by John Walters

Starting Five

1. Arya Dead Or Arya Alive?

Okay, so I’m not done with Game of Thrones yet this week. Here is a list of characters who mighta died, shoulda died, coulda died and in one case, actually did die, but who have all survived with varying levels of credulity: Uncle Benjen, The Hound, Sansa Stark and Theon Greyjoy (we’re going to ask Medium Happy’s resident science expert to explain how deep a snow bank it would have to have been to break their fall, but then after having survived, how deep in the snow the pair would have been and if they would have been able to climb back out; it’s a snow bank, not a trampoline), Jon Snow and now Arya Stark.

Somewhere, Hodor is asking, “And I had to die, but all of these punks get a second chance?” (Well, he’s actually asking, “Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor Hodor?” but if he could speak full sentences, that’s what he’d say).

And what’s with Sunday’s episode kinda being a rip off of that Season 5 episode of The Walking Dead in which Morgan encounters Marge Gunderson‘s husband from Fargo (and the Zodiac Killer, probable) and the two of them have plenty of philosophical chats about God and peace on earth, etc., but then at the end of the episode Mr. Gunderson dies. It’s not exactly a carbon copy of that episode, but it’s close.

Dig: Game of Thrones is at its best when it brings some hurt, and some final consequences, to characters we love: Ned Stark, Catelyn Stark, Robb Stark, Robb Stark’s hot wife whose name we forget, Jaime’s right hand, etc.  And when it does the same to characters we do not love quite so much: Anyone sitting on the Iron Throne, Littlefinger’s wife, etc. You can only do the Scooby Doo ending so many times before the show loses ballast. Bad things must happen; this is Westeros.

And now Jorah’s gonna go find a cure for Greyscale. I half expect Joffrey to return.

There are already theories about how Arya survived her stabbing (Was that really Jaqen pretending to be her? Does she have a faceless stomach? Etc.), but in the end we saw what we saw and you can’t keep telling us what we saw did not really happen. You can’t keep placing rescue dumpsters in Westeros.

Also, didn’t you love the High Sparrow‘s marital advice to Margaery: “Congress does not require desire on a woman’s part, only patience”)? Lord, if that isn’t plastered on a T-shirt by week’s end, then I’ve lost my faith in America. It should totally be your new pickup line at Buffalo Wild Wings, guys.

Also, didn’t you love how Sansa and Jon went all Jake and Elwood Blues trying to get the band back together? And then it was Sir Davos, who is probably the character we all identify with more than anyone else on the show, who saved their bacon?

2. “And Your Bird Can Sing…”*

*The judges will totally accept “The Parrot Trap”

So there’s a parrot in Michigan who may have witnessed a murder-suicide gone awry in Ensley Township, Michigan. Last year Martin Duram, 45, was shot in his own home. His African Grey parrot, Bud, was in the room and is now heard often cawing, “Don’t f____n’ shoot!”

Martin’s wife, Glenna, was found near him with a superficial head wound. She survived. And she’s the prime suspect. If I’m Bud I’m dubious of any bird seed she places in my cage. But the questions linger: Will Bud sing like a canary? Is he a stool pigeon? Is Bud wiser to Glenna’s tricks? Or will Glenna finger him as the culprit believing that Toucan play that game.

3. Chill, Brazil

Geez Louise, Brazil. First, it’s the filthy water. Then it’s the mosquitoes carrying a virus, Zika, that could be causing babies to be born with smaller skulls. Now you’re attempting to impeach your president, your country’s first female president, Dilma Rousseff, just two months before the opening ceremony.

I’m not exactly certain what Rousseff has done to merit the impeachment proceedings, but you can read here if you like. For now Rousseff is allowed to remain in this cool 1960s-era crib, the Palacio de Alvorado, which ain’t half bad.

4. No Djok*

*The judges also look favorably upon “To Serb With Love”

We didn’t forget you, tennis. Over the weekend Novak Djokovic finally won a French Open, the lone Grand Slam title that had still eluded him. The 29 year-old Serbian now owns a dozen Grand Slam singles titles overall (having won six of them in the past two years).

Djokovic is now tied with Roy Emerson (Lake & Palmer), two behind Rafael Nadal and Pete Sampras, and five behind the legendary Roger Federer for most Grand Slam victories.  To me the most incredible part is that you have three of the five winningest men’s tennis stars of all time being more or less contemporaries. The trio has won, between them, 42 of the past 50 Grand Slam finals.

How do they stack up head to head? Here are the stats for all matches, not just Grand Slams:

Djokovic versus Federer? Djokovic leads, 23-22

Federer versus Nadal? Rafa leads, 23-11.

Djokovic versus Nadal? Novak leads, 26-23.

A lot of tennis folks I know, and they LOVE Roger, think he’s the greatest men’s player of all time. But, and I know he’s a few years older than this pair, I think history will not be quite that kind since he will finish with a losing record lifetime versus the other two legends of his era. That said, his 17 Grand Slams may hold up, even though Djokovic just turned 29 a few weeks ago.

5. Can’t Get Katie’s Songs Outta My Head….

It’s infectious: The Summer Songs Playlist as introduced by our Katie McCollow last week. Here are some more that I can’t get out of my head (excluding Kylie Minogue’s “Can’t Get You Outta My Head”):

–“Good Morning, Starshine” (Donovan)

–“Grazing In The Grass” (The Friends of Distinction)

–“Silly Love Songs” (Paul McCartney and Wings)

–“Brandy” (Looking Glass)

–“Afternoon Delight” (Starland Vocal Band)

–“With A Little Luck” (Paul McCartney and Wings)

–“Life’s Been Good” (Joe Walsh)

–“Look What You’ve Done To Me” (Boz Scaggs, from Urban Cowboy)

–“Money For Nothing” (Dire Straits)

–“Heart and Soul” (T’Pau)

–“Only In My Dreams” (Debbie Gibson)

And then I graduated college and got old…

Music 101

Ain’t It A Sin

“OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! Have you heard this soul tune by Charles Bradley? Damn, son! Bradley, who is 67 years old, is a former James Brown impersonator (He saw the King of Soul perform at the Apollo Theater in 1962 when he was just 14) who is finally hitting it big in his mid-Sixties.

Remote Patrol

USA vs. Costa Rica

8 p.m. FS1

The Yanks lost 2-0 to Colombia on Friday in their first of three group stage matches in Copa America. If they lose tonight in Chicago, they’re out. I watched Argentina vs. Chile last night and it’s practically a different game than the one the Americans play. They are playing music. We are struggling to play the right chords.

If Team USA wins tonight, there’s a big match Friday versus Paraguay to get them into the knockout round. If the Americans lose, everyone gets a “Make America Great Again” ball cap as a parting gift.