by John Walters
A Medium Happy 40th to Seth Meyers’ little bro, Josh.
Starting Five
Alford buried the dagger as former Bruins Russell Westbrook and Bill Walton sat —and stood—courtside
1. Bryce Capades
With the score tied 84-all (after UCLA squandered a late 81-71 lead), the Bruins’ Bryce Alford took the ball on the right wing, dribbled some, and hit a step-back 3 with just under 2 seconds remaining to defeat Arizona. The Coach’s Son has now helped UCLA defeat Kentucky, Gonzaga and the Wildcats this season.
2. Fear Factor
Astronaut Mark Kelly and his wife, Gabby Giffords, stood up at last night’s town hall (not to be confused with Tom T. Hall, but why would you) on guns. Kelly explained that when he and his wife testified about gun legislation in front of the senate, he was told by members of the U.S. Senate that expanding background checks will lead to a registry, which will lead to confiscation, which will lead to a tyrannical government.
“So I would like you to explain, with 350 million guns, in 65 million places….if the federal government wanted to confiscate those objects, how would they do that?”
Exactly.
Kids. The National Rifle Association exists ostensibly to support the 2nd Amendment, but pragmatically to promote the gun manufacturing industry. Mass shootings such as Columbine, Newtown, etc, only help its cause: mass shootings spread fear (thanks for playing your role, cable news), which leads to the purchase of even more guns, which actually plays no role in preventing more mass shootings.
So why would the NRA ever be in favor of any measure that reduces the chance of a mass shooting, of less guns being purchased?
A CNN panelist made a great point: the entire audience who sat in on the town hall underwent a background check in order to be able to attend it. But we’re saying that half that audience opposes background checks for guns?
Moreover, why is it that that the same people who bristle at the thought of background checks on the theory that it is the first step in taking away everyone’s guns have no problem with checking on random people to see if they have citizenship? By their logic, checking on even one illegal alien is tantamount to deporting us all.
3. Fructose: Not Your Sugar Mama
Our good friend fructose, C6H12O6, or common table sugar, is the sleeper scourge of our lifetimes. Because most of us ingest far too much of it. So yesterday or the day before that the U.S. government introduced new dietary guidelines (revised every five years) that said we should be cutting our intake of sugar at least in half.
Then they asked The Guess Who (“Who?!?”) to endorse the guideline, which they did: No sugar tonight in my coffee/No sugar tonight in my tea/No sugar to stand beside me/No sugar to run with me…”
Why is fructose (which, unlike glucose, is not found naturally in every living cell) bad for you? Here’s 10 reasons.
4. Beacon Of Hope
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I hope that the warm-up act is The Maestro….
Recently my neighbor and personal savior, Jerry Seinfeld, announced that he’d be performing one show per month at the Beacon Theater in the coming year. Noted: I live four blocks up and two blocks over, or even closer than Jerry and Kramer, from the Beacon, which is located on the Upper West Side. So that’s one reason not to move any time soon.
Here’s Jerry’s latest webisode of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee, with a wild and crazy passenger. And here he is earlier this week on Colbert, doing a bit that he could’ve done in 1985 and yet it’s not dated.. Related: I miss the people in the Acura ads.
5. ISIS: Still Whack
“Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to be ISIS…” (even if they do look a little bit like Bruce from the Born To Run album cover)
The latest? A member of ISIS executes his own mother (a.k.a., matricide) in public in Raqqa after she tried to persuade him to leave the world’s worst organization since the Nazis. I meannnnnnn….even the Crips and Bloods are saying, “Dude, you crossed the line there.”
Music 101
Ziggy Stardust
The godfather of andogyny, David Bowie, turns 69 today. Though we’ll always be partial to this particular tune of his, Ziggy Stardust, which was released in 1972, never became a hit stateside, but if you have the album The Rise and Fall Of Ziggy Stardust, then you know that the tune leads into this song on the album, which is a pretty sweet 1-2 punch.
Remote Patrol
SUNDAY
Golden Globe Awards
8 p.m. NBC
Let’s fire up the “Shame!” chant if Game Of Thrones gets dissed this time
Your host will be Ricky Gervais, because apparently he has yet to alienate everyone. God, I love that man. Only really rooting for Jon Hamm and Veep. Don’t feel too strongly about anything else. Better Call Saul was not even nominated for Best Drama. Does the HFP even watch TV?
Only had time to skim, but you’re saying that my “right to sugar” is under attack? We’ll all have to have a background check in order to buy a little sweetness in our lives? And next thing you know, there will be a (hold on while I grip my keyboard) SUGAR REGISTRY! OH. MY. GOD! Wait, perhaps I skimmed too fast.
Anyhoo, your “problem” is you’re just too damn logical & thus you will NEVER understand nor will the gun folks ever understand you. As you know, I grew up on a farm & until the age of 13, I never knew any male over the age of 14 who did not have at least one rifle &/or shotgun (necessary on farms for getting rid of the “varmints” & no, I’m not talking about any visiting city slickers such as yourself 🙂 ). However, I not only absolutely believe in background checks for ALL gun purchases but also think everyone who is registered must have a mandatory psych eval every 5 years AND that there is absolutely no reason why a regular citizen needs an automatic or semi-automatic weapon. A co-worker & friend of mine thinks that would be tantamount to living in some “commie country” & is ready to start stockpiling & HIDING his guns right this minute. (Yes, he’s a friend so we don’t talk about guns often…). He is convinced that this country will “never allow” gun restriction & I’ve told him I think we are finally close to the “tipping point”.
On to happier topics. I have to confess something – I didn’t really pay much attention to Christian McCaffrey this past CFB season despite all YOUR best efforts to enlighten the American public. I hang my head. (“Hang down your head soo-oozie b, hang down your head & cry”). I watched the Rose Bowl & I’M A BELIEVER! He should have won the Heisman too. The way this guy runs is like a cartoon character! And everyone else is in slo-mo. A very unique talent. Can’t wait to see what he does next year. Any chance the TV poohbahs will schedule Stanford games so that they actually start BEFORE 1o:30 PM eastern? I actually snorted as I typed that – NCAA, TV & corporate suits, once-a-generation talent, MONEY, who are we kidding, of COURSE some of their games will be air before the clock strikes 12 next year! Who says greed can’t help the masses?
Alrighty, gotta wrap this up but just wanted to “warn” you that since we all now know where you live, sorta (“4 blocks up & 2 blocks over from the Beacon”), the Sugar Police will soon be a-knockin. Hide the Frosted Flakes!
Another warning – I’ve had a limit order in for a little TWTR for weeks & it almost got filled today! Just 5 cents away. The way my investment picks have been going, this could be a sign for everyone else to get out & save themselves. 😉