a marathon slower than 4:30 tell me they’re a marathoner. Okay? Stop it.
Music 101
Lose Yourself
This song from Eminem, off the soundtrack from 8 Mile, hit No. 1 in 18 countries after it was released in 2002. Generally acknowledged as one of the top hip hop songs of all time, it won both an Academy Award (Best Original Song) and a Grammy (Best Rap Song). It has gone quintuple platinum. This is also one of the more frequently played tunes at sports venues as teams go through warm-ups.
8 Mile is basically the Rocky of hip hop films, no? Well done, Marshall Mathers.
Remote Patrol
Warriors vs. Cavs, Game 3
9 p.m. ABC
It’s your moment, Channing.
A three-day hiatus between games is just TOO MANY HOURS for hot takes. I’d like to launch a show that just does hot takes on others shows’ hot takes (or is that Twitter?). Anyway, the Cavs were averaging 14.4 threes per game in the playoffs until they met the Warriors, and now they’re averaging 6 after two games. Tyronn Lue has to play Channing Frye tonight, though I’m not sure why he wasn’t playing him earlier.
Also, tonight, Highlander on BBC at 8:30 p.m. I saw this movie once and pledged that I would visit Scotland. And I did. and it was magnificent. The Scottish highlands are incredible.
in the last 2 years, the Warriors are 2 – 5 in Game 3s including losing 4 straight.
Brock Turner and his father are scums. For one, he is being jailed for six months. For rape. If there was a sample case of what a “slap on the wrist” would be, here it is. Oh, but Brock is such a responsible, hard working kid? Give me a break.
Incessantly insisting you are responsible and respectable in the face of a rape conviction is like a student with a sub-2.0 GPA insisting they are studious students.
Time for Brock to get the pacifier out of his mouth and grow up.
I printed out your ‘Sport – what it is & ain’t’ article but only had time to scan the last page looking for YOUR definition. Can only say now that you don’t comprehend pro-cycling, specifically the TDF as there is definitely “defense”, both legal (individual & team tactics) & illegal (headbutting, “accidentally” crashing into a competitor,etc). Also, really – differentiating between “athletics” & “sports”? Well, at least you aren’t like most men who just whine that any competition “judged” is not a sport. HAH! As if ALL “sports” are not made up entirely of judgment calls.
Also, Marathon, um, Man – who made YOU the cutoff guy? The decider of the name? “4:29 – in, 4:45- OUT!, 4:25- in, 4:31- OUT!” And why did you designate THAT MOMENT in time? I am a much more lenient judge – if you run at least a couple miles more than twice a week consistently, you are a “RUNNER”. And if you make it across the finish line at a marathon while the official clock is still keeping time, you are a MARATHONER.
As for the Stanford rapist & his father – that folks are ranting over the father’s letter is MISGUIDED vitriol – parents will often do ANYTHING to “protect” their children, hell, throughout history & up to & including this very minute, they’ve cheated for, lied for & KILLED for their offspring. Judging that man solely on the impassioned & PANICKED pleading for his son is like judging a drunk solely on what they say/do when drunk. The father may truly be scum but I’ll not “convict” on this ‘evidence’. The 2 men who DESERVE all the country’s derision & vitriol of course are the actual rapist & the detestable ‘JUDGE’. And whatever ranting energy is left over should be directed at our ‘legal system’.
That one time Susie B. had an issue with what I wrote….
Agree on the rapist and the judge in that order, but am not letting dad off the hook, either. My pop would have said, “See you in six months–sleep with one eye open.”
Susie B.,
There is no limited amount of vitriol to be dispelled here.
Nothing is “misguided” in being angered by the father’s letter. And I get it — parents care for their children and try to protect them as much as possible. His son, however, ruthlessly forced himself upon a women.
There is nothing “panicked” about a letter. It takes a conscious effort to write something like that. And remember, he is writing in part so his son doesn’t get sent to jail. His son is going to jail for 6 months, not 6 years. Punishment, either by the judicial system or the parent, is a no-brainer. By asking for forgiveness, the father implies his son doesn’t “deserve” any of this. For God’s sake, he took advantage of a women. Any respectable household instills that that is not acceptable into each and every man under its roof.
Hi Jacob, I thought about writing another comment immediately after posting the 1st that my father-son comment was not directed to or in response to you. It was prompted by the ridiculous (my opinion) amount of vitriol directed at the father for his letter by so many folks on “social media” this past week INSTEAD of rightly toward the JUDGE (in addition to the actual criminal).
But I am responding now to your comment about “panic” – which is NOT just a brief moment, it can last days/months & certainly enough time to write a letter to the court. This man thinks his son’s life is being ruined & he is DESPERATE to try to prevent this. Again, parents often say & do anything to protect their child. Do *I* like/admire what the father wrote in the letter? Of course not, but I understand his motive & still feel ALL the country’s vitriol should be directed (i.e. ‘guided’) toward the actual rapist & that HEINOUS excuse of a judge & our (at times) pathetic legal system.
On the other hand, the increasing amount of entitlement & excuse-giving by parents to their kids over the past 25 or so years has led to what I call the ‘BRATIZATION of America’ & that swimmer-rapist is America reaping what it has sowed.
I just saw that Love will not be allowed to play tonight. Argh! Also just saw an article on SI called – ‘Top 5 Trade Destinations for Love’ (or something like that). What?! Like it’s Love’s fault the Cavs have played subpar (to awful) in these last 2 games?! Kevin actually played well in the 1st game & was slammed in the back of the head in the 2nd & couldn’t even play the 2nd half. If we’re pointing fingers, Kyrie & JR are at the top of my list, but as NONE of the Cavs played great in the 2nd game, you need 2 hands full of fingers to go ’round.
AND (get ready jdubs, you’ll HATE this) – I don’t think the Warriors are playing all that great! It’s just the Cavs are playing so poorly that they LOOK fantastic. I’m not saying they weren’t the best team this season, but during the playoffs, they were NOT. And in these Finals, I’m just not that impressed. (As a fan whose team was humiliated in a 33 pt beatdown, I could be experiencing some form of “concussion”). 😉
Look at you, Susie B., thinking you’re inside my head. I believe what you say I’d “HATE” is exactly what I’ve been saying the pat four days. So, no, I don’t hate that at all. The Dubs’ bit players have been terrific, though, particularly Livingston and Barbosa, while Kyrie, IMO, has laid a bigger egg than anyone in the wine and gold. Or, I’m sorry, LeBron, whine and gold (couldn’t resist)