WEEK 4

One-third of the top 18 teams will be playing simultaneously concurrently in an overlapping time-space continuum tonight…

Missouri (2-1) at No. 7 South Carolina (3-0)

3:30 p.m. CBS

The SEC is flush with freshmen Gurley men. Georgia’s Todd Gurley is a phenom rusher, while South Carolina free safety Todd Gurley will start today in place of D.J. Swearinger, who was suspended for last week’s helmet-to-helmet hit.

South Dakota (1-1) at Northwestern (3-0)

3:30 p.m. Big Ten Network

We include this to remind you that 1) the Wildcats could move to 4-0 for the third time in the past five years and 2) this is not the  Dakota school with the (former) player who had the 65 year-old boyfriend. That was the North Dakota State College of Science.

Florida Atlantic (1-2) at No. 1 Alabama (3-0)

5 p.m. ESPN3

Against that defense, the Owl offense will be Florida, pacific. (taps mic…taps it again… is reminded of scene in “Defending Your Life” in which Albert Brooks asks heckler, “How did you die?” and gets the reply, “Onstage. Just like you.”)

Wyoming (0-3) at Idaho (0-3)

5 p.m. ESPN3

We don’t know anyone who is attempting this (or why they would), but it’s possible to watch the Cowboys and Vandals play in Moscow and also catch at least some of the Colorado-Washington State game, seven miles due west in Pullman, that kicks off one hour earlier. Two games, four teams, 10 losses (and two wins).

California (1-2) at USC (3-0)

6 p.m. Pac-12 Network

Cal’s Brendan Bigelow — 160 yards on four carries at Ohio State last week — is no longer a secret. Will the effect of two road games in eight days, three time zones apart, wear down the Golden Bears? And how will the Trojans respond after last week’s loss in Palo Alto?

No. 2 LSU (3-0) at Auburn (1-2)

7 p.m. ESPN

Kirk Herbstreit to Auburn fans on “College Gameday”: “You people are absurd. This guy won a national championship for you and now he’s a clown?!?” Give ’em hell, Herbie!

No. 18 Michigan (2-1) at No. 11 Notre Dame (3-0)

7:30 p.m. NBC

“Stand in the place where you live…” Ushers at Notre Dame Stadium will be wearing these tonight. So they can’t stand for sitting in South Bend tonight? Parents who attend the game, please hire a babystander.

No. 15 Kansas State (3-0) at No. 6 Oklahoma (3-0)

7:50 p.m. FOX
The Sooners modeled their use of Blake Bell after the manner in which K-State employs Collin Klein. That makes the Belldozer a Collin Klein model. No pick! NO PICK!

No. 10 Clemson (3-0) at No. 4 Florida State (3-0)

ABC 8 p.m.

Sammy Watkins is a Florida native who grew up a Seminole fan, but the Tallahasseans only half-heartedly pursued him in recruiting. They’ll be pursuing him whole-heartedly tonight after he had 175 all-purpose yards against them as a true frosh last September.

“YOU BETTOR, YOU BETTOR, YOU BET” Special

No. 22 Arizona (3-0) at No. 3 Oregon (3-0)

10:30 p.m. ESPN

Oregon minus-21.5

“I enjoy simple pleasures like butter in my *** and lollipops in my mouth. That’s me. One other thing I want to do in this life is make a dollar and a cent in this business. I’m not trying to hurt you. Take the Ducks minus the points.

De’Anthony Thomas is averaging — are you seated? (Notre Dame fans, don’t answer) — 17.5 yards per carry in this young season. Chip Kelly has only handed him the ball 13 times in three games thus far.